The Amazing Race: Dreamland
by Inspector Brown
Summary: Eleven teams of two compete in a race around the fictional universe for a fictional million dollars.
1. Introduction

The scene opens with a stocky man strolling through a beautiful park adorned with many statues. He is Edward Nemo, the host of this version of the Amazing Race.

"This is Fictograph City," he says, "a city dedicated to the study of great literature, and the capital of Dreamland. And in the heart of the city lies this Park of Fame, a place of honor for all the great writers in history. This park will serve as the starting line for a race around the fictional universe known as Dreamland.

"Eleven teams will compete, each team consisting of two fictional characters from the same fandom who have an existing relationship. Each team will have a sponsor from the real world that has particular interest in their team's performance. The winning team will receive a Fictional Million Dollars, while the sponsor will receive site-wide bragging rights. Here come the teams now…"

**TEAM 1: **Zack & Cody Martin

RELATIONSHIP: Twin Brothers

HOME FANDOM: The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

SPONSOR: Hope Potter (my little sister)

"I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here," Cody said to the camera, "but I know my brother is out to get the fictional million dollars. I decided to come along to keep him out of trouble, you know."

"Cody thinks too lightly of me," Zack tells us. "I signed up for the race so we could do a little sightseeing. And if I happen to have a shot at a fictional million dollars, I plan to jump all over it. Nothing wrong with that, right?"

**TEAM 2:** Hank & Peggy Hill

RELATIONSHIP: Married 20 Years

HOME FANDOM: King of the Hill

SPONSOR: Myself

"It took Hank some convincing," Peggy confessed, "but I managed to get him to race with me. He said he wouldn't have the energy to race all the way around the world, but I told him that the race isn't a test of speed, but a test of brainpower!"

"I'd much rather be racing with Dale or Bill or somebody else," admitted Hank. "Don't tell her I said this, but I'm not sure having a know-it-all on my team is the best way to win the race."

**TEAM 3: **James P. Sullivan & Michael Wasowski

RELATIONSHIP: Friends

HOME FANDOM: Monsters, Inc.

SPONSOR: RubyVulpix

"Well, I'm not really in it for the money," Sulley said, "Mike told me that I needed a little vacation from running the factory, and I think he said 'what better way to travel than on TV?' Don't tell him I said this, but I think he just wants some more face time on the old boob tube."

Mike didn't say much at first. Then, "I guess, I wouldn't mind sharing that enormous windfall with my best bud, Sulley. Of course, even if I, excuse me, we didn't win, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, because I'd get to be on TV!"

**TEAM 4: **Anthony Dent & Mercedes Prefect

RELATIONSHIP: Lifelong Friends (and possibly dating)

HOME FANDOM: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (actually, these two are original characters from the story "H2G2: The Next Generation" by Bluebottle Jupiter. It's quite good, check it out!)

SPONSOR: Bluebottle Jupiter

"As soon as I heard about this race," said Anthony, "I had a feeling it would be right up Mercedes' alley. She's a hitchhiker, just like her dad, so she should have no problem roughing it across some unexplored part of the galaxy. Assuming that Dreamland _is_ part of the galaxy, I mean."

"I had never heard of this Dreamland until Anthony told me about the race," Mercedes confessed. "Exploring new territory is only part of the reason why I decided to race. It's also partly to get away from that egomaniac Zara, and partly for the fictional million, but mostly, it's so I can spend some quality time with Anthony without getting a lot of flak from my peers."

**TEAM 5: **Paul & Meist Coha

RELATIONSHIP: Married

HOME FANDOM: The Incredibles (original characters from "A Civilian's Point of View" by Red Panda Bear.)

SPONSOR: Red Panda Bear

"Make no mistake," Paul warned, "my wife and I are in this thing to win it! We're not here to make friends, we're here for the fictional million dollars!"

"You'll have to forgive Paul here," Meist said calmly, "he can get a little competitive sometimes. But the money is the main reason we're here. Fictional though it might be, a million dollars could put our two kids through college. So, all you other teams better watch out, cause Paul and I will win!"

**TEAM 6: **Makoto Kino & Rei Hino

RELATIONSHIP: Friends

HOME FANDOM: Sailor Moon

SPONSOR: theferretmenace

"I plan to win," said Rei, "but not for the money. Some of my friends said I couldn't last one leg in this race, and I intend to show them up. So, taste this, meatheads!"

"Um, yeah, what she said," echoed Mako. "Also, I noticed that no female team has won the Amazing Race. I think Mako and I have what it takes to change that statistic!"

**TEAM 7:** Hal and Malcolm Wilkerson

RELATIONSHIP: Father and Son

HOME FANDOM: Malcolm in the Middle

SPONSOR: Tyreta

"Well, I think it goes without saying that my wife was more than just a little upset when I told her I was pulling Malcolm out of school to do this race," Hal told the camera. "But, and I know he doesn't look it, but Malcolm is a genius, and with that brainpower, we can win this race for sure. With the money, we can finally live well above the poverty line!"

"I wish I was Resse right now," Malcolm complained. "The only reason Dad picked me out of all my brothers is because of my intelligence. Now I have to spend the next month and a half trudging through uncharted territory with him, while all my friends are in school with homework and stuff and my brothers have Mom all to themselves…you know what, maybe this won't be so bad after all."

**TEAM 8:** Martin & Jennifer McFly

RELATIONSHIP: Married…in 2015

HOME FANDOM: Back to the Future

SPONSOR: Anakin McFly

"I'll just bet," Marty said, "that we would have kicked some serious butt at this thing if we were younger. Back in '85, I was in the best shape of my life. But I hope I can still outrun these youngsters, without throwing my back out."

"Marty dragged me into the race for the silliest reason," Jennifer confessed. "We were all watching the Race on TV, and my son, Marty Jr., commented that his dad might do well and that we should sign up. At first, he said no, but then Junior said, 'What's the matter, Pop? You chicken?' As they say, the rest is history."

**TEAM 9: **Orson Pig & Roy Rooster

RELATIONSHIP: Animal Friends

HOME FANDOM: U. S. Acres (a subdivision of the Garfield fandom)

SPONSOR: Commander

"I'm not really interested in the money," said Orson. "I only agreed to the race because I want to see what Dreamland is like. It would be nice to see someone's imagination other than my own. Roy, on the other hand…" The camera panned to Roy, gleefully pacing and muttering "Money, money, money!" Orson continued, saying, "My main goal is to keep Roy from doing something less than honest."

**TEAM 10: **Violet & Klaus Baudelaire

RELATIONSHIP: Siblings

HOME FANDOM: A Series of Unfortunate Events

SPONSOR: Orange Sora

"The money would help out a lot," Violet said, "but I have to say the main reason for signing up for the race is that Count Olaf will never think to look for us in Dreamland. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure he's even heard of the place."

"You know," Klaus said, "I've studied a thousand or so maps and atlases, and never have I found such strange nations as the ones in Dreamland. I heard rumors that in Dreamland, there's a place that looks like an 1876 western town, but was actually built in 2004! Of course, these are just rumors, and not fact, but still…"

**TEAM 11: **Violet Parr & Michael Huey

RELATIONSHIP: Super Partners

HOME FANDOM: The Incredibles (latter is an original character in "Violet Valor" by The Star Swordsman.)

SPONSOR: The Star Swordsman

"Normally," Violet said, "I'd much rather be racing with a member of my own family, but this was kind of Mike's idea, and I didn't want to be rude, so here we are."

"I know we have a slim chance of winning the race," said Mike, "but I don't mind. All that matters to me is that I go out there and do my best. Of course, I'm playing to win."

The teams disembarked from the Jeeps that brought them to the starting line. They stood shoulder to shoulder in a straight line, sizing each other up, and waiting for Ed.

"Hmm, this is strange," Paul pointed out. "Usually the host is waiting for us."

Just then, they saw a stocky man running past them to the host's usual spot. He looked and saw the racers lined up.

"Aw, dammit!" he fumed, "I missed it!" Ed inhaled deeply. "Okay, I'm here now, you're here now, we can just continue from here, and this didn't happen. Hopefully, we can edit this out."

"Your fly's unzipped," noted Anthony.

"Huh? Oh, that's not good! Okay, this didn't happen either." He quickly zipped up. "All right, let's try that again, uh, where were we?"

"Nowhere. You didn't even start your introduction!"

"Oh, yes, that's right. Sorry, this is my first reality gig, and I'm kind of nervous." Ed cleared his throat loudly.

"Welcome, teams, to the Amazing Race: Dreamland. You are about to embark on a race around the fictional universe, for a fictional million dollars and infinite bragging rights for your sponsor. The race starts here in Fictograph City, and you will be following clues to reach your next destination.

"The race is divided into thirteen legs, each one ending in a Pit Stop. Eight of these legs are elimination legs. If you're the last team to check into the Pit Stop on one of these legs, you will be eliminated from the race.

"At the start of each leg, you will receive a supply of cash. This money will be used to pay for all your expenses, except for airline tickets, which will be purchased using the special credit card you each have.

"Before the race starts, there's one more thing I need to discuss. Violet Parr, Michael Huey, and Rei Hino, if you three could step forward, please?" The three did as they were told. "Now, before the race, we had a team of experts scan each player for any trace of an unfair advantage. They have determined that you three each have some form of super powers. Do you deny this?"

Nobody did.

"Then you'll need these," Ed gestured as a race official brought out a tray with three large red items.

"What are those?" asked Rei.

"These are powers inhibitors," Ed explained, "you wear them on your wrist so that you won't 'accidentally' cheat by using your powers. The three of you will be required to wear one of these at all times during the race."

"WHAT?" Michael said a bit louder than he should have. "That's not fair!"

"Look, this wasn't my idea, it was the producers', I'm just following orders. Now, either you put these on, or you'll be disqualified."

Reluctantly, they all agreed. They joined the ranks.

"All right," Ed said, "are there any questions?" No response. "Good. Your first clue is located on top of the luggage you brought with you. On your mark!"

The racers crouched, as if preparing to sprint.

"Get set!"

"Hi-ho, Silver," Marty muttered to himself.

"GO!"

The stampede of racers nearly trampled poor Ed underfoot.

To be continued…

(A/N: Sponsors, I know what you're thinking. 'How come he gets to sponsor a team?' Look, the only reason Hank and Peggy are in the race is so we can have eleven teams. I have no intention of deliberately making any one team win or lose. What will happen will happen. Now, anybody, not just sponsors, can influence the race by cheering for their favorite team in their reviews of this story. If I hear enough cheers, I'll move that team up if I can. Good luck to all!)


	2. First Leg in Cluedoville

(A/N: Wow, I've gotten a lot of reviews, and the race hasn't even really started yet! Most of them are for one team in particular, but I won't name names, because you people know whom you are. Okay, on with the race!)

Out of the other ten teams, ORSON & ROY are the first team to reach their luggage. Orson rips open the clue and reads it aloud.

"Fly to the city of Cluedoville…"

"Teams must now travel by taxi to the Fictograph City Airport," said Ed in a voice-over, "and book passage on one of two flights to the city of Cluedoville. The 557 can house four teams and departs an hour and a half ahead of the 559, which can house seven teams. When teams arrive at the Cluedoville airport, they'll find their next clue."

"…You will have 200 dollars for this leg of the race," Orson finished.

Roy counted the money to make sure it was all there. "Let's motor, Piggo,"

MARTY & JENNIFER reach their bags second.

"Cluedoville?" Jennifer asked while Marty read the clue.

"That's what it says, dear. Now, let's get a cab."

PAUL & MEIST are third.

"…When you land, search the airport for your next clue…" Meist read.

"TAXI!" Paul shouted.

"Paul, we're not even near the road yet," his wife pointed out.

"Oh, that might help."

ANTHONY & MERCEDES are fourth.

"Travel by taxi?" Mercedes asked. "Oh, is that one of those yellow cars you pay to take you places?"

"Yeah, that's it," said Anthony. "I just hope this 200 bucks is enough."

VIOLET & MICHAEL are fifth.

"Fly to the city of Cluedoville…" Violet read. "Ugh! Stupid inhibitor is so itchy!"

"Maybe they'll let us take them off during the Pit Stop," Michael said.

"Whatever, let's just go!"

MAKO & REI are sixth.

"Fly to Cluedoville," Mako read. "Where's that?"

"I don't know, but hopefully the pilot does," Rei said.

HAL & MALCOLM are seventh.

"…Once there, search the airport for your next clue," Hal read.

"Cluedoville? Sounds kinda lame," said Malcolm.

ZACK & CODY are eighth.

"Quick, let's get a taxi!" Zack said.

"Hey, wait for me!" said Cody.

MIKE & SULLEY are ninth.

"Fly to Cluedoville?" asked Sulley. "Think we'll blend in?"

"Don't worry about it!" Mike assured. "Just follow my lead."

HANK & PEGGY are tenth.

"Let's move it, Hank! That airport is going to be a madhouse!"

"For once, Peg, you're right."

VIOLET & KLAUS are sadly last.

"There are two planes leaving an hour and a half apart," Klaus noted.

"Yeah, with our luck, we'll end up on the later flight," Violet mused.

"Now is not the time for angst, sister, now is the time for motion!"

ORSON & ROY stood on the sidewalk and tried to get a cab. Unfortunately, not many Fictograph City cabbies were willing to stop for two farm animals. MARTY & JENNIFER soon arrived while the pig and rooster still stood there.

"Good luck getting a cab," Orson told them, "nobody's stopped for us."

But as soon as Marty stuck out his thumb, a yellow car pulled up and let them in.

"Oh, I get it, it's because we're animals, and they're humans!" Roy fumed. "Lousy rotten cabbies."

"I know, aren't they?" said a strange voice. When Orson and Roy looked to see who said that, they saw another cab moving slowly, with the window down. "Hop in, I'll give you a ride," said the cabbie.

"Thanks a million!" said Orson. The cab pulled away just as PAUL & MEIST arrived. ANTHONY & MERCEDES were on their heels.

Just then, another cab pulled up. Paul shoved Anthony aside to get to the cab. Anthony landed on his rear. Concerned, Mercedes ran to him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm a little sore, but otherwise, I'm fine," he answered. "Aw, bugger! They got away!"

After that little altercation, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived. Another cab came by.

"This one's ours!" Mercedes said to them forcefully.

Michael started to charge the two of them, but Violet held him back. "Mike, no! The last thing we need this early in the game is enemies!" As the two hitchhikers sped away, Michael grunted in defeat.

MAKO & REI arrived, and so did HAL & MALCOLM.

"Hey, we were here first, so the next cab is ours!" Michael told them all. He stared them down, and they agreed. The next cab pulled up, and the two supers stepped in.

"So, who gets the next cab?" Mako asked.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Hal offered.

"Okay,"

"1, 2, 3, Shoot!"

Hal won with paper. The next cab came and the Wilkersons got in.

"Pleasure doing business with you ladies!" Malcolm said waving.

Rei sighed. "Well, maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe a cab will come before the next team gets here."

Sure enough, a yellow car pulled up for them. Off in the distance. Mako could see ZACK & CODY running up. "Quick, get in the car!" she yelled. The car pulled away just as the twins arrived.

"Rats!" Cody fumed. "If only we were a little taller, we could have taken that cab from them."

A few seconds later, MIKE & SULLEY arrived. Another cab came. The two monsters tried to get in, but the cabbie stopped them.

"Sorry, big guy, can't take you. Not enough room!" On hearing this, the Martin brothers jumped in and shut the door.

"I love being the size we are!" Cody exulted.

As they drove away, Sulley sat down. "Great, now what are we going to do? None of these cabs are large enough to fit me!" While he was moping, HANK & PEGGY arrived, along with VIOLET & KLAUS.

"Hey, hey, hey, why the long face?" Peggy asked Sulley, trying to make conversation.

"We lost a cab because of my size," he answered.

"Hmm, sucks to be you!" Klaus said.

Just then, a checkered cab pulled up, with a tall roof. It looked like it would fit Sulley just right.

"Go ahead, take it," the others insisted, "We can take the next one!" Mike and Sullivan got in and took off.

As soon as they were gone, Hank narrowed his eyes at the orphans.

"No gottdang way are you getting a cab ahead of us!" he spat.

"I don't know, I'm feeling lucky today," Violet answered.

The next cab to come by was a cramped yellow one. The Baudelaire kids sprang up like jackrabbits and ran to it before it ever got to the curb. Needless to say, they got to it first.

"Nice going, Hank!" Peggy said. "Your little put down just knocked us down to last place!"

"We might have been in ninth if you didn't insist those monsters take the checker car!"

"I was making friends and influencing people, dammit!"

In the heat of their argument, they did get a cab, and they did head for the airport.

In the midst of this chaos, MARTY & JENNIFER made it to the airport. Just a few feet behind them were ORSON & ROY. The elderly couple and the farm animals raced inside. Marty got to the ticket counter first.

"We need two tickets to Cluedoville, on the 557, if you can!" he said. He got his tickets without incident.

(MARTY & JENNIFER, 1st on flight 557)

Orson ordered his tickets next. Again, they were acquired without mishap.

(ORSON & ROY, 2nd on flight 557)

PAUL & MEIST were next at the airport. Paul went to the ticket counter while Meist looked for the gate.

"Two tickets to Cluedoville, please," Paul asked.

"Sure," said the girl working the counter. But when she looked on her computer to see the flights, she spilled her coffee on the computer. "Oh, geez, that's not good!" She tried to sop it up with her blouse, and was successful, for the most part, but ended up pressing random keys on the keyboard.

"No, no, no, there's no Uoijlk Tyghbbv flying to Qweasdswd!" she yelled at the computer. She repaired the damage and returned to work. "Oh, wow, it looks like there's no more room on the 557 to Cluedoville. Um, I could put you on the 559, if you wish."

"Look, I was told that four teams could take the 557, and I only see two teams over there waiting for it, so there must be room on that flight for us!"

"Sir, I don't think yelling is going to help you out any. Now, I'm doing the best I can, considering my computer is all sticky with coffee. Now, I can put you on the standby list for the 557 and book you for the 559, so that in case someone doesn't make it to the 557, you can board there okay?"

"Do I have a choice?" Paul asked.

"Yes, you can choose not to go to Cluedoville at all! Is that what you want?"

"All right, all right, I'm sorry. We'll just take whatever you have."

Dejected, Paul strode back to where his wife was waiting.

"Did you get the tickets?" she asked.

"No, the idiot ticket girl got coffee all over her computer. We could still maybe make the 557, but there's no way to know for sure."

Seconds later, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived.

"Two tickets to Cluedoville, if you please," asked Anthony.

"All right. Come on, computer, work! Work, please work! YES! All right, there's two seats on the 557 with your names on them."

"Thank you!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES, 3rd on flight 557)

On seeing this, Paul rushed back to the ticket counter. "Did you say your computer was working again? Can you re-book us on the 557 now?"

"Okay, I'll try, but I don't know if I can. Come on, work, once more for mama, please! Okay! You and your wife have a great flight!"

"We're on the 557?"

"Yes, sir!"

(PAUL & MEIST, last on flight 557)

After this, the other seven teams arrived one by one and booked passage to Cluedoville on the 559. On this flight are VIOLET & MICHAEL, HAL & MALCOLM, MAKO & REI, ZACK & CODY, MIKE & SULLEY, VIOLET & KLAUS, and HANK & PEGGY.

Once teams land, they will have to search the airport to find their next clue.

At 3 PM local time, Flight 557 lands in Cluedoville. PAUL & MEIST are off the plane first, followed successively by ORSON & ROY, ANTHONY & MERCEDES, and MARTY & JENNIFER.

"All right, guys," Orson said, in a take-charge manner, "fan out. That clue box has to be around here somewhere!"

The four teams went off in different directions. It wasn't long before the clue was found, though.

It was Meist who spotted it first. "Hey, guys, over here!" The other teams rushed over while Paul ripped open the envelope.

"Use these three cards to locate your next clue…" Paul read.

Teams must now figure out the meaning of the three Clue cards found in the clue envelope. The three cards are Colonel Mustard, the Knife, and the Lounge. What teams don't know is that the Lounge is the name of a popular bar in Cluedoville, and that Colonel Mustard is at that bar, waiting with a knife in one hand, and their next clue in the other.

The other teams grabbed their clues and dispersed.

"What does it mean?" Paul asked, holding the cards.

"I don't know," said Meist, "maybe, we have to find these three things?"

"Excuse me," Marty asked a passer-by, "can you help us find the Lounge?"

"It's downtown," the stranger said, "but that's all I know. Sorry."

Somewhere else…

"Look, maybe we can buy a map or something," Anthony suggested.

"Best plan I've heard all day," said Mercedes.

"Well, Ors, do you have any bright ideas?" asked Roy.

"No, none, I'm afraid," he said sorrowfully. "Wait, those two are buying a map. That's what we should do!"

"Maybe, or we could ask them to share the map, eh?"

"Roy, are you planning something devious?"

"Only by a little bit, I swear!"

"Okay, it's worth a shot. Hey, Mercedes, wait up!"

Out of the group, MARTY & JENNIFER were the first to take steps toward the next clue. And I do mean steps, because they went on foot. ANTHONY & MERCEDES were close behind, with ORSON & ROY following them. PAUL & MEIST were last, still trying to figure out the clue.

"What if Colonel Mustard is in the Lounge with the Knife, and he has our next clue?" Paul suggested.

"Maybe, but where's the Lounge, then?"

"Perhaps they know! Let's tail them!"

Despite Mercedes' excellent map-reading skills, MARTY & JENNIFER make it to the Lounge first. Inside, they see an elderly gentleman with a Knife.

"Do you have the next clue?" asked Jennifer.

"I do," he answered, and pulled it out of his jacket.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in first place.)

Marty ripped open the envelope. "Roadblock," he read, "Who's got better aim?"

The next scene is one of Ed standing in the Lounge.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform, and no one can perform more than six on the entire race. In this Roadblock, that person will participate in a popular Cluedoville sport: knife throwing. The racer will be given three knives to throw at this target, with an oversized bulls-eye. If two of the three knives land on the bulls-eye, the next clue will be given. If not, the player will have to wait five minutes before they can try again."

"You want to do this one, Jen?" he asked so politely.

"Sure, I've got some fair aim."

The female bartender handed Jennifer three knives. "What you want to do is put them right into that green area, okay?"

Jennifer bounced up and down to loosen up. Then she gripped one knife on the blunt side of the blade and chucked it. It struck the target, but by the handle, so it bounced off. All of the bar patrons laughed heartily.

"It's all right, Jen!" Marty coaxed. "Just bury that thing!"

Jennifer shrugged off her embarrassment. She was just about to make her second throw when the door swung open. It was the other teams who had been on the earlier flight. Jennifer tried to ignore them as they got their clues.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place)

(ORSON & ROY are currently in third place)

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in fourth place)

"I'll do this one," said Anthony. "I was working on my aim on the plane."

"Let me take care of this Roadblock, Orson. If I can hit a craven duck from twenty feet, how hard could this be?"

"You can do this one if you want, dear," said Paul.

"No, that's okay, you go ahead," said Meist.

Anthony, Roy, and Paul were told they would have to wait until Jennifer finished before they could have their turns. They agreed.

Jennifer tried to get back into the zone, but it was difficult with twelve new eyes watching her. Learning from her previous mistake, she gripped the knife by the handle before flinging it. This time, the blade bit deeply into the target, right on the green bulls-eye.

"Way to go, honey!" Marty cheered. "Just one more, and we're out of here!"

Jennifer breathed deeply. With one throw, she could decide when she and Marty would leave. She sized up the target one last time, and let the knife fly. When she saw it in the bulls-eye, she jumped two feet in the air.

As Maxine handed Jen her clue, she had to ask, "Where did you learn to throw like that?"

"I learned from my husband," she answered.

As Anthony stood up to take his turn, Marty and Jennifer tore open the clue.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in first place.)

"Travel on foot to the First Baptist Church of Cluedoville…" Jennifer read.

Teams must now walk ten city blocks to the First Baptist Church of Cluedoville, and search among a group of similarly dressed clergy for the pastor, Reverend Green. He will give teams the next clue.

"Come on, let's go!" she said, nudging her husband out the door.

Back inside, Anthony was warming up for his first throw. "Okay, no pressure, this is just a practice throw," he told himself, "don't panic." He stuck the knife out and pointed it at the target, as if to challenge it. He pulled his hand back and chucked the knife. It buried itself deep into the wood…of the floor.

"Hey, kid!" said one of the patrons, who was also throwing knives, "you released it too late. Next time, try letting it go up here."

"Okay, thanks!" he said. Anthony warmed up again, this time taking the guy's advice, and releasing it earlier. This time, it hit the target, but not the bulls-eye.

"Ugh," Mercedes said, disgusted with the result. "That's all right, we can do better next time!"

Anthony sat down while Roy took his mark. Needless to say, he wasn't pleased. He had cost his own team five whole minutes, or maybe more.

Roy ruffled his feathers and prepared for his first shot. "Okay," he told himself, "just imagine Wade's face on the bulls-eye." Roy fired it with expert precision, and it landed in the exact middle of the bulls-eye.

"All right, Roy!" Orson cheered.

At this point, Roy decided to get a little creative. He threw the next knife like a boomerang, underneath his leg. But it was useless showboating, because he missed the target.

"Hey, Cross-eyes!" jeered the crowd. "Next time, you might want to try looking at the target!"

"Don't let it get to you, man," Roy mumbled. "Just put this last knife in the target." He zoned in, focused on the target, and let it fly. It connected! "YES!"

Orson jumped up and hugged Roy. After pulling apart in disgust, they got the next clue from Max.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)

Roy ripped open the clue and read it. "…Once there, search the group of clergy for Reverend Green to get your next clue." The farm animals burst out of there just a hair slower than the speed of sound.

Meanwhile, MARTY & JENNIFER had arrived at the church. They opened the doors and saw a veritable sea of people sitting in the pews.

"Okay," said Jennifer, "how do we know which one is Reverend Green?"

"I guess we just ask," Marty suggested. "Excuse me, do you have the clue?"

"No, sorry."

"This could take a while," Jen observed.

Back at the Lounge, Paul was taking his turn. He sized up the target, readied his hand, and threw the knife like a baseball. He was ecstatic when it went into the bulls-eye.

"Wow, Paul," Meist said, "where did you ever learn to throw knives like that?"

"Uh, I don't know," he said. He threw the next knife right into the bulls-eye. "Oh, look, dear, I did it. Now let's get our clue!"

Meist did as her husband suggested.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in third place.)

"We have to go on foot?" Paul said. "For all we know, the church could be eight blocks from here!"

"Ten blocks," said the bartender.

"Well, let's get moving."

For Anthony, watching those two leave was like salt in an open wound. Because he goofed, he and Mercedes had now lost whatever lead they had.

"How much longer do I have to wait?" he asked.

"90 seconds more," said Max.

As she said that, flight 559 landed a little earlier than expected. Off the plane came, sequentially, HANK & PEGGY, HAL & MALCOLM, MAKO & REI, VIOLET & MICHAEL, VIOLET & KLAUS, ZACK & CODY, and MIKE & SULLEY.

"All right, that clue has to be around here somewhere. Everybody start looking!"

"It's not over here!" said one of the racers.

"Nothing over here!" said another.

Malcolm spotted the clue box first. "Hey, Dad! Over here!" Hal caught up to his son, and they took a clue from the box. MAKO & REI were right behind them.

"Use these three cards to find your next clue? How are we supposed to figure this out?" asked Mako.

"Maybe our next clue is in the Lounge, with Colonel Mustard," Malcolm suggested.

"Okay," said Hal, "but then where is that?"

"I don't know, let's just go into town and look around."

The four of them took off, but as they did, they pointed the teams behind them to the clue box.

HANK & PEGGY were the next team to get the clue, followed by VIOLET & MICHAEL, VIOLET & KLAUS, ZACK & CODY, and MIKE & SULLEY.

"What the…? How are we supposed to know what these three cards mean?" Hank asked nobody in particular. On hearing this, Peggy pulled him aside.

"Obviously, our next clue is in Boddy Mansion, the site of the game. Why else would they give us game cards? Yep, that's it! Now come on, we don't want the other teams following us!" Peggy and Hank left while the other four teams contemplated the meaning of the clue together.

On the other side of town, ORSON & ROY had arrived at the church. They found Marty & Jennifer there still looking for Reverend Green.

"Hey, guys!" said Jennifer. "Don't look on that side of the church, we already looked there and he's not there!"

"Okay, thanks!" said Orson. He walked up to one of the clergy. "Are you Reverend Green?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," he said, "here's your next clue."

"Thanks! Hey, you two, it's this one!" The McFlys ran over and got their clue too.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in first place.)

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in second place.)

"Detour," Roy read, "High or Low?"

We see Ed strolling in the church's courtyard.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have to choose between High and Low…

"In High, teams will strap themselves to a safety harness and climb the church steeple all the way to the top. At the top, a church employee will give them their next clue, which they cannot open until they climb back down. This task is frightening, but teams can finish quickly. However, if another team is climbing, teams will have to wait until they come down before they can start themselves.

"In Low, teams will climb down this manhole two feet from the church, into the Cluedoville city sewers. Once there, they will search through 50 square feet of raw sewage to find their next clue. There's nothing too frightening about this task, and there's no need to wait for other teams to do it, but digging through filthy water for a clue might take some time."

"I say we do High," Marty said to Jennifer. She agreed.

"Do you think we can climb this tall steeple, Ors?" Roy asked.

"It's worth a try," he answered.

But in the footrace to get outside first, the McFlys won. The race official strapped Marty and Jennifer in for the climb while the farm animals waited patiently.

"Okay, one foot in front of the other," Jennifer said, trying to talk herself into the climb.

Back at the Lounge, Anthony's prescribed five minutes of agony were up, and he could try again to complete the Roadblock.

"Don't fret from your mistakes, man," someone said, "learn from them!"

Anthony took that advice to heart. He was just about to make his first throw when the door opened. It was HAL & MALCOLM, followed by MAKO & REI, getting their Roadblock instructions from Colonel Mustard.

(HAL & MALCOLM are currently in fifth place.)

(MAKO & REI are currently in sixth place.)

"I'll take this one, Dad," Malcolm said.

"I think you better do this one, Rei," said Mako.

Malcolm and Rei took their spots in line. Neither of them was pleased to hear that they had to wait until Anthony finished.

Anthony loosened up, shook off some of the nervousness, and let the first knife fly. To his surprise, it hit the bulls-eye! He jumped up and down excitedly. Then he grabbed his second knife, and tried to throw it exactly the same way he did last time. Even more surprising, it hit!

Mercedes jumped up and ran to her partner, gripping him in a tight embrace. They grabbed the next clue and left in a hurry.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in fourth place.)

"Okay, find the church on the map. We'll be there in a jiffy."

While Anthony was throwing knives, PAUL & MEIST made it to the church. From a distance, they saw Marty & Jennifer climbing the church steeple.

"Oh my goodness! We have to climb the church?" Meist asked in surprise.

"Looks like it," Paul said. "Quickly, inside!"

While this was happening, HANK & PEGGY have strayed very far from the course, ending up at Boddy Mansion. Peggy boldly knocked on the door. A man in a tuxedo answered it.

"Yes?"

"We demand to have our next clue, Jeeves!" Peggy said without hesitation.

"Ah, you're two of the blokes with the Amazing Race, eh? Well, there's no clue here. You'll have to look for Colonel Mustard, who is in the Lounge, with a Knife."

"Yes, I know that! And the Lounge is in this house, so where's our clue?"

"No, madam, you're thinking of the wrong Lounge. The Lounge you're looking for is a bar downtown."

"Sure it is. All right, who put you up to this? Was it Orson? No, it was Mercedes! I knew that alien was up to no good!"

"Peggy, come on," Hank begged. "Maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe this time, you're wrong! Let's just go downtown, and get our clue, okay?" Hank managed to somehow pull his wife away from the altercation, but not before she said…

"We'll be back!"

While this was happening, Malcolm stood on his mark and threw his first knife. It hit the target, just wide of the bulls-eye. Seeing this, he adjusted himself. When he made his second throw, he was thrown off at the last second when the door opened and four other teams slipped in.

"DAMMIT!" Malcolm screamed. "Our team should totally get some time credit for that!" Upset, he sat down, while Rei prepared for her throw, and the other teams got their clues.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in seventh place.)

"I can do this, easy!" Michael said with confidence.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in eighth place.)

"I think I can handle this," Violet Baudelaire said.

(ZACK & CODY are currently in ninth place.)

"I'll take care of this one," said Zack.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in tenth place.)

"Better let a creature with two eyes do this one, Mike!" said Sulley.

The racers doing the Roadblock got in line behind Rei. She concentrated on the task before her, focusing on the target. With a loud shriek, she let it fly, and it connected! The whole bar applauded her.

"That's the way!" Mako cheered. "Just one more!"

Rei gripped her knife firmly. Again, she concentrated, putting everything out of her mind except getting that second bulls-eye. Another shout, another toss, another bulls-eye!

"YES!" she exclaimed. Quickly, the girls grabbed the next clue from Max.

(MAKO & REI are currently in fifth place.)

While this was happening, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the church. They went inside and found Paul and Meist still looking for Reverend Green. Together, they searched. Meist eventually found him, and pointed the others in that direction.

(PAUL & MEIST are still in third place; ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in fourth place.)

"Detour," Meist read. "Honey, do you think we should do High?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Mercedes, what do you think?" asked Anthony.

"High is clearly the faster way, I say we do that."

Paul & Meist got out of the church first, and made sure they were on to do High right after Orson & Roy. Anthony & Mercedes were out of there just in time to see the McFlys descend.

"Hey, you two," Paul said, "How's the weather up there?"

"Dry and partly stupid!" Marty shot back.

While Orson and Roy prepared for the climb, Marty ripped open the clue.

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop…"

Teams must now make their way across town to the sprawling Peacock Estate, home of Mrs. Peacock, the wealthiest citizen in Cluedoville. This 32-room mansion is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"Come on, honey! Let's try and get a cab!" Jennifer said.

As they left, Orson and Roy started their climb. Paul and Meist waited patiently.

"So, If we want to do High," Mercedes asked a race official, "we have to wait until both these two teams are done?"

"That's right," he answered.

"By that token, it could be faster if we did Low, don't you think, Anthony?"

"Sounds logical," he said. The hitchhikers scratched their name off the High waiting list and went to the manhole.

"Okay," said the guy who looked like he had been a plumber all his life, "if you guys are going down there, you're gonna want these," and he pointed to some decontamination suits. They quickly put them on and started to climb down the manhole.

"P.U.!" Anthony said. "Is that the foulest odor you've ever smelled or what?"

"Nah," said Mercedes. "You don't know what smells until you smell my dog's poop!"

"No thanks, I'll just take your word for it!"

Back at the Lounge, it was Michael's turn at the target. He didn't agonize over the task one bit. He took a knife in each hand, spun them around his fingers, and threw them at the same time. Both hit the bulls-eye.

"Cake," he said just above a whisper.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in sixth place.)

"Okay, where's this church?" asked Violet Parr.

"Maybe one of the locals knows," Michael said as they left.

Violet Baudelaire stepped up to the mark and took the first knife gingerly. She analyzed the target, prepared for her shot, and let it go. Her first throw missed wide to the left.

"Hmm," said Max. "I think you're overcompensating for your right-handed toss."

"Thanks," Violet said. She made adjustments and threw again. This time, she hit the bulls-eye.

"Yes!" said Klaus. "Best luck we've had so far."

Before Violet made her third throw, Max had an announcement. "Malcolm Wilkerson, your five minute waiting period is up. You may have another turn after Sulley here has his."

"What? But that will take forever! Why should we be punished because a bunch of teams all got here at the same time?"

"Kid, I don't make the rules, I just enforce them."

"You just doing this b…"

"Yes, I am just doing this. Now, you can either sit down and shut up, or I can throw you out of here!"

Just then, HANK & PEGGY finally showed up. They got their clue from Colonel Mustard.

"You see, Peggy? I told you that you misread the clue."

"I did not misread the clue, the writers simply miswrote it!"

(HANK & PEGGY are currently in last place.)

"(Sigh) It's a Roadblock. I'd better do this one," said Hank.

Hank got in line behind Malcolm, and waited for Violet to make her last throw. When she did throw, she sort of stepped into it a little bit. The knife stuck fast in the green bulls-eye. She jumped for joy.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in seventh place.)

Klaus ripped open the clue. "Come on, let's go!"

While this was happening, MAKO & REI came within view of the church.

"Hey, Mako, I think you need to check this out!" Rei pointed to where Orson and Roy were climbing.

"Shoot, now I've seen everything," she answered.

The girls dashed inside the building and started to look for Reverend Green.

When this happened, Orson and Roy had reached the top of the church.

"Congratulations," said Brother Teal, the guy at the top handing out the clues. "Here's your next clue, don't open it until you're on the ground." He clipped the clue to Orson's side belt, and the two farm animals descended.

Meanwhile, in the sewer, Anthony was just about ready to give up hope on finding the clue in the filthy water. "We've been at this forever," he whined.

"Oh, we have not!" Mercedes said back. "It's only been seven minutes!"

"Even so, we've been looking for much too long. We probably could be finished if we had stuck with H…" He didn't finish that sentence. "There's the clue, I see it!"

"Huh? Where?" Mercedes looked around and saw it too. "Get it and let's get out of here!" Anthony didn't have to be told that twice.

At roughly the same time that the hitchhikers got out of the sewer, Orson and Roy had their feet on the ground and had ripped open their clue.

"…The Peacock estate…" Orson read.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Mercedes.

Over at the Peacock estate, Edward Nemo stood beside Mrs. Peacock, who stood beside a sign that read "Cluedoville". As they waited, MARTY & JENNIFER trudged up the ivory steps and firmly planted both feet on the mat.

Peacock smiled warmly. "Welcome to Cluedoville," she said.

"Thank you," Jennifer said, all out of breath.

"Marty and Jennifer," said Ed, pausing for dramatic effect, "you are team number one!"

(MARTY & JENNIFER 1ST PLACE.)

"Whoo-hoo!" they cheered. "First place, baby!"

Back at the church, VIOLET & MICHAEL had arrived, just as PAUL & MEIST were preparing to climb the steeple. They went inside and saw Mako & Rei searching the gathered.

"Wow," Violet said. "How long have you guys been looking?"

"Quite some time, now," Mako informed them.

"How hard is it to find a reverend?" Violet queried. "All you have to do is find a guy with a white collar…" She went to the front of the room and looked all the clergy in the face, "…like all these guys are wearing! Dammit!"

While this was going on, Zack was taking his turn at the knife target back at the Lounge. His first shot went into the bulls-eye easily. During his second shot, Hal sneezed 'Miss it!' in an attempt to throw him off. It didn't work, as the knife hit the green wood soundly.

(ZACK & CODY are currently in eighth place.)

"We have to walk?" Zack complained. "All the way to the church?"

"Hey, nobody said the race was going to be easy," Cody pointed out.

When the twins left, the others noticed that it was starting to get dark outside. Sulley was next, and he took all three knives in one hand. One by one, he threw them right into the target. The first two were bulls-eyes, but the third wasn't.

"Eh, I'm a little shaky today," he said humbly.

"It doesn't matter!" Mike said, "we got our clue!"

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in ninth place.)

"Come on, if we hurry, we can overtake the twins!" The monsters burst out of the bar.

Malcolm took his knife with a sarcastic "Finally!" Learning from his errors, he buried the knife on his first shot. Then he took his second shot; sure that there were no more teams that could come in behind him and throw him off. His second shot made it, no problem. His dad jumped for joy, as they grabbed the next clue.

(HAL & MALCOLM are currently in tenth place.)

"Let's go, son!"

At long last, it is Hank's turn to shoot. He grabbed the first knife and threw it almost immediately. To everyone's surprise, he scored a bulls-eye!

"Shooting from the hip, are were?" asked Max.

"Just give me the next knife, so we can get out of here!"

Max handed Hank another knife, and again, he let it go right away. Once more, he hit the bulls-eye.

"Hoo-yah!" Peggy cheered. She snatched the clue from Max' hand and ripped it open.

(HANK & PEGGY are currently in last place.)

"Hurry up, Peg, we need to make up for lost time!"

At the church, PAUL & MEIST had reached the ground before anyone else had found Reverend Green. Paul unclipped the clue and ripped it open.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in fourth place.)

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop, the Peacock Estate!" Paul read.

"Quick, I think it's this way!" said Meist.

The next thing we see is ORSON & ROY, pointing and saying "There it is, let's go!" Then they start running. Next we see ANTHONY & MERCEDES pointing and running too. We see both teams running to the Pit Stop, but not side-by-side. Then we see Ed at the Pit Stop pointing in the direction of the coming team. Next is a first-person shot of someone running up the steps to the mat. Then the camera spins and reveals which of those two teams beat the other.

"Orson and Roy, you're team number two!"

(ORSON & ROY 2ND PLACE.)

"Whoo-hoo!" Roy shouted. "Second Place!"

"Okay, could you guys step off the mat, please, there's another team coming."

The animals step aside to make room for the two hitchhikers.

"Anthony & Mercedes, you're team number three!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 3RD PLACE.)

"Whew!" Mercedes said. "Man, do I have a lot of writing to do about this place!"

"You have no idea," Ed told her.

At the church, MAKO & REI and VIOLET & MICHAEL were still looking for Reverend Green when the Baudelaire orphans blew in the door.

"All right," Klaus said, "clearly none of you have found our next clue yet. So, can you tell me which of these guys you've searched?"

Rei pointed to a large group of clergy, saying that they had already asked those guys.

"Okay," Klaus said, "that means he has to be somewhere in this general area."

One of the clergy snickered slightly. Klaus singled him out. "Are you Reverend Green?"

"Aw, what gave me away?" Chuckling, he handed the three teams the next clue.

"Detour," Klaus read, "High or Low? What do you think, sis?"

"I ain't afraid of no heights!" she answered.

"I say we do High," Michael told his partner.

"Hmm," Mako thought. "If they're both doing High, it will be a week and a half before we get our chance."

"So, we're doing Low?" Rei asked.

"Yeah,"

As the girls raced outside, they ran into MIKE & SULLEY, who had overtaken the unbelievably slow Martin twins.

"Stop right there, you alien scum!" Mako screamed when she saw them.

"Guys, it's us!" Mike insisted.

Mako blushed from embarrassment. "Sorry, knee-jerk reaction."

"It's okay," Sulley assured her.

The monsters went into the church while the anime girls went into the sewer. Meanwhile, VIOLET & KLAUS prepared for the harrowing climb. VIOLET & MICHAEL waited on the ground.

"Okay, Klaus, we can do this. Just don't look down!" Violet found a sure footing on the foundation of the church and started to climb.

In the midst of all this, a certain married couple was climbing the stairs to Peacock Estate…

"Paul & Meist, team number four."

(PAUL & MEIST 4TH PLACE.)

"Yes!" Paul said as he pumped his arm. "This is how we win the race! We're not going to exhaust ourselves by trying to come in first every leg. We conserve our energy by staying out of the bottom!"

After that, ZACK & CODY finally navigated their way to the church. It was dark by now, and they had to have flashlights to see where they were going.

"Come on!" Zack shouted. "We already let those monsters get by us, we can't afford to fall any further!"

They ducked inside and started to look for Reverend Green. They barely (if at all) noticed the monsters looking as well.

Over in the sewer, things were not going well for MAKO & REI.

"Are you sure we looked over there?" Mako asked.

"I told you a thousand times, I already checked there!" Rei answered.

"How about over there? I think I see something yellow over there!"

Rei want to examine what it was.

"Is it the next clue?"

"Nope, it's a diaper!"

"Ewwwwww! Why would there be a diaper on the race course?"

"Well, this is a sewer."

"(sigh) Million dollars, million dollars, million dollars."

While this was going on, VIOLET & KLAUS made it to the top of the steeple.

"Here's your next clue, don't open it until you get down," Brother Teal reminded them. The orphans bounced down the way mountain climbers do.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in fifth place.)

Rip. "Make your way to the PIT STOP! Let's go!"

As they left, VIOLET & MICHAEL started to hitch up to the harness. At the same time, HAL & MALCOLM arrived from the Lounge.

"Wow," Malcolm said, "Seven eyes looking for one guy, and they still haven't found him yet!"

"Son, there's no need to pick on them," Hal chided, "although it's amazing that green one can see anything."

Insulted, Mike charged the homely man, only to have Sulley hold him back. "Let me at 'im, let me at 'im!"

"Mike, you can get him back by winning the race!" said the larger beast.

While this altercation took place, Cody was narrowing down the field.

"Are you Reverend Green?" he asked one of them.

"I am. Here's your next clue."

"Thanks. Hey, guys, it's this one!"

While the other teams got their clues, the twins opened theirs.

"I say we do High," suggested Zack.

"What do you think, big guy? High?" asked Mike.

"Sure, we can scale that, no problem."

"What do you say, Dad? High or Low?" asked Malcolm.

"I don't like heights, so let's do Low."

"Okay."

The twins and the monsters got in line. The Wilkersons trudged to the sewers.

Meanwhile, the Baudelaire orphans made it to the top of the stairs of the Peacock estate.

"Violet & Klaus, team number five."

(VIOLET & KLAUS 5TH PLACE.)

"Awesome!" Violet said. "We are as good as in!"

Back in the sewer, Mako made a little discovery.

"Hey, I've got it! The next clue!"

"Finally," Rei said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

They ran into the Wilkerson boys as they climbed out of the sewer.

(MAKO & REI are currently in sixth place.)

"Pit stop! At last!"

At the church, VIOLET & MICHAEL finished their climb, and were ready to open their clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in seventh place.)

"Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated! Oh, jeez, that can't be us! Let's go!"

While ZACK & CODY were preparing for the climb, HANK & PEGGY finally got to the church. Inside, they started to look for the reverend. Peggy asked the first person she saw.

"Are you Reverend Green?"

"Yes, and here's your next clue!"

"Hank, stop asking around, I've got the next clue!"

"Well, hurry up! Open it!"

"Hmm, it's a Detour. Ah, High is the faster route, so that's what we'll do!"

"What?" Hank examined the clue. "We're going to climb a church? That's got to be blasphemous, somehow!"

"Hank, do you want that million dollars or not?"

"(sigh) Fine."

The Hills stepped outside the church and saw that there was a waiting list for the climb.

"Hmm," Hank thought. "If we did Low, we could finish ahead of the other teams waiting in line."

"Hank, you poor stupid man!" Peggy chided. "That's what they want you to think! As soon as you go down that manhole, all the other teams will be ahead of us!"

"But Peggy, all the other teams are already ahead of us!"

"And whose fault is that, huh Hank?"

"It's your fault! You misread the first clue, and because of that, we're in last place!"

"Oh, quit your bellyaching! Teams have gone from last to first in this thing!"

"(sigh) I have never needed a beer so badly."

Over at the Peacock estate, two teams decided it would be funny to check in at the same time.

"Rei and Mako, Violet and Michael, you're teams number six and seven!"

(MAKO & REI 6TH PLACE; VIOLET & MICHAEL 7TH PLACE.)

"All right, we're still in this thing!" Mako exulted.

"I'm just glad we can rest now," Violet breathed.

Back at the church, ZACK & CODY had a little trouble climbing the steeple.

"Ahhh!" Cody whimpered, "high, high, very high!"

"That's the point," Zack explained. "Come on, focus on the top, and you won't get scared!"

"All right, focus. Chill. I can do this." And Cody continued to climb.

In the sewer, it wasn't much better for HAL & MALCOLM.

"God, it smells like our bathroom down here!" Malcolm complained.

"Quit whining and help me look, Malcolm!" Hal insisted.

Malcolm held his breath and went back to the search.

At the church, ZACK & CODY managed to reach the steeple. Brother Teal clipped the clue to Zack's belt and they descended.

(ZACK & CODY are currently in eighth place.)

"All right, Pit stop! Hurry, let's go!"

When they had left, MIKE & SULLEY were fitted for their harnesses, but the monsters shoved them away.

"We've got this under control," Mike insisted. Both of them grabbed the support beams and climbed the steeple like it was a tree.

Meanwhile, Hal had stumbled in the sewage and fell in.

"Oh, gross! Wait, what's that? A clue?" He grabbed it. "It is a clue! Malcolm, I've got the clue!"

Very rapidly, the man and his son got out of their suits, and out of the sewer.

(HAL & MALCOLM are currently in ninth place.)

"Yes! Pit Stop!"

At the church, the monsters climbed that church steeple faster than anyone expected them to. Mike grabbed the clue with his teeth, and then they both jumped without the aid of a safety rope. The ground shook when Sulley landed.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in tenth place.)

"Come on, you big hairy guy, we don't want to be last!"

Over at Peacock estate, two very short visitors came.

"Zack and Cody, team number eight!"

(ZACK & CODY 8TH PLACE.)

"All right!" The twins did their secret handshake.

Just behind them, Malcolm and Hal checked in, and prepared for the worst.

"Hal and Malcolm, you are team number nine!"

(HAL & MALCOLM 9TH PLACE.)

"Okay, we'll take it," Malcolm said. "At least we'll get to see more of Dreamland now."

While travelling to the Pit Stop, MIKE & SULLEY got a little bit lost.

"Is this Maple or Elm?"

"I don't know, I've never been here!"

"None of us have been here!"

"Let's just get a cab, okay?"

"Great idea! Too bad none of these cabs will fit me!"

"Okay, don't panic, I've got it!"

"What?"

"Hey lady!" Mike called, waving at some strange woman. When she saw the green one-eyed creature, she was taken aback.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yeah, we need to get to Peacock Estate, like, really fast, we're in a race!"

"Sure, I can show you the way. Follow me!"

Mike and Sulley dutifully followed the stranger through the streets, across the grass, and up the stairs to the mat. They cringed and waited for Ed to give them the news.

"Mike and Sulley," he said, "you are team number ten!"

(MIKE & SULLEY 10TH PLACE.)

"And you're still in the Amazing Race!" he finished.

"Awesome! I get to be on TV even longer! Ow!"

The gathered laughed at Mike's little victory dance.

Sad music played in the background as the Hills calmly walked up the stairs.

"Hank and Peggy, you're the last team to arrive."

(HANK & PEGGY LAST PLACE.)

"I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."

"Who cares?" Peggy said. "I don't want your million dollars, not if I have to endure a character assassination to get it!"

"Well, this experience wasn't a total waste of time," Hank told the camera. "I've learned never to let my wife talk me into going on a reality show ever again. She means well, but once she gets an idea, she sticks with it, even if it sounds asinine."

"I used to think the Amazing Race was different from all these other sleazy reality shows," Peggy confessed. "Now, I know the truth. All reality shows are evil. Now, I'm not saying it's Hank's fault we were eliminated, even though he did mislead me into reading that clue wrong, but, oh, shut the camera off!"

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Teams fly to Wild City, where the entire citizenry is of the animal kingdom.

(A/N: Now, I have a question for everyone who was rooting for a certain team, but I won't say whom: would you be okay if your team got eliminated? Answer me in your reviews, and remember your team is on notice, so a wrong answer could get them eliminated!)


	3. Second Leg in Wild City

Before the race continued, Edward Nemo was seen striding briskly across an elevated porch.

"This is Cluedoville, city of mystery and intrigue. Where a person could be killed, and nobody would care more than if the high school football team won or lost. And near the city limit, on 50 acres of country, lies the Peacock Estate. This beautiful home of Mrs. Peacock was the first Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"Teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period, this allowed them time to eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams. Can Marty & Jennifer beat the odds and maintain their lead? Will Mike & Sulley be able to pull themselves out of last place? And can Hal and Malcolm recover from the mistakes of yesterday?

"Marty and Jennifer, who were the first to arrive at 4:24 PM, will depart at 4:24 AM."

It's pitch black outside while the elderly couple stands waiting for the time to open the clue they hold. As soon as the moment came, they ripped it open.

"Make your way to the airport…" Marty read.

Teams must now go back into town and find the Cluedoville airport. Once there, they must sign up for one of two charter flights bound for Wild City, home of the anthropomorphic animals. Each flight can hold five teams, and the flights leave forty-five minutes apart. When teams arrive in Wild City, they will have to locate this restaurant, ZooDiet (zoh-dee-AY). Inside, head chef Lambsey will give teams the next clue.

"Wow, a city of only animals?" asked Jennifer. "Sounds a lot like Los Angeles!"

"Whatever, let's get a move on!" And off they went.

(ORSON & ROY are second to depart.)

"Hmm, a city of animals," Roy said outloud. "Looks like we'll have an advantage over these non-animal teams!"

"Hey, I wonder if we'll bump into anybody we know in Wild City?" Orson wondered.

"Only one way to find out! Come on, let's go!"

(ANTHONY & MECEDES are third to depart.)

"Strange," Mercedes said. "I didn't know these species were capable of civilization."

"This is Dreamland, Mer," said Anthony. "Anything can happen!"

"Yeah, I suppose so. Come on, we don't want to miss our flight!"

(PAUL & MEIST are fourth to depart.)

"What the…?" Paul said. "Animals build a city? No way! I've heard some crazy things in my day, but there's simply no way animals could build a city from the ground up!"

"Dear, that may be true in the real world," Meist said, "but this isn't the real world, this is Dreamland."

"Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten that. Whatever, let's go!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS are fifth to depart.)

"…Locate head chef Lambsey to receive your next clue." Violet read.

"Come on, Violet, if we don't hurry, we'll miss the first flight!"

Around this time, MARTY & JENNIFER made it to the airport.

"Okay, where's the sign-up sheet?" Jennifer asked.

"It's got to be around here somewhere!" Marty said. "Hey, there it is, I see it!" He ran over and quickly scribbled their names on it.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are First on Flight #1.)

"Whew! Now that our position is secure, time for a quick nap," said Marty.

ORSON & ROY arrived not long after that.

"Sign-up sheet is over there, you guys," Jennifer said pointing.

"Thanks!" Orson said politely.

(ORSON & ROY are Second on Flight #1.)

"Ah, now I can relax," Roy said.

(MAKO & REI are sixth to depart.)

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are seventh to depart.)

"Locate the restaurant called…Zoo Diet," Rei read, unaware she was mispronouncing it.

"You will have 85 dollars for this leg of the race," Michael read. Violet counted the money to make sure it was all there.

"Hey, maybe if we hurry, we could overtake a team and get on the first flight!" Mako said. "We are in sixth place!"

"Well, then, let's go!"

While those two teams tried very hard to out race each other, ANTHONY & MERCEDES made it to the airport.

"All right, we made it!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are Third on Flight #1.)

"So when does the plane leave?" Anthony asked.

"I think it leaves at seven," Orson said.

"Great, a chance to catch up on some lost sleep," Mercedes hummed.

PAUL & MEIST had a little trouble locating the airport, however.

"Wasn't it on Elm Street, a block past Maple?" Paul asked.

"No, I think that's where the Lounge was," his wife answered.

"Then what was thirty blocks from the university?"

"I think that was the Pit Stop, dear."

(ZACK & CODY are eighth to depart.)

"Hmm, a city filled with animals?" Cody wondered. "I bet London would get a kick out of this place."

"What makes you think that?" Zack asked.

"Never mind that, let's just go!"

(HAL & MALCOLM are ninth to depart.)

"Oh, great, a city of animals!" Malcolm complained. "It probably all smells like dung!"

"Now, Malcolm," Hal said, trying to be a dad, "you shouldn't judge other cultures, even fictional ones, based on your own cultural norms. Maybe these animals are quite nice and humane, you know, for animals."

"Whatever, let's just go!"

(MIKE & SULLEY are last to depart.)

"Hey, a city of animals!" Mike noted, "you should blend right in, big guy!"

"Yeah, sounds good, let's go!"

While PAUL & MEIST were still wandering aimlessly lost, VIOLET & KLAUS made it to the airport.

"Well, this is surprising," Marty said. "I thought for sure that other married couple would get here before you guys did."

"You mean they're not here yet?" Violet asked. "Where are they? Did they get lost or something?"

"Must have," Anthony said.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are Fourth on Flight #1.)

Back outside, Paul noticed something unusual.

"Hey, look, I think those are two other teams!" He pointed. Sure enough, there were four characters with backpacks running, and it looked like none of them belonged in Cluedoville.

"They must be headed for the airport!" Meist said.

"Quickly, let's tail them!"

The married couple chased after the forms. The people they were chasing, incidentally, were two other teams, MAKO & REI and VIOLET & MICHAEL. These two weren't expecting much, but they thought if there was still an open spot on flight #1, there was going to be a footrace for it!

Both teams tried desperately to outdo the other, but it was hopelessly deadlocked. They burst through the airport door at the same time. Mako spotted the sign-up sheet first, but when Violet saw her dash off, she speedily gave chase. In desperation, she reached her hand out and slammed it on the counter.

"FIRST!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"All right, Violet!" Michael cheered as Violet claimed them the last spot on the first flight.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are Last on Flight #1.)

"Ugh," Mako groaned. Her team was so close to moving up, now they were closer to being eliminated.

(MAKO & REI are First on Flight #2.)

After this, PAUL & MEIST burst in.

"Hey, we were almost worried about you," Roy noted.

"Roy, don't antagonize those behind us!" Orson chided.

(PAUL & MEIST are Second on Flight #2.)

Later, ZACK & CODY arrived.

"Hey, is there still room on the first flight outta here?" Zack asked.

"Sorry, all booked!" Michael said very smugly.

"Nuts!" Cody fumed. "At this rate, we'll be eliminated for sure!"

"Don't be so sure," Klaus pointed out. "Teams have been known to come from last to first!"

(ZACK & CODY are Third on Flight #2.)

MIKE & SULLEY, who had a bit more knowledge of the lay of the land, managed to get to the airport about three minutes ahead of HAL & MALCOLM. Not that it matters, both of those teams ended up on the same flight anyway.

(MIKE & SULLEY are Fourth on Flight #2.)

(HAL & MALCOLM are Last on Flight #2.)

"How typical," Malcolm said. "Not only are we on the later fight, but we got to the airport last. My life sucks."

"Oh, shut up!" Rei said. "I actually had a chance of getting on the first flight, and I missed it, but you don't hear me whining about it!"

"Um, I think you just did," Meist pointed out.

"You stay out of this!"

"Okay."

Eventually, seven o' clock did roll around. The first flight took off. Before the plane even landed, the racers caught a glimpse of the city. It was amazing that animals could have built such a fantastic city. When the plane landed, VIOLET & KLAUS were off the plane first, followed by ANTHONY & MERCEDES, ORSON & ROY, MARTY & JENNIFER, and VIOLET & MICHAEL.

"Now, the clue said we need to find a restaurant called Zoo Diet, or something like that," Marty said.

"Maybe one of the locals knows, hey, excuse me, sir!" Mercedes called out to a black cat in a T-shirt walking on his hind legs. "Can you tell us where Zoo Diet is?"

"Sorry, ma'am," the cat answered, "I'm just a tourist, I couldn't help you if I wanted to!"

"Honey, could you hurry it up?" said another cat. "The Millers will be expecting us when they get back from their vacation!"

"I'll be right there, just a sec! Look, I'd love to stay and chat, but the missus and I have a flight to catch, so, see ya!" The cat took off on all fours.

"Never ask for directions from a tourist," Mercedes reminded herself.

Klaus had a better idea. He went to the tourist information center just near the exit.

"May I help you?" asked the parrot behind the counter.

"Yeah, I'm looking for a restaurant called Zoo Diet, do you know where it is?"

"It's pronounced zoh-dee-AY, like it's French, and if you want to get there, just hop on the number twelve bus."

His sister caught up with him just as he was finishing up. "Okay," he said, "but how will I know the place when I see it?"

At this question, the parrot looked very annoyed. "It will have a big sign on it that says ZooDiet! Jeez, can't you think past the end of your own nose, you animal?"

Just as they were leaving, Anthony caught sight of the information kiosk. "Hey, Mer, I think the orphans just got directions, come on." He pulled a very surprised Mercedes Prefect to the parrot behind the desk. As he did, the other teams soon gave chase.

"Look, I'll tell you what I told that smart-mouth kid, your take the number twelve bus and you can't miss it?"

"Yeah, when do you think that bus will get here?"

"In about ten minutes. There's a stop outside, so you might want to…" The parrot looked up and saw that they were gone. "I'm seventeen," she muttered to herself, "I'm getting too old for this crap."

Outside, VIOLET & KLAUS were patiently waiting for the bus when they saw six other people running up the street, as well as a pig and a rooster.

"Oh, no, now our lead is shot!" Violet complained.

"Now that all the other teams are here, it's going to be a tight race." Klaus said.

"Too tight for my comfort, if you ask me. Oh, hey guys, you caught up! How wonderful!" Violet plastered on her best fake smile.

"You know what," said Michael, "why don't you take your flattery and shove it up your…"

"MIKE!" chided his partner.

"Oh, right, I forgot myself. Sorry."

"No, you're not," Violet Baudelaire pointed out, "but you're forgiven anyway."

"I sure hope this bus gets here soon," Anthony muttered to himself, "I can't stand to be around these guys, knowing they might just rip each other the pieces at the drop of a hat."

"Who are you talking to?" Jennifer asked.

"Nobody," Anthony said.

In due time, the bus did come. But it wasn't a large automobile, as one might expect. Come to think of it, there were no autos of any variety in Wild City, but that's beside the point. The point is, the bus was a large elephant, with a few birds riding on his back, and a large number 12 pasted to his ear.

"Route twelve, to ZooDiet, via Mainland," he said, as if reading from a script.

"We get to ride an elephant?" Violet Parr asked excitedly.

"Not until you pay the dollar fifty, you don't," said the elephant.

"Oh, of course, here." She put the money into a can tried to his neck, then went around to his rear and climbed the rope ladder she found there. The other racers did the same.

"Okay, is everyone on board who's coming aboard?" asked the elephant. Everyone said yes. "Good." Then the elephant (how can I put this?) cut the cheese. "Whew! Sorry about that, but I didn't want to blow that in your faces!"

"Oh, good grief!" Jennifer complained. "That has to be the foulest odor in the world!"

"I've smelled worse," Mercedes said calmly.

"Okay, sorry about that. And…we're moving!" The elephant strode slowly at first, but started to gain speed. As soon as the racers could breathe again, they took in the sights of the city.

"Wow," Roy said. "It's amazing that animals built all of this without human aid!"

"Well," said the elephant, "it just goes to show that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything!"

"Yeah, why don't you embroider that on a pillow?" said Michael.

"I did, and it's quite comfortable, you snide little urchin! Approaching ZooDiet!"

Sure enough, there was a smallish bistro on the right with a neon sign out in front that read "ZooDiet."

"Thank you, sir," said Mercedes as the racers dismounted the elephant.

"You're welcome," he said as he departed.

"Okay, now where would chef Lambsey be?" asked Michael.

"Maybe in the kitchen?" Klaus said.

The racers dashed inside past the hostess, weaved in and out of crowds, and charged the kitchen. There, a route marker told them they were on the right track. Inside the kitchen, they started to look for a sheep, thinking that an animal named Lambsey would be of that species. But there were no sheep in the kitchen. Confused, Violet Baudelaire tapped on the shoulder of an ox cooking an omelet.

"Have you seen Head Chef Lambsey?" she asked.

"Um, no I haven't," he said, "uh, but I am Head Chef Lambsey!"

"You're Chef Lambsey? But you're an ox!"

"And you're a human! Now, if we're done identifying each other's species, I believe you're here for a clue?"

The young girl stifled a laugh as the bovine handed out clues to the five teams. Klaus ripped it open like a Christmas present.

"Another Detour," he stated, "Serve It or Eat It?"

Next, Ed was seen walking through the kitchen of ZooDiet.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams will be handling animal's food, the only food served here at ZooDiet. The choice? Serve It or Eat It.

"In Serve It, teams will don these uniforms of waiters, and take orders from the various patrons in the restaurant. Once they have taken and delivered orders from four tables each, the manager will hand them the next clue. There's nothing disgusting about this task, and teams will receive cash compensation for their labor, but taking the orders is a tedious process, and it could take a while.

"In Eat It, teams will be seated at a table in the restaurant, and must order at least 23 dollars worth of food from the menu. When their order is delivered, they must eat all of it. When they're finished, the waiter will bring them the check, with the next clue underneath. There's nothing tedious about this task, and teams with strong stomachs can finish it quickly, but the cost of the meal will come out of their cash supply."

"Sister, what do you think? Should we eat it?"

"Eat grass? I think not! I say we Serve It!"

Anthony analyzed the options. "You know, they may have something here worth eating."

"And I am kind of hungry," Mercedes added. "Looks like we'll eat it!"

Orson and Roy didn't even think about it. "Chow time!" they both said.

"So, what are we doing, dear?" Jennifer asked.

"Ah, they don't have Pepsi," Marty noted. "Let's get to work."

"I don't mind either one," Michael told his partner. "Totally up to you."

Violet Parr thought for a moment. "You know, I've always wondered what zebra meat tastes like."

"That's my girl!" he said excitedly.

VIOLET & KLAUS and MARTY & JENNIFER quickly got on the uniforms of the waiters, grabbed some notepads, and took to the floor. Meanwhile, ANTHONY & MERCEDES, ORSON & ROY, and VIOLET & MICHAEL were escorted to a roped-off section of the dining area.

"My, my, they certainly are putting a pretty face on this task," Orson noted.

"Yeah, just like _Fear Factor,_" quipped Violet.

"What's that?" asked Mercedes.

"You don't want to know," Roy told her.

The three teams were seated at three different tables. They were handed menus and told to wait patiently.

Elsewhere, Violet Baudelaire was taking an order from a family of canaries.

"Now, tell the nice girl what you want, Shelly," the mother coaxed.

"I want a cricket burger with cheese and ketchup."

"Uh, huh. And for you, madam?"

"I'd like a fried stuffed caterpillar, medium well, if you please, with a side of flies."

"Naturally. And you, sir?"

"Can I get a BLT sandwich?"

"Bacon, lettuce, and tomato?" Violet asked befuddled.

"No, butterfly, louse, and termite! We're insectivores, get with the program!"

"Okay, okay, no need to be rude! Okay, I have a BLT sandwich, insectivore style, fried stuffed caterpillar, medium well, side of flies, and a cricket burger with cheese and ketchup. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No thank you," said the father.

"All right, your order will be right out." Violet tore off the sheet and rushed to the kitchen.

Marty was taking an order from a couple of snakes.

"I'll have a deep fried mouse," said the male.

"No, dear, you remember what the doctor said! No more oily fats!"

"Oh, come on! It's our anniversary!"

The female hissed at him.

"All right, fine, get me a grilled mouse."

"Make it two!"

"All right," Marty told them, "I'll get right on it!"

Klaus was taking an order from a tiger that was eating alone.

"Get me a pork chop," the tiger told him.

"Wait a minute, tigers don't eat pigs," Klaus said. "They're not indigenous to the same global areas."

The tiger wasn't impressed. "Ever hear the expression 'the customer is always right'?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Then save your biology lesson for someone who cares, and get me a damn pork chop!"

His roar put Klaus in his place. "Yes, sir, right away, sir!" And he ran to the kitchen.

Elsewhere, Jennifer was dealing with a rather forward hippopotamus.

"Hey, good lookin', whatcha got cookin'?" he asked.

"Well, chef Lambsey told me today's special was the Kentucky bluegrass salad with olive oil."

"Hmm. I've never had Kentucky bluegrass before. It might be worth a try. I'll have that, and could you get me some tomatoes too?"

"Sure thing, sir. Your order will be right out."

Around this time, a wooly sheep wearing the same uniform as those four racers walked up to the roped-off area of the restaurant.

"Good day," he said, "My name is Larry, and I will be your waiter for this meal." He first visited Orson & Roy. "What can I get for you gentlemen today?"

Orson looked a little nervous. "Um, I noticed the chef making a dish of eggs, just what kind of eggs were those?"

"I wouldn't know, we serve all kinds of eggs here, chicken eggs, duck eggs, snake eggs, even ant eggs!"

"Okay, I think I'll have a snake egg omelet, with tomatoes, bell peppers, and onions."

"No bacon, ham, or sausage? Oh, wait, you're a pig, never mind, forget I said that. And for you, sir?"

"I'll have the bottomless bowl of chicken feed, if you please," said Roy.

"Got it," Larry said, jotting it down. Next, he took an order from Anthony & Mercedes. "You know, we don't get many humans as customers, what with them being a little bit finicky, you know."

"Not that it matters," Mercedes said, "but I'm not technically human."

"Whatever, can I take your orders?"

"I'll have the moose sausage," said Anthony, "with a baked potato on the side."

"And what would you like on that?"

"Bacon and chives, thank you."

"Okay, and you madam?"

"I think I'll have the stuffed snake, de-fanged, if you can manage that, cooked rare, and carrots to go with it."

"Excellent choice, the hawk community just loves our stuffed snakes." At last, Larry came to the two supers.

"Can you recommend the zebra steak?" Violet asked Larry.

"No, I don't eat meat, but I haven't heard one word of complaint from the lions who do eat it."

"Great, I'll have that, well done, if you please."

"And for you, sir?"

"What's this thing called hopper stew?"

"Hopper as in grasshopper?"

"Oh! Well, I don't think I want that. Um, I think I'll just have a tuna fish sandwich."

"Okay, it's your money. I will be back with your food!"

Over in the kitchen, chef Lambsey brought out a tray containing a very expertly prepared array of bugs. "Order up!" he said, tapping a bell with his hoof.

Violet Baudelaire grabbed the tray with one hand and a folding tray stand with the other. Like she had been doing it her whole life, she brought the food to the canaries' table, set up the tray holder, and set the tray on it.

"Okay," she said, "a BLT for the gentleman…I mean gentlebird…stuffed caterpillar for the lady, and a cricket burger for the little one."

"I'm not little!" the bird insisted, "I'm this many years old!"

"Of course you are!" Violet answered. Quickly, she departed. She had more tables to wait on.

Marty and Klaus got their orders at about the same time. Unfortunately, they got each other's orders mixed up. They didn't realize their mistake until Klaus got back to the tiger.

"What's this? I ask for a pork chop and you bring me two grilled mice? This is an outrage!"

"I'm sorry, I must have grabbed someone else's order. It was a mistake…"

"You're damn right it's a mistake! Now, fix it before I bite your head off! Don't think I'm kidding, 'cause I'll do it!"

There was no doubt in Klaus' mind that he would. Quickly, he picked up the mice and sought out where the pork chop had gone. He bumped into Marty.

"Oh, thank God, you have the mice," Marty said.

Klaus chuckled slightly. "It's actually kind of funny when you think about it!"

As Marty grabbed the plate and raced back to the snakes' table, he unexpectedly ran into his wife, literally. Jennifer stumbled backward and slipped on a loose spoon. She fell on her back, and the bluegrass salad fell on top of her face.

Dejected, Jen pulled herself up, brushed the olive oil out of her eyes, and sadly turned back to the kitchen.

"We're going to need another special," Jen told the chef. "Ow, my back!"

Around this time, Larry returned to the racers who elected to Eat It, with their food in tow. He gave Orson & Roy their food first, then Anthony & Mercedes, and lastly, Violet and Michael. The racers immediately started to scarf themselves on their meals. Only after the initial chewing and swallowing did conversation start.

"You know, this stuffed snake is mighty tasty!" Mercedes commented. "It's a little dry, but with some gravy, it would be superb!"

"Hmm. This steak is a little tough," Violet said. "Hey, Anthony, how's that sausage?"

"Better than I would have expected," he told her. "Of course, nothing can compare to the bacon at the Big Bang Café."

"No, no," Mercedes said, "the bacon at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is much better."

"Roy, don't go overboard on the bottomless birdseed," Orson said, "We're in a race, remember?"

Over in another part of the restaurant, VIOLET & KLAUS were talking with the restaurant manager, Ken the Kodiak Bear.

"Well done, you guys," he told them, "you handled those customers expertly. Now, before I give you the clue, there's a matter of payment. It wouldn't be right of me to take advantage of you guys without compensation. So, I am gladly going to pay you 10 dollars each for each table you waited on. That's 40 for you, Violet, and 40 for you, Klaus." He handed each of them a wad of cash. They took the money from his paw. "And here is your next clue." Ken handed them an envelope with his mouth.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in first place.)

Violet ripped open the clue and read, "Travel by taxi to Jungle Street…"

Teams must now travel by taxi to Jungle Street, a few blocks east of ZooDiet, and locate this mostly empty lot, where the next clue is located. What teams don't know is that the clues have been hung from these acacia trees seven feet off the ground, and will have to figure out for themselves a way to get it down.

"Come on, let's go!" Klaus said. The orphans ran outside and stood on the sidewalk.

"TAXI!" Violet called.

A horse pulled up next to the curb.

"Where to, toots?" he asked.

"Oh, I get it, the taxis are horses, just like the elephant is a bus!"

"Yeah, now are you riding or running?"

The Baudelaires climbed on the taxi's back, and off he ran.

Back in the restaurant, the teams electing to eat were just about finished with their meal. Orson and Roy wiped up their faces and asked for the check. Larry came around and handed everyone the bill for their food, and an envelope they were told not to open until they paid the check.

The three teams dug out the money to pay for it, got both money and bill into one hand, and made a mad dash for the door. ORSON & ROY beat ANTHONY & MERCEDES and VIOLET & MICHAEL by a fraction of an inch.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in fourth place.)

"Travel by taxi?" Mercedes asked. "I wasn't aware there were autos in Wild City."

"There ain't," said someone. The six turned around and saw it was a horse. "I'm your taxi. Where do you want to go?"

"Could you please take us to Jungle Street?" Anthony asked as they climbed aboard.

"No problem," said the horse. As soon as they were on, he took off.

Violet blew her hair out of her face. "Hopefully, the next taxi will come quickly!"

Just as she said that, the second charter flight from Cluedoville landed at the airport. Off the plane came PAUL & MEIST, MAKO & REI, MIKE & SULLEY, ZACK & CODY, and HAL & MALCOLM.

"Now, we have to find ZooDiet," said Meist.

"Maybe we can find out from that information kiosk," Mike suggested.

They all ran to the tourist information center, where that same parrot was working.

"Yes, to get to ZooDiet, you just take the number twelve bus," she told them. At least this time, she watched them run out the door.

Outside, the teams watched as the elephant started to pull away from the stop.

"NO! WAIT!" the racers all begged, running after him. "WE NEED TO GET TO THE RESTAURANT!"

The elephant must have heard them, because he stopped and let them get on. The racers were relieved.

While they were riding the elephant, MARTY & JENNIFER finally got four tables waited on each. Ken paid them the 80 bucks and gave them the next clue.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fifth place.)

"Come on, honey, we got to get a taxi!" Jennifer said.

The elderly couple dashed out side to find the farm animals and the supers just standing there. Michael took notice of them right away.

"Oh, great, did it get older in here or is it just me?"

"Why don't you show some respect for your elders?" Jennifer asked.

"I tell you, when Yield season comes around, those two will have a bounty on their heads!" Marty whispered.

At that moment, another taxicab, eh, taxi-horse strode up. All three of the teams there tried to get his attention, and they all succeeded. But, he only agreed to take ORSON & ROY. "We animals have to stick together," he said.

Needless to say, the teams left behind were not happy. To make matters worse, an elephant bus pulled up, carrying the other five teams.

"Hey, guys!" Mako said, trying to be nice. "How's the challenge in here?"

What could they say? "You'll see!"

The five teams on the later flight burst into ZooDiet like a hurricane. It was Cody who led them to the kitchen. They didn't have to look for chef Lambsey, he revealed himself. As he handed out the clues, Hal made the idiot mistake of pointing out that he was an ox.

"I'm not really an ox," the chef answered. "I may have ox horns, an ox hide, and ox hooves, but all that really makes me is a peacock in disguise!"

"All right, all right, you don't have to be snippy about it!"

There was a very loud noise as the five teams opened their clues all at once.

"I say we eat it," Paul told his wife. She agreed.

"I can't stand to eat veggies," Rei told Mako. "Let's serve it."

"We can digest anything," Mike told Sulley. "We are so going to eat it!"

"We could stand to have a little extra money in our supply," said Cody. "Let's serve it."

"I'm not all that hungry," Malcolm said. "We could serve it."

The hostess showed PAUL & MEIST and MIKE & SULLEY to the sectioned-off part of the restaurant. MAKO & REI, ZACK & CODY, and HAL & MALCOLM got on their uniforms and got to work.

While this was going on, VIOLET & KLAUS had arrived at the marked lot on Jungle Street.

"Here we are," Klaus told the horse. "Stay here, we may need you later."

"All right," said the horse, "but I'm leaving the meter running."

"What meter?" Klaus asked.

"The meter is in my head," explained the horse.

The Baudelaires stepped down from the horse and wandered onto the mostly empty lot.

"Well, where's the next clue?" Violet asked a nearby monkey. He was wearing a uniform that told her he was a race official.

"These trees are growing a strange kind of fruit, don't you think?" he told them. They looked up and saw the clues, each one dangling from a different tree.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Violet said. "How are we supposed to get them down?"

"I hate to say this, but it's in my script," said the monkey. "Not my problem!"

"Humph! So we have to figure out a way to get the clue down ourselves?"

"That's the idea!"

"No problem," Violet answered, tying her hair up. "All right, Klaus, give me a boost. We need to see how high up this clue is."

Klaus lifted his sister up and held her for as long as he could. Violet reached up, and tried to grab the clue, but it was still too high to reach. When the last of Klaus's energy had left, he and Violet tumbled and fell in a small heap. It was very painful.

"Okay, so much for that idea," said Violet.

Back outside the restaurant, the supers and the elderly couple were still waiting for a cab. When another horse pulled up, the two teams fought over who was going to hire him, until the horse said, "I can take all four of you, there's no need to fight." Deciding that racing was better than standing there fighting, VIOLET & MICHAEL agreed to share the cab with MARTY & JENNIFER.

Inside the restaurant, the teams serving were hustling and bustling. Rei had just finished taking orders from her four tables, and was delivering them to the kitchen. Wanting to keep busy, she went to bus some tables while waiting for the food to cook.

Zack, on the other hand, wasn't as cheerful and willing. He took one order, delivered it to the kitchen, and then just stood there, leaning against the wall. Nobody said anything about it, until Ken the manager saw him.

"Zack, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be taking orders?"

"I already did," he told him, "and now I'm waiting for their food to cook."

"And how many orders did you take?"

"Just the one, why?"

"Did it ever occur to you that you might be done with this task more quickly if you took orders while waiting for the first table's food?"

Zack's expression changed. "No it didn't, but now that you mention it, it sounds like a good idea!" And he went back to work.

Seconds later, Cody appeared. Ken told him about the exchange he just had with his twin brother, and asked, "Is he for real?"

"Who would fake that?" Cody answered.

At another table, Malcolm had made the same mistake that Klaus had made earlier. Evidently, when a lion wants a salad, you give him a salad, and "while we're young!"

Over at the area set aside for racers electing to eat it, Larry the sheep had arrived to take orders from the gathered. He started with PAUL & MEIST, the latter of whom wasn't sure what to order.

"Ah, well, um," she said thoughtfully, "what do you recommend?"

"Well, you know, we don't get many humans as customers, but there was a woman in here recently who said she enjoyed the stuffed snake."

"Yeah, um what exactly is it stuffed with?"

"Mouse meat, onions, bell peppers, duck eggs, you know, things like that."

Meist's nose wrinkled. "Thanks, sounds appetizing, but I think I'll just have an order of carrots, and maybe some cherry juice."

"Okay, suit yourself. And you sir? Remember, to complete this task, your bill must come to at least 23 dollars."

Paul examined the menu thoughtfully. "Okay, I'll have the rotisserie hippo, with the mushroom sauce, and an apple on the side."

"Excellent choice, sir." Larry moseyed over to where the monsters where seated.

"Oh," Mike said, "we'll have whatever the special is today!"

"That would be the Kentucky bluegrass salad, with olive oil dressing." Larry told them.

"Mmm! Appetizing!" said Sulley. "We'll have two!"

"Very good, gentlemen, your order will be right out."

Over on Jungle Street, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had arrived at the marked lot. They saw the Baudelaires milling about.

"Where's the next clue?" asked Anthony. The race official pointed them to the trees.

"Here, Anthony, let me get on your shoulders," said Mercedes. Unlike the very short Violet and Klaus, the hitchhikers were indeed tall enough to reach the clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place.)

Mercedes opened the clue. "Roadblock. Who's got the heart of a predator?"

The next shot was one of Ed in a pen full of mice.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person will have to climb into this mouse pit across the street from the trees. Once there, they will have to catch five mice, and place them in one of these cages. Once they have caught five mice, they will be handed the next clue."

"You want to do this one, Mer?" Anthony asked.

"Sure, why not?" she answered. Before they left, she told the orphans, "Try throwing rocks at the clue. One hit should knock it down."

Taking that suggestion to heart, Klaus picked up a rock and chucked it at the clue. To their surprise, it hit, and the clue came down!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"Who has the heart of a predator?" Violet read. "I think you do, Klaus."

"All right, I'll do it," he said.

They raced for the mouse pit just steps behind Anthony and Mercedes. Mercedes and Klaus placed their hands on the wall and jumped over. The mice scurried away, so as not to be squashed underfoot.

"Okay, mice, come to mama," Mercedes coaxed. She got down on all fours to get a better view. She brought her hand up, ready to slap it down on a mouse and grab it. She got one in her sights, and when she felt the moment was right, she struck! But the mouse seemed to sense it was in danger, and ran away just in time.

On the other side of the pen, Klaus wasn't having much better luck. He chased after the mice, only to find them much faster than the books he read had led him to believe. Like a fool, he chased one of the mice wherever it went, which led him to run into Mercedes, violently.

"Ow!" she said as she tumbled to the dirt. "Jeez, did anyone ever tell you that you have a hard head?"

"Sorry!" he said.

"All right, Mercedes," she told herself. "Focus, concentrate. Get the mouse." She noticed one of them moving a little slower than the rest. She brought her hand down on top of it, and caught it!

"Yes! One down, four to go!"

Meanwhile, back at ZooDiet, Mako & Rei had made short work of their task. Ken paid them their due, plus a little extra for Rei's extra work.

(MAKO & REI are currently in sixth place.)

"Travel by taxi?" Mako asked. "I don't remember seeing any taxis on the street."

"All taxis in Wild City are horses," Ken explained.

"Oh, okay!" The girls rushed outside, arms waving, hollering "TAXI!" The first animal to pull up to them was not a horse, but an ostrich.

"Need a lift?" the ostrich asked.

"Oh, thanks, but we need a taxi, the rules said!" Rei told her.

"I am a taxi! My name's Jenna." Her expression changed when she got a good look at them. "Oh my God! I know you!"

"Huh?" asked Mako.

"You're Sailor Jupiter! And you're Sailor Mars!"

"Shh!" Rei said, "how did you know that?"

"I love your show, I watch it all the time! Hey, I'll take you anywhere you want, free of charge!"

"Really? Gee, thanks! We need to get to Jungle Street, and fast; we're in a race!"

"No problem," Jenna said, "I'm faster than any horse in this town!" Off they went.

Over on Jungle Street, ORSON & ROY had arrived at the marked lot. They paid their taxi and he trotted away. They noticed that the clues were hung from trees.

"This isn't a problem," Orson said. "I'll just climb the tree and get it." He climbed up the trunk of the tree and grabbed the branch that the clue was attached to. In time, he shook it loose, and Roy caught it.

(ORSON & ROY are still in third place.)

"Roadblock," Roy read. "I've got the heart of a predator, easy!"

While the farm animals crossed the street, the taxi carrying VIOLET & MICHAEL and MARTY & JENNIFER pulled up.

When they noticed that the clues were hung from trees, the two teams tried different approaches. Violet stood on Michael's shoulders while Marty tried to knock it down with a rock. As it so happens, the supers got their clue first.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in fourth place.)

"Who's got the heart of a predator?" Michael read. "I do!"

While Marty kept trying to knock the clue down, Violet and Michael crossed the street to the mouse pit. By this time, Mercedes and Klaus had caught four mice each.

"Come on, brother, one more mouse!" Violet Baudelaire coached.

"Go Mercedes!" Anthony shouted, "Show those mice who's boss!"

Just then, Mercedes and Klaus got their sights on the very same mouse. They both made a diving grab at it. Dust was ejected into the very air, and when it settled, Klaus had his fist around the mouse.

"Got it!" he said. His task was completed! Violet gladly took a clue from a race official.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in first place.)

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop, the Wild City greenhouse."

Teams must now make their way to the Wild City greenhouse, where most of the citizen's food is grown. The hothouse of botanical activity is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"Quick," said Klaus, "we better get back to our cab before the horse charges us more money than we have!"

"Relax, brother," Violet said. "With the extra money we made at the restaurant, we can afford a higher fare."

As they took off, Mercedes noticed that the race officials were releasing the mice that Klaus had caught. Then she had an idea. She crouched next to the cage, and caught one of the mice in mid-air as it fell.

"Hey, the clue said I had to catch the mice. It didn't say they had to be on the ground!"

The official wasn't too pleased, but in the interest of speeding things up, he ruled that she had completed the task.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"Make your way to the next PIT STOP!" Anthony read excitedly. "Quickly, let's go!"

As they were leaving, they noticed that Marty had finally succeeded in getting the clue down.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fifth place.)

"Roadblock," Marty read. "I'll take care of this one, dear!"

Back in the mouse pit, Roy quickly caught two mice as the official was releasing Mercedes' mice. This catch put him ahead of Michael by one mouse. Seconds later, Marty vaulted the wall and started to collect mice.

While this was going on, the teams at ZooDiet were just finishing up. PAUL & MEIST got out just steps ahead of MIKE & SULLEY. Later, HAL & MALCOLM were out of there. The three of them were still waiting for a cab when ZACK & CODY arrived.

"Oh great, I thought were we going to leave the little clones high and dry," Paul complained.

A cab came by, and offered to take PAUL & MEIST.

"With our luck, it will be ages before another cab comes by," Malcolm stated.

Over on Jungle Street, Roy was one mouse away from the next clue.

"All right, mice, prepare to be captured!" He crouched down to the mice's level, and spotted one. Then, he pounced on it like a cat. It worked!

"Yes! This one makes five!" Excitedly, Orson grabbed the clue from the official.

(ORSON & ROY are still in third place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Orson. "Let's move, Roy!"

When the race official released Roy's mice, Michael was predictably right underneath, trying to catch some. He managed to grab two, one in each hand.

"Ow!" one of the mice screamed, "why do you have to squeeze so hard?"

"Oh, sorry, I had no idea!" he apologized.

"It's all right," the mouse responded. "It's just to bad I'll never have anymore kids. Wait, what am I saying?"

Anyway, with those two mice, Michael now had five. With the task complete, the supers were given the next clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in fourth place.)

"Come on, Mike, let's move!" Violet said.

While they were leaving, Jenna the ostrich arrived with MAKO & REI. The anime girls leapt from the bird's back and located the marked lot.

"Huh?" Mako said. "How are we supposed to get the clue down?"

"Not my problem," said the monkey.

"Hmm," Rei said thoughtfully. "Hey, Jenna, do you think you could help us get that clue down?"

"No problem!" Jenna entered the lot, found one of the hanging clues, grabbed it in her beak, and brought it down to the girls.

(MAKO & REI are still in sixth place.)

"Who has the heart of a predator?" Mako read. "You do, Rei!"

Over on another side of town, VIOLET & KLAUS had located the Wild City greenhouse. They paid their taxi, dismounted, and ran to the mat. Ed was waiting there with a kangaroo.

"G'day," said the roo, "and welcome to Wild City!"

"Thank you," said Klaus.

"Violet and Klaus…you are team number one!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 1ST PLACE.)

"Whoo-hoo!" Violet cheered. "First place! We're the luckiest we've been in a long time!"

"And I have more good news for you!" Ed told them. "As the winners of this leg of the race, you've won…25,000 dollars!"

"Awesome!" Klaus cheered.

Back on Jungle Street, Marty was almost finished with his task. He needed just one more mouse. Trying a different approach, he rested his hand on the ground, thinking a curious mouse would just wander into his hand. A mouse came by, looked at Marty, and shook his head.

"You don't really think we're that stupid, do you?" the mouse asked.

"Anything's worth trying once," Marty answered.

"Well, you only need one more of us, and I can see you're desperate to get out of here, so I'll help you out." The mouse walked onto Marty's hand, and Marty took it to the cage. Jennifer was handed the next clue.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in fifth place.)

"…Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated," she read. "Hurry up, Marty!"

Around this time, the cab carrying PAUL & MEIST arrived on Jungle Street. Paul was the first to spot the marked lot. Meist, on the other hand, saw Rei trying to catch mice.

"Honey, I'll bet that's our next challenge," she told him.

But Paul paid her no heed. "Look at that, Meist," he said pointing, "The clues are hanging from the trees."

"Huh. Looks like I'll have to stand on your shoulders."

"Let's do it!" The couple leapt from the horse's back and ran to the tree. Paul got there first and crouched down. Then Meist came up behind him and wrapped her legs around his neck. Then he stood up suddenly, and she grabbed the clue. But, Paul miscalculated the speed, and as a result, he lost his balance. He and Meist tumbled to the dirt, and it was very painful. Luckily, they got the clue before they fell.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in seventh place.)

"It's a Roadblock, dear," Meist said. "You're pretty good at catching mice."

"How do you know it's mouse catching?"

"Look over there," she told him, pointing. This time, Paul noticed the anime girl in a pen of mice.

"Okay, wish me luck, then." And they crossed the street.

Back at the greenhouse, another team was checking in.

"Anthony and Mercedes, you're team number two!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 2ND PLACE.)

"Cool!" Anthony said. "We moved up a notch!"

On Jungle Street, another taxicab pulled up. This one carried MIKE & SULLEY. They raced to the marked lot and saw the clues hanging from trees.

"Well, go on, big guy," said Mike, "Get us our next clue!"

Sulley went over to one of the trees and reached for a clue. He found that he could get it without any help at all.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in eighth place.)

"Roadblock," Sulley read. "Who's got the heart of a predator? I think I'd better do this one, Mike."

Sulley dashed to the other side of the street. He leapt over the wall and landed with a thud. The reverberation caused two mice to escape from Rei's cage, and one from Paul's.

"Hey!" shouted Mako. "That's not fair! Now she has to catch two more mice because the blue one can't control his body fat?" But the race official assured them all that nobody would be penalized because of this little mishap.

"Cool!" Rei said. "That means I just have to catch one more mouse, and we're out of here!" She focused on one mouse, and put a hand down to block its path. When the mouse turned, she stopped it again. Once the mouse stopped, totally confused, she pounced on it. When she placed it in her cage, she was told the task was complete.

(MAKO & REI are still in sixth place.)

"All right!" Rei cheered, "The Pit Stop!"

"Hey, Jenna," Mako asked, "Do you know where the greenhouse is?"

"Sure do!"

At the greenhouse, two creatures that looked like they would fit in just fine in Wild City arrived at the mat.

"Orson and Roy, team number three!"

(ORSON & ROY 3RD PLACE.)

"Aw, man, we moved down!" Roy complained, "but at least we're still in the race!"

"Okay, could you step off the mat, please? I think I see another team coming."

Sure enough, VIOLET & MICHAEL were rushing to the Pit Stop.

"Violet & Michael, you are team number four!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 4TH PLACE.)

"Awesome!" Michael cheered. "Next leg, we're going to win!"

Back on Jungle Street, another taxicab arrived. HAL & MALCOLM and ZACK & CODY shared this one. They noticed not only that the clues were hung from trees, but also that there were only two left. Quickly, they jumped off the horse and ran to the lot.

While they were still running, Paul caught his fifth mouse, and even though there were only four mice in his cage, the task was declared complete.

(PAUL & MEIST are still in seventh place.)

"Quickly, honey," said Meist. "It's the Pit Stop!"

Across the street, Malcolm started climbing one of the last two trees, while Zack climbed the other. They both decided to shake the clue loose, like Orson did earlier. They got their clues at about the same time.

(ZACK & CODY are currently tied for ninth place with HAL & MALCOLM.)

"Who's got the heart of a predator?" Zack read. "You better do this one, Cody."

"Think you can handle this one, Dad?" Malcolm asked.

"Okay, I'll do it."

The two teams crossed the street and the Roadblockers (a/n: Like that word? I made it up myself) vaulted the wall.

Somewhere halfway between Jungle Street and the Pit Stop, Mako and Rei noticed something.

"Isn't that one of the other teams?"

"Yeah, I think it is."

"Hey Jenna, do you think you can pass that horse?"

"No sweat!" Jenna started to pick up speed. She changed into the fast lane and was neck and neck with the horse.

"Hey there, Jimmy!" Jenna said to the horse. "Nice to see you again!"

"Hello Jenna," the horse answered. "Are you hungry? Because you're about to eat my dust!"

"No, I'm not hungry, but it looks like you're coming down with something."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, slowpoke-itis!" With that, Jenna sprinted past Jimmy, carrying MAKO & REI ahead of MARTY & JENNIFER.

"Ugh!" Jennifer fumed. "Well, don't just stand there! Catch up to that ostrich!"

"It's no use," the horse told them. "Jenna's the fastest cab in the city."

"Great," Marty said, "And what are you, the most pessimistic?"

"One more word out of you, and I'll buck you like a bronco!"

"Sorry, just take us to the greenhouse. At least we won't be last."

Back on Jungle Street, Sulley was just finishing up on his mice. He reached down and found a mouse that was paralyzed with fear. Then scooped it up, and put it in the cage. That made five.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in eighth place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated." Mike read. "Come on, big guy, let's motor!"

At this point, both Hal and Cody had caught only one mouse each. They both realized this was a race not to be last. Hal and Cody redoubled their efforts. It was now or never.

Over at the greenhouse, an ostrich with two anime girls on her back showed up. The girls and the ostrich stood on the mat.

"Mako and Rei, team number five!"

(MAKO & REI 5TH PLACE.)

The girls were so happy; they hugged each other tightly, jumping with excitement.

"We couldn't have made it this far without Jenna here," Mako pointed out. Jenna blushed and ruffled her feathers.

Later, a dejected elderly couple checked into the Pit Stop.

"Marty & Jennifer, team number six."

(MARTY & JENNIFER 6TH PLACE.)

"Okay," Jennifer said. "We'll take it."

Back on Jungle Street, Zack was up to three mice. Hal still had only two. Then, both Roadblockers saw the same mouse and dived after it. By just microseconds, Hal beat Cody to it. Of course, Cody thought otherwise.

"Hey, that's my mouse!" he said.

"No, it's my mouse!" Hal shot back. "I got to it first!"

"Only because you pushed me!" Cody yelled.

"Gentlemen!" said a small soft voice. They looked and saw it was the mouse speaking. "This argument is pointless! I know who got to me first!"

"Who?" they both asked.

"It was the elder man," the mouse said calmly.

"HA!" Hal shouted. As he put the mouse in his cage, he spat, "Three, all!"

Back at the greenhouse, another married couple checked in.

"Paul and Meist, team number seven!"

(PAUL & MEIST 7TH PLACE.)

"Aw, we took a tumble," said Paul, "But we're still in it!"

"Yes, you are," Ed told them.

Back at the mouse pit, the score was tied at four to four. Both teams realized that one mouse would determine who would stay, and who would be eliminated.

Cody had his eye on one mouse. He placed a finger on its tail, and slowly picked it up. Hal had his eye on another mouse. He trapped it the way Rei did earlier. Once each of them had a mouse, they looked at each other and saw what the situation was.

It was a race to the cages now. They dashed as fast as they possibly could. As near as race officials could tell, they each deposited their fifth mouse at the same time. Therefore, both teams were given the Pit Stop clue at the same time.

(HAL & MALCOLM are still tied for ninth place with ZACK & CODY.)

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop, the Wild City greenhouse…" Malcolm read.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Zack.

The two very close teams tried to get taxis.

Over at the greenhouse, another team was checking in.

"Mike and Sulley, you're team number eight!"

(MIKE & SULLEY 8TH PLACE.)

"Ow!" Mike did his victory dance again. Something inside Sulley told him that Mike would be happier with the TV face time than the fictional million dollars.

While this was happening, HAL & MALCOLM were riding a horse at full gallop to the greenhouse. ZACK & CODY's horse had taken a different route, so we couldn't show them side by side.

The next shot was one of Ed pointing toward the coming team. Then a shot of the Wilkerson boys running on a grassy area. Next, the Martin twins were seen running on gravel. Then a first-person shot of the ninth place team running up to the mat. And it's not until the camera spins around that we see it's…HAL & MALCOLM.

"Hal and Malcolm, you are team number nine!"

(HAL & MALCOLM 9TH PLACE.)

"What?" Hal asked.

"Yes, you are still in the Amazing Race!"

"Cool!" Malcolm said, half not caring.

Another depressing interlude played in the background as Zack and Cody strolled into the Pit Stop.

"Welcome to Wild City," said the kangaroo.

"Thanks," Cody said.

"Zack and Cody, you're the last team to arrive."

(ZACK & CODY LAST PLACE.)

"I'm sorry to tell you that you've been eliminated from the race."

"That's okay," Cody said. "I had fun anyway."

"Yeah, if we never signed up for the race, we never would have seen this Wild City!"

"You know, I think we may vacation here someday!"

"Good luck talking Mom into it!" said Zack.

"Well, I'm a little upset that we didn't win the fictional million," Zack told the camera, "but I enjoyed traveling through Dreamland. Now I can say that I rode an elephant!"

"I'm surprised at how well Zack is taking our loss," Cody confessed. "I thought for sure he'd spill over into a wail, but he's taking it like a man! I'm impressed!"

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Teams travel to the Big Big Mall, a shopping center so massive, it's been declared a city.

And on the way there, one team suffers a blowout!

(A/N: I haven't yet decided which team will get the flat tire, but someone has to. Tell me in your reviews which team you want to give the flat tire to. Or, discuss it in the new forum I've created for this fic. You'll find it on my profile page. Until next time!)


	4. Third Leg in the Big Big Mall

Before the race resumed, Edward Nemo was seen strolling outside a greenhouse.

"This is Wild City, a city built by the animals and for the animals. Cars have been banned from the streets, allowing the animals to walk freely. And here is the Wild City greenhouse, where the majority of the animals' food is grown. This hothouse of botanical activity was the second Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"Teams checked in here at the end of the last leg, for a mandatory rest period. The teams have no idea what's in store for them. They receive their instructions by a series of clues that they must follow. Will Violet and Klaus be able to ride this wave of good luck and stay in the lead? Will Hal and Malcolm make a rally and pull out of last place? And who will be eliminated next?

"Violet & Klaus, who were first to arrive at 2:02 PM, will depart at 2:02 AM."

It was very dark outside, but rather light for the hour. Violet and Klaus looked almost sleep deprived, while they waited for the moment to open their clue. Then the moment came, and they ripped it open.

"Take a marked car to the Big Big Mall…" Klaus read.

If you'll recall, vehicles are prohibited inside the Wild City limit, so teams must travel to the outskirts of town to find the marked cars. Then, they must drive themselves 356 miles to the Big Big Mall. This shopping center is so massive, that it's been declared a city. Like any other city, it has residential areas, a public park, a city government, a church, and even an airport! Once teams arrive, they must locate this fountain, where they will find the next clue.

"What the…?" Violet asked. "Six miles long, four and a half miles wide, seven floors, is that right?"

"I don't know, maybe. Let's just go!"

The Baudelaire orphans hustled out of the greenhouse, and hailed a cab. The horse asked where they were headed.

"To the outskirts of town," Klaus told him.

"What? There's nothing there but desolate waste and parked cars!"

"Yeah, we're kinda counting on the latter."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are second to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead," Anthony read. "We'd better hurry, or another team will get ahead of us and Yield us."

"Why?" Mercedes asked, "what have we done to upset anyone?"

"I don't know, but better safe than sorry. TAXI!"

(ORSON & ROY are third to depart.)

"Drive yourselves to the Big Big Mall," Roy read. "Hey, Ors, do you know how to drive an automobile?"

"Not officially," he said, "but I've seen it done on TV a few times, so how hard could it be?"

"Okay, let's motor!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are fourth to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead. Hmm, hey, Vi, you still have that Yield sticker we were given?"

"Yeah, it's right…uh, oh."

"What 'uh, oh'? I don't like 'uh, oh'!"

"Um, Mike, I think I might have left our Yield sticker back in Cluedoville." Violet bared her teeth nervously.

"Great! Without that sticker, we don't have our power to Yield!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Oh, well, we don't really need it to win the race. Let's just get a taxi out of town."

(MAKO & REI are fifth to depart.)

"You will have 117 dollars for this leg of the race," Mako read.

"Wow," Rei said, "a gigantic mall! I know somebody who would get a kick out of this!"

"C'mon, Rei," Mako scolded, "focus. Get your head in the race!"

"Right, let's go!"

As soon as Mako and Rei left the greenhouse, first place team VIOLET & KLAUS made it to the marked cars.

"Okay, which one do we take?" Klaus asked.

"They're all the same, so it doesn't really matter," Violet told him. "Let's just take this one."

They got inside, Violet behind the wheel and Klaus in the backseat.

"Do you even know how to drive?" Klaus asked.

"I think so!" With that noncommittal response, the Baudelaires were off.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are sixth to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead." Jennifer read. "Hey, Marty, if we hurry, we could pass the supers and force them to Yield!"

"Sounds like a plan!" Marty said.

Next to arrive at the marked cars was the hitchhikers team.

"I may be named for a car," Mercedes said, "but I have no idea how to operate one. Do you, Anthony?"

"Not really, but they do have something sort of like this back on Lamuella. I think I can manage it."

Anthony slid in behind the wheel while Mercedes got into the back seat. He started the car, and the roar of the engine startled them both. After the initial shock, Anthony found the purr of the engine quite pleasurable. He took to driving like a fish to water.

(PAUL & MEIST are seventh to depart.)

"Once you arrive, locate the fountain to find your next clue." Paul read.

"Come on, dear!" Meist said. "We came to win, right?"

"Yes!" Paul shouted.

Outside town, the barnyard animals arrived at the marked cars.

"Ooh, let's take the red one!" Roy insisted.

"Okay," Orson said. He got behind the wheel while Roy got in the backseat. The two were off.

Further down the road, Anthony Dent came upon a surprise. He had not expected to catch up to Violet Baudelaire and her brother, but he did. Rather than floor it and take first place, like a jerk, he wanted to find out what was up. He honked the horn at Violet to get her attention. Once he had it, he motioned for her to roll her window down, which she did.

"Hey!" he shouted above the din of the open road. "How come you're driving so slow?"

"I can't make it go any faster!" Violet told him.

"Didn't you try to shift into second gear?"

"Second gear?" Violet asked.

"You mean to tell me you've been driving in first this whole time?"

"I guess so." Violet shifted the car into second. "Thanks!"

"No problem!" Anthony, whose car was already in second gear, shifted into third, punched the accelerator, and passed the Baudelaire orphans.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place.)

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"Strange," Mercedes noted. "Even after you helped them out, they're still behind us."

While this was going on, the supers arrived where the marked cars were parked.

"Hey Mike, do you think you can drive a stick?"

"Let's try to find one with automatic," he said.

"I tried, there's none."

"Yeah, I can't handle standard transmission. Can you?"

"Looks like I'll have to," Violet said. She got behind the wheel, while Michael slid into the backseat. Off they went.

(MIKE & SULLEY are eighth to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead," Sulley read. "Hey Mike, do you think we've done anything to offend anyone?"

"Not that I can remember," Mike said, counting the money. "Let's just go!"

(HAL & MALCOLM are last to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead." Hal read. "I'll tell you right now, if we're lucky enough to move ahead of another team, we are going to Yield them, no question!"

"Then let's move, quickly!" Malcolm told him.

At the lot of marked cars, Mako and Rei were looking for a car to drive.

"Ooh, look, there's a pink one!" Mako pointed out.

"We're not taking that one," Rei said, pointing to a black vehicle. "This one will do just fine!"

"What? No way, the black paint will absorb all the sunlight, it will be like an oven in there!"

"So what? It's dark out; there's no sun! It doesn't matter!"

"It matters to me!"

This argument went on for some time. And it still wasn't resolved by the time MARTY & JENNIFER arrived. The McFlys noticed them arguing, and decided to choose their vehicle quietly. The anime girls were still bickering when they heard an engine start up. They turned just in time to see the black car pull away.

"Oh, great, are you happy now?" Mako asked. "Because you wouldn't drop it, we're now behind 80 years worth of old person!"

"I guess the pink car will do just fine," Rei said, trying to salvage some pride. They clambered in, Mako driving, and off they went.

Later, PAUL & MEIST arrived at the marked cars. They took one of the cars and drove off. MIKE & SULLEY got there later, followed by HAL & MALCOLM. By the time all nine teams were on the road, ANTHONY & MERCEDES…still hadn't gotten to the Big Big Mall.

"We're lost, aren't we?" Mercedes asked.

"We are not lost!" Anthony assured her. "I may not know where we are, but I know where were going, and I know how to get there!"

"Why can't we just stop and ask for directions?"

"Two reasons. One: there's nobody to ask; and two: these road signs tell us everything we need to know." Just then, they passed one such sign. "See? What does that sign say?"

"Big Big Mall, 292 miles!" Mercedes read. "At this rate, we'll see the sunrise while driving!"

While the galactic hitchhikers were having their conversation, Marty McFly noticed something on the road ahead.

"Hey, isn't that Violet & Michael?"

"Yeah, I think it is," Jennifer said. "Can we pass them?"

"Only one way to find out," Marty told her. "Let's see if these bastards can do ninety!"

He floored it, picking up speed. He watched as the car on front of them got closer, and closer. Marty saw the speedometer hit 79. He changed lanes, so as not to crash into the other car. The speedometer climbed to 80, 85, 87. When it reached 88, Marty cringed, totally expecting the car to temporally displace.

"Honey, watch the road!" Jennifer scolded.

Marty opened his eyes and saw they hadn't traveled through time. "Sorry, dear. Old habits die hard."

"That doesn't matter now! Look!"

Marty glanced in hie rear-view mirror. The car that was in front of them was now behind them.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fourth place.)

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in fifth place.)

"Whoo-hoo!" Marty cheered.

But, as you can imagine, Violet & Michael weren't too pleased with this.

"It's all right," Violet assured Michael. "We can still win!"

Closer to Wild City, HAL & MALCOLM had a little mishap. It was Malcolm who first smelled burning rubber.

"Dad, I think we have a flat tire," he said. "How perfect. We're in last place, and we're about to drop even further. We'll be eliminated for sure!"

"Now, son, there's no reason to fret about a flat tire!" Hal said. "Besides, we've got a spare in the trunk." Hal got out of the car and went to the trunk, where he was sure to find the spare tire. But when he got there, he found nothing. "Okay, we don't have a spare, but don't panic. We're not out of the race until Ed says we're out. We'll just call for a replacement vehicle."

If a team's vehicle breaks down, a replacement will be provided for them, but no time credit will be given during their unfortunate wait.

Hal and Malcolm got into their replacement car and drove away.

Then, for the next four hours, nothing of interest happened. Nobody changed positions, nobody had any bad luck, nothing like that. The only thing worth noting was the sunrise. It was light when the first team arrived at the Big Big Mall.

Anthony and Mercedes marveled at the sight before them. Just like the clue said, it was six miles long, four and a half miles wide, and seven floors up.

"I wonder if there are people who live here?" Anthony wondered. "People who had never seen the sun in their entire lives?"

"Maybe," Mercedes said. "If there were, they would have be very pale, probably albino even!"

Anthony drove the car right into the mall; the parking lot was inside. Quickly, he found a place to park, and the two dashed out and started to look for the fountain.

"The clue said it would be on the ground floor, next to a stairwell."

"It that it?" Anthony asked pointing.

Mercedes looked over. She saw the fountain he was pointing at, along with a clue box, and a Yield sign.

"That has to be it, the Yield is there!" The hitchhikers ran and stood on the Yield mat.

Next, we see Ed standing by the Yield sign.

"This is the first of only three Yields on the race. The first team to arrive here can force any team behind them to stop racing for a pre-determined amount of time. Any team that has been forced to Yield must stand on this mat, turn over this hourglass, and wait for all the sand to run out before continuing. Each team can only use their Yield power once, so they need to decide for themselves the best time to use it."

Anthony went through the box with all the teams' pictures, to fish out his own team's picture, so that no team would Yield them by accident. While he did that, Mercedes looked right into the camera.

"We choose not to exercise our Yield power at this time," she said. She turned and ripped the number "1" off the Yield stand. Then she and Anthony rushed over to the clue box and got a clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"Climb the stairwell all the way to the seventh floor…" Mercedes read.

The Big Big Mall is seven stories high, and teams are going to find out just what seven floors feels like, as they climb these stairs all the way to the top. They'll find their next clue at the top of the stairs.

Anthony wheezed when he saw how high up the stairs were. "I'm not going to make it," he said just above a whisper.

"Come on," Mercedes said. "If you pace yourself, you can make it."

"You really believe that?"

"I have to. Otherwise, I'd be in the same boat as you."

"Gee, thanks," Anthony said, sarcastically. Together, the two hitchhikers made their way up the stairs.

They hadn't gone up more than seven steps before the next team pulled into the parking lot. As soon as Violet found a place to park, she and her brother Klaus ran to the fountain. (Klaus had spotted it from the parking lot.)

"Oh, jeez, I hope those aliens didn't Yield us," Violet said. When she got there, she saw the sign was empty. "Oh, thank heaven!" She ruffled through the picture box for her team's picture.

"We choose not to Yield," Klaus told the camera. He turned and took the "2" from the stand. Then he followed Violet to the clue box.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"All those stairs?" Violet asked nobody in particular.

"The sooner we start climbing, the sooner we don't have to climb anymore," Klaus said.

"Well, that's one of the more intelligent things you've said today!"

"Oh, shut up!" They started up the stairs.

Still, nobody made it to the top before the next team, ORSON & ROY, showed up. Orson parked the car, and the animals raced out.

"Okay, fountain, fountain, where is the fountain?" Roy said. Suddenly, he saw a flowing fountain next to a Yield stand. "There it is!" Roy and Orson rushed the Yield stand.

"Okay, which of these teams do I hate the most?" Roy asked as he rifled through the box.

"Roy, we don't have any vendettas out against anyone. We need to conserve our Yield for a more important moment!"

"How right you are, oh, wise swine!" Roy dug his own team's picture out of the box. "We choose not to Yield," he told the camera. Once Orson took the "3", the animals ran over to the clue box.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in third place.)

"Okay, let's not think about how daunting the task is," Orson said when he saw what the clue said. "Let's just take it one step at a time, and we'll be done before we break a sweat!"

"Yeah, that's what they said when they started to build the Tower of Babel!" Roy said.

While Orson and Roy were just starting to climb, Violet and Klaus were halfway there. Anthony and Mercedes, meanwhile, were almost to the top.

"C'mon, Anthony," Mercedes said. "Just a few more steps!" Mercedes was breathing fairly heavily, but nobody heard it, because Anthony's wheezing drowned it out.

Eventually, he did make it to the top. Weak, he pointed to the clue box. "Next clue," he said, just above a whisper.

"Good eye, Anthony." Mercedes walked over slowly. She was still a little exhausted, but she just climbed six flights of stairs, for crying out loud!

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"Detour," she said with a heavy sigh. "Words or Pictures?"

Ed was then seen on the top floor, not out of breath at all. Obviously, he took the elevator.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have to choose between Words and Pictures.

"In Words, teams must walk a long distance to this information kiosk. Once there, the clerk will hand them a riddle, the answer to which is a product sold at the mall. Teams must then locate that item, and not too far away, they'll find the next clue. The riddles are cryptic, but teams with sufficient brainpower can finish it quickly.

"In Pictures, teams will walk a shorter distance to this photo development booth, where the clerk will hand them a digital camera and a photo taken somewhere inside the mall. Then teams must locate where the picture was taken, and take an identical picture. Once they've done that, they must rush the camera back to the same guy, and if the photos match, he'll hand them the next clue. This task involves much less thinking, but the photo was taken far away from the booth, and running the distance both ways could take a long time."

"I think we can handle Words, right, Anthony?"

Anthony was too weak to argue. Not that he wanted to, but if he did, he was too weak for it anyway. He just nodded. He followed the red-haired woman, who was following a sign that said "Words".

Before they got to the information kiosk, however, MARTY & JENNIFER pulled into the mall's parking lot.

"Hey, honey, look!" Jennifer said. "Isn't that the fountain we're looking for?"

Marty parked the car and they raced to the fountain.

"Hon, you got our Yield sticker ready?" asked Marty.

"Right here, but, why are we Yielding Violet and Michael again?"

"In Wild City, they called us old! Now, I'll admit that I'm old, but nobody calls my wife old and gets away with it!"

"Okay, if you say so." Jennifer stuck their team's Yield sticker under the "Courtesy of:" section of the sign, while Marty slapped a larger picture of the supers on the sign itself.

"We are choosing to Yield Violet and Michael," Marty told the camera. He took the "4" from the stand and followed his wife to the clue box.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fourth place.)

"What the…?" Jennifer said when she saw the task ahead of her. "I don't know if these old bones can handle those stairs!"

"C'mon, honey. One Million Dollars!"

On hearing the top prize, Jennifer stepped as lively as a spring calf!

About this time, the hitchhikers arrived at the information kiosk.

"Welcome. Are you racers doing the Words Detour?"

"Yes, we are," said Anthony, who was just starting to recover from the climb.

"Great. You'll find the next clue behind a product in the mall, which is the answer to this here riddle." He handed them a piece of paper. Mercedes read it.

"Like an island, I'm in the middle of water," she read, "I come in a variety of colors, and I sometimes bear a message. You'll find me at Banana Republic. Huh?"

"I think I know this one!" Anthony said. "Now, all we have to do is find this Banana Republic, whatever that is." They started for the elevator.

While this was happening, VIOLET & KLAUS had finally made it to the top of the stairs.

"We did it!" Klaus breathed. "Amazing!"

"Look, the clue box!" Violet said pointing.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in second place.)

"We can handle a crummy old riddle, right sister?" said Klaus.

"Yes, no problem!"

While one girl named Violet ran to an information kiosk on the top floor, another girl named Violet pulled her car into the parking lot on the first floor. When she and her partner Michael got to the fountain, they had a most unpleasant surprise waiting for them at the Yield.

"Oh, that's perfect!" Michael fumed. "Who in the world would be so hateful as to Yield us?" But while Michael ranted and raved, Violet started the hourglass. She wanted to be on and off that mat as soon as allowable.

When Michael saw which team had Yielded them, he was even more confused.

"Why? Why would the McFlys do this to us? What did we ever do to them?"

"Um, I think it might have something to do with you calling them old," Violet mentioned.

"Oh, that's mature! And we can't even retaliate, because we lost our Yield sticker."

"Mike, don't dwell on it. Let's just ride this Yield out, and get back to the race. If we step off the instant the sand runs out, maybe we can avoid elimination."

While this was going on, MAKO & REI had arrived at the mall. They reached the Yield stand rather quickly. They saw the unhappy supers waiting there, with sour expressions.

"Aw, man," Rei said, trying to be compassionate. "Sucks to be you!"

"Marty and Jennifer did this?" Mako asked, as if she didn't know. "I promise you, we'll get them back! You two and us, we superheroes have to stick together, right?"

"Thanks, guys," Violet said, watching the hourglass like a mother hen waiting for her baby to hatch.

However, the anime girls still wanted to win, so they snatched the "5" from the stand and went to the next clue.

(MAKO & REI are currently in fifth place.)

"Oh, my gawd!" Mako said. "SIX flights of stairs? That's more stairs than I've ever climbed in my lifetime!"

"We'd better get climbing. After all, we haven't been Yielded!"

As they started the harrowing climb, ORSON & ROY just finished it.

"Whew!" Roy exhaled like a horse. "I haven't done that much walking since I went to the end of the rainbow!"

"Look!" Orson said, pointing to the clue box. They raced over and extracted a clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in third place.)

"Detour," Orson read. "You know, I have never been good at riddles."

"Me either. Let's do the Pictures!"

As they dashed to the photo booth, the Baudelaires had arrived at the information kiosk.

"Do you have a riddle for us?" Violet asked.

The clerk handed them a piece of paper, which Klaus read.

"I may have been an accident," he read, "but I'm one of the sweetest accidents of history. You'll find me at Steve's Sugar Shack."

"Wow," said Violet. "When they said the riddles were cryptic, they weren't joking!"

"Let's find Steve's Sugar Shack and go from there," Klaus suggested. Violet nodded in agreement.

While they took off for the elevator, Orson & Roy arrived at the photo booth. (I told you it was a shorter distance!)

"Good morning," said the guy working the booth, "are you two doing the Pictures Detour?"

"Yes, we are," Orson told him.

"All right, what you want to do is find the spot where this picture was taken, and take an identical picture with this camera. Then you bring the camera back here, and if it matches, I'll give you the next clue."

The clerk handed them a digital camera and a photograph of a large plastic hamburger.

"Okay, now how are we going to find this?" Roy asked.

"Roy, it's a giant hamburger! We should be able to find it easily!" And the barnyard animals dashed away.

Back on the ground floor, PAUL & MEIST were pulling into the parking lot. They spotted the fountain, and saw Violet and Michael waiting at the Yield.

"Hey, guys, waiting long?" Paul asked, trying to be compassionate.

"Quite," Michael said, not interested in conversation.

Taking the hint, Meist simply grabbed the "6" and dragged her husband to the clue box.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in sixth place.)

"Whoa!" Paul said. "Well, we'd better get to it."

Back on the Yield, spiders could have spun webs on Violet, she hadn't moved from her spot in so long.

"How much time do we have left?" Michael asked.

"I'd say about ten minutes," Violet answered.

Up at the top of the stairs, the team who Yielded the supers got to the clue box.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fourth place.)

"Detour," Jennifer read. "You think we can handle a riddle, honey?"

"I don't think so!" Marty said. "Let's do Pictures!"

While they rushed to the photo booth, ORSON & ROY…were hopelessly lost.

"Okay, so it's not on the fifth floor," Roy said to nobody.

"Roy, maybe we should stop and ask someone."

Orson spotted a young girl, about twelve years old, with chalky white skin, and even whiter hair. She looked like she had lived in the mall her entire life, never seen the sun. But, of course, Orson didn't notice any of this. He was more concerned with the task at hand. He tapped her on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but could you help me find this place?" he asked. He showed her the picture.

"Sure, I know where that is," she said. "Would you like me to take you?"

"Yes, that would be great! I'm Orson, by the way, and this is Roy."

"Nice to meet you. My name's Adrian. Come on, follow me!" Adrian took off running, and Orson and Roy followed close behind.

While the barnyard animals were chasing an albino girl, MARTY & JENNIFER got their camera and a picture of that same giant burger. Meanwhile, another team pulled into the parking lot. MIKE & SULLEY hustled out of the car and onto the Yield mat.

"Oh, wow," Mike said when he saw Violet and Michael still not racing. "How much longer?"

"Just a few more seconds," Violet said excitedly.

"Oh, then we'd better move!" Sulley tore the "7" off the stand and followed Mike to the clue box.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in seventh place.)

"Great!" Sulley said when he saw the task. "I need the exercise!"

Just when the monsters started on the stairs, the last of the sand ran out of the hourglass. Violet noticed this right away. She ripped the "8" from the stand and dragged her partner by the hand to the clue box.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in eighth place.)

She didn't even bother to rip open the clue. She had seen enough other teams to know that they had to climb all six flights of stairs.

Elsewhere in the mall, ANTHONY & MERCEDES were looking for the next clue.

"Now, you said you knew the answer to this riddle, Anthony," Mercedes said. "So, spill it!"

"Well, to me it sounded like an old joke I heard once. It went, 'How is the letter "t" like an island? They're both in the middle of water!'"

"What a lousy joke!"

"I know, but I think that's what the riddle was aiming at."

"The letter 't'? How does that help us?"

"I think the next clue is hidden somewhere around the T-shirts."

"Huh? Wait a minute, 'I come in a variety of colors, and sometimes I bear a message!' That's it! Anthony, you're a genius!"

"Thanks, now we just have to find the clue!" Together, the two of them started to search frantically through the various displays of T-shirts. It wasn't long before…

"I've got it!"

"Great, open it!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop…" they read together.

Teams must now locate this place, called the Interior Hotel. The entrance is on the fifth floor, and it takes up some space on the sixth floor as well. This bizarre "building-within-a-building" is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"Come on, let's go!"

Around this time, MAKO & REI finally made it to the top of the stairs. Weakly, the trudged over to the clue box.

(MAKO & REI are still in fifth place.)

"Hmm," Rei said, seeing the Detour choices. "I'm sure we could handle Words, right Mako?"

"Worth a shot," she answered.

Soon after they dashed off, PAUL & MEIST reached the top. Meist found the clue.

(PAUL & MEIST are still in sixth place.)

"Let's do Words," Paul suggested, "it's faster." Meist agreed.

They rushed to the information kiosk, and got their riddles.

Rei read her team's riddle: "You humans use a notepad to remember important things. Computers can't use a notepad, so they use me instead. You'll find me at Circuit City."

"Sounds like a diskette to me," Mako said.

Paul read his team's riddle: "You throw away my outside and cook my inside. Then you eat my outside and throw away my inside. You'll find me at the Big Big Supermarket."

"No fair! We got a brain-buster!" Meist complained.

"Maybe we should go to the place and just look," Paul said. "Maybe it will come to us there."

Elsewhere in the mall, Adrian had led the barnyard animals to the food court on the third floor.

"There it is, I see it!" Roy said pointing. Verily and forsooth, the giant burger was in his sights. Orson readied the camera, matched the viewfinder to the picture, and snapped it.

"Now, all we have to do is take this camera back to the photo booth on the seventh floor to get our next clue."

"Hey, I know a shortcut there!" Adrian piped up. "C'mon, follow me!"

"Hey, thanks for your help!" Orson said.

"No problem!"

Over at Steve's Sugar Shack, two very intelligent orphans were…absolutely lost!

"Okay, what in the world could be described as a sweet accident?" Violet wondered.

"Maybe something that was invented by accident?" Klaus suggested.

"Maybe, but what here was invented by accident?"

"Chocolate chip cookies! Those were invented by accident!"

"They were?"

"Yeah! Quick, help me look through them!"

They couldn't have ripped through that cookie display any faster than they did, not even if they had a sugar craving! Amid the crumbly mess, they did find a clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in second place.)

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop, the Interior Hotel," Klaus read.

"Hurry, let's go!"

While they were hustling, the unfortunate last team, HAL & MALCOLM finally pulled into the Big Big Mall. They spotted the fountain right away, and Malcolm wasn't pleased with what he saw at the Yield.

"Oh, great!" he said. "Another team was Yielded, and we're still behind them! We're so going to be eliminated."

"SHUT UP!" Hal said a bit louder than he should have. "All you've done this entire time is complain about how the city smells, how we're in last place, how this seat is uncomfortable, blah blah blah! Seriously, all you've done is bitch! Now, we're going to run the rest of the race without complaints! Yes, we may get eliminated, but you're not going to raise a stink about it! Understand?"

Hal's outburst frightened Malcolm all the way down to his core. He simply nodded weakly. Hal took the "9" from the Yield stand and led his son to the clue box.

(HAL & MALCOLM are currently in last place.)

"Now, let's get up these stairs!" Hal said, in a softer tone.

On a happier note, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had located the Interior Hotel. They rushed inside and found a woman standing next to Ed. This woman looked a lot like Adrian, only older.

"Welcome to the Big Big Mall," she said as the hitchhikers stepped on the mat.

"Thank you," was all Anthony could think of to say.

"Anthony and Mercedes…you are team number one!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 1ST PLACE!)

Mercedes' jaw dropped when she heard the news. "First place! Yes! Whoo-hoo!"

"And I have more good news!" Ed told them. "As the winners of this leg of the race, you guys will share a 30,000 dollar shopping spree here at the Big Big Mall. Everything you buy will be held in the Race Vault, were nobody can touch it, and you can enjoy the stuff after the race."

"Hmm. Interesting prize, but we'll take it."

About this time, Adrian had led ORSON & ROY back to the photo booth on the seventh floor.

"Howdy, Bill!" Adrian said when she saw the man working it.

"Hey, Adrian. Enjoying your weekend?"

"Couldn't be better!"

"You're helping these guys, eh?" Bill was referring to the animals. Adrian nodded.

Bill took the camera from Orson. He ran the memory stick through his computer to bring up the image.

"I'm sorry, but the image doesn't match. We asked you to take a picture of a giant hamburger, and this is a picture of an albino man in a pink tutu."

Adrian took a good look at the image on the screen. "Isn't that you, Bill?"

Bill looked again. Quickly, she…um, I mean he…got that image off the screen.

"How in the hell did that get there?" he asked nobody. Then he brought up the picture that Orson actually took. "Well, it looks like your picture does match after all. Here's your next clue."

"Um, thank you, um, sir." It was all Roy could do to keep from laughing.

(ORSON & ROY are still in third place.)

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop, the Interior Hotel," read Orson.

"Yo, Adrian," Roy said, doing his Sylvester Stallone impression, "can you lead us to the Interior Hotel?"

"Of course, that's where I live!"

"You live in a hotel?" Orson asked.

"My mother's the manager there. Come on, let's go!"

As Orson and Roy followed Adrian down the steps, they bumped into MIKE & SULLEY.

"Whoa, watch yourself!" Adrian shouted. "Hot doughnuts, coming through!"

While those three descended the stairs, the monsters just made it to the top.

"Whew!" Sulley breathed. "I think I lost two pounds on those things!"

"Quick, quick, the clue box!" Mike shouted.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in seventh place.)

"We can handle a riddle, right?" Mike asked. They rushed the information kiosk and got their riddle.

Sulley read it: "We serve thousands of thousands of thousands daily. You'll find us in the Food Court."

"Thousands of thousands of thousands?" Mike thought outloud. "That's 1000 times 1000 times 1000, or 1,000,000,000!"

"Billions served daily?" Sulley added. And then it hit.

"McDonald's!" they said at the same time.

The monsters dashed off to the food court, and speaking of the food court, MARTY & JENNIFER were already there. They had found the giant hamburger, and snapped a picture of it.

Elsewhere, two young children were running to the Interior Hotel. Violet and Klaus jumped onto the mat.

"Violet & Klaus, you're team number two!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 2ND PLACE.)

"Great!" Violet said. "We might have been in first, if I knew how to drive a stick!"

Over at the Circuit City, two girls of anime fame searched for diskettes, only to find that there were none.

"Those three and a half inch fossils?" asked a clerk. "We don't sell 'em here no more. If you're interested in memory, you might want to try them Zip stick things over yonder."

Rei turned and saw what he was pointing at, and something else too!

"Mako, the clue!"

The two of them raced over and ripped it open.

(MAKO & REI are currently in fourth place.)

"…Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated," Mako read. "Come on, Princess Mars, let's motor!"

Back at the stairwell, VIOLET & MICHAEL finally made it to the top. They didn't pace themselves, like the monsters did, which is why they got there so far behind them.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in eighth place.)

"Detour," Michael read, out of breath. "Vi, you're good with riddles, right?"

"I hope so," she answered.

They raced to the information kiosk and got their riddle.

Michael read it: "Set me, serve me, smash me, spike me, just don't let me touch the ground. You can find me at J & B's Sports of All Sorts."

"Sounds like a volleyball to me," Violet said.

"Let's go, then!" But as they raced for the elevator, they passed by the elderly couple who Yielded them earlier. They were turning in their camera to get their next clue. Michael didn't hesitate to say "Jackass!" as they passed.

Jennifer turned to her husband. "Did you say something, dear?"

"No," Marty answered. He hadn't heard them at all. He gladly took the clue from Bill.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fifth place.)

"PIT STOP! YAY!" Jennifer said excitedly. "We did everything!" She jumped up once, and hurt her back again. "Ow!"

Meanwhile, at the Big Big Supermarket…

"You throw away the outside," Paul repeated to himself, "and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside, and throw away the inside." He examined every vegetable in the produce section, weighing it against the riddle in his mind.

"Bell pepper? No. Carrot? No. Cucumber? No. Ear of Corn? No. Rutabaga? No. Wait a minute, did I say ear of corn?" He stepped back to where the corn was. "Hmm, you throw away the outside and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside! That's it!" He pulled away two or three ears of corn, and there was the clue. "Honey! Meist! I've got it!"

(PAUL & MEIST are still in sixth place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated." Paul read. "Come on, honey, let's jet!"

About this time, ORSON & ROY, along with their albino guide Adrian arrived at the lobby of the Interior Hotel.

"Orson and Roy, team number three!"

(ORSON & ROY 3RD PLACE.)

"Oh, no, not again!" Roy said. "It's like we're stuck in third!"

The woman standing by Ed noticed something. "Adrian, is that you?"

"Hi, Mom," Adrian said sheepishly.

"Young lady, I've been worried sick about you! Where have you been?"

"I was just helping these guys out."

"Did you forget you have a book report due on Monday?"

"No, Mother, I didn't forget."

"You get your white butt in your room and you finish that report, right this instant!"

"Yes, ma'am." Adrian walked past her mother and into her room.

Back at the stairs, HAL & MALCOLM made it to the top.

"See?" Hal told his son. "All we had to do was take it one step at a time, and look where we are now!"

Malcolm wanted to say something, but he remembered his father's ultimatum, and kept quiet.

(HAL & MALCOLM are still in last place.)

"Detour," Malcolm read. "I guess we do Words."

At the Pit Stop, Mako and Rei stepped on the mat.

"Mako and Rei, team number four."

(MAKO & REI 4TH PLACE.)

"Yes!" Rei said, pumping her arm. "Step by step, we're climbing the ladder!"

Seconds later, Hal and Malcolm got their riddle from the information kiosk.

Hal read it: "If you give thirteen cents to one friend, and twelve cents to…" He didn't finish. They both had heard this one before.

"How are we supposed to find 'a quarter to two' in the mall?" Malcolm asked.

"It says, 'You'll find the answer at Damn, That's a Bunch of Clocks!'"

"O-Kay." The Wilkerson boys departed.

Over at the food court, Mike & Sulley were looking for a McDonald's. They found one fairly quickly.

"Okay, you know what we want, so go ahead and give it to us!" Mike said.

He opened the register, stuck his hands in the air, and backed away.

"No, you idiot, we're not here to rob you! We're with the Amazing Race, and we want the next clue."

"I knew that!" the zit-faced clerk said. He handed the monsters the clue.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in seventh place.)

"Quickly, the Pit Stop!" Mike said. "Hurry!"

Ironically, when the monsters left the food court, a guy in a ski mask robbed the very same clerk.

At J & B's Sports of All Sorts, the supers sifted through the volleyball display until they located their clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in eighth place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," Violet read. They departed.

Back at the Interior Hotel, two married couples checked in at about the same time.

"Marty and Jennifer, Paul and Meist, you're teams number five and six!"

(MARTY & JENNIFER 5TH PLACE; PAUL & MEIST 6TH PLACE.)

The four of them exchanged high-fives.

At Damn, That's a Bunch of Clocks, Hal and Malcolm were looking around.

"There has to be a clock here set at a quarter to two!" Hal said.

"Dad, I found the clue!" Malcolm shouted.

(HAL & MALCOLM are still in last place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," Malcolm read.

"Come on, son, we may stay in this race yet!"

No sooner did he say that than two monsters waltzed into the Interior Hotel.

"Mike and Sulley, you're team number seven!"

(MIKE & SULLEY 7TH PLACE.)

"Yes!" For the third leg in a row, Mike did his victory dance.

"Okay, Mike, that's getting old," Ed commented.

Somewhere in the mall, VIOLET & MICHAEL were running quite fast.

"Come on, Mike," Violet said. "The stairs are this way!"

Meanwhile, HAL & MALCOLM were riding the elevator.

"Why can't this stupid…" Malcolm didn't finish his sentence, because he saw his father staring him down.

Back at the hotel, Adrian was now standing next to her mother, waiting for the next team to arrive. We see Violet running ten feet ahead of Michael, down a fifth floor hallway. Then we see Hal and Malcolm closing in on the hotel. Then a first-person shot of the next team to arrive.

The very next scene was the door to the hotel opening, and Violet and Michael stepping through it. They stepped onto the mat with purpose and pride, and awaited the news.

"Violet and Michael, you are team number eight!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 8TH PLACE.)

"Eight?" asked Violet.

"And you're still in the Amazing Race!"

"Yes!" Michael cheered. He was more than just happy; he was plotting revenge against the McFlys.

Once more, a sad interlude played when Hal and Malcolm checked into the Pit Stop.

"Welcome to the Big Big Mall," said both Adrian and her mother.

"Gee, thanks," said Malcolm.

"Hal and Malcolm, you're the last team to arrive."

(HAL & MALCOLM LAST PLACE.)

"I'm sorry to tell you that you've been eliminated from the race."

"I knew it," Malcolm said. "We've finished ninth on all three of the legs we were in."

Hal tried very hard not to cry.

"It was fun while it lasted," Hal told the camera. "Maybe we could have placed a little higher if Malcolm hadn't been so negative! But, I say, let bygones be bygones. This is water under the bridge now. At least we'll get some money out of it."

"Maybe Dad is right," Malcolm confessed. "Maybe I was being too negative. Maybe I did cost our family a shot at a fictional million dollars. But if I did, that would mean that Dad was right. Therefore, this wasn't my fault, and I have nothing to feel bad about. Unless I'm mistaken…"

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

You better have your sea legs ready, because teams will travel to the Eastern Sea, a world that is ninety-two percent water. There's little dry land, and even less diplomacy, as the sea is dotted with pirates!

Plus, a new surprise waits for one team to claim it. The power of one full hour is up for grabs, on the next Amazing Race: Dreamland!


	5. Fourth Leg on the Eastern Sea

Before the race continued, Ed was seen strolling through the hallways of a posh hotel.

"This is the Big Big Mall," he said, "a shopping center so huge, it's officially a city. It's six miles long, four and a half miles wide, and seven stories tall. And amid the fifth and sixth floors lies the Interior Hotel, were several tourists stay nightly. This unique 'building-within-a-building' was the third Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"Teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. This allowed teams time to eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams. Will Anthony and Mercedes be able hold their first place position? Will Violet & Michael recover from a devastating Yield and move out of last place? And will Mako & Rei make good on their promise to avenge their fallen comrades?

"Anthony & Mercedes, who were first to arrive at 9:51 AM, will depart at 9:51 PM."

The fluorescent lights of the mall were almost completely dark. Most of the stores were closed now, and the mood of the building had to reflect that. Of course, there was just enough light to see by. Anthony and Mercedes were dressed in new attire, waiting for the moment to open their next clue. When the…wait, do I even have to say that they opened their clue? Yeah, I didn't think so.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are first to depart.)

"Travel by motorized chariot to the Big Big Airport…"

Teams must now take these motorized chariots down these wheelchair ramps to the third floor, where they will find the Big Big Mall Airport. Once there, they must book passage on a commercial flight to the Eastern Sea, a world that is ninety-two percent water. They will land on this aircraft carrier, where they must search the deck for the next clue.

"You will have 17 dollars for this leg of the race," Mercedes read.

"Well, at least we have plenty of money left over from other legs," Anthony said.

The hitchhikers quickly located the chariots, hopped on, and tried to figure out how to work the dang things.

"Um, I think this button makes it go forward," Anthony said, "or is it this one?"

"Just try one, and we'll see what it does," Mercedes offered.

"Okay." Anthony pressed one, and the chariot jerked forward. "Whoa!"

"Hey, wait for me!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS are second to depart.)

"Once you land, search the flight deck for the next clue," Klaus read.

"Come on, brother. If we hurry, maybe we can catch up to the hitchhikers!"

The orphans rode their chariots like experts. But the first place team had enough of a lead that they got to the airport first.

"Hmm. It looks like it's closed," said Mercedes.

The sign nearby told the awful truth: HOURS OF OPERATION, 6 AM to 8 PM.

"At least we can catch up on some lost sleep," Anthony said.

(ORSON & ROY are third to depart.)

"Wow, ninety-two percent water," Roy noted. "I just hope we don't have to swim!"

"We very well might have to!" Orson observed.

As they managed their chariots, the Baudelaire orphans arrived at the airport.

"Hey, it looks like we caught up after all!" Violet said.

"Oh, hey guys," Anthony said half asleep.

"So, is the airport closed?" she asked.

"No, we're just tired of racing, so we stopped here for no reason," said Mercedes. "Here's your sign!"

"Oh, that's real clever. Think that up all by yourself, did you? That's funny!"

"All right, all right, truce?"

"Truce."

Violet and Klaus settled in.

(MAKO & REI are fourth to depart.)

"…Alert: Time Clock hidden on this leg." Rei read.

"I hope Violet and Michael find it," Mako said. "They need it more than we do!"

(FYI: This is the first of only two legs on which a Time Clock is hidden. The first team to find it can trade it in at any Pit Stop for an hour's worth of time credit. Each team can only use one Time Clock on the race, so they need to decide for themselves the best time to use it. However, if a team is last to check in at any Pit Stop Elimination or not while they still have the Time Clock, they must forfeit it. The Time Clock is my own invention, and is exclusive to this Race.)

Back on the race, ORSON & ROY had just arrived at the airport.

"Looks like a stopper to me, Ors," said Roy.

"Yes, the airport is closed and no team can continue until it opens, allowing other teams to catch up."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Violet told him.

"Hey!" Roy exclaimed. "Nobody insults Orson Pig! That's my job!"

(MARTY & JENNIFER are fifth to depart.)

(PAUL & MEIST are sixth to depart.)

"Come on, honey!" Marty said. "If we hurry we can catch an earlier flight and leave the supers behind."

"All right, but I don't know if we should just abandon them like that!"

"Honey, we're not abandoning them. We're beating them!"

"Oh, okay."

"What? Ninety-two percent water?" Meist asked. "I don't like the sound of that!"

"We'll probably just be on boats most of the time," Paul speculated.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

The married couples each hopped on chariots and took off.

About this time, Mako & Rei had arrived at the airport, and saw three other teams waiting for it to open. Once they settled in, Rei had a question.

"So, how are we going to decide who'll get their ticket first?"

"Shouldn't we just do it by the order in which we got here?" Orson said. "That's how they've done it in all the other races."

"Sounds good to me," Mercedes said.

"Okay, whatever," the other racers said. They were still so tired.

(MIKE & SULLEY are seventh to depart.)

"Once you land, search the flight deck for your next clue." Sulley read.

"Can we last long in water?" Mike asked.

"Only one way to find out!"

Just around then, two more teams pulled their chariots up the airport entrance.

"Okay, one, two, three, four, five teams, plus us makes six," Marty counted. "Which two are missing?"

"The monsters and the supers," someone said.

"Okay."

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are last to depart.)

"…Alert: Time Clock hidden on this leg!" Violet read excitedly. "Ooh, we need that so bad!"

"Hurry, we might still be in this thing!" Michael cheered.

Over at the airport, Mike & Sulley had just arrived.

"Oh, wow, looks like we caught up!" Mike said.

"Yeah," said Mako, "only Violet and Michael remain unaccounted for."

Speaking of whom, Violet had no trouble handling her chariot. Michael, on the other hand… Violet caught up with him.

"What's going on?"

"I can't get it to stop!" he yelled.

"Press the red button!"

"I already did!"

"Hmm, you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you're screwed."

"Gee, you think?"

Back at the airport, small talk was being exchanged. Nobody seemed to want to move. That is, until they heard someone screaming.

"LOOK OUT! RUNAWAY CHARIOT!"

The racers scrambled to save their own skin. An unmanned chariot charged right at them at top speed. It crashed into a wall and fell into a heap of twisted metal.

Out of the darkness came Michael. Not far behind him was Violet, safely riding her chariot.

"Oh, jeez, Mike, I think you maybe dinged it up a little," she said.

"Relax, babe, it's a rental."

All the teams were upset that they all caught up with each other. Some were more upset about it than others were, but all were upset. What made the matter worse was that the airport wasn't due to open for another eight hours yet.

While most of the other racers slept, Mercedes Prefect was still awake. She read in the clue that the Eastern Sea was ninety-two percent water. Being rather unfamiliar with water, she wanted to know what she was getting into. Luckily, she remembered to pack her copy of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_.

The Guide had this to say about water:

"Water, being in its purest form two atoms of hydrogen covalently bonded to one oxygen atom, is one tricky compound. It is the only known substance in the galaxy that increases in volume when it is frozen. Most of the former planet Earth was covered in water, which comprised about seventy percent of its surface area. Earth was the only planet known to have such an abundance of water. Since its destruction at the hand of the Vogons, water has become scarcer, and more valuable."

"Well, that was helpful," Mercedes thought to herself.

After that, the racers sat waiting, waiting, waiting, for six o'clock. But six o'clock never came, so they just sat there. Forever.

Just seeing if you were paying attention!

Yes, six o'clock did come, just like it always does, right after 5:59. The racers filed in and got in line according to their arrival at the airport. Rather than build up your hopes and then dash them by listing every team and what flight they got on, I'll just tell you right here that all sixteen racers got on the same flight.

At one point during the flight, the racers looked out and saw the Eastern Sea. Like the clue said, there was a whole lot of water there. At about 7:20 AM, the plane landed on the deck of the aircraft carrier _Birdhouse_. As soon as the stairs were brought out, teams dashed off the plane and down the flight deck.

Even though they all saw the clue box on the deck from the plane, only one team could get there first. That team was ORSON & ROY. Excitedly, Roy ripped open the clue.

"Take the marked taxi…"

Teams must now take one of the marked water taxis to an unspecified location on the Eastern Sea. The only distinguishing feature of the location is this buoy we've placed there, on which teams can find the next clue.

While Orson and Roy dashed down the flight deck and practically leapt onto the water taxi, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived at the clue second.

"Once there, you can find your next clue on the buoy," Michael read. "Quickly, Violet! We can't afford to lose any more time!"

As soon as the supers were on a taxi and sailing to the unspecified spot, VIOLET & KLAUS pulled the third clue from the box.

"Hmm, they don't give us much information, do they?" Violet noted. The orphans hopped onto one of the remaining taxis.

MIKE & SULLEY got their clue next.

"Come on, big guy!" Mike goaded, "let's go!"

PAUL & MEIST got their clue fifth overall.

"Okay, I was fine with the aircraft carrier," said Meist, "but I'm pretty sure the water taxi will give me seasickness!"

"You'll be fine, dear, you've got me with you, right?"

ANTHONY & MERCEDES were sixth.

"Come on, quickly!" Anthony said. "We wouldn't want to be one of those teams that goes from first to last, right?"

MARTY & JENNIFER got there seventh.

"Hmm, only two taxis left," said Jen. "We must be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Hurry!"

MAKO & REI were sadly last.

"I can tell you right now," Rei whispered, "You're doing whatever the Roadblock is. You know that water is just not my thing."

"I know, let's hurry! We're in last place!"

Further up the way, Mike and Sulley's taxi came within sight of Violet & Klaus's.

"Hey, captain, do you think you can pass that boat up ahead?" asked Sulley.

"I can try," he answered. He put the boat on full throttle.

But the Baudelaire orphans saw the monsters making a rally to try and pass them.

"Listen," Violet told her captain, "whatever you do, don't let that boat pass us!"

"No problem!" He put his taxi on full throttle as well. He ended up so far ahead that Mike & Sulley couldn't catch him.

Anyway, the taxi carrying ORSON & ROY got to the buoy first (surprise!). Roy ripped the clue from the buoy and opened it.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in first place.)

"Roadblock," he read. "Who's up for a little dip?"

Ed was then seen standing on the buoy, hanging on for dear life.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person will put on the scuba gear found in their taxis and dive to the sea floor. Once there, they will spot this clam. They must tap the special code given to them by the driver to get the clam to open up. Inside the clam, teams will find the next clue."

"Orson, you do this one," Roy said. "I'm only allowed to do four more of these, so we need to make sure they're the kind only I can do."

"That's the smartest thing I've heard out of you the entire race!" Orson noted.

Orson got on his gear as quickly as he could. With his mouthpiece in place, he dived backward over the side of the boat. Once down there, he saw a plethora of interesting creatures. He even said hi to several of them. But he was looking for one thing only, and he found it. It was a clam that had been painted yellow and red. Race colors.

Remembering the code, he went tap, tap-tap, tap, pause, tap-tap, tap, tap-tap, tap, pause, tap, tap-tap, tap-tap, tap. The clam opened its large mouth, and Orson saw the clue inside. He grabbed one just a few seconds before the clam clamed up again.

(For those of you trying to figure out what the code is, it's my initials in Morse code.)

Orson resurfaced and handed the clue to Roy. Roy opened it while Orson climbed back into the boat.

This clue was different, it had only four words: "Locate the Blue Emerald."

Teams must now, well, they have to locate the Blue Emerald, like the clue said! But what teams don't know is that the _Blue Emerald_ is the name of a pirate ship, and that this ship is where the next clue is located.

"Locate the Blue Emerald?" Orson asked. "Does it say anything else?"

"No, just to locate the Blue Emerald. Hey, captain, do you know where the Blue Emerald is?"

"Not at the moment, but I can find her!"

"Her?" the animals asked.

"Yeah, the _Blue Emerald _is a piracy ship. It's got blue sails, so it shouldn't be to difficult to spot." The sailor pulled out a telescope and scanned the horizon. "Ship's ahoy! Blue Emerald off the port stern!" He turned the boat around and prepared to sail.

"Did he just say 'piracy ship'? As in, 'Arr, matey, walk the plank, ye scurvy knaves'?" Orson asked.

"Yeah, I think he did," Roy answered.

As they departed, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived at the dive site. Michael ripped the clue from the buoy.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)

"Who's up for a little dip?" Michael read. "You'd better do this one, Vi."

"Okay," Violet said.

As soon as she got in her gear, Violet dived in face first. She found the clam rather quickly, tapped out the code, and got the clue. She surfaced in a few minutes.

"Hey, can you help us find the Blue Emerald?" Michael asked when he read the clue.

The captain found it quickly, and off they went.

While both the teams ahead of them were still sailing to the _Blue Emerald,_ VIOLET & KLAUS made it to the dive site.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)

"It's a Roadblock," Violet read. "Who's up for a little dip? Um, you can do this one if you want, brother,"

"Go ahead, sis," Klaus answered.

Unlike the Parr girl, Violet Baudelaire dived in feet first. She sank like a rock, but she found the clam. She tapped out the code, retrieved the clue, and surfaced. Klaus opened it while she got back in the boat.

"What's the Blue Emerald?" he asked nobody in particular.

"That would be a piracy ship, captained by one Polly Moore," said the captain.

"Can you take us there?" Violet asked.

"I would, but I have to find it first, and I seem to have misplaced my telescope."

"Here, take mine," Klaus offered. He had that spyglass with him the whole time.

"Oh, thank you, son, uh, you won't be needing it back, will you?"

"Actually, it's a family heirloom, so I can't let you keep it.

"I was afraid of that. No matter, I'll find that ship for you, no problem."

Ahead of them, the taxi carrying the supers was about to pass the one with the barnyard animals. Roy noticed this and hatched a plan. He grabbed the first reflective surface he could find (a fish bucket) and located the sun. Then he reflected the light from the sun into the eyes of their sea captain. Blinded, he stopped the boat just long enough for him to recover. Then he sped up and tried to catch them, but it was no use, for they were long gone.

"Roy, you really shouldn't have done that," Orson said. "When we get to the Pit Stop, you are going to apologize to them."

"Okay, mommy," Roy shot back.

While this was happening, Mike was opening the clue from the buoy.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in fourth place.)

"It's a Roadblock," he read. "Let me to this one, Sulley!"

"Okay, you seem to be more adapted to water anyway."

Mike donned the self-contained underwater breathing apparatus and did a cannonball into the water. Unlike the others, it was a full seven minutes before he resurfaced with the clue.

"What took you so long?" Sulley asked.

"I think I found Nemo," Mike told him.

Sulley opened the clue and inquired about the Blue Emerald. The captain spotted it and they gave chase after two teams.

I said two teams, because one team wasn't sailing to the _Blue Emerald_ anymore. ORSON & ROY had pulled themselves onto the bridge of the blue-sailed pirate ship.

"Ahoy, barnyard critters," said a female who was dressed in casual clothing. She didn't look at all like a stereotypical pirate, and yet she introduced herself as Captain Polly Moore.

"Hello," Orson said nervously. "Um, we're looking for a clue?"

"Ah, yes, you'll find it below deck, in the cargo hold."

They quickly located the stairs and descended them. Once there, they saw a bounty of foodstuffs, gold, and eight yellow envelopes. Knowing those to be the clues, Orson rushed over and ripped one of them open.

(ORSON & ROY are still in first place.)

"Another Detour," Orson read. "This time it's Speedboat or Rowboat."

After he read it, there was a shot of Ed strolling the bridge of the _Blue Emerald_.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with it's own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have to choose between Speedboat and Rowboat.

"In Speedboat, teams will board one of these speedboats, and travel a marked course all the way to this boat, the _ESS Whitewash_. Once there, Captain Mark Gonzalez will give them the next clue. This task will have our teams moving faster, and it's not physical, but the course they have to take is quite long, and could take a while.

"In Rowboat, teams will get into one of these canoes, and paddle themselves to the very same boat, only this time, they'll take a direct route. This task is slower, and physically demanding, but teams with strong muscles can finish it quickly."

"What do you think, Roy?" Orson asked.

"I don't think I can handle the rowing. Let's do Speedboat."

They dashed out of the cargo hold as fast as they could manage. Polly instructed them that the speedboats were just to the stern, pointing away from what was clearly the _Whitewash_. Orson and Roy boarded one, and they were off.

As soon as they were gone, one of the sailors came up to Capt. Moore.

"Now, captain? Can we launch it now?"

"Not yet, Mister Foot. We need all eight teams in position first. Then we carry out our plan."

At this point, PAUL & MEIST had arrived at the buoy. Paul took the clue and read it.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in fifth place.)

"I think you ought to do this one, honey," he told Meist. She said okay. She put on the gear and dived in with a swan dive.

While Meist was down there, she saw a mermaid swim by. Under other circumstances, she might have stopped and maybe tried to have a conversation with her. But she was on a mission. She politely waved hello and went about looking for that clam. She found it and tapped on it the way she had been instructed. When the clam opened up, she took one of the remaining clues. She resurfaced not much later.

"Okay, what in the world is a Blue Emerald?" Paul asked when he read the clue.

"It's a pirate ship," said the captain.

"Pirates?" Meist asked loudly. "I thought this was a nice peaceful kind of sea, with cute little fishes, and mermaids, and, uh, a distinct absence of criminals!"

The captain scoffed. "What do you think this is, a dream world?"

"Well, it is called Dreamland!"

"Trust me, when you spend as much time here as I have, you learn that not all dreams are good dreams. A lot of them are, just not all of them."

"Okay," she said nervously.

Speaking of pirates, the _Blue Emerald_ was about to be boarded by two superheroes. VIOLET & MICHAEL were directed to the cargo hold, where they got the next clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

"Hey, Mike, think you can row a canoe?" Violet asked.

"I don't think so. Better do Speedboat."

They climbed up onto the bridge, and from there onto one of the marked speedsters. When they departed, Mr. Foot asked again.

"Now, captain?"

"No, I told you, we need to wait for all eight teams. Then we can launch the missile!"

"Ooh! I can't wait!" he said gyrating.

At this point, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the dive site.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in sixth place.)

"Let me do this one, Anthony. I want to see what water is really like firsthand."

"Are you sure, Mercedes?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

Mercedes found the gear to be much heavier than anything she had ever worn in her life. Inasmuch, she found it was easier to fall into the water face first than to actually dive in. Once underwater, she found the water to be rather nice. She wondered why she had to wear the mouthpiece, and took it out. She resurfaced quickly, gasping for air.

"Okay," she said, "apparently, I can't breathe water."

"That's what the scuba gear is for!" the captain shouted, a little irritated. "Jeez, what are you, from another planet, or something?"

"Yes, I am!" she yelled back.

"Boy, you must feel like a complete jackass, hmm?" said Anthony.

Mercedes put her mouthpiece back in place and dived again. This time, she located the clam and got the clue before coming back up.

Anthony opened the clue and inquired about the Blue Emerald. The captain told them what it was, and they were directed to it.

Later, VIOLET & KLAUS pulled themselves onto the deck of the _Blue Emerald_. They found the clues in the cargo hold.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)

"I say we do Rowboat," Klaus said, "it's shorter."

They climbed down the rope ladder into the canoe and started to paddle away.

"Now, captain?" asked Mr. Foot.

"For the last time, no! Not until all eight of the teams are in place!"

At this point, one of Captain Moore's pirates was getting annoyed. "Captain, permission to question the plan?"

"Granted, what is it?"

"Ma'am, am I not mistaken in thinking that the primary goal of the plan is not to slay the innocent racers, but to trigger action from our enemy?"

"That is correct,"

"Then why must we wait for all eight teams to pass by our deck? Will he not act should just six lives be in danger?"

"Hmm. You may have a point there, sailor."

At this, Mr. Foot got quite excited. "Launch the missile now, captain?"

"Okay, go ahead. The sooner we do this, the better, I guess."

He hustled over to the ship's radio and cleared his throat. When he spoke into it, his voice was drastically different.

"Calling Carrier Bravo Hotel, come in Bravo Hotel, this is Admiral Gray."

"Carrier reporting, Gray, awaiting orders, sir."

"This is Gray imputing launch code Seven Golf Five Romeo Two."

"Launch code accepted, Exocet Missile armed. Enter coordinates."

"Target is at thirteen south of Cove by way of seventeen west, heading northeast at 50 knots, confirm target."

"Target confirmed, fire when ready."

Mr. Foot smiled his biggest smile. "Launch it!"

While "Admiral Gray" was making the launch request, MARTY & JENNIFER arrived at the dive site.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in seventh place.)

"I'll do this one, honey," said Jennifer. She dived in feet first. She located the clam and got the clue. She resurfaced quickly.

"Okay, cabbie, wherever this Blue Emerald thing is, take us there!" said Marty.

Not long after they left, MAKO & REI arrived at the buoy.

"Oh, great, there's only one clue left!" Rei observed. "That means were in last place."

(MAKO & REI are currently in last place.)

"I just said that!"

(Sorry.)

"Roadblock," Rei read. "You're doing this one, Mako."

Mako dove in face first. She quickly found the clam, and the next clue.

"The Blue Emerald?" Rei asked. "Sir, can you take us to, um, wherever this is?"

"Okay."

As soon as they started their journey to the pirate ship, a muted explosion was heard from the direction of the carrier they had just left.

"Mako!" Rei shouted. "Have some class, woman!"

"That wasn't me!" she insisted.

"Well, it sure as hell wasn't me!"

"Whatever, let's just go!"

Back on the _Blue Emerald_, Captain Moore was looking through her telescope at the missile launched from the carrier.

"Yes! All is going according to plan!" she cheered exuberantly.

About this time, MIKE & SULLEY were pulling themselves onto the bridge of the blue-sailed galleon. Polly paid them almost no heed, but waved them to the cargo hold. The monsters were curious as to why she was so excited, but they decided getting their clue was much more important.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in fourth place.)

"I think we can handle a canoe, eh, Mikey?" Sulley asked.

"I know you can," he answered.

They climbed out of the cargo area, onto the bridge, down the rope ladder and into the canoe. When Mike sat down, he jumped right up again, screaming.

"What?" Sulley asked.

"I think I sat on a rock!" Mike picked up the item he sat on. It wasn't a rock, but something round and orange. On further inspection, they saw it was a clock, with its hands set to the one o'clock position.

"Mike, that's the Time Clock!" Sulley exclaimed. "That's worth an hour of time credit!"

"All right! Now, let's get rowing!"

While they were rowing, the lookout on the _ESS Whitewash_ noticed something.

"Captain, I think you need to come here and see this!"

Captain Mark Gonzalez rushed out onto the deck and took the spyglass. He saw it too; a large Exocet Missile threatening to wipe out a few teams from the race.

"What in the hell is going on?" he wondered out loud. "The carrier isn't supposed to be firing test shots! Mr. Six, call up the carrier, tell them it's a mistake."

"Aye, captain." The dark-skinned first mate got on the radio. "Calling Carrier Bravo Hotel, come in Bravo Hotel, this is the Whitewash."

"Go ahead, White,"

"Carrier, your missile is targeting civilian craft, disengage your weapon."

"Negative, White, we're operating under orders from an Admiral Gray."

Mr. Six looked worried. "Um, sir, they won't stand down, they say they're following orders from an Admiral Gray."

"What?" the captain asked. "Gimme the radio! Carrier Bravo Hotel, Admiral Gray has been dead for three years, repeat, dead for three years! Your missile is targeting civilian craft, abort, abort, abort!"

"We'd love to, cap'n, but that sucker's on its own now. You're going to have to intercept it yourself. Carrier out."

"Wait," Mr. Six asked, "If Gray is dead, how did the carrier get orders from him."

"Mister Foot," Mark told him. "He can impersonate anyone's voice. He must have given the order. Captain Moore is behind this. How she got the launch code, I may never know, but she did, and now she's threatening to kill innocent people."

"So? We have that Tomahawk missile on board, we could use that."

"No. That's what she wants us to do! Once we use that missile, we won't be able to recover it. That's the only reason she's threatening the racers, to get us to play our trump card."

"So what do we do, captain?"

"Polly borrowed a missile from another ship. That's what we have to do! Get me the _Red Light_ on the radio."

"Aye, captain! Calling battleship Romeo Lima, state your position, this is the _Whitewash_."

"This is Red, White, we're four north of the Cove, over."

"Red, we need you to intercept a missile aiming at civilian craft."

"Active RADAR guidance systems operative, Tomahawk Missile armed. Target coordinates?"

"It's at thirteen south of the Cove by about seven east, heading northwest at about 80 knots."

"Target locked on. Fire when ready."

Mr. Six wasted no time. "Launch it."

While this dramatic scene took place on board the _Whitewash_, Roy Rooster caught a glimpse of something.

"Hey, Orson, does that look like a missile to you?"

"Hmm. You know, it kinda does."

"And does it look like it's coming at us?"

"Yes, I think it is."

"That's what I was afraid of. HELP! Missile coming at us! We have confirmation of a massive explosive about to blow us to bits! Oh, heeeeeeeelp!"

"ROY! Stop acting like Wade for a second and focus! We'll be fine! Look, that missile is nothing to worry about!"

"It's not?"

"No! Heck that's nothing compared to the other missile heading for us. That one's much bigger, that's the kind of missile you should be worried about." Suddenly, Orson realized what he had said. They both started to panic. But then, the two missiles collided in midair, causing both to explode.

_**BOOM!**_

Orson and Roy threw themselves down onto the deck of their craft. At that moment, they both understood what it meant to "hit the deck". When they looked up, they saw that they were still alive, and that their boat had been undamaged. If fact, nothing on the sea had been disturbed. There was a bunch of falling debris in an isolated area, but other than that, nothing!

"Hey, you think maybe we should get back to racing now?" Orson told Roy.

"Yes, let's." They quickly finished the Speedboat course, and climbed aboard the _Whitewash_.

"Welcome, racers," said a medium skinned sailor who helped them aboard. "I am Captain Mark Gonzalez. Sorry about that little explosion, but, you know, we can't have our racers die on us, right? Now, I have your next clue right here."

"Thank you," said Orson as he tore open the envelope.

(ORSON & ROY are still in first place.)

"Dive into the sea and swim to the next Pit Stop…"

Teams must now change into their swimsuits (if necessary) and swim 75 meters to this island. This star shaped island represents the eight percent of the sea that isn't water. Since it's the only landmass for several miles, it's called the Lone Star Cove, and it's the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

Orson and Roy didn't have swimsuits, or any other clothes for that matter. They simply left their luggage on board (Mark said he'd take care of it for them) and jumped into the sea. They started swimming with all their might, until they reached the shore. Then they ran up to the mat, where Ed was standing next to a seated, dark-skinned mermaid.

"Welcome to the Eastern Sea!" she said emphatically.

Orson just nodded.

"Orson and Roy…you are team number one!"

(ORSON & ROY 1ST PLACE.)

"YES!" Roy shouted. "It's about time!"

"And I have more good news for you," Ed said. "As the winners of this leg of the race, you've won an all-expense paid seven-day cruise of the Caribbean Sea. Sightseeing, relaxation, tons of food, and you can enjoy it all after the race."

"Thank you so much!" Orson told him.

Back on the _Blue Emerald_, PAUL & MEIST were boarding. They saw the captain in a particularly cheerful mood. Like the other racers, they were directed to the cargo area for their next clue.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in fifth place.)

"What do you say, Paul?" Meist asked. "Speedboat or Rowboat?"

"Speedboat, it's faster," he told her.

While they were boarding their speedboat, ANTHONY & MERCEDES were getting on board the blue-sailed galleon. They were directed to the cargo hold.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in sixth place.)

"Think we can row, Anthony?" asked Mercedes.

"Wouldn't hurt to try," he told her.

While the hitchhikers were still in the cargo area, one of the pirates saw something with his spyglass.

"Captain, I think you need to see this. The _Whitewash_ still has its Tomahawk."

"That's impossible," the captain said. She ran to the front of the ship and looked. Sure enough, Mark's missile remained un-launched. Just as the hitchhikers were coming out, Polly said a very powerful word to express her disdain.

"Wow," said Mercedes. "I've never heard anyone cuss like that before."

Polly turned to her and swore. Then she swore again. And again, and again, and again. The cussing pirate chased Anthony and Mercedes to their canoe. They started rowing as hard as they could.

"If anybody needs me, I'll be in my cabin. Direct all the racers to the cargo area." Well, that wasn't what she said, what she said had a whole lot more curse words in it, but that was the intended message.

Shortly after that little debacle, VIOLET & MICHAEL finished the course and climbed onto the white destroyer.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated." Michael read.

"Don't worry about your clothes," Captain Mark assured them.

It took a while for the supers to change into their swimsuits. In that while, the other Violet and her brother Klaus had rowed their canoe to the same ship.

"Ahoy, there," said the captain. "You'll have to wait until the other team get done before you can use the changing rooms, but I do have your next clue."

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)

"Swim to the next Pit Stop, the Lone Star Cove," Violet read.

Just as soon as she did, Violet and Michael emerged from the changing areas.

"Here, hang on to this," Violet Parr said, handing Capt. Mark her powers inhibitor. "I don't want it to short out in the water." Michael handed over his inhibitor too.

"Okay," the captain said as they dived in, "but if you try anything funny, you know you'll be in big trouble!"

Violet Baudelaire and Klaus quickly ducked into the changing rooms. In the time it took them to get changed, the team ahead of them walked up to the shore. Violet Parr just stood there when she saw who was with Ed.

"Violet and Michael, you're team number two!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 2ND PLACE.)

"Yes! Oh, this is awesome! Vi, isn't this wonderful?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure," she answered. She wouldn't turn away. The mermaid got the sense that she was being examined.

"What's the matter with you?" she asked. "You act like you've never seen a black mermaid before."

"Uh, I haven't."

"'Course not. Dang Hollywood won't show a sister with a fish tail."

Later, the other Violet and her brother dived in and swam to the island. They stepped lively onto the mat.

"Violet and Klaus, team number three!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 3RD PLACE.)

"Whew!" Klaus shouted. "We may be falling down, but at least we're still in the race!"

Back on the _Blue Emerald_, MARTY & JENNIFER got on board only a few seconds ahead of MAKO & REI. Like the captain had directed them, the crew pointed the racers in the direction of the cargo bay.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in seventh place.)

(MAKO & REI are currently in last place.)

"Let's do Speedboat, honey," Jennifer suggested. Marty agreed.

"Hmm," Mako said thoughtfully. "We might be able to beat them if we do Rowboat."

Rei said, "Okay."

While the last two teams were boarding their crafts, MIKE & SULLEY pulled up to the _Whitewash_.

"Well, aren't you the frightening bunch?" the captain commented. "Here's your next clue."

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in fourth place.)

After reading the clue, Mike and Sulley dropped their bags and dove into the sea headfirst. Sulley swam faster than his buddy Mike could, so he reached the shore first. He stood there with his fur dripping wet as he waited for Mike to complete the swim. Once he finished, the monsters raced over to the mat.

"Mike and Sulley, team number four."

(MIKE & SULLEY 4TH PLACE.)

"Yes, we're moving up the ladder!" Mike cheered as he danced his victory dance for the fourth time.

"Now, I understand that you found the Time Clock on this leg. You don't have to use it right away, but if you do, you'll depart from here an hour earlier than you would have otherwise. Take some time to think about it, and give me an answer before noon today, okay?"

"Okay," said Sulley.

Not long after that, PAUL & MEIST pulled up to the white destroyer, and hopped aboard.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in fifth place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated." Meist read. "Let's get changed, honey, NOW!"

The reason Meist shouted that last word was because she saw ANTHONY & MERCEDES rowing their canoe to the ship, and wasn't willing that they should catch up to them.

"Hey, I heard about you trying to breathe water at the Roadblock," Captain Mark said to Mercedes. "A lesson learned the hard way, if there ever was one!"

"Yeah, thanks, can I have the clue now?" Mercedes asked.

"Sure, here it is."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in sixth place.)

"What?" Mercedes asked. "More swimming? But I didn't remember the scuba gear!"

"Relax!" Capt. Gonzalez said. "Just keep your head above the water, and you'll be just fine."

Just as the married couple got out of the changing rooms, the hitchhikers ducked inside.

"Wow, Meist," said Paul. "You look amazing in that thing!"

"You're not so bad yourself, tiger!"

"You know, maybe when we get to the Pit Stop, we could do a little something that doesn't involve mingling with the other teams!"

"You mean sex? Sure, but let's get to the Pit Stop first!"

They dived in and swam to the shore. They were giggling like schoolchildren when they stepped on the mat.

"Paul and Meist, you're team number five!"

(PAUL & MEIST 5TH PLACE.)

"Cool! We're still in it! We can still win it!"

When Anthony emerged, he waited patiently for Mercedes to come out. When she did, he, like Paul, was captivated by her beauty. After they exchanged the 'you look amazings', they dived in and swam. Well, Anthony swam anyway. Mercedes did sort of a modified dog paddle. It wasn't fast, but it was forward. Right then, all that mattered to the alien woman was not drowning. Exhausted, she trudged up to the mat with the human by her side.

"Anthony and Mercedes, you are team number six!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 6TH PLACE.)

"Cool, we'll take it." Anthony said.

"I just decided," Mercedes said, "I don't like water!"

Back on the sea, Rei was rowing with all she had.

"I can't do this, Mako, I just can't!"

"Yes, you can! You have to! That's why you came to the race in the first place, to show the world that you could do anything! Now, fight it, and let's get to that boat!"

"I'm fighting it!"

While they were rowing, MARTY & JENNIFER completed the speedboat course and were pulled on board the _Whitewash_.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in seventh place.)

"…Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated!" Jennifer read. "Dear, I think that could be us!"

"Well, we've got no time to lose, let's go!"

From their canoe, Mako and Rei could see the McFlys getting onto the ship.

"Look," Mako said. "They probably have to do another challenge on that ship. We can still catch up!"

The anime girls focused all their efforts on rowing for the rest of the trip.

Meanwhile, Marty and Jennifer dived in and made the swim to the island. They walked up on shore downtrodden, expecting bad news.

"Marty and Jennifer…" Ed began.

"Go ahead, tell us the truth, we're last aren't we?" Marty interrupted.

"…You are team number seven!" Ed finished.

(MARTY & JENNIFER 7TH PLACE.)

"What?" Jennifer asked, shocked.

"And you guys are still in the Amazing Race!"

"Oh, thank you, Jesus!" Marty cried out. He dropped to his knees and said it again and again.

After this, MAKO & REI made it to the _Whitewash_ just a little too late.

"I'm sorry, girls," said Captain Mark, "but I watch seven other teams check into the Pit Stop, so you guys are last."

"Oh, no!" Mako wailed. She started to cry. Rei soon joined her.

"Well, there's no point in making you swim to the mat, so I'll take you there myself. Mr. Six, the rowboat, if you please."

"Aye, captain." Mr. Six lowered the white lifeboat into the water. The anime girls got in, and the compassionate captain rowed them to the shore. They thanked him for the ride amid their tears as they checked into the Pit Stop.

"Welcome to the Eastern Sea," said the mermaid.

Rei just nodded.

"Mako and Rei, you're the last team to arrive."

(MAKO & REI LAST PLACE.)

They said nothing, but their eyes continued to water.

"I'm sorry to tell you that you've been eliminated from the race."

Rei dried her eyes. "That's okay." She didn't really think that, but she didn't want to come across as a sore loser on TV.

"Well," said Mako, "I wish Violet and Michael all the best of luck." And then she spilled over into a wail again.

"I hated being eliminated," Rei told the camera later. "I wanted to show all my friends that I could overcome anything, and I just showed the whole world how weak I am instead. It's heartbreaking."

"I know it's painful to be eliminated at this stage of the race," Mako confessed, "But I believe that someday, we'll look back on our time on the race with nothing but good memories. We may have gotten eliminated, but we got to ride an ostrich! How many other teams did that? Not one of them!"

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Teams will be flown to Hallow's End, the sector of Dreamland where nightmares come from.

Will teams dare to brave mankind's ultimate fear in exchange for a first place finish?

Will Mike and Sulley cash in that Time Clock they found?

And who will be eliminated next?

(A/N: Yeah, it's probably going to be a little longer than usual before I can post the Hallow's End leg. See I've got this thing coming up, and while you don't need every detail, you do need to know that it's going to take three days out of my life. So bear with me, and be patient. The next leg is coming, I guarantee it!)


	6. Fifth Leg in Hallow's End

Before the race resumed, Ed was seen combing the beach of the Cove.

"This is the Eastern Sea, a strange world that is ninety-two percent water. The other eight percent is all one large star-shaped island. Called the Lone Star Cove, this oasis of dry land in a world of water was the fourth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race. Teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. This allowed them time to eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams.

"Mike and Sulley, who found the Time Clock hidden on this leg, have chosen not to cash it in at this time, but rather hang onto it until a more opportune time. Will their strategy pay off, or will they be required to forfeit the Clock? Can Orson & Roy maintain their lead? And can Marty & Jennifer make a rally and pull out of last place?

"Orson and Roy, who were first to arrive at 8:54 AM, will depart at 8:54 PM."

The moon was shining brightly, creating a serene atmosphere in the darkness. Orson and Roy stood impatiently on the beach, waiting for the moment to open their clue.

(ORSON & ROY are first to depart.)

"Travel by tandem kayak to the carrier _Birdhouse_…" Orson read.

Teams must now get into one of these tandem kayaks, and paddle themselves back to the aircraft carrier they arrived on. Once there, they will board this charter flight bound for Hallow's End, set to land in the city at exactly midnight. When they land, they must locate the town mental hospital to receive their next clue.

"…You will have 88 dollars for this leg of the race."

"20, 40, 60, 70, 75, 80, 85, 86, 87, 88," Roy counted. "Yep, it's all here. Let's go."

Orson climbed into the front seat of the kayak and Roy got in the back. They pushed against the sand to get started, then they used the paddles to propel themselves once on the water.

"Okay, now how are we supposed to find the carrier?" Roy asked. "It's dark as pitch out here!"

"Look!" Orson said pointing. Roy shone a flashlight on a buoy with an arrow sign on it.

"So, I guess we follow the arrows," Roy said. And they paddled all the more.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are second to depart.)

"…When you land, you must find the Hallow's End mental hospital to find your next clue," Violet read.

"Hmm. If I didn't know better, I'd think they were trying to scare us," Michael muttered.

The supers got into the kayak and started to paddle.

"Wow," Michael said.

"What?" Violet asked.

"The sea by moonlight is awfully sublime."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

(VIOLET & KLAUS are third to depart.)

"…Board a charter flight to Hallow's End, the sector of Dreamland where nightmares come from…" Violet read.

"Oh, goody," said Klaus. "We get to see Count Olaf's hometown!"

Violet laughed. It was rare for her, so she enjoyed it for all it was worth. Quickly, they got into the kayak and paddled away.

(MIKE & SULLEY are fourth to depart.)

"Are you sure hanging on to this until later is the smartest thing to do?" Mike asked, holding up the Time Clock.

"The way I figure it, we're all going to end up on the same flight to wherever anyway, so it's best not to waste it," Sulley said. "We'll cash it in at the next Pit Stop, assuming we make it."

"All right," Mike said as Sulley ripped open the clue.

"Let's go!" Fortunately, the race officials made sure there was a kayak big enough to accommodate Sulley. The monsters paddled away.

(PAUL & MEIST are fifth to depart.)

"Nightmares?" Meist said when she read what Hallow's End was famous for. "I don't think I like this race anymore!"

"Come on, dear, think of the kids, the adventure, the million dollars!" Paul told her.

They got into the kayak and left the beach behind.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are sixth to depart.)

"…When you land, locate the Hallow's End mental hospital to receive your next clue." Mercedes read.

"I hope I don't bump into the creatures of my nightmares," Anthony worried outloud.

"Come on, you big baby, man up!" Mercedes didn't mean that to hurt him, but she felt that it did. "I, I, I mean, remember what it says on the Guide. Don't panic!"

"Right. Don't panic. I'll try not to." The hitchhikers got in their kayak and paddled off.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are last to depart.)

"…You will have 88 dollars for this leg of the race," Jennifer read. "Is it all there?"

"Yep," Marty said. "Let's motor!"

All seven remaining teams were paddling back to the carrier they landed on. It was a very long distance away, so teams had to pace themselves. ORSON & ROY must not have figured that out, because halfway there, they both ran out of steam.

"I can't go on," Roy breathed.

"We have to," Orson told him. "Keep your eye on the prize! Million dollars!"

While the animals were arguing, VIOLET & MICHAEL were closing in on them.

"Come on, Mike!" Violet goaded, "We need to pass these guys! Put your back into it!"

Their kayak picked up speed, and the supers charged ahead. But even after they passed the barnyard team, they didn't let up until they had a secure lead.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in first place.)

(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)

"How much is a million anyway?" Roy pondered. "It can't be worth all of this!"

"Roy, with a million dollars, you will never have to work again!"

Roy perked up. He seemed to gain his second wind. Soon, the animals charged ahead and started to gain ground, er, water, on the supers.

But it was too little, too late. Violet and Michael arrived at the carrier first.

"Okay, now how on earth are we supposed to get up there?" Michael asked.

At that, one of the sailors appeared over the edge of the deck. "Here, give me your hand!" he said to Violet.

The young female pulled herself out of the kayak and kneeled on the wobbly craft. She stuck out her hands, which the soldier grabbed. He pulled her up on deck fairly easily.

"There you are," he said. Then he reached down and pulled Michael up. "Okay, now the plane headed for Hallow's End will depart in about two hours, and will land at midnight."

"Is it true?" Violet asked, "what they said about Hallow's End?"

"Hold that thought, I have to pull this team on board." The sailor reached down over the side of the deck and pulled up ORSON & ROY.

"Now, what was it you wanted?" the sailor asked Violet.

"Is Hallow's End really the sector of Dreamland where nightmares come from?"

"Mm-hmm. I have a cousin who lives there. Nice guy, but he kept giving people the heebie-jeebies. Might have something to do with that chainsaw sticking out of his head. Hey, if you see him, tell him his cousin Harry said hi, will you?"

"I'll, uh, keep that in mind," Violet said. She didn't want that particular image in her head at that moment.

About this time, VIOLET & KLAUS had arrived at the carrier, and Harry pulled them up.

"Looks like we're all going to catch up," Klaus noted.

"Um, you guys are welcome to board the plane now, if you wish," said another sailor.

On hearing this, the six racers on the deck made a mad dash for the plane. Each of them wanted a seat on the plane that would ensure they would get off the plane first, the one closest to the door. Those seats ended up going to…VIOLET & MICHAEL. ORSON & ROY got the seats behind them, while VIOLET & KLAUS got the seats across the aisle.

After this, MIKE & SULLEY pulled their kayak up next to the carrier. Harry pulled Mike up without to much difficulty. But he took one look at James Sullivan, and shook his head.

Sulley pulled himself out of the kayak and climbed the carrier's side like a tree. The big boat rocked slightly, but righted itself without too much trouble.

Harry swore loudly. "Sink the freaking vessel, why don't you?"

"Sorry, but you wouldn't pull me up! I had to get on the carrier somehow!"

"Oh, shut up and board the stupid plane!"

The monsters did as he suggested. They sat behind the Baudelaire orphans.

"Looks like these two will fit in just fine," Roy observed.

A while later, PAUL & MEIST pulled up to the carrier.

"Why, hello there," Harry said as he pulled Meist aboard. "So, what's a girl like you doing out here on the Eastern Sea?"

"I'm racing with…my husband!" she answered, fully aware she was being hit on.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know…"

"That's okay. I only wish he'd talk to me that way once in a while."

"Honey, I work hard so you can have money to spend, I help take care of the kids, I try to remember our anniversary, isn't that enough?"

"It is, but it would be nice to have a little more!"

"You know what, let's not discuss this! Not on television!"

They boarded the plane and sat down behind Orson & Roy.

"In a situation like this, where you sit is everything," Paul mused. "By sitting here, we're guaranteed not to be eliminated this leg."

It's now 10:30 PM, 45 minutes until the plane takes off. Luckily, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the carrier with plenty of time to spare. Harry had no trouble pulling either of them aboard. When they got on the plane, they chose the seats behind Mike & Sulley.

"One, two, three, four, five, and us makes six," Anthony counted. "Who's missing?"

"I think it's the McFlys," Paul said. "If they don't get here in forty minutes, the plane will leave without them."

"I'd love for that to happen," Michael muttered to himself.

Speaking of the McFlys, MARTY & JENNIFER were still paddling their way to the carrier.

"Come on, Jen," Marty encouraged. "Million dollars!"

"I've been thinking about the money all along! How do you think we got this far?"

"Please, Jen, I know you've got more in you! Look, we're nearly there, you can't give up now!"

Crying, Jennifer put her everything into paddling.

Back on the plane, racers began to speculate, about whether the McFlys would arrive, about what the producers would do if they never did, and about what they were going through.

It is now 10:47 PM, 28 minutes to takeoff. About this time, Marty and Jennifer pulled up next to the carrier. Harry poked his head over the edge of the deck.

"Well, well, what do we have here? A last place team? You guys are lucky you got here when you did! We were just about to let the plane leave without you!"

"Really?" Jennifer asked.

"No, not really, you've got more than twenty minutes to spare. Here, let me help you up."

Harry pulled the elderly couple on board. The McFlys boarded the plane.

"Oh, great," Michael said sarcastically, "we thought you guys threw your backs out and were stuck dead in the water."

"Shut up, you disrespectful little brat!" Marty spat.

"Bring it on, old timer!" Michael shot back, standing up.

Violet had to pull him down. "Mike, chill! The last thing we need is for you to get us in trouble with the producers!"

Michael chewed his tongue. "Okay, I'm calm, I'm cool, I'm not going to get mad." He didn't hesitate to give Marty the stink eye as he passed, though. Marty and his wife sat down behind Paul & Meist.

All teams are now on the same flight to Hallow's End, set to land at exactly midnight. When they land, teams will have to locate the Hallow's End Mental Hospital to find the next clue.

Just like the clue said, the plane landed in Hallow's End at midnight exactly. The teams filed off the plane and into the gate. VIOLET & MICHAEL were off first, just like they planned. The sight of the airport startled them. Cobwebs covered the ceiling, and the walls were covered in insects. Not fake ones either, no, these suckers were real. Their movement confirmed that. After the initial shock, the supers recovered their composure and pressed on.

VIOLET & KLAUS were off the plane next, just beating ORSON & ROY. PAUL & MEIST just inched out ahead of MIKE & SULLEY. ANTHONY & MERCEDES got off the plane so close to MARTY & JENNIFER, it was hard to tell who was off first.

Like the supers, all the other racers were shocked at the sight, but quickly got over their misgivings about the place. Somehow, a million dollars was more important to them than the fact that it smelled like dead people in there. Go figure.

Anyway, the teams went about different strategies of locating the next clue. VIOLET & MICHAEL thought it would be best to just get a taxi and ask the driver where it was. To their alarm, the first vehicle to pull up was a carriage, pulled by a decaying horse and driven by a skeleton. Instead of a normal cabin, there were two coffins on the bed of the carriage.

"Where to?" the skeleton asked.

They were too dumbfounded to say anything.

"You called for a cab, and here I am, now, where to?"

"Oh, um, the, uh, the booby hatch?" The driver motioned for them to get in, which they did.

"Okay, I'm creeped out," Violet said, "are you creeped out?"

"Not yet, but I'm getting there," Michael answered.

Seeing the supers take off in a cab, VIOLET & KLAUS hired their own, and told the driver to follow them. "And if you can, try to pass them, okay?"

Back in the airport, ANTHONY & MERCEDES decided to buy a map and find the insane asylum themselves. After locating it, they set out on foot. PAUL & MEIST saw this and decided to follow them.

ORSON & ROY decided to get directions from one of the locals. They found a guy walking on crutches, because his leg had been sawn off, and was dripping blood on the floor.

"What do you think, Ors, does he look like he lives here?"

"I'd say so. Excuse me, sir? Yes, you, with the missing leg!"

He hobbled over to the barnyard critters. "What do you want?"

"We just need directions to the loony bin, if you please," said Roy.

"Oh, okay, you just head down this street, you turn right on Demon Avenue, hang a left at Axe Murderer Way, it'll be the third building on your right."

"Okay, thank you," Orson said.

"You're welcome. Now if there's nothing else, I have a soccer match to get to."

Unbeknownst to the U.S. Acres team, MIKE & SULLEY had heard the whole thing, and had decided to follow them.

As for MARTY & JENNIFER, well, there's only so many scares an old woman can take before she passes out. Seeing a young girl walking around with an axe in her stomach was one too many for poor Jen.

"Oh, no, not again!" Marty said. He knelt down by his fallen wife and did everything he could to wake her up. "Come on, honey, we have to continue. Please wake up! Please!" But Jen didn't stir.

Marty pointed at the cameraman. "You stay here with her and make sure the locals don't harvest her body for parts or something. I'm going to get some water."

While he did that, the cab carrying VIOLET & MICHAEL pulled up to the insane asylum. VIOLET & KLAUS pulled up not long after that. The four of them went inside.

They saw various deviant creatures and people who all looked like they belonged there. Violet Parr even recognized one of them, a redhead with various scars, which she knew, were from being chopped up by a jet turbine.

"If we move quickly and find that clue, maybe he won't see us," she whispered.

They walked as quickly and quietly as they were able to. As soon as they got past the patients, they found a one-eyed monster with purple skin, who seemed to be of no threat to anyone or anything.

"Hello," she said warmly, "are you guys with the Race?"

"Yes, we are," Klaus said boldly, "do you have our next clue?"

"Yes, I do, here you are!" She handed them each an envelope with her tentacle-like hand. They opened their envelopes with haste.

Violet Baudelaire gasped when she saw a green folder in her brother's hand. "That's a Fast Forward!" she said excitedly.

Ed showed up on screen to explain. In the background was a row of dark houses.

"This is the first of only two Fast Forwards hidden on the entire race. The first team to find the special Fast Forward clue can skip all tasks, and proceed directly to the Pit Stop. Each team can only use one Fast Forward, so they need to decide for themselves when it is most advantageous to go for it.

"To win this Fast Forward, a team must travel 10 miles to this abandoned subdivision, and search through the closets of these empty houses. One of the closets contains a skeleton that has been painted red. Inside that skeleton's ribcage, they will find the Fast Forward."

"Let's do the Fast Forward!" said Violet B.

"All right, the less scary stuff we have to deal with, the better." The Baudelaires departed.

"Well, if their going to get the Fast Forward," said Michael, "It would be a waste of time to try and beat them." He absent-mindedly threw the green folder away, and took out the yellow one instead. "Detour. Creatures With Venom or Creatures Without?"

Once again, Ed appeared on screen; this time, he was in the insane asylum.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have to choose between Creatures With Venom and Creatures Without.

"In Creatures With Venom, teams must travel 6 miles to this real estate office, and crawl through the air ducts, which are crawling with 2000 spiders. When they reach they end of the course, the realtor will hand them the next clue. This task isn't inherently difficult, and teams who aren't afraid of spiders can finish it quickly, but the spiders are poisonous, and one bite could spell doom for the racers, in more ways than one.

"In Creatures Without, teams must travel only one mile to this baseball park. Once there they must dig through this swarm of nearly 2000 bats, and catch one of fifty that have been marked with race colors. If they catch one, the wrangler will give them the next clue. This task is much more difficult, and could take quite a while, but the bats have all been screened and are completely harmless."

"Let's do the spiders," Michael suggested, "it's shorter."

The supers left and started to walk carefully through the patient area. Just as they were at the door, the redhead Vi saw and recognized earlier spoke.

"Good luck, Invisigirl," he said.

Violet was so spooked, that she tore out of there just a hair faster than lightning.

Back at the airport, Jennifer was still unconscious. Luckily, Marty had returned with the water, like he said he would. He splashed it on poor Jennifer, and she woke with a start.

"Marty?" she said when she saw her husband. "Marty!" She gripped him in a tight embrace. "I had the worst nightmare."

"That wasn't a nightmare, sweetie," Marty said quickly.

"But you don't even know what it was!"

"Trust me, whatever it was wasn't a dream. Or maybe it was? It doesn't matter now. What does matter is that you're okay. Um, you are okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Great, let's go!" The McFlys dashed out of the airport and got one of those creepy taxis. "To the nut farm, and quickly!"

Speaking of the nut farm, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had just gotten there. Right on their heels were PAUL & MEIST. Inside, they started to look all over. Paul started asking the patients for clues, while the women started looking for hidden panels. Anthony just went into the back room, and there he found the purple monster with the clue.

"Hey, can I get an extra clue, for another team out there looking in all the wrong places?"

"I'll give you an extra clue, but you better see to it that this 'other team' gets it, okay?"

"Relax, they will get their clue," Anthony assured her. He dashed back out into the patient area. "Hey, guys, I got clues for both of us!" He handed one envelope to Meist, and opened the other one.

Paul yanked the Fast Forward out of his wife's hand like it was a check for the million dollars. "We're doing this Fast Forward, for sure!" They departed with haste.

"Let's skip the Fast Forward this time," Mercedes suggested.

"Okay, but I'm not crawling through a bunch of spiders!" Anthony declared.

"All right, we'll do the bats."

While Paul and Meist got a cab, Anthony and Mercedes decided to walk to the ballpark. It was only a mile away.

Meanwhile, VIOLET & MICHAEL had found the real estate office that the clue told them about. There, they saw a werewolf, who pointed them to the air duct.

"Wait a minute," Violet said. "Werewolves only come out during the full moon. It's currently a crescent moon!"

"It's that damn Daylight Savings Time, it botched up my wolf-y schedule. Yeah, it sucks, all my friends still come out on the full moon while I'm stuck inside watching _Sex and the City_ reruns."

"O-Kay, we're going to go to the spider thing now," Michael said. He pulled away the grate and saw the spiders. It made him cringe slightly.

"Creeped out yet?" asked Violet.

"Getting closer," he told her.

While this was happening, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the ballpark where the bats were. To nobody's surprise, the bat wrangler was a vampire.

He greeted the hitchhikers nicely, and assured them that the bats were harmless. He handed each of them a modified butterfly net, and instructed that they should use those to catch the bats.

"So what do we do, just stick it in the air and hope the bat flies into it or what?" Mercedes asked.

"What you want to do is bring the net to the bat, understand?"

"Oh, yeah, you mean like this?" She swooped her net down on top of a bat that was flying by, and caught it.

"Yes, just like that, but next time, try to catch one of the marked bats."

"Oh, okay." And they went to work.

At this time, VIOLET & KLAUS arrived at the Fast Forward site. Two ghosts greeted them.

"Welcome, racers. Okay, there's twenty houses on this block, ten closets in each one, one closet has a red skeleton, in his rib cage is the Fast Forward." The orphans nodded in understanding. "Okay, you'll need these," and one of the ghosts handed them each a sign that said "Occupied". "The rules of this Fast Forward say that you guys can't search the same house at the same time, so use these to mark the house you're in. Also, you have to find your partner before you can open the Fast Forward, should you find it."

As the orphans dashed off, he called out to them, "There's one more thing! Only one closet has what you're looking for, but what's waiting for you in the other closets?"

At this, Klaus became very curious, and went back to the ghosts. "Well, what _is_ waiting for us in the other closets?"

"Can you keep a secret?" said the ghost.

"Yes."

"So can I." While the young boy stood there dumbfounded, the ghost added this: "This is mankind's ultimate fear: the fear of the unknown."

Klaus swallowed hard, because he knew the ghost was right. But still, this was a Fast Forward! He dashed to the first house he saw and went inside.

Back at the insane asylum, three more teams arrived. ORSON & ROY arrived on foot at about the same time MARTY & JENNIFER arrived in their cab. Right on their heels were MIKE & SULLEY.

They went inside and started looking for the clue. They searched high and low in the patient area, but Roy was the first one to spot the purple one-eyed monster. When he got a clue from her, he found his partner and told the others where they could find her. The McFlys got their clue without hesitation, but Mike had to stop. He recognized the clue girl.

"Celia? Is that you?"

"Mike! Oh, my sweet googly woogly, what in the world are you doing here?"

"Um, ah, Sulley and I are in the race! We're competing for the fictional million dollars! What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I was just making a little extra money on the side!" She handed Mike the clue. "Go get 'em, googly bear!"

"You just wait until we win, shmoopsy poo!"

Back in the main area, the teams were opening their clues. All three of them knew that they were so far behind, that trying for the Fast Forward would be futile. They discarded the green folders and discussed which end of the Detour to do.

"I really don't care for spiders," Orson told Roy. "Let's do the bat thing."

"The spider thing is faster, Marty, so let's do that," said Jennifer.

"I don't think I can fit through those air ducts," Sulley said. "Looks like we'll have to do the bats."

Back at the Fast Forward, PAUL & MEIST showed up. They got the same song and dance from the ghosts that the Baudelaires did. But it didn't faze them. They each dashed into a different house.

Inside one of the other houses, Violet Baudelaire had searched nine out of ten closets. So far, she had found nothing in them, except some moth-eaten sweaters. She came down to the closet in the front hallway, the only one she hadn't checked. Slowly, she opened the door. What did she find in there? I'll tell you in a minute…

But first, I should let you know how Klaus's search went. He had searched seven of the ten closets. He was in the master bedroom, and was about to enter the walk-in closet. He opened the door, expecting something scary to pop out. But nothing happened.

I wish I could say the same thing for poor Violet. Alas, there was something in there, something with brown fur. She opened the door, and all she could see was teeth and claws and fur. She fell over backward in fright. She curled into a fetal position, expecting to be gobbled up. But nothing happened. She looked up, and saw a stuffed bear, rigged to lunge at her when she opened the door. A trick placed by the producers to scare her. And it worked, if only for a few seconds.

What made Violet even more upset (other than the fact that she was scared of a stuffed bear) was that there was no Fast Forward in the house. She left it, taking her "Occupied" sign with her, and found another house to search.

Klaus, meanwhile, had stepped into the walk-in closet of the master bedroom. He searched around for the red skeleton, and found nothing. Of course, it didn't help that the only light came from the window. He stumbled upon another door. This confused him. A closet within a closet? Whatever, a closet is a closet, he thought. He opened the door, and stepped back, again expecting something to scare him. Once again, nothing happened.

"I guess the only thing more irritating that scary stuff is expecting scary stuff and getting squat," he said to nobody in particular. And he went about his search.

Meanwhile, at the real estate office, VIOLET & MICHAEL were just coming out of the air duct course, covered in spiders.

"Wow, that wasn't so bad," Michael said.

"Do I have any bites?" Violet asked.

"Nah, you're clean. How about me?"

"You're good."

"Cool." Michael turned to the week-behind werewolf (or was it a week ahead? I can never remember) and got a clue from him.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in first place.)

"Make your way to the covered bazaar…"

Teams must now travel to the Hallow's End covered bazaar, where citizens can purchase just about anything their heart desires. And I do mean anything! Just outside the entrance is where teams will find the next clue.

As the supers exited the office, they passed by the McFlys.

"Marty, Jennifer," Michael said, trying very hard to keep a civil tone.

"Michael, Violet," Marty answered, trying equally hard to keep a civil tone.

Back at the baseball field, Anthony swung his net like a madman. It was a wildly ineffective way to catch a bat, but it was all he could think of. Luckily, he had Mercedes with him. She managed to snag a bat that was painted with race colors. She handed it to the vampire.

"Well done, here's your next clue."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"Once there, find your next clue outside the entrance," read Anthony.

The galactic hitchhikers grabbed their stuff and departed. As they did, they passed ORSON & ROY and MIKE & SULLEY, who were running in to do the task they had just completed.

The vampire explained the rules of the task and gave them the bat nets. The two teams narrowed their eyes at each other, and the showdown was on!

Back at the Fast Forward, Paul was frantically searching for that elusive red skeleton. He had searched eight out of ten closets in the second house he had chosen to search. He was in what he guessed was the guest bedroom, which had a sliding door closet. He was pretty sure he wouldn't find the Fast Forward in there, but he wanted to be thorough.

Gingerly, he fingered the door. If there was something spooky on there, he wanted to be ready for it. Quickly, he whipped the door open. He saw something big and red coming toward him. The surprise caused him to fall on his bottom. When he got back up, he saw that is was in fact the red skeleton he was looking for! He saw something green sticking out of his rib cage. The Fast Forward!

"Yes!" he cheered excitedly, with the special clue in hand. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're welcome," the skeleton said.

Paul wasn't expecting the skeleton to talk, and it scared him. He tore out of the building as fast as his legs would carry him. He knew the rule was that he couldn't open the Fast Forward until he found his wife, so he went looking for her.

Speaking of whom, Meist had a very bad case of the heebie-jeebies. She had never been a fan of horror movies, and yet here she was, smack dab in the middle of one. She didn't want to search anymore closets. She just wanted this to be over and done with. But she knew she had to keep looking, for the million dollars.

She was about to open another closet, when the doorbell rang. She jumped six feet, bumped her head on the ceiling, and landed in a heap. The doorbell rang again. Now she was really scared. Should she open it? What if it was an axe-murderer, hell-bent on wiping out the racers? There was a missile fight in the Eastern Sea, so what was so irrational about that? But what if it was something good? What if it was…she couldn't think of anything good!

The doorbell rang again. Meist was panicking now. This is the part of the movie where the audience starts screaming, "Don't open the door, don't open the door!" she knew that much. Then she asked herself, "why not open the door?" After all, once you see the creature that's trying to kill you, you can better combat it, right? Besides, if she didn't open the door, whatever it was might break it down anyway.

Once more, the doorbell rang. She descended the steps as quickly as she could and flung the door open wide. What she saw made her gasp!

"Hi, honey."

"Paul! What the hell? Give me a heart attack, why don't you?"

"I got the Fast Forward," he said, whipping out the green envelope.

"Shut up! This is wonderful! Oh, open that puppy, Paul, open it!"

(PAUL & MEIST are indisputably in first place.)

"Congratulations on obtaining the Fast Forward," Paul read, "You may now proceed directly to the Pit Stop…"

Having claimed the Fast Forward, Paul & Meist can now skip all tasks, and proceed directly to the Pit Stop, the Hallow's End Travelling Carnival.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," he finished.

As soon as the married couple was gone from the lot, one of the ghosts at the entrance picked up a bullhorn and spoke.

"Attention racers! The Fast Forward has been claimed. Please depart from the area and continue on the main course."

Dejected, VIOLET & KLAUS came out of their houses and met on the street.

"Well, it looks like our good luck has finally run out," Violet observed.

"Let's just do our best on the main route," Klaus told her. "What was that other thing, it was a Detour, wasn't it?"

Violet dug it out of her bag. "Yeah, Detour. Creatures With Venom or Creatures Without?"

"We have to do the spider one, it's faster."

The Baudelaires got a taxi and asked it to take them to the real estate office.

Speaking of the real estate office, MARTY & JENNIFER had just finished crawling through those spider infested air ducts. While Marty got the clue from the werewolf, Jennifer frantically brushed the spiders out of her hair.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fourth place.)

"Once there, find your next clue outside the entrance," Marty read. "Let's go!"

Over at the ballpark, it was slim pickings for the monsters and the barnyard animals.

"Come back here, you stupid winged rat!" Mike shouted, chasing after one bat.

"Here, batty, batty, batty," Roy coaxed.

"Come on, bats, please let me catch you!" Orson begged.

Their efforts thus far were fruitless. Bat-less, actually, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, over on the West Side of town, there was a large tent set up for a carnival. Standing just inside the tent was Edward Nemo. Next to him was a clown with a menacing expression on his face, and what appeared to be sharp teeth.

While they stood waiting, PAUL & MEIST rushed inside. They ran up to the mat and stopped.

"Welcome, travelers, to Hallow's End!" the clown said in a whispery voice.

"Thank you," Paul said.

"Paul & Meist, you are team number one!"

(PAUL & MEIST 1ST PLACE.)

"Awesome!" Meist cheered. "No more scary stuff!"

"I'm afraid that's not the case," the clown said. "You'll be spending the Pit Stop right here, _with me!_"

Meist gulped. "Well, at least we'll be the first team to leave here."

About that same time, VIOLET & MICHAEL had located the covered bazaar. The clue box was just outside the entrance, plain as day.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)

"It's a Roadblock," Michael read. "Who likes to shop?"

The next shot was of Ed strolling in the bazaar.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person must take this list, enter the bazaar, and purchase all the items on it. When they have completed the list, they must bring the stuff to this official, who will hand them the next clue."

"You want to do this, Vi?" asked Michael.

"Sure, what harm could it do?"

She pulled the list out of the Roadblock envelope, grabbed some cash out of her bag, and set off.

No sooner was she inside than ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived. They exchanged pleasantries as the human grabbed the clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)

"Roadblock," read Anthony.

"I'll do it," Mercedes offered. She grabbed the list and some money and ducked inside.

"Okay," Violet said to herself, "Let's have a look at that list."

This is what was on it:

3 human eyeballs

1 frog's leg

2 expired ink cartridges

Bones of a mouse

12-ounce can of Mountain Dew

"Hmm, the first four seem reasonable, but where am I supposed to find Mountain Dew?"

Just then, she heard someone shouting. "Sodas! Get your sodas! Any brand you can think of, right here!"

"I guess that's where. Excuse me, I'd like to buy a soda please!"

"Sure! Can I interest you in a Diet Pupsi? All the rich dog flavor, with no calories!"

"Eh, no thanks, I would like…"

"Or perhaps you'd like a Dr. Salt? A unique blend of 23 types of medical ailments!"

"Yeah, I'm sure it is, but I really just want a can of Mountain Dew."

"Mountain Dew? Are you sure?"

"What? Is Mountain Dew not spooky enough, not gross enough, not in sync with your Hallow's End vibe?"

Silence.

"I was just going to say that Mountain Dew has a lot of caffeine in it."

"Oh."

"You think my sodas are gross?" the merchant said, tearing up.

"Uh, no, I mean, yes, I mean, I didn't…"

"Gotcha!" He smiled wide. "Oh, man, the tourists fall for that every time!"

"Oh, heh, heh, that's clever. Nice one."

"Yeah, I know. Here's your Dew."

"Thanks." Violet paid for the soda and moved on.

Elsewhere in the bazaar, Mercedes was having difficulty buying the first item on the list.

"Here, I'd like to buy these three eyeballs, please."

"I'm sorry, miss, but I can't sell you that eye."

"Why not?"

"You can only buy those in pairs. I can't sell you an eye out of its box."

"I don't need that eye. I need these three."

"Ma'am, please don't argue with me, you're going to cause a scene."

"Fine." She put the loose eye back in the box where she found it. "Four eyes, please."

"I'm sorry, but I can't sell you that box. It's been opened."

Mercedes couldn't believe what she was hearing. "By me! The one who wants to buy it! I opened it!"

"You really should know better than to open a box of eyes you haven't paid for," the merchant said flatly.

"I was planning to pay for it!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't sell you an open container."

Mercedes tried to restrain herself from screaming. "Where's there a pillow when you need one?" she said through clenched teeth.

Just then, she noticed the merchant next door. He was selling pillows, ironically.

"Can I borrow one of those?" she asked. The merchant said she could. She buried her face deep within the down and screamed until she thought she would strain her vocal chords. "Appreciate it," she said as she returned the pillow.

She picked up another box of human eyes, unopened; put it with the unopened box she had, shoved them into the merchant's face, and demanded that he ring her up.

"Okay, okay," he said. "Jeez, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed tonight."

Back at the ballpark, Roy got extremely lucky. He swung his net, and grabbed a marked bat! Excited, he showed it to Orson, and then to the wrangler. After confirming that it was a marked bat, he handed the rooster a clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in fifth place.)

"Make your way to the covered bazaar…" Roy read.

"Come on, let's make tracks!"

About this time, VIOLET & KLAUS had finally arrived at the real estate office where the spider Detour was to be carried out. The werewolf directed them to the air ducts, which they quickly crawled through. They weren't even concerned about the spiders.

At the bazaar, Violet Parr and Mercedes Prefect were still gathering items on the list when the McFlys arrived. Marty grabbed the clue.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in fourth place.)

"Roadblock," he read. "Think you can handle this, honey?"

"No way! You do this one!" Jen insisted.

"All right, I'll do it!" Marty took the list and went inside.

Inside, Violet had only one more thing to get on her list, the frog's leg. She noticed a sign that said "Appendages 'R' Us." Maybe they have a frog's leg, she thought.

When she caught sight of the merchant, she was taken aback. The man had a chainsaw stuck in his skull. His left eye socket was completely destroyed, and a little bit of his lip too. The saw itself was caked in blood and something else, sort of pus-like. It was a disturbing image she didn't want in her head.

Wait a minute. She remembered having this image thrust into her head earlier. Was this Harry's cousin? She had to know, so she mustered up her courage and asked.

"Yes," he answered, "I do have a cousin named Harry who lives on the Eastern Sea. Why?"

"I ran into him not too long ago. He said to tell you that he said hi."

"Really?" the merchant asked. "Wow. Hey, listen, if you bump into him again, tell him I said I was sorry. Tell him Javier said he was sorry."

"I'll do that. Hey, as long as I'm here, do you have frog's legs?"

Javier rolled his good eye. "Oh, so he told you I was web-toed, and you're making fun of me now, huh? That's real classy."

"For sale? Do you have frog's legs for sale?"

"Oh! Sure, I have frog's legs! How many do you need?"

"Oh, just the one."

"You got it!"

With the list complete, Violet went back outside and got Michael. Together, they dropped it off at a table near the other end of the bazaar.

"Okay, everything seems to be in order, good job, and here's your next clue!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

"Thanks," Violet said as she ripped it open. "Now deliver the items to the home of Ezmarelda the Enchantress…"

Teams must now pick up the items and cross the street to this hut, where lives a witch named Ezmarelda. Teams are told that she will give them the next clue. What teams don't know is that they will get their next clue by having a spell cast on one member of their team, and that the items collected at the Roadblock are the spell ingredients.

(A/N: I know the name is misspelled, but I think it looks better that way, don't you?)

"Just across the street?" Michael asked. "Cool! Let's go!"

The supers dashed over to a door marked with a race flag. Violet knocked on it, and the force of her knock made it open. Cautiously, they stepped inside. They heard what sounded like a TV. They followed the sound, and found a blonde woman wearing only her unmentionables, sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Don't do it, Gabby!" she said, "That zombie will just break your heart!"

"Excuse me," Michael said, ever so softly.

"YAAAH!" the woman screamed. "Who are you? How the hell did you get in here?"

"Um, we're with the Race, and your door was open. We're here to see Ezmarelda, about a clue?"

"Oh, crap! I completely forgot about that! I'm sorry you had to see me like this! Hold on one minute, I need to change. What do I mean 'change', I need to get dressed!"

While this was going on, James Sullivan had finally managed to catch a marked bat and present it to the wrangler. The wrangler handed him the next clue.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in sixth place.)

"Make your way to the covered bazaar…" Sulley read.

Seconds later, the Baudelaire orphans emerged from the spider course, and got their next clue from the werewolf.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in last place.)

"…Outside the entrance, you'll find your next clue." Klaus read.

At the bazaar, two very impatient barnyard animals were just arriving. A desperate pig reached into the clue box for an envelope.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in fifth place.)

"Roadblock," read Orson. "I'll shop for whatever they need." He took the list and ducked inside.

Just seconds after Violet Parr got all her stuff, Mercedes completed her list. After grabbing Anthony, she took the stuff to be inspected, and got the next clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)

"…She (Ezmarelda) will give you the next clue." Mercedes read. "Come on, Anthony, let's make tracks!"

The hitchhikers found the hut right away. The door was wide open, so they walked in. They saw Violet & Michael standing there.

"Hey, guys," Mercedes said. "Where's Ezmarelda?"

"We found her in here," explained Violet, "watching some lame soap opera in her underwear. At least, we think that was her. She said she would get dressed."

About that time, the blonde woman emerged from her bedroom. Now, she was wearing a floor length black robe, a pointed hat, a fake wart on her cheek, and carried a short stick.

"Oh, goody, another team showed up while I was getting ready. Okay, Red and Four-Eyes will have to wait until I'm done with this first team. You two, step into my office."

"Did she just call me 'Four-Eyes'?" Anthony asked.

Violet and Michael followed the woman they had deduced was Ezmarelda into a small room. Ezmarelda shut the door behind them.

"Okay, do you have the ingredients?" she asked.

"Ingredients?" Michael said, confused.

"They stuff you got from the bazaar at the Roadblock? Come on, stay with me!"

"Oh, here you are," Violet said, handing her the bag.

"Good, I'll need these things to get your next clue."

"What, are you going to conjure it up with that wand?" asked Michael.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am, and it's not a wand, it's just a stick, like you find on the ground."

"Okay,"

"Now, which of you did the Roadblock?" Violet raised her hand. "Okay, then you'll have to be my victim," she said, pointing at Michael.

"Vi, remember when you asked if I was creeped out and I said 'not yet'?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm there now!"

"Relax," Ezmarelda assured him. "This spell won't hurt a bit. All it will do is make you recite the next clue. This is how you will get it."

"But, are there any possible side effects?"

"Yeah, in studies, drowsiness was the most common side effect. Others included fatigue and dry mouth. Most were mild or moderate."

The supers just stared at her.

"It's a joke!"

"Right."

"Anyhoo, let's get this party started."

One by one, Ezmarelda dropped the ingredients into her bubbling cauldron.

"Three human eyeballs, one frog's leg, two expired ink cartridges, and the bones of a mouse."

"What about the Mountain Dew?"

"Oh, right." Ezmarelda opened the can and drank the whole thing in one gulp. "Oh, yeah, that's the stuff!

"Okay, now for the incantation." She raised her stick and said, "Liphi Nikehoga smake em tho!" The mixture in the pot changed color. She dipped her stick into it, and extracted a dollop of it.

(A/N: Secret message time! To decode the incantation, delete the second letter from the two capitalized words. Then move the first letter of each word to the end of the same word. You'll discover why Ezmarelda agreed to participate in the Race.)

"Okay, Michael, is it? Yeah, just stand right there and don't move." Ezmarelda wound up, and flung the mysterious blob at Michael's mouth. All at once, he began to speak, but not by choice. It was as if his mouth had a mind of its own.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

"Travel by taxi to the next Pit Stop…"

Teams must now travel by taxi thirty miles from Ezmarelda's place to this place, the Hallow's End Travelling Carnival. It mostly stays in Hallow's End, but occasionally, it sets up in other sectors of Dreamland. This nomadic fun park is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," Michael finished.

"Well, let's hurry!" said Violet.

They ran out of the "office", and out the front door as fast as they were able. As soon as they were gone, Ezmarelda beckoned for ANTHONY & MERCEDES to come into her office. They got the same song and dance that the supers got. Since Mercedes did the Roadblock, Anthony got the spell.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in third place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."

"Come on, Anthony!"

While the galactic hitchhikers were in Ezmarelda's office, Marty McFly had gathered all the stuff on the list. With his wife, they got the next clue from the official.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in fourth place.)

"So, we have to take the stuff to that hut over there?" Marty asked.

"Then, let's go!" said Jennifer.

Seconds later, MIKE & SULLEY arrived at the bazaar.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in sixth place.)

"I'll do this one, big guy!" Mike said. He grabbed the list and went inside.

Meanwhile, Marty and Jennifer were watching Ezmarelda cooking up the spell. She cast it on Jennifer because Marty did the shopping.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."

"TAXI!" Marty shouted.

"Um, you're not even near the road yet," Ezmarelda pointed out.

"Oh, right, that might help."

While the McFlys were getting their cab, the Baudelaires had trudged up to the clue box outside the bazaar.

"Only one left," Violet noted. "That means we're in last place."

"How typical," said Klaus. He ripped it open. "Roadblock."

"I'll do this one," said the young girl. She went inside.

Meanwhile, on the West Side of town, another team pulled up to a large red and white tent. VIOLET & MICHAEL went inside and stepped onto the mat.

"Violet and Michael, you are team number two!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 2ND PLACE.)

"Huh," said Violet. "Another team must have gotten the Fast Forward."

Back at the bazaar, Orson Pig had completed his list, and was taking Roy over to get the stuff inspected. Once the inspection was complete, they got the next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in fifth place.)

"…She will give you the next clue," read Roy. "Hmm. I wonder what she needs the stuff for."

"We'll find out soon, I guess," said Orson.

At the Pit Stop, the team Ezmarelda called "Red and Four-Eyes" checked in.

"Anthony & Mercedes, you're team number three!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 3RD PLACE.)

"Yes!" Anthony cheered. "We're moving back up!"

At Ezmarelda's house, Roy was preparing to get hit with the clue spell.

"Sorry if I seem a little jittery," she said, "but I've had quite a few Mountain Dews already." She flung the stick, and hit her mark, remarkably. Soon enough, Roy spat out the location of the Pit Stop.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."

"We'd better make sure that's not us! Come on, Roy!"

Back at the bazaar, Mike had just finished the list while Violet Baudelaire still had one more item to get. He and Sulley got their clue in a hurry.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in sixth place.)

Seeing the hut that Ezmarelda called home, Mike grabbed the stuff in one armful and ran over there as fast as he was able.

Over at the Pit Stop, an elderly married couple stepped on the mat.

"Marty and Jennifer, team number four."

(MARTY & JENNIFER 4TH PLACE.)

"Cool! We're moving up!" said Jennifer.

After this, Violet finally got the last item on her list. She grabbed Klaus and went to the inspection table. He passed the orphans and gave them the next clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in last place.)

"Is that Ezmarelda's place, that one with the door standing wide open?" asked Klaus.

The zombie nodded, and the kids dashed inside. They found nothing.

"Ezmarelda?" Violet called out.

"I'll be with you in just a minute!" she answered.

Inside her office, she cast a spell on Sulley to make him spit out the Pit Stop location.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."

"Come on, you big furball, let's roll!"

As soon as the monsters were outside, the orphans rushed into Ezmarelda's inner sanctum.

"Okay, you guys probably know you're in last place, right? Yeah, I'm going to try to speed this up for you," she said.

Ezmarelda snatched the bag from Violet's hand. She dug out the soda and set it on the table. Then she dumped the contents into the pot and chucked it. She went to slug the Mountain Dew, but decided to save it for later instead.

Quickly, she said the incantation, and the second the mixture changed color, she flicked a dollop out of it, right onto Klaus's mouth.

"Travel by taxi to the next Pit Stop, the Hallow's End Travelling Carnival. Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."

As soon as Klaus finished, they both ran like hell out the door and got a taxi.

"I'll be rooting for you guys!" Ezmarelda called out to them as they departed.

Meanwhile, Orson and Roy arrived at the Pit Stop and checked in.

"Orson and Roy, you're team number five!"

(ORSON & ROY 5TH PLACE.)

"Phew," Orson sighed. "We may have fallen a significant margin, but we're still in the race, at least."

Elsewhere on the streets of Hallow's End, Sulley had an issue with his cab driver.

"You're lost, aren't you?" he asked the skeleton.

"I am not lost! I know this city like the band of my metacarpals!"

"What?"

"Hand bones! Trust me, this is the way you want to go." But then he saw a mass of vehicles in front of him. "Oh, damn! I forgot that this street is packed during rush hour."

"Rush hour?" Mike and Sulley asked each other.

"No matter," said the driver, "I know another way!"

Meanwhile, Violet was bothered by the speed of her taxi.

"Can't you make this thing go any faster?"

"No!" the driver shot back. "This horse is going as fast as she can! She may be half dead, but she'll get us where we're going!"

"I know for a fact that a live horse would be much faster," said Klaus.

"That's too damn bad! This is the fastest way around this town, so if you want to walk, you be my guest!"

"Well, excuse me!"

The next shot was one of Ed and the clown inside the tent. Then we see Violet and Klaus getting out of their taxi.

"Here's fine," said Violet, "we can hoof it the rest of the way!"

Then we see Mike and Sulley getting out of their cab.

"We can see the tent from here, thank you!" said Sulley.

We see Violet and Klaus running toward the tent. Then we see Mike and Sulley running. Then we see Ed pointing toward the entrance. We next see a first-person shot of one of the teams running to the mat. Not a very effective one, because we could see a little bony horn sticking out in the corner of the shot. Because of that, we can deduce that MIKE & SULLEY checked into the Pit Stop first.

"Mike and Sulley, you are team number six!"

(MIKE & SULLEY 6TH PLACE.)

"And you guys are still in the Amazing Race!"

"Ooh! We just avoided elimination! More race for us! Ow!" Mike danced his victory dance, the novelty of which had just about worn off.

A sad interlude started to play as Violet and Klaus rushed into the tent.

"Welcome, travelers, to Hallow's End," said the clown.

"Thanks," said Violet.

"Violet and Klaus, you're the last team to arrive."

(VIOLET & KLAUS LAST PLACE.)

"And I am…pleased to tell you that this is the first of four pre-determined non-elimination legs, and you guys are still in the Amazing Race."

"Really?" Klaus said. "Awesome! Just when I thought we were out of luck, we get this very important second chance!"

"Oh, thank you, sir, thank you!" Violet said adoringly.

"Ah, ah, ah," said Ed, "don't get too excited. You know that for coming in last on a non-elimination leg, there is a penalty." They already started to give things over while he explained the penalty.

"You must forfeit all the money you've accumulated so far on the race, and you will not receive any money at the start of the next leg. Also, you must forfeit your backpacks and all your possessions, save your passports and the clothes on your back."

"I had a feeling that this leg would be non-elimination," Klaus told the camera later. "I knew I couldn't bear to give over my spyglass. So, as soon as they said we had lost the Fast Forward, I took out my spyglass and put it inside my coat pocket." He pulled it out and showed it. "That way, even if we did come in last, I wouldn't lose my most valued possession. The rest of the stuff can be replaced, but this can't!"

"I was so happy to hear that we were still in the race, I didn't mind the penalty one bit," confessed Violet. "I know BJ and Tyler came back from suffering this penalty twice to win the whole thing. We can do that too! I'm thinking nothing but good thoughts for the rest of the race!"

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Teams will have a rootin' tootin' time in the Old West hamlet of Peach Town! Will they be able to conquer the perils of the wild wild west? Or ain't they got the gumption? If you want to find out, then "y'all come back now, y'hear?"


	7. Sixth Leg in Peach Town

Before the race continued, Edward Nemo was seen outside a red and white striped tent. It was dark and stormy in the background.

"Have you ever had a nightmare? If you have, it probably came from this place, Hallow's End. Here, there's enough spooky stuff to fill a million nightmares. And near the edge of town is just one of them, the Hallow's End Travelling Carnival. A rare mixture of fun and horror, this nomadic destination was the fifth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"The seven remaining teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. This allowed time for them to eat, sleep (yeah, right!), and mingle with the other teams. Although Mike and Sulley finished sixth on this leg, they have elected to cash in the Time Clock they found on the Eastern Sea, and will depart an hour earlier than they would have otherwise.

"Because first place team Paul & Meist arrived more than one hour ahead of the monsters, Mike & Sulley will depart second overall. Can Paul & Meist maintain the massive lead gained by the Fast Forward? Can Violet & Klaus overcome their heavy penalty and pull out of last place? And will cashing in the Time Clock now prove advantageous to Mike & Sulley?

"Paul & Meist, who were first to arrive at 1:46 AM, will depart at 1:46 PM."

It's daylight, for a change. Of course, most of the businesses are closed. Paul & Meist are standing outside the tent, waiting to open the clue.

"So, that clown we met seemed nice," Paul said. "He's not really that scary once you get to know him."

"Yeah, maybe," Meist responded. "I just wish he wouldn't have kept trying to get up my blouse."

"You and me both." At that moment, they were told it was okay to open the clue, so Paul did.

"Travel to the train depot and board a line bound for Peach Town…"

According to Hallow's End law, airplanes can neither land in nor take off from the airport during the sunlit hours. Instead, teams must travel by train 422 miles to Peach Town, an authentic 1876 western town that was built in 2004. Upon arrival, teams must locate the Ronald Reagan Memorial Saloon, where they will find the next clue.

"…Six teams will have 42 dollars for this leg of the race, one team will have zero dollars," Paul read. As soon as Meist confirmed that all the money was there, they were off.

"Those poor orphans," Meist said while she ran. "I hope they can overcome that massive penalty."

"But not so much that they win instead of us, of course?" Paul asked.

"Oh, yeah, of course!"

"Here's the train station," Paul said. He ran up to the counter, and saw a human, sort of. Well, the guy's face was put together like a patchwork quilt, if you get my drift.

"What do you want?" he said just before a loud yawn.

"Um, we need to get on a train to Peach Town."

"Just my luck," the clerk muttered. "The day I make a bet with my boss that I don't get any customers during the late afternoon shift, some looney tourists want to get to Peach Town in the wee hours of the night!" He got on his computer and typed something. "Okay, there's a train coming into the station at about two-thirty, it'll be in Peach Town about two hours after that. If you're in some kind of race, that would be your best bet."

"Great, we'll take it!"

(PAUL & MEIST – First on Train #1.)

"Hmm," Meist said thoughtfully. "Do you think any other teams will get here while we're waiting?"

"They might," Paul said.

"Then that means the lead we got from the Fast Forward will be shot!"

"Maybe not."

"What do you mean?" Meist asked.

Paul whispered in her ear.

(MIKE & SULLEY are second to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead," Sulley read.

"Let's hurry," Mike said. "Maybe we can catch the Cohas."

The monsters took off. They reached the station with plenty of time to spare.

(MIKE & SULLEY – Second on Train #1.)

"Hello, there," Paul said when they arrived.

"Hey, what's shaking!" Mike responded.

Both teams settled in, and waited for the train to arrive. While they did, Mike had an idea.

"Hey, Sulley. I don't think any other teams are going to make this train."

"Maybe so. Think we can beat them in a footrace?"

"What if we didn't have to?"

"Huh?"

"The clue said 'Caution: Yield ahead.' That means the next thing we'll encounter is the Yield."

"Ah, I see. You want us to Yield Paul & Meist!"

"Precisely!"

"Then we'll have to make sure that we beat them off the train."

"Don't worry, Big Guy, I'll make sure of that!"

Back at the Pit Stop, another team was preparing to leave.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are third to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead." Michael read. "We better hurry, and hope against hope that we're not Yielded a second time."

Shortly after the supers departed, another team did also.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are fourth to depart.)

"…Six teams will have 42 dollars for this leg of the race," read Anthony, "one team will have zero dollars."

"Should we help them out?" Mercedes asked. "They really need the money."

"Sure, but when we see them, okay? We can't afford to leave money were anybody can find it."

"Agreed."

But before the hitchhikers, or the team ahead of them ever got to the train station, the two-thirty train pulled in. MIKE & SULLEY were on their feet before PAUL & MEIST, and managed to procure the seats closest to the door. The train started to pull away just as VIOLET & MICHAEL showed up.

"Hey!" he shouted at the ticket clerk. "We need to get on that train!"

"Sorry, but nobody gets on that train without a ticket, and by the time I sell you a ticket for that rattler, you'll never be able to catch it."

Michael screamed in frustration. "Well, when's the next train to Peach Town?"

"It'll pull in at about three-thirty."

"Fine, we'll take it."

(VIOLET & MICHAEL – First on Train #2.)

Shortly afterward, the bespectacled human and his alien girlfriend arrived. They got their tickets without incident.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES – Second on Train #2.)

"So, who all got on the first train?" Mercedes asked.

"Uh, there was this married couple and two of the locals, I think," answered the clerk.

"That's got to be Paul & Meist and Mike & Sulley. They'll have an hour on all of us."

(MARTY & JENNIFER are fifth to depart.)

"Caution: Yield ahead." Jennifer read. "You don't think that Michael and Violet would Yield us back for Yielding them, do you?"

"Relax, babe," said Marty. "I have it on good authority that the supers left their Yield sticker in Cluedoville. We'll be just fine."

The McFlys departed for the train station.

(ORSON & ROY are sixth to depart.)

"Locate the Ronald Reagan Memorial Saloon to find your next clue." Orson read.

"Wait a minute," Roy said. "Nothing in 1876 was ever named 'Ronald Reagan Memorial anything'! The Gipper wasn't even born yet!"

"It says the city was built in 2004, Roy. Anachronisms are probably a common occurrence in Peach Town."

"I have no idea what you just said, but let's go anyway!"

In time, Marty and Jennifer arrived at the train depot.

"When's the next train leaving for Peach Town?" Marty asked.

"Three-thirty," the clerk told him.

"Great, two tickets, please."

"Here."

(MARTY & JENNIFER – Third on Train #2.)

The McFlys got some dirty looks from Michael and Violet as they passed.

"I'm really glad we're going to the Old West," Marty said to nobody in particular. "Of all the racers, I'm the only one who's had experience in this area."

Back at the tent, there was still one unfortunate team left.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are last to depart.)

"…Six teams will have 42 dollars for this leg of the race," read Violet, "one team will have zero dollars. That's us. Klaus, is all the money there?"

Klaus chuckled. "Yeah, but I wish they wouldn't have given us such small bills!"

Violet laughed again, and they were off.

At the train station, two barnyard critters arrived and got tickets for the next train into Peach Town.

(ORSON & ROY – Fourth on Train #2.)

"Let's see here, we have the McFlys, the hitchhikers, and the supers, and us." Orson said. "I'm guessing that the two teams in front of us got on an earlier train."

"You're guessing correctly, then," said Violet Parr.

"So, that leaves the orphans. How will they get a ticket if they don't have any money?"

"Chill," Anthony said. "I have a plan."

Later, the destitute orphans arrived at the train depot.

"Hi, I'm Violet Baudelaire and this is my brother Klaus. We don't have any money, but we need tickets to Peach Town."

"You're in luck," said the patchwork-faced ticket vendor. "Somebody came here and bought two tickets on a train to Peach Town, and said to deliver them to a Violet and Klaus Baudelaire."

"Really?" Klaus said. "Who?"

"Let me see if I can…aha! His name was Anthony Dent."

"Cool! We'll take them!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS – Fifth on Train #2.)

In the waiting area, Violet B. sought out Anthony. When she found him, she hugged him tightly.

"Thank you. You saved our hides," she whispered in his ear.

"You're welcome. I was happy to do it."

"Somehow, some way, my brother and I will return the favor."

"Thanks, but that really isn't necessary."

About then, the second train pulled into the station. Anthony pulled away from the embrace and insisted that they all get on. They did, but they all jockeyed to get the seats closest to the door.

Those seats went to ORSON & ROY. ANTHONY & MERCEDES could have had the next best seats, but Mercedes insisted that VIOLET & KLAUS take them while she and her partner took the third best seats. MARTY & JENNIFER just beat out VIOLET & MICHAEL for the fourth best seats by inches. Dejected, the supers took the last available seats.

All teams are now travelling by train to Peach Town. MIKE & SULLEY and PAUL & MEIST will arrive at about four-thirty PM, while the other teams will arrive an hour later.

Just as the green one-eyed monster had said, MIKE & SULLEY were off the train before PAUL & MEIST. Mike figured it would be better to get directions now than be lost later, so he asked the gentleman running the ticket booth where he could find the Ronald Reagan Memorial Saloon.

"Why, shore!" the guy said with a heavy Southern accent, "Y'jes go down Main Street, fer 'bout fiddy paces er so, an' id'll be th' buildin' wid dat nice pickder o' th' Teflon Prez-ee-dent."

"Uh, thanks, I guess," said Sulley.

While they were getting directions, PAUL & MEIST started into town.

"Excuse me," said Meist to a female passer-by, "can you tell me where the saloon is?"

"Well, I never!" she said. "A lady shouldn't speak about such things! And in the middle of the daytime!" She slapped the poor racer across the check and left in a huff.

Paul wasn't having much better luck. "Hey, where's the Reagan Saloon?"

"I just came from there! It's that w…whoa! The whole town is spinning. Okay, just let me get my bear…" He never finished, but instead fell down drunk in the street. But then, out of nowhere, the monsters came dashing up the street.

"Meist! I think they know where it is!" Quickly, the carpenter and his wife chased after Mike & Sulley.

"Paul, honey, what about the plan?"

"Don't worry! We let them lead us to the place, then when we can see it for ourselves, we beat them to it!"

"Ah! Clever!"

Unfortunately, it wasn't clever enough. By the time the teams got within sight of the saloon, the monsters had such a lead on the Cohas that they couldn't overtake them. Sulley burst through the swinging doors just like an outlaw in an old western. Mike was not far behind him.

"There's the Yield!" Sulley said.

Before the race resumed, a shot of Ed drinking a shot of whiskey was shown.

"This is the second of only three Yields hidden on the entire race. The first team here can force any team behind them to Yield, or stop racing for pre-determined amount of time. Each team can only use their Yield power once, so they need to decide for themselves the best time to use it. If a team has been forced to Yield, they must turn over this hourglass, and wait for all the sand to run out before continuing."

Beating the humans to the Yield mat by a few steps, Mike and Sulley began the Yielding process. Sulley dug out Paul & Meist's picture and placed it on the sign, while Mike took the number "1" from the stand, then placed their team's "Courtesy of:" sticker in the corner.

"We choose to Yield Paul and Meist," Mike said to the camera. The process was complete, so they dashed to the clue box and took one.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in first place.)

"Make your way to Jane's Outfitters…"

Teams must now travel to this clothing store, known as Jane's Outfitters, which is run by a nice woman, named Jane West. It is she who will give teams the next clue.

"Hurry, Sulley, let's go!" Mike said. They dashed out the door.

While they were doing this, Paul and his wife had already stood on the mat and started the hourglass. The male was fuming, and proceeded to utter a string of obscenities even after their now enemies were gone.

"Hey, hey!" said the bartender. "Watch your language! A little lost time is nothing to get foul about!"

"I'm not upset because of the Yield!"

"Then what the hell was you cussing for?"

"That one-eyed sumbitch stole my idea!"

"Oh. Still, there are ladies present, so you'd best keep an eye on your tongue."

"Yeah, whatever," Paul said and he stood back on the mat.

Outside, the monsters started to run down the dusty streets of Peach Town.

"Whew!" Sulley said. "Is it hot out here, or is it just me?"

"You know, now that you mention it," Mike said, "it is a wee bit warm out here."

"A wee bit? I'm sweating buckets here!"

"Hey, don't complain about it. You could stand to lose a few pounds, you know."

"Oh, will you just shut up about my weight!" Sulley probably shouldn't have said that as loud as he did, but it was too late to take it back now.

"I…I…I'm sorry," Mike said, "I didn't mean…I mean when you didn't say anything about, I just assumed that…oh, never mind."

Sulley chucked. "Apology accepted, I forgive you. Now, let's get back to the race."

"You sure you're not too hot?"

"That cloud up there just gave us a little shade, we'd better take advantage of that."

Back at the saloon, Paul and Meist looked very downtrodden. One of the bar patrons noticed this, and was full of sympathy for them.

"Hey, barkeep," he said, "Give these two each a shot of Red Eye on me!"

"Thanks," Meist said, "but we really shouldn't be drinking. We've got a race to run."

"Alright, make it two lemonades. They look like they could use a cool drink."

"Oh, thank you sir!" Paul said as they took their drinks.

"No problem. Well, I've got somewhere I need to be." He picked up his hat and left.

"Wait," Meist said. "We sure could use a guide on the Race! Can't you help us out?"

"I'd love to, but I have an appointment I must keep." And he was gone.

Meanwhile, the monsters had located Jane's Outfitters. They saw a bunch of clothes around, in strangely modern looking displays. There was a black-haired woman standing behind a counter, wearing period clothing.

"Howdy, y'all!" she said as loud as she could without straining her voice. "You two must be with that race that's comin' through town!"

Mike walked up to her. "That we are," he said sweetly.

"I have somethin' for you!" She reached from behind the counter and pulled out an envelope. She handed it to Mike, who ripped it open.

"Roadblock," he read, "who has more patience?"

The next shot was one of Ed inside Jane's Outfitters.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person will search through the massive selection of Jane's Outfitters. They will dig through all the shirts, pants, hats, boots, etc., for one of seven envelopes. Inside the envelope, they will find instructions and material for the next task they must complete."

"You do this one, Mike," said Sulley.

"All right," he answered. And he set to the task.

He started with a display of shirts. He turned out pockets, dug up into sleeves, even frisked for hidden compartments. But he found nothing. He next looked under a few hats, expecting the envelope to be under them, on the table. And yet nothing.

"This is starting to get boring."

Back at the saloon, Paul had let his hair down, so to speak. He struck up a conversation with the patrons about his job in carpentry.

"Y'know," said one of the old cowboys, "our town schoolhouse has been ailing something awful for the past four months. Maybe after the race, you might see about fixin' 'er up some, eh?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Paul, let's go!" said Meist. "Come on, the hourglass is empty!"

"Oh, right!" He downed the rest of his drink and dashed after his lovely wife while she got her clue.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in second place.)

"Okay, so where's Jane's Outfitters?"

"It's a ways down south. It's about time you two got some decent clothes too!"

"What's wrong with what we're wearing?" asked Meist.

"Nothing. It's just that in that getup, you won't last more than half an hour in the blazing sun."

"Yeah, thanks for the advice." They departed rather quickly.

Meanwhile, at Jane's Outfitters, Mike was just about at the end of his rope. He had searched everywhere, or so he thought.

"I can't find that stupid clue anywhere!" he shouted.

"Are you sure you looked everywhere?" Sulley asked.

"What do you mean 'did I check everywhere'? Of course I checked everywhere! I checked all the pockets of all the shirts and pants, I checked under the hats and the boots, I even checked under the tables!"

"Hmm. Doesn't sound like everywhere to me," said Miss West.

"Where else would the stupid thing be?" Mike said very loudly. Neither Jane nor Sulley said anything. "Wait, where else _would_ that stupid thing be?" Mike said a little more softly. He started to rifle through the clothing, looking everywhere this time.

While he did, another team arrived, much to his chagrin. Paul and Meist got their clue from Jane.

"Hmm, you have more patients, dear," said Paul. "You are a nurse, after all!"

"Okay, I'll do it, in spite of your lousy joke! Hey, Mike, mind telling me where you already looked?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do mind! You want the clue, you can rip out your hair like I did!"

"Uh, Mike, you don't…"

"It's a figure of speech, shut up!"

Mike reached into a boot, and felt something thin and papery. He pulled out a plain white envelope.

"Is this what we're looking for?"

"Yessir, it is," Jane said. "Why don't you go ahead and open it?"

Excitedly, Mike and Sulley opened their envelope. Inside was a 50-dollar bill, and a letter addressed to "Racers,"

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in first place.)

"Take the money," Mike read, "and buy yourself a new wardrobe!"

Teams must now take the fifty dollars found in the envelope and purchase some period clothing from Jane herself. When they are properly decked out, they must travel next door to this old time photograph shop, and have their picture taken for posterity. Once the proof comes back, they will receive the next clue.

"Oh, jeez, I don't know if she carries anything in my size!" Sulley said.

"Relax, there," Jane told him. "When I heard you were coming, I ordered a special ensemble just for you!" While she went into the back room, Mike started to try on some clothes.

"What do you think of this vest?" he asked Paul. "Does is suit me?"

"Looks snazzy," he answered. He was still sore about the Yield, but he wasn't going to lie to the little devil.

Mike then went over to try on hats. Meanwhile, Meist continued to search through the clothes, and Jane returned with a large cowboy outfit. Sulley went to try it on. He emerged from the changing room with his hands on his belt and his eyes narrowed.

"This town ain't big enough for the fourteen of us," he said with a bit of a drawl.

"Well, don't you look like ol' Clint Eastwood!" Jane said. Then she saw Mike, in just a suede vest and a white Stetson. "And I see you're going with a more minimalist approach. It's looks good either way."

"Thanks, toots."

"Okay, your total comes 41 dollars and 58 cents."

They paid her, got their change and left. They stepped quickly to the photo shop next door.

The photographer greeted the monsters with a warm "Howdy!" which they returned. He instructed that they should step into the backroom, where the painted background was set up. They stood in front of it, and struck a pose. The photographer took the picture and went into the darkroom to develop it.

While the picture was still developing, and Meist was still looking for her envelope, the second train arrived. Sequentially, ORSON & ROY, VIOLET & KLAUS, ANTHONY & MERCEDES, MARTY & JENNIFER, and VIOLET & MICHAEL ran from the train and into the streets. Orson got directions from a local, and the other racers all followed him. They got to the saloon in about the same order that they got off the train.

"Hey, look! Paul and Meist were Yielded!" Roy observed.

"Serves them right," Violet B. spat.

"It doesn't matter," said Jennifer. "They're too far in front to be eliminated this leg."

"You never know," Michael said. "Teams have tumbled from first to last."

"Whatever," said Mercedes, "let's just get our clues."

(ORSON & ROY are currently in third place.)

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in fourth place.)

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in fifth place.)

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in sixth place.)

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in last place.)

"Jane's Outfitters," read Klaus. "We better find this place fast!"

All of the racers dashed out of the bar like it was on fire.

Back at the photo shop, the white-bearded photographer emerged from the darkroom.

"Okay, I have your copy for you…"

"Ooh, ooh, let me see!" Mike said excitedly. He grabbed at the photo and looked at it. One could see Sulley in the picture plain as day, but the top of the white Stetson was all of Mike that was in the frame.

"This is unbelievable," Mike said, almost disappointed.

"Mikey," Sulley said, trying to console him.

"I'm in an old timey Western photo! Yahoo!"

Sulley smiled. Mike had always been a bit of a loose cannon.

"And here's your next clue," he said.

Mike tore it open quickly.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in first place.)

"It's a Detour," he read. "Rope 'n' Ride, or Sing 'n' Dance?"

The next shot was one of Ed hanging onto a fence, in a gray cowboy hat.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have to choose between two common activities in Westerns. The choice? Rope 'n' Ride, or Sing 'n' Dance."

"In Rope 'n' Ride, teams will travel a short distance on foot to this animal pen, where they must perform a popular rodeo sport, team roping. Once they complete it satisfactorily, they will receive their next clue. This task is physical, and irrefutably the 'cooler' of the two. However, for teams without roping experience, this task could take a while.

"In Sing 'n' Dance, teams will travel a long distance by stagecoach to this dance hall. Once there, they must participate in a square dance, for a full thirty minutes. At the end of thirty minutes, they will receive the next clue. Players will look incredibly dorky during this task, but it's not physically demanding, and teams can finish it quickly."

"Hmm," Sulley said. "What do you think, Mike?"

"I don't know what 'team roping' is, but you and I can sing and dance with the best of them!"

"True, true. Looks like we'll be a-singin' and a-dancin'!" They departed from the photo store, and they found a stagecoach waiting for them.

Back at the clothing store, Meist was still looking for that envelope. It had been so long; that she started to grow irritated with the task.

"Why can't I find the stupid clue?" she moaned to the heavens.

Just as she did, a smart aleck rooster ran into the store with a stout pig right behind.

"Oh, great, now the rest of the teams are here! Our lead is shot!"

Roy took the clue from Jane and opened it.

"Roadblock. You have more patience, Ors."

No sooner did Orson start looking than VIOLET & KLAUS arrived.

"I think you should do this Roadblock, Klaus." And he did.

After this, ANTHONY & MERCEDES showed up, followed by MARTY & JENNIFER, and then VIOLET & MICHAEL.

"I'll do this one," Anthony said boldly.

"You're much more patient than I am, Jen," said Marty.

"I'd better do this one," Violet P. told her partner.

Now there were six teams inside the outfitters, and it was getting kinda crowded. But nobody was more upset about this than Paul & Meist, the latter more so, as she was doing all the work.

"Just relax, dear," Paul said, trying to calm her down. "Set your own pace. This isn't a race!"

"Yeah, Paul, it kind of _is_ a race!" she shouted back.

"Hey, I got one!" shouted Jennifer.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding!" Meist grumbled. And she resumed her search.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in second place.)

"…Once you have your new outfits, travel to the photo shop next door and have your picture taken," Jen read.

While the McFlys went to pick out some new threads, Violet Parr found something flat and thick inside the sleeve of a flannel shirt. She pulled it out, and saw that it was a white envelope.

"Is this what I'm looking for?" she asked. When Miss West confirmed that it was, they tore it open rapidly.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)

"Hey! Fifty bucks!" Michael said.

"It says we have to buy new outfits with that money."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

About this time, the stage carrying MIKE & SULLEY pulled up to the dance hall. They knew it was the right one, because it had a route marker on the door. They stepped inside, and the crowd was shocked at the sight. And rightfully so, I mean, two monsters just crashed the party, for heaven's sake!

Luckily, the dance caller was forewarned about something like this happening. "Now, now, people, calm down. These creatures, frightening though they may look, mean us no harm! Right, boys?"

"Uh, right!" they said, picking up on his cue.

"They're just here to have a good time. Ain't we all?" The crowd roared in affirmation. "Well, then, why don't we?"

The music started up again, and the patrons resumed dancing. Mike, ever the gentleman, invited one of the locals to dance. She was so entranced by his charm that she forgot about ever being scared of him.

Back at the outfitters, Meist still hadn't found an envelope. She was now in tears, because she had been at this for nearly an hour and still had nothing to show for it.

"This will be our undoing," she moaned. "I just can't find the stupid thing!"

Meanwhile, Marty and Jennifer had purchased their new outfits. Marty was happy to be back in a brown cowboy ensemble, while Jennifer was getting used to walking around in a floor-length blue dress. It took her a full three minutes just to walk the twenty-four yards to the photo shop.

Violet & Michael were still in the store, because, well, Violet was a little, how can I put this nicely, uh, self-conscious of herself.

"Come on, Violet, we have to go!" Michael said.

"I'm not going anywhere in this getup! I look like freaking Scarlett O'Hare!"

"I know you think you look dorky, but I'm sure it's not that bad!"

"You wouldn't know, you haven't seen it!"

"Well, then come out of there, and let me see it!"

"No!"

"Vi, I don't care how dorky it is, this is a fictional million dollars we're talking about here! Look, if it doesn't look good on you, I'll wear it myself!" The words were out, and he couldn't take them back, much as he wanted to.

But it worked. Violet stepped out of the changing room. She wanted to disappear, but the power inhibitor wouldn't let her.

"It looks great," Michael said. "Red is really your color!"

"Oh, you're just saying that so you don't have to wear the dress!"

"No, I'm really not! It's just a happy coincidence."

"Fine, I'll wear it, but as soon as we get our picture taken, I'm changing back into my normal clothes, okay?"

"Deal." They paid for the clothes and left in a hurry.

Meanwhile, Klaus made a pleasant discovery in a pair of snakeskin boots.

"Hey, I found it!" he cheered.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in fourth place.)

Meist watched as they opened the plain white envelope and take out the fifty dollars.

"Wait a minute, that's the envelope were looking for? A plain white one? All this time I thought it would be one with the race logo on it! Oh, man, I found like eight of those, but I left them alone!"

Paul was having mixed emotions for the first time in his life. On the one hand, he was upset that his wife could have ended this agony sooner, and yet she didn't, because she was ignorant. On the other hand, he was very glad that the nightmare would soon be over anyway. He ran over when Meist located one of the envelopes she earlier ignored.

(PAUL & MEIST are currently in fifth place.)

"Let's hurry, we have to make up for lost time," Meist said.

Over at the photo shop, MARTY & JENNIFER had gotten their photo back from the darkroom.

"Well, you did a very fine job, there," Jennifer said. "I haven't looked this good in a picture since my high school yearbook!"

"Thank you, I do my mother proud every day when I take a good picture. Here's your next clue."

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in second place.)

"Think we can rope cattle, dear?" asked Jen.

"It's worth a shot!"

They set out on foot. As they left, they nearly collided with VIOLET & MICHAEL, who were on their way to the photo shop.

"Okay, we're here, let's get this over and done with," said Violet.

About this time, both Orson and Anthony found their envelopes.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are tied for sixth place with ORSON & ROY.)

While the farm critters and the hitchhikers picked out clothes, VIOLET & KLAUS had bought new threads with the much-needed fifty bucks. Right on their heels were PAUL & MEIST, who were trying their hardest to pass the orphans.

Meanwhile, MIKE & SULLEY were nearing the end of their half-hour. For what would be their last dance, they took the center of the floor, and a spotlight shone on them. Sulley did a simple little shuffle of his feet, while Mike really cut a rug. As the last few seconds ticked away, he threw his hat into the air, spun around on his round bottom, and caught the hat at the very end of the spin, for a big finish.

The crowd clapped wildly.

"Thank you, thank you! Don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses!" Mike said while he drank in the applause. Sulley, on the other hand, was more concerned with getting the next clue.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in first place.)

"Travel by foot to the next Pit Stop…"

Teams must now travel on foot from the dance hall, or by horseback from the animal pens, to the center of town. Once there, they must locate the Peach Town courthouse, and find the old jail inside. This now retired incarceration facility is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

The monsters dashed out of the dance hall and ran as fast as their legs would permit.

At the photo shop, Violet Parr had changed back into the clothes she was wearing at the start of the leg. Michael, on the other hand, found his duds to be quite comfortable, and decided to leave them on. The photographer returned with their picture.

"Oh, man, my eyes were closed!" Michael said. "Can we take another one?"

"NO!" Violet shouted. "Uh, I mean, no, this one's fine. We really must get going!"

"If you say so," said the photographer. "Here's your next clue."

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in third place.)

"Hmm. I think we should try the Rope 'n' Ride thing," said Michael. Violet agreed.

As they set out for the animal pens, they saw VIOLET & KLAUS waiting in line for the photographer, and PAUL & MEIST behind them. Outside, they saw ANTHONY & MERCEDES rushing to the photo shop, with ORSON & ROY close behind.

Over at the animal pens, MARTY & JENNIFER had just arrived. They were greeted by a young cowboy dressed in typical attire.

"You folks here to do some ropin'?" he asked.

"Yessireebob!" Jen said, trying to get into the Western spirit.

"If you'll look over yonder, those friends of mine will show you what to do." He pointed to another pen. In the chute were a calf and two cowpokes on horses.

The chute was opened and the calf took off running. The calf was tied to a rope, to ensure that it got a head start. When it reached the end of the rope, a little thread snapped, releasing the horses. Both the riders started to twirl their lassoes while they gave chase. The lead cowboy threw his rope and caught the calf by its head. He tightened the rope and turned the cow to the side. Then the cowgirl behind him threw her rope to the ground and caught the calf by its legs. The calf stumbled and fell. A whistle was blown to signify that they were finished. All of this happened in about 6 seconds.

"Whoa!" Jen said astonished. "We have to do that?"

"That's right."

"Relax, we got this," Marty assured his wife.

The McFlys were escorted over to one of the empty pens. Marty mounted his horse with ease, while Jennifer needed a little help. They were handed ropes. Marty showed Jen a few pointers in handling the lariat. She now felt like she was ready. They agreed that Jen would catch the calf by the head while Marty would catch it by the heels.

It was just when they were about to start when…it hit! VIOLET & MICHAEL were still hoofing it to the animal pens, while MIKE & SULLEY were running to the Pit Stop. VIOLET & KLAUS had just gotten their picture back, and had elected to do the Sing 'n' Dance Detour. The unfortunate orphans were just about to step into the stagecoach when…it hit! What hit, you ask? A duststorm, that's what!

At the animal pens, the nearby cowboys got wind of it first.

"Bandanas up!" they shouted. Marty was fortunate to have bought a bandana earlier. Jennifer, unfortunately, had no such luck.

"Shut your eyes, cover your mouth and nose, and breathe through your hand!" someone shouted. She did, and it worked.

The supers were on the streets, when they suddenly felt a whole lot of dust in their eyes. They did an about-face and scratched at them until they stopped itching. Then, they felt a lot of sand coming at their backs. In that moment, both Violet and Michael froze. They found they could breathe just fine as long as they kept their backs to the wind.

"Vi!" Michael shouted over the din of the storm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah!" she yelled. "You?"

"Never better!"

"So, do we just stand here until this dust dies down?"

"I guess so!"

Elsewhere in town, Mike and Sulley dealt with the duststorm in a different way. As soon as the dust started to pick up, they ran perpendicular to the wind until they were between buildings. Once there, Sulley shook out whatever dust was caught in his fur, much to Mike's chagrin.

"Okay, we'll just stay right here until the duststorm quits. Hopefully, we'll still be in first place."

"Can't think of a better plan than that."

The Baudelaires were lucky in this situation. All they had to do was get in the stage, and they would be protected from the storm. Unfortunately, their driver also had to get into the cabin to get out of the storm.

"Don't worry," he told them. "Duststorms don't last long in Peach Town. We should be ready to go in five, ten minutes tops."

Inside the photo shop, the duststorm didn't hinder the last three teams' progress. While PAUL & MEIST were getting their picture developed, Mercedes noticed the duststorm outside.

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "This should complicate things a little bit."

In the back, the white-bearded photographer emerged from the darkroom with their proof. He handed them the clue, which they tore open.

(PAUL & MEIST are still in fifth place.)

"Another Detour," Paul said.

"I used to take riding lessons from an expert," said Meist. "I hope I can remember my lessons."

They ran out to the main room, and stopped when they saw the dust.

"Great, we're stuck here!" Paul complained. "First the Yield, then the mishap at the Roadblock, now this! What else can go wrong?"

While they waited for the dust to quit, the hitchhikers followed the old photographer to the back room. He commented on how attractive Mercedes looked in green, to which she simply blushed. He took their picture quickly, and went to develop it.

While he was developing that photo, the duststorm finally died down, an agonizing seven minutes after it started.

VIOLET & MICHAEL dusted themselves off and continued to run. So did MIKE & SULLEY. VIOLET & KLAUS's driver stepped outside and started up the carriage. PAUL & MEIST burst out of the photo shop like a rocket.

Back at the animal pen, MARTY & JENNIFER could finally start their first attempt at roping the calf. Jennifer signaled that she was ready.

The chute opened and the calf took off. When it had enough of a head start, Jen and Marty came out after it. So far, so good.

Jen nervously lifted her rope and twirled it just like Marty had shown her. She kept her eyes open and threw with purpose, as if the very million depended on it. To her surprise, she caught the calf!

Jen pulled on the rope and tightened it around the calf's neck. Then she turned the calf so Marty could snare his heels. Marty tossed his rope to the ground, and when the calf stepped into the loop, he pulled it tight. With a surprised moo, the calf tumbled. A judge blew his whistle and gave a thumbs-up.

"Yes!" Marty said. He led his horse around to the official, who handed him a clue.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in second place.)

"Ride your horses to the next Pit Stop, the Peach Town courthouse…" he read.

The McFlys rode their horses back into town.

Back at the photo shop, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had just gotten their picture back, along with the next clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in sixth place.)

"Yeah, I don't think I'm cowgirl material," Mercedes confessed.

"Me either. I mean, uh, you know what I mean. Let's go!"

While they were leaving, and the barnyard animals were getting snapped, two very rhythmic monsters were searching the courthouse for Ed and the mat. They found him at the old jail, standing next to a policeman with a star-shaped badge. They stepped on the mat with a jump.

"Howdy," said the man who was clearly the sheriff, "and welcome to Peach Town."

"Thank you," Sulley said.

"Mike and Sulley, you are team number one!"

(MIKE & SULLEY 1ST PLACE.)

Mike's jaw dropped. "Yes! First place, babeeeee!"

"And I have more good news for you!" Ed said.

"A prize, for us?" Mike asked.

"Yes! As the winners of this leg of the race, you have won a deluxe vacation package to Munich, Germany. First class flights, spacious accommodations, free room service, sightseeing, all courtesy of Travelocity, and you can enjoy that after the race."

Sulley's mouth was watering just thinking about it. "Oh, man, that is going to be so fantastic!"

"And now, for the bad news. Guess where you guys are staying tonight?" The sheriff held up his keys and jingled them.

"What? No, not in the jail?"

"I'm afraid so."

While this was happening, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived at the animal pens. After seeing the team roping demo, Michael began to have second thoughts.

"I don't think I can do this," he muttered.

"Would you rather do the dancing one instead?" Violet asked. She wasn't being sarcastic, it was a legitimate question. However, Michael didn't catch that.

"You're right," he said, "we have to do this one."

Elsewhere, VIOLET & KLAUS quietly snuck into the dance hall, and proceeded to get their groove on, so to speak.

Back at the photo shop, ORSON & ROY got their clue from the photographer, along with their proof.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in last place.)

"I think the team roping thing would be our cup of tea," said Orson.

"Then what are we still doing here?" Roy asked.

While they hoofed it to the animal pens, MARTY & JENNIFER slowed their horses down at the entrance to the courthouse. They tied the beasts to the hitchin' post and went inside.

"The clue said that we'd find Ed near the old jail, now where is it?" Marty asked.

"There's a route marker!" Jen shouted. The elderly couple ran that way, and found the mat.

"Marty and Jennifer, you're team number two!"

(MARTY & JENNIFER 2ND PLACE.)

"Yes! We're moving back up!" Marty said.

"Now, you see those guys?" Ed nodded toward the cell where Mike & Sulley were. "Guess where you're staying tonight?"

"Oh, no!" Jen moaned.

"That's cool," Marty said. "I've always wanted to spend an evening behind bars."

While the McFlys were being checked into the old gray bar hotel, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the dance hall.

Over at the animal pens, VIOLET & MICHAEL were having trouble mastering the skill of roping the calf. Michael had no problem roping the calf's neck, but Violet just couldn't get it around its heels.

"It's no use!" Violet moaned after their third failed attempt. "I'll never be able to catch it by the heels. I probably could snag its neck, though."

"Hmm," said Michael. "You don't you be the header, and I'll be the heeler?"

"Do you really think that will work?"

"I'm willing to try anything at this point."

So, they switched positions. Violet would now ride out first, and rope the calf's head, while Michael followed and roped the calf's heels. Just before they tried for the fourth time, PAUL & MEIST arrived.

"This looks promising," Meist said.

"Y'all are just in time," said the cowboy running the show. "I think them two're 'bout to do it right."

He pointed over to the pen where the supers were. The calf had already been released, and Violet had given chase. She swung her rope wildly and threw it like a baseball. She caught the bovine by the neck and turned it sideways. Michael tossed his rope to the ground and snared the calf by the heels. They did it in about 25 seconds.

"Wow, that's impressive," said Paul.

"Eh, it's not that great. The best ones can do it in a fraction of their time."

Still, they had done it, and they got the next clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in third place.)

"…Once there, you will find Ed at the old jail," read Violet.

"Hyah!" Michael shouted to the horse. They were off.

When they were gone, Paul & Meist were directed to the pen. Meist mounted her horse easily, but Paul had a little trouble. He got on the horse easily enough, but…

"Um, honey, do you need some help? Or do you enjoy staring at the horse's ass?"

"Oh, shut up!" he shouted. He spun around to face the right way, and entered the chute.

During their first attempt, Paul tried to rope the calf by the head, but missed. In the second attempt, he missed again. For the third attempt, Meist tried her hand at the head position, and she…missed.

Meanwhile, over at the dance hall, Violet Baudelaire found Anthony Dent in the corner of the room. She danced over to him.

"Howdy, cowboy," she said.

"Oh, hello, Violet."

"You know, I never got to properly thank you for helping us out back at the train station."

"I told you, that wasn't necessary."

"My brother and I are just about finished here, so, maybe, if you wanted to, I could trouble you for one last dance?"

"If I say yes, will that make us even, and you'll stop bugging me about it?"

"Of course."

"Then, I would be honored."

Anthony escorted the young girl to the center of the floor. They danced a Texas two-step for quite a while. After the dance, Violet commented on Anthony's skill.

"Let's do this again sometime," she whispered in his ear.

Anthony pulled away. He started to look for Mercedes. Meanwhile, Klaus pulled his sister toward the door. In his hand was the next clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in fourth place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated. That can't be us again, sister!"

"All right," Violet said and she ran with her brother to the Pit Stop.

Speaking of which, VIOLET & MICHAEL had arrived there a while back. They checked in.

"Violet & Michael, you're team number three!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 3RD PLACE.)

"That's okay, we're still in this," Michael said.

"Now, can you guess where you guys are staying tonight?"

Violet looked and saw two cells occupied by two other teams. "We're staying in the prison?"

"No, this is just jail, where we hold you until your trial date. Prison is where you serve your sentence."

"Well, thank you for that criminology lesson. We've been agonizing over that since the start of the race!"

"Okay, I've heard enough," said the sheriff. "It's the can for you two!"

While, the chief officer of the law was manhandling the supers, PAUL & MEIST…still hadn't gotten the hang of this team-roping thing. While they faltered ORSON & ROY arrived, ready to rope 'n' ride.

The barnyard animals mounted their horses and were led into another pen. They agreed that Roy would be the header and Orson would be the heeler. When Roy signaled he was ready, they began. Roy roped that calf like an expert, and so did Orson!

"Wow," said the official. "I've seen humans do it faster than that, but I've never seen two animals rope a calf, much less that fast! Where did you ever learn to rope like that?"

"When you live on a farm, you have to know how to rope a calf," said Orson.

"How true."

(ORSON & ROY are currently in fifth place.)

"Ride your horses to the next Pit Stop!" Roy read.

The rooster and the pig rode away.

On seeing this, PAUL & MEIST got very discouraged.

"Maybe we weren't cut out to be cowboys after all," said Paul.

"You want to do the dancing thing?" Meist asked.

"I think we better." They dismounted and left. But before they did, Paul turned back to the cowboy who greeted them. "I guess we let you down, huh?"

"Naw. Ain't no shame in knowin' what you can do an' what you can't do. You city slickers can't rope cattle, but that's okay. Good luck, though."

Over at the courthouse, two orphans were checking in.

"Violet and Klaus, team number four!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 4TH PLACE.)

"Yes!" Klaus cheered. "We're out of the cellar, and moving back up!"

"Now, guess where…" Ed never finished, because Violet beat him to it.

"We're staying in the jail?"

"How did you ever know? Are you psychic or something?"

"Lucky guess."

As they were being locked up, the hitchhiker team had just finished their half-hour of dancing. They got their next clue and ripped it open.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in sixth place.)

"Travel by foot to the next Pit Stop…" Anthony read.

"Come on, we've got no time to lose!" They started running.

As they ran, they noticed another stagecoach pulling up to the dance hall. PAUL & MEIST stepped out of it and inside.

Anthony and Mercedes kept running until they came within sight of the courthouse. When they got there, they saw ORSON & ROY tying up their horses. They quickly exchanged greetings and ran inside. Then, they started to look all over for the mat. Mercedes found it first, and she and Anthony checked in.

"Anthony and Mercedes, you're team number five!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 5TH PLACE.)

"Whew," Anthony sighed. "We'll take it."

"Either of you care to guess where you'll be staying tonight?"

"Oh, man, the jailhouse?"

"Yep."

"That's okay, we've been here before," said Mercedes.

"Okay, could you step off the mat, please?" They stepped off so that Orson and Roy could step on.

"Orson and Roy, you are team number six!"

(ORSON & ROY 6TH PLACE.)

"Oh, rats!" Roy said. "We're falling."

"But you guys are still in the Amazing Race."

"Only by a thread."

"Yeah, well, I hate to bear bad news when you're in such a gloomy mood already, but you guys will be staying in the jailhouse tonight."

Orson sighed. "Oh, well, at least we can still win it."

A sad interlude played as the very last team checked in.

"Welcome to Peach Town," said the sheriff.

"Hey, I know you," Paul said. "You're the guy who bought us lemonade at the saloon!"

"That's me," he answered.

"Paul and Meist," said Ed, "you're the last team to arrive."

(PAUL & MEIST LAST PLACE.)

"I'm sorry to tell you that you've been eliminated from the race."

Meist burst into tears on hearing the news. "First to last! How humiliating!"

"You two have been fierce competitors, and I'm really sorry to see you go."

"I really wanted to win," Paul mused. "We did our best, but it just wasn't good enough, I guess."

Later, Paul unburdened his soul to the camera. "I don't blame Meist for us losing. She's an amazing woman, capable of things I had never imagined. We may not be millionaires, but I had a good time on the race. No regrets."

"I love my husband," Meist confessed, "stubbornness and all. We've really gotten closer together during the race. I had almost forgotten that he was a good dancer, until we slow danced in Peach Town." Meist dried her eyes. "I'm just glad it's over. I miss my kids, and I really want to hear their voices again."

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Our teams will blast off into the final frontier, and explore the Martian colony of New Chicago. Can they survive the harsh red planet? Can they survive the harsh inhabitants? Six teams remain, which one will be eliminated next?


	8. Seventh Leg in New Chicago

Before the race continued, Ed was seen behind bars.

"This is Peach Town," he said. "On its face, it may look like a century old frontier town, but this city was actually built in the 21st century. As a result, anachronism is rampant in the town. But like any frontier town, the courthouse is in the center of town. This hallowed hall of the law was the sixth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"The six remaining teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. The teams have no idea what's in store for them on the coming leg. Their only knowledge of the racecourse comes from a sequence of clues that they receive. Will Mike and Sulley maintain their lead? Can Orson and Roy make a rally and pull out of last place? And how long can Marty and Jennifer stay at the top of the pack?

"Mike and Sulley, who were first to arrive at 5:59 PM, will depart at 5:59 AM."

It was dark inside the jail, but the sun was just about to rise. The blue-furred monster and his green one-eyed friend were still in their jail cell, but they held the next clue in their hands. Sulley had shed his Western garb, but Mike liked the vest, and decided to keep it. The sheriff stood just outside the cell, waiting to open it.

(MIKE & SULLEY are first to depart.)

"Travel by train to Dreamland Omnitransport Terminal?"

Now, in order to maintain historical accuracy, Peach Town cannot house the type of transportation needed for the racers to reach their next destination. So, teams will have to travel by train 190 miles into the desert to this place. The Dreamland Omnitransport Terminal, also known as the DOT, has every from of transportation known to man, but most importantly, this space shuttle. It is on this shuttle that teams will blast off for the Martian colony of New Chicago. When they arrive, teams must locate this statue of New Chicago's founder, Stephen Green, to find the next clue.

"You will have 139 dollars for this leg of the race," Mike read. When the sheriff unlocked their cell door, he may as well have been releasing a pack of dogs to chase after a three-legged calf. (Local metaphor.)

The monsters tore through the streets much faster than on the previous leg; they didn't have the heat of the sun to slow them down. They arrived at the train station just as the sun peeked out over the horizon.

"When's the next train to the DOT?" asked Sulley.

"It leaves here at 7:30 AM," said the ticket vendor.

"Okay." Sulley took his and Mike's tickets and they moseyed over to the waiting area.

"You realize that all the other teams are going to catch up with us, right, Sul?"

"I'm not worried. This happens a lot on the race."

(MARTY & JENNIFER are second to depart.)

"Once you land, search for the founder's statue to receive your next clue," read Jennifer.

"Oh, wow," said Marty. "A city on another planet? Cool!"

The sheriff released them and they ran just a little bit slower than Mike and Sulley did. (Which, for people their age, is really saying something!) They were still running when the next team departed.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are third to depart.)

"From the DOT, board a chartered space shuttle bound for New Chicago…" Michael read.

"You know, I've always wanted to go to Mars," said Violet.

"Okay, I guess you two aren't a threat to the town or anything else, so you're free to go," said the sheriff as he opened their cell door.

"YES! Sweet freedom! Oh, how I've missed you so much!"

"Mike, you've only been in the can for twelve hours!"

"I know, but this is my first jail scene, so I want it to count."

Violet rolled her eyes. "Whatever, let's just go." And they did.

Meanwhile, The McFlys had arrived at the train depot. They got tickets for the 7:30 train. Then they joined Mike & Sulley in the waiting area.

"Here's hoping that Michael and Violet get lost along the way," said Marty.

"Yeah, I don't think they will," said Sulley.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are fourth to depart.)

"Huh," Klaus said. "I wasn't aware there was a colony on Mars."

"Brother of mine, you forget that this is Dreamland. Anything is possible!"

"Oh, yeah. I'm not too good at just rolling with it."

"By the time the race is over, you will be!"

They were released and they sprinted for the train station. They ran so fast, that they got to the train station at about the same time as VIOLET & MICHAEL. After they got their tickets, they went to the waiting area. The Baudelaires were greeted warmly, whereas the supers mostly got the cold shoulder.

"So, who's still missing?" asked Jennifer.

"The U.S. Acres team, and the hitchhikers," Klaus said.

"Oh, I sure hope Anthony makes the 7:30 train!" Violet B. beamed.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are fifth to depart.)

"This Dreamland place just keeps getting stranger," Mercedes said. "First, there was the city of talking animals, then a place that's like a perpetual bad horror movie, now a city on that empty red boulder they call Mars? What's next? A city floating in the sky?"

"I wouldn't put it past them," Anthony said.

They were released from their cell, just as the last team was opening their clue.

(ORSON & ROY are last to depart.)

"You will have 139 dollars for this leg of the race," read Orson.

"50, 70, 90, 110, 120, 125, 130, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, it's all here," said Roy.

The sheriff released the barnyard critters, which ran after the hitchhikers and tried to pass them. They were not successful, unfortunately.

"When's the next train?" asked Anthony.

"It'll be here in about ten minutes," said the ticket vendor.

"Wow, that doesn't leave much time," Mercedes noted. "I sure hope Orson and Roy make it."

They walked into the waiting area to cheers from the other racers.

Outside, Orson and Roy kept running. Their hearts pounded in their chests.

At 7:28, the racers at the train station waiting anxiously, hoping against hope that the last team would make it. In the background, they heard a train whistle.

Orson and Roy heard it too, so they doubled their pace.

When they arrived at the ticket counter, Roy had just enough breath to ask one question…

"Is it too late to buy tickets for this train?"

"You mean the 7:30? No, not at all! Would that be two tickets, one for each of you?"

Orson nodded.

"Have a good one," said the vendor as the animals took their tickets.

Meanwhile, the other racers started to board the train. They sat wherever was most comfortable, figuring it would be better to jockey for good seats on the rocket. They also worried about Orson and Roy.

"They were such nice critters," Violet Parr mused.

"Orson told the best stories I had ever heard," added Mercedes.

"I sure hope they make it," said Jennifer.

"ALL ABOARD!" screamed the conductor.

The doors of the train were shut, and everyone was disappointed, thinking that those loveable critters had missed the train. But, man, were they ever surprised when they saw ORSON & ROY strolling down the aisle!

Klaus jumped out of his seat and gave Roy a tackle hug. Orson exchanged high-fives with the other racers.

"Orson is one of the nicest guys I've ever met," Michael Huey said in a voice-over. "When I saw him on that train with the rest of us, I was elated. If I couldn't win this race, I'd want him and Roy to win."

After about four hours on the train, they arrived at the DOT. The place sure lived up to its name. In addition to the train station they were treading on, there was an airport, a bus depot, a car rental counter, and even a helicopter-landing pad. But most important at the moment was the rocket launching pad.

The racers didn't need any route markers to tell them where their next ride was. Somehow, a large orange rocket was information enough. Almost all of the racers were excited about blasting off in the rocket. Mercedes, however, had a few apprehensions.

"Are the producers even sure this back-ass-ward thing can reach escape velocity?" she asked. "It's huge! What's fueling it anyway? It's not going to run on liquid oxygen, is it? That stuff explodes, you know!"

"Yeah, I think that's what they're counting on!" said Orson.

"So, how can we be sure that it won't blow up on the launching pad and kill us all?"

"We can't!" said Klaus. "But, there's no other way for us to get to New Chicago, so we kind of have to take it or leave it!"

"And another thing," said Sulley, "Aren't you some kind of alien? Shouldn't a rocket ship be right up your alley?"

"Maybe, if it was a decent starship, with artificial gravity, some tile floors, an advanced navigation system, maybe a juice bar or something. But this, this, this, is basically a tin can with wings that goes wherever the laws of physics dictate!"

"And that's bad…how?" asked Violet Baudelaire.

Mercedes threw her hands up in disgust. "Humans, there's just no talking to you people!"

"I'm standing right here!" Anthony yelled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't, I mean, uh, well, you know, I mean, I'm just so sorry."

"Apology accepted, I know you didn't mean anything by it."

Anyway, the racers ran to the rocket, figuring that the first team there would secure the best seats. Even Mercedes ran. As important as those amenities were to the red-haired alien, a fictional million was much more important.

Ironically, she was the first racer to the rocket. Her boyfriend Anthony wasn't far behind. They boarded the shuttle and started to look for the best seats. But they had a surprise waiting for them in the very best seat.

"Hey, guys,"

"Ed? Edward Nemo, is that you?" asked Anthony.

"No, it's Phil Kehogan! Of course it's me!"

Anthony laughed nervously. "Well, um, Ed, uh, what are you doing here?"

"Hey, I have to get to that Pit Stop somehow! Phil often takes the same flights as the teams, so why shouldn't I?"

"Oh…"

"And besides, there wasn't enough money in the budget for a second rocket, so if I don't get to New Chicago this way, I'm not going to get there at all."

As they took their seats, a thought occurred to Mercedes. "Hey, if there's not enough money for a second rocket, how in the hell are we going to get back from New Chicago?"

"You know, I asked that question myself, and the producers said they'd take care of it."

"How?"

"They said 'that's for us to know and you to find out'. Yeah, they keep secrets from the host too."

As soon as Ed said that, VIOLET & MICHAEL stepped on board. They were just as surprised to see the host there as the hitchhikers were. Ed was already in the best seat, with Ant and Mer next to him, so they took the next best seats.

After the supers came ORSON & ROY, who took the third best seats. Then came MARTY & JENNIFER, VIOLET & KLAUS, and lastly, MIKE & SULLEY.

Once all six teams were on board, the crew of the shuttle prepped the craft for take-off. At the time, they were go, no-go for launch. One by one, they checked off the things on their checklist. They were go for launch.

"This is Commander Slevin, requesting permission to launch, DOT."

"Granted, Slevin. You are confirmed at T minus 15 seconds and counting."

"Attention racers: We're about to launch. During takeoff, you will likely experience an increase in gravitational force. This is normal. Our estimated travel time to New Chicago is 37 hours, 18 minutes, 22 and a half seconds."

"My, they're precise, aren't they?" said Jennifer.

"T minus 5 seconds, 4, 3, 2, 1. Ignition." The roar of the rocket was deafening. "Liftoff." The racers were pinned to their seats by the increased gravitational force. "We have liftoff!"

"I can't feel my butt anymore!" Violet Parr shouted over the din.

This increased weight sensation lasted for a good long thirty minutes. Once the shuttle had escaped the pull of gravity, the commander came on the radio.

"This is Commander Slevin, racers, we are now travelling through the deep void of space. At this time, I have turned off the seat beat light, you are now free to move about the cabin."

Mercedes unbuckled her seat beat, and found her body unexpectedly floating up toward the ceiling.

"Huh. So this is what microgravity feels like, is it?"

One by one, the rest of the participants unbuckled themselves and just swam in the microgravitational sea that enveloped the shuttle. Their reactions were mixed.

"I feel two whole inches taller!" said Violet Baudelaire.

"It feels like the best mattress in the universe," said Sulley.

"I think I'm going to be sick!" said Marty.

Roy couldn't quite get the hang of it, and kept bumping into things. It was funny for the others, for him, not so much.

All teams are now flying to Mars on board the shuttle. They will land in New Chicago, a human colony founded by Stephen Green. When teams land, they will have to locate this statue of the man, in order to receive their next clue.

"Attention racers: this is Commander Slevin, we're about to land in New Chicago. Please return to your seats and fasten your safety belts as we begin our decent."

The shuttle landed rather bumpily, but that's expected, because the thing has no landing gear. When the racers (and Ed) disembarked from the shuttle, they were taken aback by the sight of New Chicago. It looked pretty much like every other city they had seen.

"Hmm. If it weren't for the reduced gravity," said Klaus, "I'd swear this was the earth."

While the others were still admiring the beauty of the city, VIOLET & MICHAEL quietly stole away from the rest of the pack. ANTHONY & MERCEDES noticed this and took after them.

MIKE & SULLEY stopped a person walking down the street. He took one look at the monsters and ran away screaming. Another person saw this.

"You'll have to excuse him," she said, "he gets a little jumpy sometimes. Can I help you?"

"Um, yes, we're looking for a statue of Stephen Green?"

"Ah, yes, that will be right in the center of town. You really can't miss it!"

"Okay, thanks!" And they took off in a taxicab. Unbeknownst to the monsters, VIOLET & KLAUS had heard the entire exchange, and were following them.

Somewhere in town, Violet Parr was already tired of running. She called out to Michael, and begged him to hire a taxi. He was pretty worn out too, so that's what he did. The hitchhikers hired a taxi too, and told him to "follow them, and pass them if you have to!"

It was around this time that ORSON & ROY realized that the other teams had departed. They watched dumbfounded as MARTY & JENNIFER got into a yellow cab.

"Oh, no! We're in last place now!" Orson said.

"Quick! If we get a cab now, we might be able to pass the McFlys and stay in this race!" Roy suggested.

"Good idea! TAXI!" Another yellow car pulled up. "Take us to the statue of Stephen Green, and step on it!"

Time passed as the teams rode around the city. About fifteen minutes after the shuttle landed, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived at the statue of New Chicago's founder.

"Thanks," Violet said as she paid for the taxi. Michael raced over to the clue box. Right beside it was another box, with six smaller boxes in it. The smaller boxes each had a five-digit combination lock on it. There was a sign nearby that said, "Each team must take one."

"Hmm. I wonder what it's for?" Michael asked nobody in particular.

Shortly after that, Ed was shown on screen explaining it.

"Each of these boxes contains a toy airplane. The first team to open the box and bring the plane to the Pit Stop will win a special prize. All six boxes require the same numerical sequence to open, but teams are not given the combination. They are told instead that they will find it somewhere on the leg."

"Okay, so we'll have to keep our eyes open for a five-digit number while we race," said Violet. She took a clue from the clue box and ripped it open.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in first place.)

"It's a Detour. Hot or Cold?"

The next shot was one of Ed standing on a volcano.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with it's own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between Hot and Cold.

"In Hot, teams must take these marked bicycles to the Martian volcano Elysium Mons. Once there, they must both repel into its heart, and retrieve their next clue from a perch surrounded by red-hot magma. This task is extremely frightening, but teams who can muster up the courage can finish it quickly.

"In Cold, teams will be shuttled by bus to the Martian North Pole, where they must search through the ice and snow to find the next clue. There's nothing very frightening or dangerous about this task, but searching the ice and snow can be frustrating, and may take a long time."

"We have to do the volcano thing," said Michael.

As the supers mounted their tandem bicycle, ANTHONY & MERCEDES retrieved their clue and locked box. Mercedes studied the box carefully.

"What do you think is inside it?" she asked nobody.

"We'll find out soon enough," said Anthony. "Right now, let's focus on the race." He ripped open the clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"We should to Hot," said Anthony. "It's faster."

"Are you sure?" asked Mercedes.

"Sure that it's faster, or sure that I want to do it?"

"Sure that you want to do it."

"No, but I am sure it's faster. Who knows, maybe this will be one of those things that I'll be glad I did later."

Mercedes stuck the box and the clue in her bag. Then they mounted the tandem bicycle and pedaled toward Elysium Mons.

(BTW: Elysium Mons is a real volcano on Mars. Yeah, I do my research. It's just south of where I decided to put New Chicago.)

Long after they left, MIKE & SULLEY had arrived at the statue. Mike extracted a clue from the box, but didn't notice the locked boxes next to it. Fortunately, Sulley noticed them, and took one. While Mike read the clue, VIOLET & KLAUS got out of their cab and took their clue and box.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently tied for third place with VIOLET & KLAUS.)

"Hot or Cold?" Mike said. "What do you think, furball?"

"The volcano one is faster," Sulley answered.

"What do you say, brother?" asked Violet.

"I say let's show that volcano who's boss!"

The monsters and the orphans pedaled away.

Some time later, MARTY & JENNIFER's taxi pulled up to the statue. ORSON & ROY weren't far behind. They got their boxes and clues in rapid succession.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently tied for last place with ORSON & ROY.)

"Volcano," said Marty. "We have to do that, it faster!"

"If their doing Hot, we have to do Hot too," said Roy. "We have to try to pass them if we can!"

They each hopped on a tandem bike and pedaled away.

Just about this time, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived at the base of Elysium Mons. They got a good look at the volcano, but were not disheartened. Very much. Okay, so they were a little scared, but wouldn't you be? Yeah, I thought so! But, I digress.

Anyway, Violet got strapped into her safety harness and started to climb the cone of the volcano. Michael followed close behind. As they got closer to the lip of the fiery mount, they could feel the heat of the molten rock within.

"God, it's like a furnace in here!" Violet said.

While the supers were still climbing, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived. When they stopped, and Anthony parked the bike, Mercedes had a little trouble getting off. She tripped on the bicycle seat and fell.

Anthony ran to her. "Mer, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I think. My leg really hurts!"

"Here, let me help you up. Can you put weight on it?"

"I don't know, let's see." She stood on her sore leg. "OOH! It hurts, but I think I can walk on it. Let's continue!"

The hitchhikers got into their safety harnesses and started to climb. As they climbed, they too could feel the heat of the magma within.

"Ah! This heat feels good on my leg!" said Mercedes. "Oh yeah! That's the stuff!"

"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying this," Anthony said.

About this time, Violet Parr had reached the lip of Elysium Mons. She looked into the cavity, and saw a clue box, perched on a little rock in the middle of a sea of red-hot molten rock. There was a tiny rope bridge that stretched between the clue box and a little patch of solid rock near the cone.

"Mike! I think you need to come see this!" she shouted down to her partner.

He pulled himself up to where Violet was, and saw the sight for himself.

"Oh, my God! No way that bridge can support us both!"

"The clue said we both have to be standing next to the clue box before we can get the next clue."

"I guess we'll have to go one at a time," Michael said.

He gripped the safety rope tightly as he descended into the volcano. Violet soon followed. Inside the volcano, it was much hotter than outside.

"Whew! After today, I am never going to complain about global warming ever again!"

Once they had their feet on solid rock, they still had to decide which of them would go first.

"Y-Y-You can go first, if you want, Mike," said Violet.

"No, no, that's okay, you can go first."

"No, please, I insist, you go first!"

"Really, you're too kind, you really should go first!"

"Look, I grew up with two brothers, Valor. I can do this all day if I have to."

Michael sighed. "All right, I'll go first."

As he cautiously walked across the bridge, Anthony watched him from the lip of the mountain. Mercedes pulled herself up not long after that.

"How's your leg, love?"

"Still a little sore. I'll manage. What's going on?"

"See for yourself!"

Mercedes saw Michael next to the clue box, with Violet on the bridge.

"Planet of Hell, they don't expect us to cross that lava pit on that piece of string, do they?"

"I think so. It won't support our combined weight, so we'll have to cross one at a time."

The hitchhikers repelled into the volcano's heart. Meanwhile, MIKE & SULLEY pulled up to the base of the volcano, followed closely behind by VIOLET & KLAUS. They quickly got into their safety gear and started to climb.

Halfway up, the heat of the volcano started to get to Sulley.

"My eyes! This heat is stinging my eyes!" he said.

But when he saw the orphans climbing up past him, he redoubled his efforts. Suddenly, the heat wasn't as important.

While they were still climbing, Violet and Michael were extracting their clue from the box.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in first place.)

"Take the marked car to the Martian Military Academy…"

Teams must now travel by marked car to the premier military institution of Dreamland, the Martian Military Academy. Only the best of the best survive the rigorous training program here, and our teams are about to get just a taste of it. When they arrive, they will find their next clue just outside the front door.

"All right, let's go!" said Michael as he ran to the rope bridge.

"Wait, stop!" Violet shouted. She saw something that her partner didn't. When Michael stopped and looked, he saw it too. It was Anthony, coming the other way. They all knew that the bridge could only support one person's weight at a time. Michael stepped back and motioned that Anthony should come on across, which he did.

Once he was on the other side, his partner stepped onto the bridge.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Michael spat. "We got here first, so I'm crossing next!" And that's what he did.

With Anthony and Violet on one side and Michael and Mercedes on the other, the redheaded woman tried to cross again.

"Uh-uh," said Violet. "It's my turn now!"

"No way! Anthony got to cross, then Michael, so now it's my turn!"

"Well, what are you going to do about it, space freak?"

Anthony shook his head violently. Michael covered his eyes.

"Space freak?" Mercedes parroted. "Oh, that's it, I am so kicking your ass!"

She ran down the bridge as fast as she could, which wasn't all that fast, between her still sore leg and narrow walkway she had to navigate. Still, she made it to the other side, and once there, she let her fists do the talking. Violet wanted to turn invisible, or throw up a shield to protect herself, but the inhibitor on her wrist wouldn't allow it.

Then it hit her. Instead of fighting the inhibitor, she decided to use it. She swung the heavy metal object right into Mercedes' gut. The alien doubled over in pain while the super rushed across the bridge to safety. Mercedes wanted to pursue her assailant, but Anthony held her back.

"Let it go, Mer! We'll get her back by winning the race!"

She grumbled as she took her clue from the box.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in second place.)

"Come on, maybe we can beat them to this army school thing."

As the hitchhikers crossed the rope bridge, MIKE & SULLEY pulled themselves up to the lip of the volcano and saw the task ahead of them. They flung themselves straight into the cavity of Elysium Mons. Sulley fell so fast that he put an incredible amount of strain on the safety rope. Needless to say, it snapped. Seconds later, VIOLET & KLAUS dropped a little more slowly into the volcano.

Mike waited until the hitchhikers were both on the other side of the bridge before stepping out himself. He could see that it could only support the weight of one racer at a time.

The stunt spotters pulled Anthony and Mercedes up and out of the volcano. Once they were back on the face of the mountain, they started to climb down. Ahead of them were Violet and Michael. Mercedes looked up and saw two other cabs pulling up to the base. She saw MARTY & JENNIFER start their climb with a slight lead over ORSON & ROY.

Meanwhile, inside the volcano, Mike was on the rock island waiting for Sulley to cross.

"I can't do it!" Sulley said.

"Come on, Sulley! I can't get the clue unless you're over here with me!"

"I can't!"

While Sulley was moaning, Violet Baudelaire quietly snuck onto the bridge and crossed to the other side. Once there, she called for her brother to come do the same.

"No!" said Klaus. "These guys got here before us, so they should get their clue before us! Go ahead, Sulley, cross the bridge."

"I can't. It won't hold my weight! And besides, I don't like the heat! I'm thermophobic!"

"Then what are we supposed to do?" Mike asked. "I can't take the next clue unless you're standing here!"

"Just take it!" suggested Klaus.

"What? We'll get in trouble if we do!"

"Yeah, you'll get a penalty, but it'll only be ten minutes, tops! It's not insurmountable!"

Mike examined the bridge again. No way that flimsy thing could support Sulley.

"James, you're my best friend, and I'm not going to make you do something you're uncomfortable with. We'll take whatever penalty they give us." With that, he grabbed the next clue and ripped in open.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in third place.)

"Take the marked car to the Martian Military Academy, and find your next clue outside the door." Mike sprinted back across the bridge. With Sulley's safety line snapped, the stunt spotters had to give him a new one. While that was happening, Klaus crossed the bridge, permitting his sister to take a clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in fourth place.)

"Come, brother, if we hurry, we might be able to make up for lost time."

As they were pulled out of the volcano, Marty McFly was having a little trouble climbing the mountain.

"I can't go on!" he moaned. "The heat is just too much!"

"Come on, dear," Jennifer coaxed. "This is a million dollars we're talking about here!"

"These old muscles haven't got much left in them. I don't think I can make it."

"Please try, Marty," she begged. And then she looked over and saw ORSON & ROY climbing up past them. "Hurry! We are losing to a pig and a rooster!"

"It's no use!" Marty said.

Jennifer was at the end of her rope. But she knew one sure-fire way to get Marty to move. She hated herself for doing it, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

She looked him right in the eye and said, "What's wrong, Marty? Are you chicken?"

Marty looked up at Jennifer and flared his nose. "Nobody…calls me chicken!" And he started to move up the mountain

While the other four teams fought for supremacy on Elysium Mons, ANTHONY & MERCEDES fought VIOLET & MICHAEL for first place on the streets of New Chicago.

The supplied car for this leg of the race had automatic transmission, so Michael elected to drive it. After seeing his driving on the third leg, Mercedes insisted that Anthony drive on this leg too. Michael was ahead, but Anthony was closing in.

"Michael, do you think you can lose them?" Violet asked.

"I'll try!" He floored the accelerator and sped ahead, but Anthony stayed on his tail.

"Foolish boy! Thinks he can lose me that easily, does he?" Anthony picked up speed and kept chasing him. He tried to pass him in the left lane, but Michael changed lanes and cut him off. Anthony switched back to the right lane, and was cut off again.

"Oh, so that's how he wants to play, huh?"

Anthony sped up and rammed Michael's car from behind. The supers were more than a little jarred at his reckless behavior.

"Do something!" Violet shouted.

"Like what? I can't seem to shake him!" Michael told her.

Violet saw the light ahead was green, and had an idea. "Slow down, Mike."

"What are you crazy?"

"Just trust me, I saw this on TV once."

Michael slowed down. This forced Anthony to slow down as well, which irritated him.

"What the hell are those two doing? The light is green, why don't they go?"

Just then, the light turned yellow.

"Floor it!" Violet shouted.

Michael did. He sped straight through the intersection and was on the other side when the light turned red. He looked back and saw Anthony's car stopped at the red.

"Violet, that was genius!"

"Thanks, I try."

Anthony & Mercedes, meanwhile, were not happy at all.

Some time passed, with nothing of value happening. And then, ORSON & ROY made it to the top of the volcano, ahead of Marty and Jen. They descended into its cavity, and the heat just now began to get to them.

"Whew!" Roy said. "It's so hot in here, I'm sweating like a pig. Oh, no offense, Orson."

"None taken, I'm sweating like a pig myself!"

"But you are a pig!"

"And you're a rooster. Are we done playing Guess Your Partner's Species now? Because we have a race to run!"

"I see I'm starting to rub off on you, Piggo!"

"Never mind that, let's go!"

Orson set out onto the bridge first. But when Roy stepped onto the rope while Orson was still on the bridge, they heard the ropes creak.

"Um, Roy, I think you better get back on the other side," said Orson.

Roy stepped back onto the "shore", and the creaking stopped.

"I think we need to cross one at a time."

Once Orson was across, Roy then stepped out. Once they were both on the "island", Orson reached for the next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in fifth place.)

"…Once there, you will find your next clue outside the door." He read.

It wasn't until both the barnyard animals were across the bridge that MARTY & JENNIFER finally made it to the top. The McFlys descended slowly while the animals were pulled up. They quickly made their way across the bridge, fully aware of how much weight it could hold.

"Only one clue left, that means we're in last place!" said Jennifer.

(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in last place.)

"I just said that, superimposed text!"

(Did you? Sorry, I wasn't listening.)

"No matter, let's just go!" said Marty.

About this same time, Violet and Michael located the Martian Military Academy. It looked like every other military school they had seen. It was one story high, with very few windows, and a decorative style that made it resemble a prison. Michael parked the car while Violet sprinted to the front door and retrieved the clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in first place.)

"It's a Roadblock," she read.

The next scene is one of a tall man wearing camouflage. He walks over to where Ed is doing push-ups.

"Now, keep doing push-ups! Tell me, what is a Roadblock?"

"A Roadblock is a task that only one racer can perform, sir!"

"And how many Roadblocks can one racer perform on the race?"

"Six, sir!"

"Now, what will that person have to do in this Roadblock?"

"In this Roadblock, that person will stand under your instruction and must do whatever you say, sir!"

"For how long, private?"

"Until you get tired and dismiss them, sir!"

"Good answers, soldier! Now get off the floor!"

"I'll do this one," said Michael.

The supers walked inside the building and found the same man we saw earlier.

"All right, which one of you is doing the Roadblock?" he asked.

Michael raised his hand and stepped forward.

"What's your name, son?"

"Michael Huey, sir!"

"Are you slouching on me, boy? Where do you get the audacity to slouch in front of a military officer? Stand up straight!"

He stood up as straight as he could. The captain corrected him in various places.

"Bring your shoulders back, look straight ahead, keep your heels together, feet at a 45 degree angle! And wipe that stupid smile off your face!"

Michael said nothing.

"I said wipe that stupid smile off your face, maggot!"

"Sir, I don't think I can."

"Why not? You think I'm funny looking, don't you?"

"No, sir!"

"Then what the hell is so damn funny?"

No answer.

"Okay, Huey! Drop and give me twenty! A little exercise and you'll be too tired to smile!"

He did as he was told.

At about the time he did his second push-up, ANTHONY & MERCEDES pulled into the parking lot. They got their clue quickly.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in second place.)

"How's your leg, Mer? Do you think you can do this?"

"Still a little sore, I'm afraid. You'd better take care of this."

"All right."

They walked inside and found Violet leaning against the wall, Michael doing push-ups, and a tall man in camo barking at him. The man in camo looked up and saw the hitchhikers.

"Well, a new recruit, eh? Come over here, and stand next to Huey." Anthony stepped forward and started to sweat.

"What's your name, son?"

The human swallowed hard. "Anthony Dent," he said, with his voice cracking.

"I'm sorry, I have this funny problem with my ears. I can't hear what you're saying unless you address me as 'sir'. Now let's try this again. What's your name?"

"Anthony Dent," he said, a little louder this time.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Anthony Dent, sir!"

"Much better!"

The officer started to look over his new charge. "What are you sweating for, boy?"

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Granted, if you answer my question!"

"Sir, I'm sweating because I'm nervous."

"Good! You should be nervous. That's the point of this exercise." Out of the corner of his eye, the lieutenant saw Michael rise. "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He strode over to the super. "What are you doing standing up?"

"I finished the push-ups, sir."

"You are not finished until I say you are finished, understand?"

"Sir, yes, sir."

"Where you from, boy?"

"California, sir."

"Only two kinds of people come from California, hippies and slackers! Which are you?"

No answer.

"I said which are you, maggot?"

"I don't know!"

"I don't know, what?"

"I don't know, sir!"

"Sounds like a slacker to me! Well, there will be no slacking off in my platoon. There will only be work, or you will suffer the consequences. Is that clear?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Dent, come here!" Anthony ran to where they were. "Now, I want you to hold Huey's feet while he does ten sit-ups. Then, when he's done, you'll switch. Do you understand what I have asked you to do?"

"Yes, sir!" they said.

"Then why are you still standing? Get to it!"

They crouched down and did as they were told.

About this time, MIKE & SULLEY pulled into the parking lot of the school.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in third place.)

"Roadblock," read Mike. "Who's always wanted to be in the military?"

"I think I should do this one," said Sulley.

They went inside and found Michael doing sit-ups while Anthony held his legs in place. Violet and Mercedes were waiting on the bench nearby. Mike sat along side them, while Sulley got the standard dressing down.

"Waiting long?" he asked.

"No, not really," said Mercedes.

Violet scanned the room. She saw typical recruitment ads, banners from championships the school has won, a 1986 calendar, a track trophy, the Martian flag…wait a minute, 1986 calendar? She stood up and examined it more closely.

"Hey, guys, come take a look at this," she said. Mike and Mercedes followed her.

There was a red circle around the date January 31, with the words "Opening" in the square. What was the opening? Why was it on the school's calendar? More importantly, why would the school have an out-of-date calendar? It wouldn't, they all realized.

"If it's not the school's, then why is it here?" Mike asked.

"Maybe it was put here by the producers. Oh, holy Zarquon, that's it!"

"What's it?"

"The boxes we got at the top of the leg! That's what the opening is! The combo must be this date!"

"January 31, 1986?" Violet asked.

"It's worth a shot," said Mike.

The three of them got their boxes out of their bags and dialed in the numbers: 13186. They each pulled the lock, and it clicked open. Excited, they reached into their boxes and pulled out the toy planes. They had cracked the puzzle!

Meanwhile, Sulley was too busy working to celebrate. The lieutenant had him do twenty push-ups. He was used to it. Mike did much worse to him every morning. Elsewhere, Anthony and Michael had switched duties, and the former had finished his ten sit-ups. They now stood at attention, waiting for the next command.

The lieutenant stood before Michael. "So, you're running in some fancy race, for some million dollars, huh?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Are you going to win it?"

"I don't know, sir!"

"If you don't know, you might as well just sit still, because you will never win with that attitude! Now, let's try this again. Are you going to win the Amazing Race?"

"Yes, sir."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"YES, SIR!"

"You'll need this, then." He handed him an envelope. "It's your next clue. The smart thing to do would be to go get your partner and open it."

Michael turned and ran.

"FREEZE!" shouted the lieutenant. "You get your ass back over here!" He did. "My memory must be going, because I don't remember saying you were dismissed! Dent, Sullivan, did either of you hear me say that Huey was dismissed?"

"No, sir!" they said.

"I thought so. Clearly, Cadet Huey needs a lesson in doing as he is told! You are going to stick that envelope in your teeth, then drop and give me five more! This time, you're going to count them!"

Michael did as he was told.

"One, two…"

"I don't know if you were listening to the conversation I had with Cadet Dent, but you should know I can't hear what you're saying unless you say 'sir'. Now, start over, and this time, count them so I can hear them!"

"Yes, sir! One, sir; tow, sir; three, sir; four, sir; five, sir!" He stood up.

"Now take that clue out of your mouth, soldier! You don't know where it's been!" Michael did. "Well done, cadet. You're a quick learner. You'd fit in just fine in the Martian Armed Forces. Dismissed!"

He had never been happier to hear anything in his life. He ran to Violet and hugged her tightly.

"You know, that really wasn't that bad," she said.

"Easy for you to say, you weren't publicly humiliated."

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in first place.)

"Bring your bags over to be inspected by the colonel…"

Teams must now submit their bags to the inspection of this colonel. Once they clear the inspection, they will make their way down the halls of the school (a strict no-running zone) to the dormitories. They will spend the night here, because this is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"Let's go!" said Michael. They took three giant steps to get to the inspection point. (It was in the same room.) The colonel opened their bags and shook his head in disappointment.

"You do realize you could fit a whole lot more stuff in here if you would only fold your clothes properly!" He took one of Violet's shirts out and shook it violently. Then he laid it on the table and showed them the "proper" way to fold it.

"Now," he added, dumping the remains of their clothes out, "you're going to repack all these clothes exactly the way I showed you, and you're going to do it right here, right now!"

While they were repacking their bags, VIOLET & KLAUS, after a long trip, finally arrived at the school.

"I told you we should have taken the inside loop!" Violet shouted, pointing to the map. "It would have been shorter!"

"Maybe, but I'm pretty sure everyone in New Chicago thinks so, causing a major traffic tie-up there!" Klaus shot back. "But that's not important right now, let's just get our clue."

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in fourth place.)

"Think you can handle this one, brother?"

"Sure, I'll do it."

Seconds later, ORSON & ROY pulled into the drive.

"Man, I'll bet this place has seen better days!" said Roy.

(ORSON & ROY are still in fifth place.)

"Uh, you can do this one if you want, Roy," Orson offered.

"No thanks, it's all yours, Piggo."

"Fine, I'll do it."

After he had dismissed Michael from the Roadblock, the lieutenant turned to Anthony.

"Cadet Dent?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Have you been paying attention to what Cadet Huey has been doing?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Do you know how many push-ups I have made him do?"

"Twenty-seven, sir!"

"Good answer! Now, how many push-ups have you done?"

"Uh, zero, sir."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Zero, sir!"

"You're a smart guy. Can you guess what I'm going to ask you to do next?"

"Drop and give you twenty-seven, sir?"

"Do it!"

He did. And as he did, the next two teams walked in.

"Ah, fresh meat!" said the lieutenant. "Okay, whichever of you are doing the Roadblock, fall in!" Klaus stepped up next to Sulley, and Orson stood next to him. "Sound off! State your names, each of you!"

"Klaus Baudelaire, sir!"

"Orson Pig, sir!"

He walked over to Orson. "Hmm. Looks like you've been putting on a little belly, eh, Cadet Pig? You know the best way to lose weight? Exercise! Drop and give me fifteen!"

Orson dropped and started to do what he thought were push-ups. The lieutenant, however, disagreed.

"You call that a push-up? You're not working your arms! That's the whole point of a push-up! It's like this!"

And the lieutenant dropped and showed him exactly how to do it.

"Now, you do it!"

Orson started to do real push-ups, and he found it to be much harder than the kind he had been doing.

The lieutenant came to Klaus. "You know how to do push-ups, Cadet Budi…uh…Bowlr…um…"

"Baudelaire, sir!"

"Yeah, I'm not going to remember that, so I'll just call you Cadet Bravo. Anyway, you know how to do push-ups?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Then drop and give me ten!"

In the midst of all this, VIOLET & MICHAEL had finished packing their bags. It turns out the colonel was right. You really could fit a lot more stuff in there, if you fold your clothes the right way.

"I am pleased," he told them. "Go and check into the Pit Stop. But don't run in the halls!"

"Yes, sir!" said Violet.

The supers strode briskly through the hallways, looking for the dorms.

Meanwhile, the lieutenant came up to Anthony.

"You just did twenty-seven push-ups, Cadet. How do you feel?"

"I feel tired, sir!"

"Consider yourself, lucky, you pansy ass! My soldiers have to endure seven times worse than what you went through! Are you prepared to handle that sort of intensity? Are you?"

"No, sir!"

"You're damn right, you're not! I can't even stand to look at you anymore!" He handed Anthony the next clue. "You're dismissed. Now get out of my sight!"

Anthony ran to Mercedes and hugged her tightly. He was crying.

"Shh, Shh," she said. "It's okay, it's over now. You don't have to deal with any more military men."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in second place.)

"Looks like you spoke too soon, Mer. Another army man is going to check our bags before we check into the Pit Stop."

The hitchhikers turned their bags over to the colonel for inspection.

About that time, at long last, last place team MARTY & JENNIFER arrived at the military academy.

"Come on, honey, we need to hurry," said Jennifer.

"I'm sorry, these old bones can't take much more!"

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in last place.)

"Oh, wow," said Marty when he saw the Roadblock. "I don't think either of us can do this one!"

"Well, I've done three, and you've only done two, so it's your turn!"

"Okay, fine."

As they walked into the door, VIOLET & MICHAEL had located Ed and the mat. Standing next to him was a metallic android, with green lights for eyes. They didn't run to the mat, but they did walk as fast as they could.

"Welcome to New Chicago," said the robot, in a computerized voice reminiscent of WOPR from the movie _WarGames_.

"Thank you," Violet said, imitating his voice.

"Violet and Michael…you are team number one!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 1ST PLACE.)

"Sweet!" Michael said excitedly.

"Now, did you guys open that box that you were given at the start of the leg?"

Violet nodded.

"And what was in it?"

She handed Ed the toy airplane.

"Well, as the first team to check in with the contents of the box removed, you guys have won a vacation to Kyoto, Japan! Paid air fare, hotel accommodations, and we've thrown in a rental car. You can enjoy all that after the race."

They smiled.

Meanwhile, Marty joined the ranks of the other contestants performing the Roadblock. The lieutenant was too busy to notice. He was just finishing up with Sulley.

"Well, Cadet Sullivan, after twenty-five push-ups, fifteen sit-ups, twenty jumping jacks, and two laps around the room, I'll bet you feel ready to quit. Are you ready to quit, Sullivan?"

"No, sir! I could do this all day if you wanted me to, sir!"

"That's what I like to hear, cadet! If our troops possessed an ounce of your grit, we would win every war! Here, take your clue, and be proud! You have earned it! Dismissed!"

Sulley broke away from the ranks and met back up with Mike.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in third place.)

"Our bags?" Mike asked.

"Well, the contract said the producers could search our bags at any time. We'd better do it, we've already got one penalty to suffer, let's not make it two!"

As they crossed the room to the checkpoint, the hitchhikers were just about finished with their inspection.

"You two are fast learners," commented the colonel. "Hurry to the Pit Stop, but don't run in the halls!"

"You got it, sir!" said Mercedes.

As they departed, the monsters came to the table. They dropped their bags open for the colonel to see.

"Hmm, you don't have very many clothes in here, do you?"

"Well, we don't normally wear clothes," said Mike.

"Right. Well, in that case, go along to the Pit Stop. Don't run in the halls!"

In the midst of all this, the lieutenant just now noticed Marty standing next to Klaus.

"Well, I don't recall seeing you come in. What's your name, son?"

"Marty McFly, sir."

"Well, Cadet McFly, you know what I'm going to give you? I'm going to give you thirty seconds to get onto that pull-up bar! Thirty, twenty-nine…"

It wasn't until he said 29 that it sunk in. Marty sprinted across the room to the pull-up bar, as the lieutenant counted, "25, 15, 5, 4, 3, 2…" and he was there.

"Nice hustle! Now let's see you do pull-ups until your arms fall off!"

Marty strained and groaned and grunted. But he couldn't pull himself up.

"Oh, don't tell me you can't even do one pull-up! That would just break my damn heart!"

"Sir, in my defense, I'm older than dirt, sir!"

"How old are you?"

"47, sir!"

"Is that all? Hell, that ain't old! I'm 55, and I can do this!" He gripped the bar and pulled himself up several times.

"One for the commandant, one for the corps, one for the President…" On he went, doing pull-ups for everybody he could think of. Needless to say, Marty was very embarrassed.

While "Cadet McFly" was getting his ass handed to him, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had located the Pit Stop mat and checked in.

"Anthony and Mercedes, you're team number two!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 2ND PLACE.)

"All right!" cheered the redhead. "We're moving back up!"

"Okay," Ed added, "please step off the mat, another team is checking in." They did. Mike and Sulley stepped on the mat with a downcast look.

"Mike and Sulley…you are the third team to arrive. However, my sources tell me that Sulley didn't cross the rope bridge at Elysium Mons, even though the clue specifically states that both team members must cross."

"Yeah, that's correct."

"Well, the producers have assessed you a penalty of ten minutes, starting from the moment you stepped on the mat. So, if you two could please wait over there, and when your time is up, I can officially check you in."

The monsters sat in a corner quietly, waiting out their penalty.

Back in the other room, the lieutenant was questioning Klaus before his dismissal.

"So, Cadet Bravo. Do you think you've done enough to deserve this next clue?"

"Uh, yes, sir?"

"Are you sure?"

Klaus started to sweat a little. "Yes, sir!"

"Bad answer! You haven't even had to endure a fraction of what I put my troops through! You haven't seen the horrors they've seen! You haven't done the terrible tasks they've done! You have no idea what is in store for you, if you sign up for the Martian Military! Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Are you prepared to become one of us?"

"No, sir!"

"Good answer, cadet! Here, take your next clue and beat it. Dismissed!"

"Awesome!" And he rushed over to his sister.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in fourth place.)

"…Once you have cleared the inspection, walk down the halls to the Pit Stop," Violet read.

They crossed the room to the inspection table.

"No, no, no!" shouted the colonel. "This is the most disgraceful packing I've ever seen! It'll have to be redone, all of it! Hop to it!"

"What, us?" asked Klaus.

"No, I expect the tooth fairy to come here and pack your bags for you! Shut up and do it already!" They got to work.

Elsewhere, the lieutenant was giving Orson the third degree.

"So, you're a farmer, are you, Cadet Pig?"

"No, sir, not technically, but I do perform traditional farming duties, sir!"

"Yeah, save your lawyer talk for someone who cares. What I can't understand is how a farmer like you got to have just a round belly?"

"Um, it might have something to do with my species, sir!"

"Right. So no matter how much exercise you get, you're always going to be this big around?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Okay, fatty fat tub o' lard, you've done enough. Here's your next clue. Dismissed!"

(ORSON & ROY are still in fifth place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Roy.

But when they tried to turn their bags in for inspection, the colonel turned them away.

"Not now, I'm dealing with another team. You two will just have to wait your turn!"

"I guess that's fair," said Orson.

"Fair nothing!" Roy complained. "I'm tired of all this waiting in line bull!" He charged the table, but Orson held him back.

"Roy, you're going to get us in trouble!"

"Let me go!"

"Only if you promise to wait in line like a good rooster."

"Fine."

Orson let him go, but Roy charged the table again. Orson grabbed him by the tail feathers.

"Roy! You promised!"

"Come on, Ors. You know me better than that."

Meanwhile, back at the Pit Stop, Mike and Sulley were still waiting out their penalty.

"How much longer?" asked Mike.

"60 seconds," said Ed.

Elsewhere, the lieutenant was dealing with Marty.

"Well, it looks like your team has slipped to last place, eh, Cadet McFly?"

"Yes, it would appear that way, sir!"

"Do you know why you're in last place?"

"Because the other teams are faster than us, sir?"

"Because you didn't try hard enough! Because you don't have the guts to do what it takes to win! You don't deserve any fictional million dollars! In fact, you're not going to win! I'm going to keep you here until the other teams are so far ahead of you, that you'll never be able to catch up! Do you know why I'm doing this?"

"No, sir! Why, sir?"

"Because I don't like you! You are a complainer, a goof-off, and a useless bump on a pickle! You, Cadet McFly, are a slacker!"

"Yes, sir, I am a slacker!"

"Oh, so you admit it, do you?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Think that will change my mind, do you?"

"Uh, no, sir!"

"You thought right! Now, you can just stand there until I get tired."

About then, the Baudelaire orphans finally finished packing their bags according to the colonel's standards. He excused them to go find the Pit Stop, but warned them not to run in the halls. Then Orson and Roy walked up to the table.

"About freaking time!" said Roy.

"Watch your tongue, rooster! If I want, I could make you drop and give me ten before we continue!"

Roy kept quiet.

"Hmm. I take it you guys don't wear much clothes either?"

Orson nodded.

"Okay, then. Good luck on the race, and don't run in the hallways!"

The barnyard critters walked as fast as they could while still walking.

At the Pit Stop, Ed had good news for Mike and Sulley.

"Okay, your ten minutes are up. Come over here and let me check you in!"

Excitedly, they stepped onto the mat.

"Mike and Sulley, you're team number three!"

(MIKE & SULLEY 3RD PLACE.)

"Cool! The penalty didn't effect our placement!"

Mike broke into his usual victory dance.

"Stop that, seriously."

In the halls, Klaus was a little bit lost.

"How are we supposed to know where the stupid dorm rooms are?"

"I don't know! Let's just comb every hall until we find it!" Violet shouted from somewhere else.

Elsewhere still, Roy and Orson were just as lost.

"Where on Mars could that stupid Pit Stop be?" Orson wondered aloud.

"The clue said it was in one of the dorm rooms," Roy pointed out.

"Well, where are the dorms?"

"Do you think this school map can tell us?"

"Huh?"

Roy pulled Orson over to a mounted map of the school. They located the dorms easily.

Once they knew where they were going, they walked as briskly as they could. As they were walking, they encountered the orphans.

"Do you know where the Pit Stop is?" Violet asked Orson.

"Yes, I do! Follow us!" They did.

Back in the main room, Marty was still standing, per the lieutenant's instructions.

"Aw, hell," said the lieutenant. "The other teams have probably already checked in by now. If I kept you any longer, that'd just be sadistic. I think I'm just about tired of watching you stand there. Here's your next clue. Good luck, cadet, you're going to need it! Dismissed."

(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in last place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Jennifer.

They skipped to the inspection table. The colonel was disgusted by the state of affairs of their luggage, but he heard what the lieutenant said.

"You know what, you two are probably going to be eliminated anyway. It really doesn't matter. Just go." And as they departed, he added, "Don't run in the…ah, screw it!"

While they were walking, ORSON & ROY, unfortunately, had found the Pit Stop. They stepped into the dorm room with VIOLET & KLAUS right behind. All four of them stood on the mat.

"Orson and Roy, Violet and Klaus, you are teams number four and five!"

(ORSON & ROY 4TH PLACE, VIOLET & KLAUS 5TH PLACE.)

"Cool! We moved up!" said Roy.

"At least we're still in the Amazing Race!" said Violet.

"You guys need some rest," said Ed. "Go ahead and relax."

Another depressing interlude played as Marty and Jennifer walked into the dorm room.

"Welcome to New Chicago," said the robot.

"Thank you," answered Jennifer.

"Marty and Jennifer, you're the last team to arrive."

(MARTY & JENNIFER LAST PLACE.)

"And I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."

"No!" Jen wailed, and she burst into tears. "We were on top! We were so close!"

"It's that stupid lieutenant's fault!" Marty fumed. "If it weren't for him, we might still be in this thing!"

"Don't dwell on what might have been," the robot said, unexpectedly. "You may not have won the fictional million dollars, but you have memories of your time on the race. To some, that is much more valuable."

"Hmm, you may be right," said Marty.

"I'm a little glad I don't have to race anymore," Jennifer confessed to the camera. "Marty was very competitive, he sucked almost all the fun right out of the race. But I did enjoy our time on the Eastern Sea. It was nice, and the sea was very calming. I'd like to go back some day."

"So, we didn't win the million," Marty said. "But I showed the entire world on national television that I am not a coward! Now, nobody can look me in the eye and call me chicken! I liked the Peach Town leg a lot. It's nice to be back in the Old West."

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Teams will experience a size shock, as the Race takes them to Macroatia (MACK-row-A-shuh), the land of giants and giantesses. Will teams be able to climb gargantuan furniture? Can they perform simple household chores in a house eight times bigger and their own? Stay tuned and find out!


	9. Eighth Leg in Macroatia

Before the race continued, Ed was seen strolling through the halls of the Martian Military Academy.

"This is New Chicago, a human colony on the planet Mars. The crown jewel of human achievement, NC prides itself on its low crime rate, its advanced technology, but most of all, the quality of its armed forces. And the Martian Military Academy is where they turn the promising youngsters of today into the grizzled soldiers of tomorrow. This hallowed institute of learning was the seventh Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"The five remaining teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. The teams have no idea what's in store for them on the coming leg. All they know is to follow the string of clues they will be given. They don't even know how they are getting off of Mars, because I went and blabbed off to them that the producers couldn't afford a second rocket. But, I digress.

"Violet and Michael, who were first to arrive at 3:22 AM, will depart at 3:22 PM."

The sun was up, illuminating the air with a red glow. They stood inside a brightly decorated dorm room, and the red light caused a color twinge that was pleasing to the eye. When the moment came, they opened their clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are first to depart.)

"Travel by taxi to 5758 White Drive, and knock on the door to Suite 129…"

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to an unmarked building and knock on a specific door. What teams don't know is that inside that door is a strange scientist, who has invented an affordable way for the racers to travel to their next destination. They will receive their next clue from her, along with instructions not to open it until they get to where they are going.

"…You will have 18 dollars for this leg of the race," Violet finished.

"Eighteen bucks?"

"Enough to get us our required cab."

"True."

They ran outside, stepped into the street, and stuck out their thumbs. A cabbie pulled up to them.

"Excuse me, but what do you think you are doing?" he asked.

"Uh, we're hailing a cab," said Michael.

"You guys aren't from here are you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"This isn't Third York City, sunshine, you can't just stand on a street corner and expect a cab to pull up and let you in!"

"But we need a taxi!" Violet begged.

"If you want to hire a cab in New Chicago, you have to call the Cab Company! The number's right here on my door if you want it."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Now if you don't mind, this passenger has to be somewhere." And he drove away.

"Okay, um, so, we need to get to a phone," said Violet.

"I think I saw one back in the school," said Michael.

"Cool! Let's go!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are second to depart.)

"Travel by taxi to 5758 White Drive, and knock on the door to Suite 129," Mercedes read. "You will have 18 dollars for this leg of the race."

"Does it say anything else?" asked Anthony.

"No, that's it."

"Odd that. Maybe there's something inside that suite than can help us get to our next destination?"

"Maybe. Let's go!"

When they stepped out into the hallway, they nearly collided with the supers. Luckily, no damage was done.

"What the hell?" asked Mercedes, "where are you guys going?"

"We need to use the phone," Michael explained. "You can't just hail a cab in this town, you have to call the company in advance."

"Huh. Thanks for the heads-up!" said Anthony. Mercedes pulled him back into the room.

"If we use the phone in our own room, we might beat those stuck-up supers to the company's call line, get our cab first, and beat them to wherever!"

"I like the way you think, Mer! Oh, no, wait, we don't know the Cab Company's number?"

"We don't need it! I'll just dial information." And that's what she did.

"Hello? Yes, can you give me the number for the Cab Company? Huh? Sure, go ahead and dial the number for me. Thank you.

"Yes, I need a cab to come to the Martian Military Academy as soon as possible. Oh, my name is Mercedes Prefect. Yes, that's just fine, thank you."

"That million dollars is ours!" Anthony exulted.

Meanwhile, Violet and Michael had located a pay phone.

"Oh, man! It only takes Martian marks," Michael observed.

Violet looked at a dollar bill in her hand. "We need to find someone who will exchange our money for marks." Together they ran through the halls to the front office.

While they did that…

(MIKE & SULLEY are third to depart.)

"You will have eighteen dollars for this leg of the race," Sulley read.

"We'd better call a cab," Mike said. "I think I remember seeing the number for the Cab Company on a taxi while we drove here."

While Mike dialed the number, Violet slid the headmaster the dollar bill she was looking at earlier.

"I need some Martian marks for the pay phone," she said. "How many can I get for one dollar U.S.?"

"Our mark isn't worth very much. We usually speak in terms of kilomarks, or thousands of marks. One dollar U.S. is worth about 1.3 kilomarks." He handed her five large gold coins and a medium sized silver one. "250 marks is all you need for the pay phone. That would be one of the gold ones."

"Okay, thanks," Violet said, as she and her partner sprinted back to the phone.

"I hope we haven't lost any time because of the runaround we got," said Michael.

"Come on, how much time could we have lost?"

Back in the monster's room…

"Bob's Pizzeria, can I help you?"

"Huh?" Mike asked. "I need the Cab Company!"

"Yeah, we get that a lot. People confuse our number for the Cab Company's number." He then gave the monsters the correct number.

"Thank you," Mike said. He hung up.

"I thought you said you knew they number!" Sulley said loudly.

"I thought I did too!" Mike shot back.

Over at the pay phone in the hall, Michael Huey was on the phone with the Cab Company.

"Yes, the name is Michael Huey…yes, thank you very much. Okay, see you then." He hung up. "All right, we need to wait outside for our cab. Let's make tracks!"

Elsewhere…

"Um, I need a cab to come to Martian Military Academy, for Mike Wasowski and James Sullivan. Yes, thank you, we'll be outside. Thank you." Click. "Come on, furball, we have a cab to catch!"

In two separate rooms, the next two teams ripped open their next clues.

(ORSON & ROY are fourth to depart.)

(VIOLET & KLAUS are last to depart.)

"Travel by taxi to 5758 White Drive…" read Orson.

"…And knock on the door to Suite 129," read Klaus.

They each called up the Cab Company in their own rooms before running outside to wait for their cabs.

Speaking of outside, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had been there for quite some time. While they were waiting, VIOLET & MICHAEL rushed out. They were more than a little surprised to see the hitchhiker team already there.

"How the hell did you guys get a cab before us?" Michael asked.

"Oh, we, uh, yeah, we used the phone in our room," Mercedes told him.

"There was a phone in your room? I thought this was a military institution?"

"Yeah, every room has a phone in it. They're soldiers here, not prisoners."

"And I just blew 250 marks on a phone call!"

"Yeah, but that's, what, about eighteen cents? Chill out, man."

After that little exchange, two not so frightening monsters stepped out onto the curb.

"Hey, guys," Mike said cheerfully.

"Huh, oh, hey," Violet said with melancholy.

"Something bothering you?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." And he left it alone.

Violet looked over at Mercedes. She felt a little guilty about what she did to her on the last leg. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, not even creatures from other planets. Violet decided the best thing to do would be to clear the air.

"Um, Mercedes?"

"Yes, what is it?"

The time had come for her to swallow her pride. "Listen, I'm sorry I called you 'space freak' back in the volcano. And I'm sorry I whapped you in the stomach with this thing (the inhibitor)."

"Apology accepted. I'm sorry I pulled your hair out, and pummeled you into last Friday. Truce?"

"Okay, truce."

They shook hands.

"Aw, isn't that nice?" said Sulley.

"You stay out of this!" Violet barked at him.

"Ooh, touchy."

About that time, VIOLET & KLAUS burst through the front door, with ORSON & ROY two steps behind.

"Well, looks like everybody's here," said Roy.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," said Anthony.

Just then, a yellow cab pulled up.

"Yes, I'm here for a Mercedes Prefect?" he said.

"That's me! Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend with me?"

"Whatever. Where to?"

"5758 White Drive, please."

"White Drive? Whatever the hell for? Ain't nothing there 'cept old abandoned warehouses."

"Yeah, that's kinda what we're counting on."

The car drove away.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place.)

"All right!" Anthony said. "We're back on top!"

Some time later, another cab pulled up. Roy rushed it, thinking it was his.

"Is your name Michael Huey?" the cabbie asked.

"Yes, that's me, let's go!" Roy said.

Orson pulled him away, saying, "Roy, it's illegal to steal another team's cab!"

"Orson, you're killing me here!"

"I'm Michael Huey," said the real McCoy. "This is my travelling partner, Violet Parr."

"Yeah, yeah, save the introduction for someone who cares. Now, where you heading?"

Violet told him the address.

"You got it!" And he put his cab in gear.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)

"Please go very fast, we're in a race!" said Michael.

More time went by, and soon another cab pulled up.

"Michael Wasowski?"

"That's us!" said Sulley.

They got in the car with ease (Mike made sure the cab they got could accommodate Sulley), and drove off.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in third place.)

Only two teams were left at the school.

"So, when did you guys call your cab?" asked Orson.

"About a quarter 'til four," said Violet B. "Why?"

"We called our cab about that same time," said Roy.

"So we're tied for last place?" asked Klaus.

"It would appear that way, but whoever's cab gets here first will have a marked advantage over the other."

They all hoped against all hope that their cab would be first.

Meanwhile, the cab that carried ANTHONY & MERCEDES pulled up to the plaza on White Drive. They paid the man, thanked him for his service, and he drove away.

"Okay, now which suite was it?" asked Anthony.

Mercedes reread the clue. "It says 129."

"Okay, that will likely be on the first floor." They scoped out the building looking for the right suite.

"Let's see, here's 105, and that's 109, so 129 has to be this way," said Anthony. They ran that way. "113, 117, 121, 125, ah, here we go!"

Mercedes boldly knocked on the door. It opened only a crack.

"Are you with the Race?" asked a voice just above a whisper.

"Uh, yes," said Anthony.

"Come on in."

Anthony was cautious, but he went inside. It was dark, until the fluorescent light flickered on. Then he saw a plethora of strange and unusual machinery, which both fascinated and frightened him at the same time.

In the light, they could clearly see the person who had opened the door. She was a female, dressed in a lab coat, and had two heads, six arms, and four legs.

"Good afternoon, my name is Dr. Spareparts," she said.

"You got that right!" Mercedes commented.

"I'll ignore that. Anyway, I was contacted by the producers to assist in moving the racers, because they couldn't 'afford a second rocket,' whatever the hell that means."

She walked over to where something was covered in cloth. Then she whipped it away to reveal…something.

"Wow," said Anthony, "that's, uh, well, that's really something. I have no idea what it is, but it's something, all right."

"It looks like some kind of a fancy archway," said Mercedes, "one you might find in an art museum or something."

"This is my greatest creation, one that well revolutionize the travel industry!" said Dr. Spareparts. "I call it the Very Necessary Plot Device!"

"What a lousy name!" Anthony shouted.

The doctor whipped her heads around and glared at them. Anthony pointed at Mercedes, as if to accuse her.

"Lousy name or not," she said through clenched teeth, "this device will instantly transport you to your next race destination. Without it, you guys would kinda be stuck here in New Chicago."

Mercedes was skeptical. "I'll believe that when I see it," she said.

"Okay, if we're done with the insults, and the statements of disbelief, why don't you step right underneath the arch, please?"

The hitchhikers did as the doctor said.

"Okay, here's your next clue, but don't open it until I say so. I'll just power this thing up, and you'll be instantly transported to your next location."

"What is our next location?" asked Anthony.

"You'll find out when you get there," said Dr. Spareparts.

While the VNPD was charging up, the last two teams were still waiting for their taxis. One cab pulled up to the curb. The racers waited with bated breath as the window rolled down.

"Yes, I'm here for a Violet Baudelaire, and her brother Klaus?"

"That's us!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in fourth place.)

The orphans cheered loudly as they drove away. But before Orson and Roy could get upset about their last place standing, their cab pulled up.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in last place.)

"Go very fast, please, we need to pass the orphans!" said Roy.

Back in Suite 129, the VNPD was just about ready to go.

"Okay, now this thing is designed to send you to another apparatus like this one, which is at your next destination. Once you get there, I'll need you to use the radio function on the right-hand side of the arch, so that I know you got there okay. Then I'll give you the go ahead to open that clue."

Just then, there was a knock on the laboratory door.

"Just a minute! I'm a little busy right now!" screamed Dr. Spareparts. "Okay, here we go!" She pressed a large red button on the machine.

Suddenly, the room was flooded with a blinding white light. Ant and Mer shut their eyes and embraced each other tightly. Mercedes felt her own heart beat exactly three times, then the light was gone.

When they opened their eyes, the saw that the lab was gone, and so was the two-headed doctor. In their place were miles of green grass. It looked like ordinary green grass, only much taller, although just as thin.

"Anthony, Mercedes, come in, do you read me? Over."

Mercedes ran over to where the radio was. "This is Mercedes, we're okay, over."

"Great. You can open your clue now, it will tell you where you are."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

Anthony ripped open the envelope and read: "You are now in the giant-inhabited country of Marcoatia? The grass you see is the front lawn of Diana Smith, a single mother who is 42 feet and 8 inches high."

Teams must now race across the giant's lawn to the front door and get inside the house. Once there, they must reach the dining room table, and climb up to the top using ascenders. When both racers are on the table, they will receive the next clue.

"Come on, let's motor!" said Anthony.

Meanwhile, millions of miles away, Dr. Spareparts opened her door to the people knocking.

"Are you guys with the Race?" she asked.

"Yes, um, I'm Michael, and this is Violet."

"Well, come on in." They did.

The doctor introduced them to the Very Necessary Plot Device. Unlike the hitchhikers, the supers were impressed by this teleporter thingy. They were more than happy to use it. Dr. S. powered up the machine, gave them the next clue, and beamed them (there's really no other word for it) to Macroatia.

"Hey, guys, did you make it okay?"

"Yes, Doc, we're fine!"

"Great, go ahead and open your next clue."

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

"Once both of you are on the table, you'll receive your next clue," read Violet.

"Look!" said Michael. "Anthony and Mercedes are still running to the house. We can overtake them!"

They ran as fast as they could to the front door.

Meanwhile, back in New Chicago, Mike and Sulley's taxi driver was still on the road.

"Okay, a few more blocks," said the cabbie, "and we'll be right on White Boulevard, dudes."

"White Boulevard?" asked Sulley. "No, no, no, we need to get to White **Drive**!"

"Oh, well, then I'm going the wrong way, man!"

He popped a U-turn and started to drive very fast; a little too fast for Mike's taste.

"Would you mind slowing down just one or two miles per hour?" he screamed.

"Ain't you guys with the Race. Don't you want to get across the finish line in first place!"

"I'm more concerned about getting across the finish line in one piece!"

In order for the monsters not to lose any ground, the cabbie would have had to drive at least 325 mph. Even though he loved to drive wicked fast, and this was New Chicago, he couldn't muster that kind of speed at all. Thankfully, they didn't fall too much. I'm sorry, I'm babbling, back to the race.

Anyway, because the monsters went the wrong way, VIOLET & KLAUS managed to beat them to the mysterious suite. Klaus knocked on the door.

"I'm not paying for that pizza! It took you 45 whole minutes to get here!"

"What? We're with the race, we don't have any pizza!"

"Oh, right, come on in."

The two-headed doctor escorted them inside. They were a little surprised to see a human with two heads, six arms, and four legs. But they had to continue with the race. And they liked the prospect of teleporting to the next destination.

"Okay, just give me a minute to…" Dr. S. never finished. Another knock on the door interrupted her. "All right, all right, I'll let you racers in, but you'll have to wait your turn."

"Racers?" said a voice. "What are you talking about?"

"Wait, who are you?"

"I'm Neal, from Bob's Pizzeria, you ordered a medium with anchovies and mushrooms?"

"Oh, yeah. You're 15 minutes late! I'm not paying for it!"

"Right, well, have a nice day."

The doctor took the pizza in two of her hands, opened it with another two, and with the last two, she started to eat it.

"Oh, yes, that's the stuff," she mumbled. She put the pizza down and said, "Now, where were we?"

"Um, I think you were powering up the VNPD," said Violet.

"Right. Sorry, I can be a bit drifty sometimes."

"A bit?" asked Violet.

"Sometimes?" asked Klaus.

"You're trying my patience," said the doctor.

"Sorry," they said.

"You're forgiven. Okay, let's get you guys to Macroatia."

"Macroatia? Is that where we're going?"

"Damn! You weren't supposed to know that until I sent there. Eh, whatever, let's just do this!"

She powered up the machine, and beamed them to the large front yard.

"Wow," said Violet.

"Are you guys okay?"

"We're just fine, doc!" said Klaus.

"Good. You can open your clue now."

"What clue? I don't see any clue here!"

"Oh, no! I knew I forgot something! Step out from under the arch, I'll beam it right over!"

The orphans did as the doctor instructed. In an instant, there was a flash of white light, and when it cleared, there was a clue right under the arch.

"Did it get there okay?"

"Yeah, seems that way," Klaus said into the radio.

"Great, go ahead and open it."

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)

"…Using ascenders, you will climb to the top of the dining table…" Klaus read.

"Brother, you don't really think there could be a 42 foot woman, do you?"

"Yes, after two weeks in Dreamland, I can believe in a 42 foot woman. It's this one that 42' 8" that I'm skeptical about."

Violet smiled. Klaus had become a master comic, like she had never seen him before. They started to run as fast as they could.

About this time, the first place hitchhiker team made it to the front door. (They had to run about 50 yards, and yes, the measurements used in Macroatia are the same ones used in the rest of Dreamland.) When they got there, they pounded on the door with all their strength, figuring it would take that much pounding to get the proprietor's attention.

Sure enough, the door opened, and standing in the doorway was a brunette female, who very well could have been 42' 8".

"Hello?"

"Down here!" screamed Anthony and Mercedes.

She looked down. When she saw them, she crouched down to their level. "Oh, hi! You guys must be with the race. Come on in, the dinning room is that way. I'm Diana, by the way."

Anthony shook her index finder with both hands. "Pleasure to meet you," he said.

Diana left the front door open, to the relief of the racers still in the yard. They redoubled their efforts, hoping to move up a notch.

Back in New Chicago, MIKE & SULLEY's cab arrived at the plaza on White Drive just seconds ahead of ORSON & ROY. They caught glimpse of each other just as they were stepping out. Sulley narrowed his eyes at Orson, who returned the look. Mike and Roy stared each other down too. Then, as if someone had fired a gun, they took off in a footrace.

Both teams arrived at Suite 129 at almost the same time. Dr. Spareparts let them in, and introduced them to the VNPD. As she handed out the last two clues, she said to them, "Oh, no, wait, this will never work. I can't send you both to your next destination at the same time. One of you will have to go first, and the other one later."

Seeing as this was a race, and the team in last place could be eliminated, Orson and Roy wanted to go first just as much as Mike & Sulley. The tension started to mount, until Dr. S. suggested they play Rock, Paper, Scissors for it.

"Sounds fair to me," said Orson.

"All right, fine, just so we don't kill each other over it," said Mike.

"Ready? 1, 2, 3, Shoot!"

Mike threw Rock, Orson threw Scissors.

"Yes!" Mike cheered.

"Paper!" Orson yelled. "Why didn't I throw Paper!"

The two-headed doctor powered up the machine and beamed the monsters to Macroatia.

"Go ahead and open your clue now!"

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in fourth place.)

"Come on, big guy, maybe we can leave them in the dust!"

"Okay, Orson & Roy, just give me a minute to recharge the machine, and I'll beam you right over."

Once the machine was energized, she beamed the last team to the other end of the device, and told them to open their clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in last place.)

"We have to hurry, Piggo, or we'll be in deep doo-doo!"

But by the time these last two teams were beamed from New Chicago, VIOLET & MICHAEL had made it to the front door. They were thankful that Diana had left it open. So were VIOLET & KLAUS, who got there only a few steps behind.

ANTHONY & MERCEDES, meanwhile, had cleared the foyer and were just coming out of the living room into the dining area. There, they saw multiple ropes dangling from the tall table. To their eyes, it looked about as tall as a two-story house.

"Well, then, I suppose we better get started, hadn't we?" said Anthony.

The hitchhikers strapped themselves to the ascenders.

"Okay, how do you work this thing?" Mercedes asked. She fumbled with the machinery until she found herself suspended a few inches above the floor. "Okay, I guess that's how."

Using their improvised technique, they climbed up the rope to the tabletop.

"You know," said Anthony, about halfway up, "if my dining room table was this tall, I'd just as soon eat on the floor!"

Mercedes glared at him.

"Not funny?"

"Not in the slightest, earthboy."

"Well, let's see you do any better!"

"Okay, um, ooh, I got it! There's a beautiful view up here. If I ever find it, you'll be the first to know!"

Anthony snickered. "Not bad!"

Mercedes got to the top first, and once she unbuckled herself from her harness, she helped Anthony up too. From the top of the table, they could see VIOLET & MICHAEL in the dining room, getting strapped in for the climb, as well as VIOLET & KLAUS, who were near the edge of the living room, and MIKE & SULLEY and ORSON & ROY, who were in the middle of the living room, but making progress.

Most importantly, though, was the clue box they found next to the giant salt and peppershakers.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"It's a Roadblock," read Anthony. "Who's got a way with babies?"

They looked over and saw a giant infant in a high chair, and assumed that whatever the task was would have something to do with him.

They assumed correctly, as Ed explained in the next shot.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person will jump from the table to the high chair, and spoon-feed little Tommy here some of his mashed peas. If they can get them into his mouth, they'll receive the next clue."

"I'll do this one," said Mercedes.

"Okay, if you're sure you want to," said Anthony.

The high chair wasn't too far from the table, so the jump wasn't a problem for her. She gripped the oversized spoon with both hands, and dug some peas out of the shortish jar.

"Okay, this isn't too difficult," Mercedes told herself, "easiest Roadblock on the course." But she hit a snag when she went to feed little Tommy his peas. One guess what it was, any takers? "Oh, come on, little baby, please eat the peas!" she begged. But the baby wouldn't open his mouth.

While Mercedes was still dealing with the infant, VIOLET & MICHAEL had climbed to the top of the table and taken their next clue from the box.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

"Let me do this one," Violet told Michael. "I can handle a normal sized baby with a million superpowers, so how hard can a giant baby be?"

Violet jumped to the high chair where Mercedes still was, and tried very hard not to criticize her technique, even though she was kind of asking for it.

"Do you need some help?" Violet asked.

"No thank you, I can handle this," Mercedes insisted.

About that time, the Baudelaire orphans had finished the climb.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in third place.)

"Roadblock," read Violet.

"Can I do this one?" asked Klaus.

"Whatever,"

Back on the high chair, Mercedes decided to try a different approach.

"Okay, um, here comes the starship! It's looking for an opening in hyperspace so it can get to the planet Yummy-Yum!" Violet said nothing, fearing that Mercedes would pitch a fit if she said anything about her "starship."

To her alarm, Tommy seemed to like it! He opened his mouth, and Mercedes pushed those peas right in…and they came right back out. Tommy giggled at the sight of the alien covered in the greenish gunk.

Diana, Tommy's mother, was standing next to the high chair the whole time, and saw everything. She wiped Mercedes clean with a dishtowel and said, "The task was to get the peas into his mouth. Nobody said they had to stay there."

"Gee, thanks," she answered dispassionately. She had the sneaking suspicion that this was planned, to make for good TV.

Still, she was glad the task was complete, and she took the next clue from Diana gratefully. She jumped back onto the dinning room table and handed it to Anthony, so he could open it.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"Slide down the towel attached to the table…"

Teams must now use this bath towel as a slide to get down from the dining room table. Once they land, they must rush into the master bedroom, where they will find the next clue.

Anthony took one look at the modified chute, and said to himself, "uh-uh!" He was a little bit frightened by the potential of injury presented in this little task. Mercedes assured him that it would be safe, and demonstrated such. The bespectacled human felt a little better, but not much.

Meanwhile, Team Monster and Team U. S. Acres, having already sprinted through the living room, were just about finished with the climb up to the dinner table. MIKE & SULLEY were ahead of ORSON & ROY, but only slightly.

"Come on, Ors, let's move!" Roy shouted. "We have some major catching up to do!"

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in fourth place.)

(ORSON & ROY are still in last place.)

"I'll take care of this, Mikey," said Sulley.

"I've done four Roadblocks so far, and you've only done two!" said Orson. "It's your turn, Roy!"

"Fine, whatever," said the rooster.

While the pig and the blue-furred monster jumped to the high chair, Violet Parr tried to get the baby to eat the stupid peas. Little Tommy caught sight of the raven-haired superhero, and wasn't interested in anything else. He reached out for her.

"Come on, Tommy, you have to eat the peas, so we can leave, and, um…" She saw Tommy's large hand coming closer to her. "Tommy, what are you doing? Tommy?"

The baby gripped Violet and picked her up. She dropped the spoon as a result. "Okay, Tommy, can you put me down now? Tommy, please?" It was only when she saw his mouth open wide that she started to panic.

"HELP! HELP!"

Diana, who had only stepped away for a moment to answer the phone, saw her son with a racer in his hand, and reacted quickly. "No, no, no, honey, that's not food, don't put the girl in your mouth, honey!" She pulled Violet out of Tommy's mouth, and the former coughed while gasping for air.

"Icky!" said Tommy.

"Damn right!" Violet shouted. She was undoubtedly traumatized.

Anthony still hadn't jumped down the makeshift chute, but when he saw Violet almost swallowed alive by the baby, he jumped out of pure fear. As he slid down the towel, he screamed as loud as he thought he was able. When he landed, he felt much better, once he realized that he was unharmed.

"See?" said Mercedes. "I told you it wouldn't be that bad!"

"Come on, let's hurry," said Anthony. "We don't want to lose our lead!"

While they raced into the master bedroom, Violet Parr had just about recovered from her experience inside a giant baby's mouth. She picked up the spoon and tried again. This time, she didn't try to coax the baby into opening his mouth, no, she just shoved those peas in there. Needless to say, he expectorated them onto his bib.

Still, she had satisfied the requirements of the task, and was handed the next clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

Neither of them had any apprehensions about the towel-slide. They just jumped on in like the ground was made of Jell-O.

But, they couldn't overtake the hitchhiker team, who had already found the next clue.

"Detour," read Mercedes. "Do the Laundry, or Do the Dishes?"

The next shot was one of Ed next to an oversized dryer.

"A Detour is a Choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between doing the Laundry, and doing the Dishes.

"In Do the Laundry, they must cross through the kitchen to the laundry room, and pick up one of these giant baskets of laundry. Then they must bring the laundry into the living room, and fold at least three garments. Once they have done that, they will receive the next clue.

"In Do the Dishes, Diana will carry them to the kitchen sink, where they will work together to wash and dry three plates and three glasses. Once the task is complete to Diana's satisfaction, they will receive the next clue."

"I say we do the Laundry, is that okay, Mer?" asked Anthony.

"Okay, sure," she answered.

They dashed for the laundry room. Seconds later, VIOLET & MICHAEL got their next clue.

"Detour," read Michael. "I think we should do the dishes."

"Yeah, okay," said Violet.

They tapped on Diana's thigh, because they were too short to reach her shoulder.

"Oh, right, you two are going to do the dishes, right?" They confirmed that. She bent down and picked the two of them up gently, then carried them to the sink.

Meanwhile, Klaus Baudelaire finally got his chance to fed little Tommy. As soon as he got some peas on the spoon, he brought the heel of his hand up to his mouth and blew hard. The result was a faux-fart effect. This made Tommy giggle for just long enough for Klaus to shovel those peas in.

He took his clue gleefully, and jumped back to the table.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in third place.)

As they slid down the towel chute, they saw the hitchhiker team carrying a large basket of clothes into the living room. They heard Anthony breathing heavily.

"I don't (puff) know if (puff) I can take (puff) another (puff) step!"

"Come on, Anthony, just (puff) a few more steps!"

Yeah, the weight of the basket was getting to Mercedes too.

Over in the sink, Violet was starting to work on one of the plates, while Michael tackled a glass. Diana came over and saw what they were doing.

"Don't be afraid to scrub, you guys," she said, "People have to eat off those plates, you know."

"Of course, of course!" said Michael, thinking, "yeah sure, whatever."

About that time, the Baudelaire orphans got their Detour clue from the master bedroom.

"What do you think, sister of mine? Laundry or Dishes?"

"I don't think we're strong enough to lift that big basket. Let's do the Dishes."

Back at the high chair, Sulley was still working on the Roadblock. Roy, who had been waiting for a very long time, was irritated, and he made that known.

"Tell you what," said Diana, "if Sulley here takes more than ten minutes to complete the task, I'll make him stop and get behind you, okay?"

Roy thought about this. "Make it five," he said, "and we'll have a deal."

"You can have eight," said Diana.

"Six."

"Seven."

"Deal."

They shook on it. Then the giantess felt someone on her leg.

"Oh, right, dishes," she said as she deposited the Baudelaires in the sink.

Meanwhile, Ant and Mer had successfully carried the laundry to the living room to be folded. Anthony exhaled like a horse when he put the laundry down.

"Oh, planet of Hell, I need to lie down," he muttered.

"Come on, hardest part's over! The rest is easy!" Mercedes insisted. She pulled a large T-shirt from the basket and spread it out on the floor. "Now, help me fold this!"

Anthony dragged his feet over to the other side of the garment. He tried to help, but he wasn't much use.

Back on the high chair, Sulley's time was almost up. He had to get the peas into Tommy's mouth pronto; or else his team would fall into last place. He had an idea.

"Mike!" he shouted to his partner on the table, "Do you think you can make him laugh?"

"It's worth a shot," he answered.

Mike stuck his arms out for balance, and then he jumped into the air, flipped at least once or twice, and deliberately landed on his face.

Sulley looked back and saw Tommy giggling. He shoved those peas in there, and was done.

"Thanks, bud. Way to take one for the team!"

"Don't mention it," he answered in a strained voice.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in fourth place.)

When Mike saw how they had to get down from the table, he jumped at the chance, literally. The round monster rolled down the towel like a marble. When they both reached the ground, Sulley asked Mike about it.

"Yeah, that probably wasn't the smartest thing, I've got a bad case of the head spins now," he confessed.

"It's about time," Roy said angrily as he picked up the spoon, "are the producers determined to keep us in last place or something?"

"Roy, don't complain, or you'll make it worse for us!" Orson told him.

"Shut up, and just let me do this!" Roy shot back.

Over in the sink, Violet B. and Klaus had finished all three plates and were starting on the glasses. They were so fast, they made it look like Violet P. and Michael were moving at a snail's pace. They had only finished one plate and one glass.

"How in the hell are you guys doing that so fast?" Michael asked.

"We work together on the same article," said Klaus, "so we finish each one faster."

About that same time, the monsters took their Detour clue from the master bedroom.

"Think we can do laundry?" asked Mike.

"No problemo, Mikey!"

Speaking of Laundry, Ant and Mer were just about finished. Anthony seemed to get his second wind when he started folding. They finished in no time at all.

"Well, that wasn't too hard, now, was it?" Mercedes asked.

"I'll be glad to see the Pit Stop, regardless of our position," Anthony commented.

The ever-present race official handed Mercedes the next clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"Make your way to the next PIT STOP!"

Teams must now make their way without Diana's aid to the other side of her house. Once there, they must search the three rooms there for the one that Tommy sleeps in. The baby's bedroom is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," she finished.

"Let's go!" They started to run as fast as they could.

Back on the high chair, Roy was having trouble in getting Tommy to open his mouth.

"Come on, open up, please!" he begged a thousand times over. "No, no, these aren't icky peas, no, these are chocolate peas! Yeah, does the baby want chocolate peas?" Nothing. "Look, see, I like it!" he added, sticking them into his own beak. "See, yummy! Now, you try it!" He offered the spoon to him. To his surprise, he opened his mouth!

"Yummy, right?" Roy asked.

"Yummy!" Tommy said.

"Wow, he likes peas! Who knew?" said Diana. "Thanks to you, maybe I can get him to eat healthier now!"

"Oh, uh, you're welcome, I guess." Roy had never been thanked before in his life.

"Anyway, here's your next clue."

(ORSON & ROY are still in last place.)

"Tallyho!" screamed the barnyard animals as they tumbled down the towel. After the fun ride, they dashed to the clue box in the master bedroom.

"What do you think, Ors? Laundry or Dishes?"

Orson looked into the hallway and saw the monster team carry the huge basket. "I think those laundry baskets will be too heavy for us. So, Dishes."

Diana cheerfully deposited them into the sink, and they got right to work.

About that same time, the Baudelaire kids finished their task, and made it known to the lady of the house. She came by to inspect their work. She said she was satisfied, so the ever-present race official handed Violet the next clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Violet.

"Wait a minute," said Klaus. "It said in the clue that Diana can't help us, so, how on earth are we supposed to get down?"

"Hmm, this is going to take some thinking," she answered, tying her hair up once more.

While they contemplated a decent strategy, VIOLET & MICHAEL just polished off the last glass. When Diana came to inspect it, she was surprised.

"That spot, there was a spot here that I've been trying to get out for seven months! Now it's gone! How did you do it?"

"Well," Michael said blushing, "It's really nothing, um…"

"Oh, no, wait, there it is. I couldn't see it because I had it in the wrong light. Sorry."

"Oh."

"Still, it's clean, and you've completed the task."

"Thank you," Violet told her.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," she read.

"Okay, now, for the problem of getting down," Michael muttered.

Meanwhile, over on the other end of the house, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had located the three rooms mentioned in the clue. They were all open a crack, so they didn't need to reach the doorknobs. (They couldn't even if they wanted to, anyway.)

"Okay," Anthony said. "One of these doors is the baby's room, and the Pit Stop is inside."

"Let's just try them all," said Mercedes, "you take that one, I'll take this one."

Anthony kicked the door in the middle, and discovered that it was a bathroom.

Mercedes pushed open the door on the right, and found a whole bunch of tiny people, who were about the same size to her as she was to Diana.

"Welcome to Microatia, medium sized person!" they all cheered in unison.

"Sorry, wrong room," she told them, and shut the door.

"It must be this door, then," said Anthony, pointing to the door on the left. He pushed it open, and inside was a crib, along with baby toys, baby clothes, and assorted baby paraphernalia.

Once they were inside the room, they found a dollhouse that looked like it was big enough to accommodate people their size.

"Why does Tommy have a dollhouse?" they both wondered outloud.

They saw Ed inside the dollhouse, standing next to someone who barely came up to his knee. The hitchhikers raced inside and jumped onto the mat.

"Welcome, medium sized folks," said the little guy, "to the home of Diana Smith, in the country of Macroatia!"

"Uh, thank you," Anthony said nervously.

"Anthony and Mercedes," said Ed, "you are team number one!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 1ST PLACE.)

"What? Are you joking?"

Ed shook his head no.

They hugged tightly and started to jump up and down.

"And I have more good news for you," Ed added. "As the winners of this leg of the race, you have won these…" and he pulled out two key chains. "These keys start up a pair of 2007 Honda Elements, which you will find in the garage of this dollhouse."

The hitchhikers grabbed the keys from Ed's hands and dashed to the garage. Anthony was overwhelmed. Mercedes, eh, not so much, but she was still happy.

Back up on the sink, Violet B. had concocted a plan on how to get down. She grabbed a nearby dishtowel, you know the big kind that Diana uses, and handed one end of it to her brother.

"Here's the plan. I'm going to use this to lower you to the ground. Once you're there, I want to wad this up and make a cushion for me to land on."

"What, you're going to jump?" Klaus asked excitedly.

"It has to be like this! We don't have the time to think of a new plan."

"Okay, fine," he said, and he grabbed his end tightly.

Violet slowly lowered him down until she got to the end of the rope, so to speak. Klaus let go and landed on the ground on his feet. Then Violet let the towel fall. She watched as it fell into a nice heap near the counter.

"Okay, Klaus, see if you can move that!"

Klaus pulled on it. He grunted, groaned, and strained for all he was worth, but it wouldn't budge.

"Not a problem, we'll just have to improvise."

Violet dangled her feet over the edge of the counter and pushed herself off. As expected, she landed on the dishtowel, which softened the blow. She pulled herself out of the wad unharmed.

"Whew!" she said. "Glad that's over! Now let's go!"

Not long after that, the other Violet and her partner jumped down from the counter, and they too landed safely in the wadded up towel.

"I got to hand it to you Mike," said Violet, "that was pretty clever of you! Waiting until the orphans got down, and then copying their method!"

"Yes, well, you know me, clever old Mike!"

They took off after the orphans, and tried to pass them. But their efforts would turn up fruitless. Those Baudelaires were fast!

Anyway, as they were running, they passed by Mike and Sulley, who were just about finished with the Laundry task. The monsters put the last crease in the last garment just as the supers streaked by. When they received their next clue, they started running while they were still opening it.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in fourth place.)

"…Warning: (puff) the last team (puff) to check in may (puff) be eliminated," Mike wheezed.

As these three teams ran for Tommy's room, one snide little rooster climbed out of the sink and looked through the pass-through window. He saw the teams in front of his running to what he assumed would be the Pit Stop.

"That's it," he said hopelessly. "We're as good as done for. We'll be eliminated for sure."

"Don't say that, Roy," Orson chided. "The only thing that is certain is that we will finish last on this leg. But that doesn't mean we'll be eliminated. This could be a non-elimination leg."

"Do you really think that?"

"The ninth leg is usually non-elimination. Wait, is this the ninth leg, or the eighth?"

"I don't know."

"It doesn't matter, let's just keep scrubbing."

Over on the other side of the house, the three teams came to the three doors. The bathroom door was left open, so the Baudelaires opened the door to the left. The other two teams tried the door to the right.

"Welcome to Microatia!" shouted the tiny people behind door number 3. Those two teams shut the door right away.

In Tommy's actual bedroom, Violet and Klaus had found Ed and the mat.

"Violet and Klaus, you're team number two!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 2ND PLACE.)

"All right!" cheered Klaus. "We're moving back up!"

Later, the monsters and the supers got into a footrace to see who would place third. Ed watched as those honors went to the two not quite humans.

"Violet and Michael, you're team number three!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 3RD PLACE.)

"Whew!" breathed Violet. "We'll take it."

"You guys sound exhausted," Ed commented.

"We are," Michael said. "Running is hard!"

"Okay, please step off the mat, so the next team can check in." They did so, and the monsters stepped onto the mat.

"Mike and Sulley, you are team number four!"

(MIKE & SULLEY 4TH PLACE.)

"Four?" asked Mike.

"That means you are still in the Amazing Race!"

"AWESOME!" Mike broke into his ritualistic victory dance.

"I'm not going to tell you again," Ed said, "that has to stop!"

Back in the sink, Orson and Roy finished their dish task while a sad interlude played in the background.

"As soon as I saw that Sullivan creature turn the corner," Roy said in a voiceover, "I knew Orson and I were finished. We were doomed to place last on this leg."

The sad music continued as a montage of them finishing the leg played slowly.

"In the back of my mind," said Orson; "I was preparing my farewell speech for the airing of our elimination. I wasn't sure if we'd be eliminated or not, so I prepared for both outcomes."

Near the three doors, the animals started to go through their bags and put on every article of clothing they brought with them. Then they stuffed everything they wanted to keep in the pockets.

"I had to talk Roy into emptying our bags before we checked in, because he was still certain that we would be eliminated."

The sad music paused when Orson and Roy stepped on the mat.

"Welcome to the home of Diana Smith, in the country of Macroatia!"

"Thanks," Roy said.

"Orson and Roy, you look ridiculous."

They all laughed briefly.

"Still, you are the last team to arrive."

(ORSON & ROY LAST PLACE.)

"And I am…sorry to tell you that…you are about to endure the game's second worst penalty!"

"Huh?"

"Let me rephrase that: this is the second of four pre-determined non-elimination legs, so you guys are still in the Amazing Race!"

"What? Really?"

"Really, really!"

"YA-HOOOOOOOOO!" cheered Orson. He jumped up and down with excitement.

"Now, now, calm down, you know about the penalty for placing last on a non-elimination leg, the second worst penalty in the game."

"If this is the second worst penalty, then what's the absolute worst penalty?" asked Roy.

"Elimination, duh!"

"Oh, right."

"Anyway, you need to give me all your money, and all your possessions except your passports, the special credit card, and the clothes on your back." They gleefully handed him their now empty bags. "In addition, you will not receive any money at the start of the next leg."

"I'm so relieved," Roy confessed to the camera. "We've got a second chance at the million, a second chance we don't deserve. I know other teams have come back from this, so we can do this. We're going to triple our efforts, and we're going to win!"

"Wow, um, I'm not sure what to say," Orson said. "I was preparing to speak in sorrowed tones about being eliminated, but now that we're still in this, I'm just, I, I have no words. I, um, guess we will try our best to overcome this, and uh, go animal power!"

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Time for some high flight as our teams venture to Earhart City, a city floating in the sky! Will they have the artistic skill they need? Will they be able to face "the truth"? And can they find the second Time Clock?

(A/N: Hey guys, having fun? Listen, school's starting up for me soon, so it may be quite a while before I can post the next leg. And I won't be updating as often as I would like to, so be patient with me. And keep reading and reviewing!)


	10. Ninth Leg in Earhart City

Before the race continued, Edward Nemo was seen amid a plethora of giant baby toys.

"Hi there. I know it looks like I've been shrunk, but I haven't. This is Macroatia, a world of giants whose average height is around 45 feet. The entire last leg of the race was within the walls of this house, which belongs to a wonderful single mother named Diana Smith. And in her son's room is a dollhouse that's the perfect size for our racers, so the producers made it the eighth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race. Our teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period.

"Although Orson & Roy were last to check in, they were not eliminated, as this was a non-elimination leg. Inasmuch, they were forced to surrender all their belongings save their passports and the clothes on their backs, as well as all of their accumulated cash. They will not be receiving any money to start the next leg. In spite of this tremendous setback, can they move out of last place and avoid elimination? You're about to find out.

"Anthony & Mercedes, who were first to arrive at 5:22 PM, will depart at 5:22 AM."

The room was dark, and Tommy was asleep in his crib (much to his mother's delight), so the galactic hitchhikers had to keep quiet when opening their clue and starting the race.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are first to depart.)

"Cross the hall to the spare bedroom…" read Anthony.

Teams must now leave Tommy's bedroom and find the spare room. Inside, they will discover an entire country of tiny people, no more than 9 inches high. Called Microatia, it is here that teams will find the next clue.

"Wasn't that the whole lot of tiny people that you stumbled upon last leg?" asked Anthony.

"Yeah, I think it was," Mercedes answered.

"Well, then, we'd better go back,"

Slowly, they pulled the door open and ran across the hall to the spare bedroom. When they opened that door, all the Mircoatians cheered with one voice.

"Welcome, racers!" they said. "You'll find your next clue on the other side of our world! Take care not to destroy any of our buildings, or we shall be forced to hurt you!"

They looked across the large room and saw the clue box. They looked down and saw a very intricate albeit tiny network of people and buildings.

"Something tells me this isn't going to be easy," Anthony muttered.

"Oh, come off it," said Mercedes. "So what if we take out one of their sacred monuments? I'm not saying we are, because we're not, but if we did, what's the worst they could do to us?"

One of the Mircoatians tapped Mercedes on the ankle. "Ma'am," he said, "There was a man about your size who used to terrorize us for fun. He always thought, 'What's the worst they could do to me?' We built this city out of that man's bones and innards."

On hearing this, the red-haired alien was very much distressed. "Mommy!" she muttered.

"Mer," said Anthony, "I think it's time you took some of your own advice."

"Huh?"

"Don't panic! As long as we don't destroy anything, we won't get into trouble!"

"Oh, right, yes, don't panic, gotcha."

They tiptoed their way to the clue box and opened the clue inside.

"Step out into the back yard and sign up for one of two chartered flights…"

Teams must now board one of two planes in the back yard bound for Earhart City, a city floating in the sky. The planes will depart 90 minutes apart. When teams arrive in Earhart City, they must travel by taxi to the Earhart Memorial Library to retrieve their next clue.

"Wow," said Mercedes. "Back in the New Chicago leg, I asked 'What's next, a city floating in the sky?' and wouldn't you know it, that's where we're going!"

"Hey, the irony is not lost on me, love," said Anthony. "Let's go!"

While they were gingerly stepping back through Microatia, the next team was departing the Pit Stop.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are second to depart.)

"Alert: Time Clock hidden on this leg," read Klaus.

"Oh, I remember that! The monsters found one on the Eastern Sea, and when they used it, they surged into first place!"

"We'd better keep on the lookout, then!"

This is the second of only two legs on which a Time Clock has been hidden. The first team to find it can cash it in at any Pit Stop for an hour's worth of time credit. If, however, they come in last on any leg, elimination or not, they must forfeit their Clock. Each team can only use one Time Clock, so they need to decide for themselves the best time to use it.

Not long after the Baudelaire orphans departed, the next team took off.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are third to depart.)

"Four teams will have 125 dollars for this leg of the race," read Michael, "one team will have zero dollars."

"Do you think we should help the barnyard animals, Mike?"

"We'll help them out if we see them again," he answered. "Right now, we need to keep racing!"

They raced to the spare bedroom right on the heels of Violet & Klaus, who had the door open while Ant & Mer were still negotiating their way through Microatia.

"You're still here?" Violet B. asked surprised.

"Yeah, they'll get upset if you damage their home," Anthony told them.

"They built most of their buildings out of a guy's organs!" Mercedes added.

"Ewwwww!" said the four who hadn't heard that information yet.

"I know, so be careful!"

Up on their tiptoes, the six of them made their way across the room. But the hitchhiker team managed to reach the door before either of the other teams could reach the clue.

Once they were safely outside the spare room, they ran at a full sprint for the back door. Unlike the front door, this one had a pet door installed, which was odd, as Diana did not own a pet. But that's not important, the important thing was that they could get to the back yard without disturbing anyone.

Mercedes, being the slightly braver of the two, jumped through the pet door headfirst. She landed in a soft patch of grass, so it didn't hurt much. It did hurt, just not by much. Anthony carefully lifted the vinyl flap and slid down through the bottom. Outside at last, they sprinted to where two jump jets where waiting.

"Are these the planes bound for Earhart City?" Mercedes asked.

"That they are!" said the ever present race official.

Anthony put their names down on the paper and he and his girlfriend took their seats on the jet.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES – First on Flight #1.)

"Awesome!" said Anthony. "We may not finish first, but we will not be eliminated!"

While the hitchhikers were riding their wave of good fortune, another team departed from the Pit Stop.

(MIKE & SULLEY are fourth to depart.)

"…Alert:" Mike read, "Time Clock hidden on this leg."

"Too bad we already used the first one," Sulley mused. "We sure could use a leg up."

Over in the spare room where Microatia was, Violet Parr reached the clue box before any of the others could. She took out two clues, and tossed one to Violet Baudelaire. But that would later turn out to be foolish, as the orphans were closer to the door, and were therefore ahead of them.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)

"Travel by taxi to the Earhart City Library to get your next clue," read Klaus.

"Caution: Yield ahead," read Michael.

As they walked carefully back through Microatia, Klaus struck up a conversation with Michael.

"Hey, um, you guys wouldn't Yield us, would you?"

"We left our Yield sticker back in Cluedoville, Klaus. Even if we didn't I don't see why we would need to Yield you and your sister."

"Lost your Yield sticker? Hey, sucks for you."

"Listen, could you do us a big favor?" Michael asked.

"What's that?"

"If you do get the chance to Yield someone, could you Yield Anthony & Mercedes, please?"

"How come?" Klaus asked.

"Because that's who we'd Yield if we could."

"Oh. We'll see how it turns out."

"Okay, thanks."

About that time, Mike & Sulley entered the spare room, to the sheer terror of the Mircoatians. Many screamed. A few fainted. But when informed by the ever present race official that these terrifying monsters were racers, they clamed down. Fully aware of the situation, they trod tentatively through the teeny tiny town.

Meanwhile, the unlucky and now destitute barnyard critters were opening their next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are last to depart.)

"Four teams will have 125 dollars," read Roy, "one team, us, will have zero dollars."

"Let's hurry up!" said Orson. "We need all the luck and good fortune we can get right now!"

While they were crossing the hallway, VIOLET & KLAUS burst out of the spare bedroom at a speed so mind blowing that it threw Orson & Roy for a loop. Right on their heels were VIOLET & MICHAEL. After being blown down by the speeding racers, the barnyard critters peeled their remaining body parts from the walls and continued.

( Normally, I wouldn't asterisk part of my story, but I feel that I need to point out that the last sentence was a joke.)

At the back door, the Baudelaire orphans jumped through the pet door, trying their damnedest to stay ahead of the supers, and rightfully so, after all, this was a race, in case you've forgotten. (I really have to stop writing long sentences like that!) Anyway, they ran to the jets as fast as their legs would permit. Once there, they signed up for the first flight.

(VIOLET & KLAUS – Second on Flight #1.)

On board the plane, they exchanged pleasantries with Ant & Mer, took seats closer to the door than them, and started to converse.

"Should we Yield them?" Klaus asked his sister, and by 'them', he meant, of course, Anthony & Mercedes.

"I don't know," she answered. "This is the last Yield, so we don't have to worry about getting Yielded back. But they seem so nice."

"I know, but Michael asked us to do it. So should we?"

"I guess the real question is who to we want to make our enemies, the aliens or the supers?"

"That's easy! Neither!"

"Yes," said Violet, "but that's not an option for us right now. We'll either make them (Anthony & Mercedes) mad, or we'll make them (Violet & Michael, who were just coming onto the plane) mad."

(VIOLET & MICHAEL – Last on Flight #1.)

"We'll figure it out when we land." Violet assured Klaus.

Meanwhile, Orson and Roy arrived in Microatia just as MIKE & SULLEY were getting their next clue. Sulley quickly told them about the situation with the tiny people, how they don't like to have their buildings destroyed. While the animals stepped with caution to the clue box, the monsters stepped with caution toward the door.

Okay, this is starting to get just a little boring, so I'll just fast forward until something interesting happens.

FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF

Whoops! I went too far, let me go back a little.

REW REW REW REW

Ah, here we go.

Mike & Sulley are on the second plane, with Orson & Roy.

"The clue said we need to get a taxi," said Orson, "but we don't have any money! How are we going to pay for it?"

"Hey, if you guys need some money, we could loan you a couple of bucks," said Mike.

"Really? Oh, thank you so much!" Roy took the money from them and stuffed it into his wallet.

All teams are now flying on one of two chartered flights for Earhart City. The first plane houses Violet & Michael, Violet & Klaus, and Anthony & Mercedes. The second plane will depart 90 minutes later, and houses Mike & Sulley and Orson & Roy. When they land, they must travel by taxi from the airport to the Earhart City Library to find their next clue.

As the first plane passed by the floating city, the captain called the passengers' attention to it.

"When the city was first founded," he explained, "it was called Sky City. The people remained largely secluded from society until the alleged disappearance of Amelia Earhart in 1937. She didn't disappear, but landed in Sky City. She shared her knowledge of aviation with the citizenry, and with her help, they started to explore the world below them. The population elected her Grand Chancellor of the city, and she settled here until her true death in 1972. Following that, the city was renamed in her honor."

"Wow," said Violet Baudelaire, "that story sounds almost to good to be true."

"It may not be factual, but it does have a high degree of truthiness."

The plane swooped around to about 5000 feet above the city, and landed smoothly on the airport runway. The three teams on board tore out of the plane like it was on fire. VIOLET & KLAUS were off first, followed closely behind by VIOLET & MICHAEL, and ANTHONY & MERCEDES brought up the rear.

"Taxi!" Klaus shouted when he hit the street. A dark blue car pulled up and let them in.

"Where to, stranger?" asked the cabbie.

"Earhart City Library, and step on it!"

"Right away!"

As they sped away, another cab pulled up. VIOLET & MICHAEL were still in the airport, and by the time they came out, the cab started to pull away.

"Wait! Stop!" Violet screamed. She and her partner ran down the street to catch the car. Somehow, he must have known he was being chased, because he stopped and let them in.

"Can you take us to the library, like, wicked fast?"

"Like, for sure!" he said in a mock-valley accent.

When the hitchhikers, hit the street, they had no trouble getting a cab.

"Go very, very fast, please," Mercedes said slowly and loudly, like she was talking to a foreigner.

"Okay, but I need to know where you are going?"

"To the Earhart City Library. And we're in a race, so please hurry!"

"Library? I know a shortcut!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you'll be there in no time!"

Unfortunately, this statement would prove to be untrue, and in a sore way.

Time passed, and in that time, the cab that carried VIOLET & KLAUS arrived at the library.

"Thanks for taking us here," said Violet, "but we can't afford to tip you."

"No matter, tipping a cabbie isn't customary in this town."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

He drove away as the orphans stepped quietly into the library.

"Okay, so where's the Yield?" Klaus asked nobody.

"Over here, by the fiction," his sister pointed out.

A visual effect caused Ed to appear on screen next to the platform.

"This is the third of three Yields hidden on the entire race. The first team here can force any team behind them to stop racing for a pre-determined amount of time. Any team that's been forced to Yield must turn over this hourglass and wait for all the sand to run out before continuing. Each team may only use their Yield power once, so they need to decide for themselves the best time to do so."

Violet ripped the "1" from the stand and Klaus dug their picture out of the box. Then he pulled out the one of Anthony & Mercedes, the one he would stick to the sign if he decided to Yield them. He held it in his hands and stared at it.

"What's the matter?" Violet asked.

Klaus said nothing, but somehow his sister understood.

"You can't do it, can you?"

"No. I just don't have peace about it. And I don't think it's right that we should do another team's dirty work because they got careless."

"Okay, we won't do it."

Klaus smiled as he put the picture back into the box. "We choose not to Yield," he said to the camera, and they walked past the Yield sign to the clue box.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in first place.)

"Another Detour," read Violet. "Art or Science?"

A shot of Ed in front of an easel was shown.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between Art and Science.

"In Art, teams will travel a long distance by marked car to this art studio, where the must each paint a portrait of a female model. What teams don't know, and won't find out until they get there, is that the model will be nude. Once teams have completed their portrait, they will be given the next clue. This task may prove to be a little uncomfortable for the racers, but teams with artistic skill and discretion can finish it quickly.

"In Science, teams will travel a shorter distance by marked car to this university, where they must locate this science lab. Once there, they will be given a 50-question multiple-choice science examination. When they complete the test, they must hand it to the professor to be scored. If they score 70 percent or higher and thus pass the test, the professor will give them the next clue. If they fail, they will have no choice but to go back and do Art. There's nothing unnerving about this task, but if the racers don't know their science, it may only add up to lost time."

"I'm afraid I'm not very good at painting," admitted Klaus.

"Okay, so Science then?"

"Please."

They walked briskly until they got to the door, and from there they ran like hounds from hell for the parking lot. They got into the car and buckled up. Klaus was behind the wheel this time.

No sooner were the orphans on their way to the university than VIOLET & MICHAEL pulled up to the library. The supers raced inside, and knowing that the orphans were ahead of them, it irked Michael to see the Yield sign still empty.

"Oh, nuts, those guys wussed out on us!"

"No, they wussed out on you!" said Violet as she dug her team's picture out of the box. "If you'll recall, I had nothing to do with your little scheme."

"Let's not do this, huh? Not now!" Michael shot back, ripping the "2" from the stand.

"Okay, okay!"

"Oh, um, we lost our sticker, so we can't Yield," Michael told the camera.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)

"We have to do Art," said Violet. "It's got to be faster, otherwise, why would they put it further away from the library?"

"Okey-dokey."

They jumped in their car and drove away.

Meanwhile, Anthony & Mercedes' cabbie…was nowhere near the library.

"Huh, that's weird," he said. "This decades-old farmhouse wasn't here yesterday."

"Oh, great," said Mercedes, "you're lost, aren't you?"

"Hey, hey! I may not know where we are, or how do get from here to the library, or any other familiar landmarks, but that doesn't make me lost!"

"Actually, that's the definition of 'lost,'" said Anthony.

"Maybe in Webster's," said the cabbie, "but I'm not a fan of Webster's. I use the dictionary in here," and he pointed to his heart.

"And he uses the paperweight in here," said Mercedes, pointing to her head.

While the hitchhikers and their cabbie still disagreed, the Baudelaire orphans arrived at the university.

"Okay, what room number was it?" Violet asked her brother.

"Let me check, ah, it's room 267. That would be on the second floor."

They ran up the first set of stairs they could find and dashed down the halls. When they came upon room 267, they slowed their pace and cautiously stepped inside.

The room looked pretty much like any academic science lab. It had black tables, a tile floor, a fume hood, and more sinks than you could shake a stick at. Over in the corner was a middle-aged professor, who slumped over his desk. He looked up when Violet & Klaus stepped inside.

"Ah, racers," he said. "Come here and take your examination."

They stepped into the lab and crossed over to his desk. He handed them a packet of papers and a slip of computerized paper.

"Don't write on the test, I have to give this to my students in the morning. Mark your answers on the Scantron thing. I suggest you work together. When you finish, bring it to me. I'll run it through the machine, it'll calculate your score, and hopefully, you'll pass and get your clue.

"One more thing, I have a lot of work I need to do, so do me a favor and try to keep the noise down so I can concentrate, okay?"

"Not a problem," Klaus assured him.

"Find an open desk and get started."

And that's just what they did.

A few minutes later, Ant & Mer's cab finally showed up at the library.

"About time too!" Anthony complained. "You as much as set us back by 25 minutes!"

"Hey, I said I was sorry! What do you want, you want me to turn back time?"

"If it's not too much trouble," said Mercedes, "that would be wonderful."

The cabbie stared at her like she was…well…like she was from another planet.

"What? Isn't this Dreamland, where anything can happen?"

The cabbie rolled his eyes and peeled away, screeching his tires.

"I think you offended him, love," said Anthony.

"Whatever, let's just go!" They walked inside briskly.

"We choose not to Yield," said Anthony to the camera as they sorted out their affairs and took their next clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)

"What do you think, Earthman?"

"Art sounds like it would be faster."

They hopped into their car and drove away. They hadn't gotten more than one block closer to the studio when the supers arrived. Michael parked the car, and the two raced inside. A man in a beret who spoke with a French accent greeted them.

"Welcome, racers, to my humble studio!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, this place isn't humble," said Violet.

"Yeah," said Michael. "It just needs some new curtains. _Then_ it will be humble."

To their surprise, the artist laughed. He liked the joke.

"Okay, enough of this chit-chat, allow me to introduce you to your model!" He escorted them to the back room, where they saw two easels and two stools, along with an attractive woman who was wearing a smile…and nothing else.

Both were shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight before them, but Violet was quick to regain here composure. Michael, on the other hand, was staring at the model with wide eyes, and his tongue hanging from his mouth. Violet could see that she would have to snap her partner out of it.

_A blunt blow to the cranium ought to do the trick,_ she thought. And that's just what she did. When she did, he almost lost his balance, but he was no longer concerned with the present state of affairs.

"Hey, what was that for?" he asked. He had no idea why she would attack him like that.

"It's for your own good," she explained. "We're never going to get this done if you keep leering at her like that."

"I wasn't leering! Well, not leering per se, but…"

"Shut up and paint! Million dollars, remember?"

"All right! Don't yell at me!"

"I'm not yelling!"

Well, eventually, after the arguing was completed, they settled in and started to paint. While they did that, and the Baudelaires continued with their science test, and the hitchhikers were still driving to the studio, the second plane from Macroatia arrived at the airport much earlier than expected.

ORSON & ROY dashed off the plane very quickly. They were on the street long before MIKE & SULLEY were. They got a cab and pulled away, just as the monsters got outside.

"Oh, man," Mike complained. "We're as good as finished."

"Not yet, we're not!" Sulley told him. "Taxi!"

Looking back, Roy Rooster saw the monsters get a cab.

"Okay, those guys are likely going to catch up to us, and maybe even pass us!" he told Orson.

"But that means we'll get eliminated!" Orson worried.

"Not if we use this," said the rooster, holding up the team's Yield sticker.

Orson shook his head in protest.

"Look, it's either this, or we get the axe!" Roy explained. "We're not here to make friends, remember? Besides, what are they going to do, Yield us back?"

"Fine," Orson sighed.

While they kept driving, the hitchhiker team arrived at the studio. That crazy artist in the beret directed them to another room, other than the one where the supers were. There was another model in this room, in the same state of affairs.

Anthony shut his eyes and turned away. Mercedes only looked for a second, before seeing her boyfriend on the floor like he was having a seizure.

"Come on, get up, Anthony," she said. "We have to do this."

"I don't think I can," he told her. "I might be too distracted by the fact that there's a naked woman in the room!"

"Don't think of her as a naked woman, think of her as a geometric figure," she suggested.

"Okay, I'll try," said Anthony. "It's the dumbest idea I've ever heard, but I'll try it."

As they sat down to begin painting, ORSON & ROY arrived at the library. Quickly, they found the Yield sign. While Orson took the "4" from the stand, Roy found the monster's picture and slapped in onto the sign. Then he placed his team's sticker under "Courtesy of:"

"We are Yielding Mike & Sulley," he said to the camera.

They crossed to the clue box and tore open the clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in fourth place.)

"Hmm. We're not very good at real science, what with our show bending the laws of physics for comedic effect," Roy commented.

"So, Art?" asked Orson.

"No, the third option. Of course Art! What, have you got rocks for brains?"

"Well, excuse me!"

They ran to the parking lot. As they did, they passed by MIKE & SULLEY.

"Good luck, guys, you're going to need it!" taunted Roy.

"Roy, we've done enough to them, don't make it worse!" Orson chided.

Mike wondered what the heck they were talking about, until he and his partner got inside. The Yield sign told them all they needed to know.

"Hmm. I guess they did it just to put some distance between us." Sulley mused.

"Never mind why they did it, let's just wait this out." Mike turned over the hourglass. "Well, as long as we're here, we might as well catch up on some reading. I've been meaning to finish _Frankenstein_."

While Mike started to browse the fiction section, the Baudelaire kids were just about finished with the examination. Thanks to Klaus's bear trap memory, they were able to breeze through it without difficulty. Once they finished, they turned in their answer sheet to the professor.

"Oh, done already? Are you sure of your answers?"

"Yeah," they said.

He ran the computerized paper through a scanner of sorts. It made a lot of noise as the paper crept in one end and out the other. Out the other side, it had a few red marks on it, likely put there by the machine.

"Umm-hmm," said the professor, looking at it thoughtfully. "84 percent correct. Congratulations, you passed!"

"AWESOME!" shouted Violet.

"Shh! There are other classes going on here too, you know!" He handed them a clue, which they opened quietly.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)

"Make your way to the police station," read Klaus.

Teams must now get back into their cars and drive to the Earhart City police station, second precinct. Once there, they must locate the interrogation room, where they will find the next clue.

As the orphans were getting back in their car, Klaus said to his sister, "That had to be so much easier than painting a picture."

Speaking of which, Violet Parr finished her painting quickly, for someone who had to keep her partner from staring. Michael, however, wasn't even halfway finished. Anyone care to guess why? Thankfully, Violet didn't have to resort to physical measures anymore.

"Michael!" she shouted when she caught him ogling the model.

"I'm painting, I'm painting!" he asserted.

Over in the other room, Anthony found that Mercedes' suggestion actually worked. By keeping his mind focused on geometry, he found that he wasn't always stopping to stare. And it was strange, because he found a sort of new appreciation for the female body by analyzing it in depth like he was.

He completed his painting about the same time that Mercedes did. When they called the chief artist, he was impressed with Anthony's rendition, and he stated so. While he praised the human for his artistic skill, Mercedes gently reminded him that they were in a race. They received their next clue while the artist was still entranced with the painting.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"Okay, the police station, let's go!"

They dashed out of the studio so quickly, that they didn't even notice a smallish orange object right by the door. Had they noticed it, they would have seen it was the Time Clock.

Not long after that, Michael finally finished his painting. Violet called in the artist, who said their work was satisfactory. He handed her the next clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)

"Okay, the police station, come on, Mike. Mike?" Mike was staring again. Violet grabbed him by the ear and pulled him away. It was only then that he stopped looking like a hungry dog.

"Huh, what? Oh, we're moving on? Cool!"

As they ran to the door, something caught Violet's eye. It was round and orange, and right behind the door. They wouldn't have seen it coming in, only going out. On closer inspection, she saw it was a clock, with its hands at one and twelve. The Time Clock!

"Michael, look what I found!" she cheered.

"Awesome! Now, let's go!"

As they departed from the studio, they collided with ORSON & ROY.

"Hey, guys," said Orson. "Is this task easy?"

"Oh, yeah, if you think you can handle it," said Violet.

The barnyard critters stepped inside. That crazy artist directed them to a room in the back. When they saw what they would have to do, they protested.

"Whoa!" said Orson. "I can't do this! I'm from a child's cartoon show. This would ruin my reputation!"

"So," said the artist, "what are you going to do, take the science test?"

"Ors, we can't afford lost time at this point in the race. Let's just do it, and we just won't tell anybody about this."

"Roy, this is going to be on national TV."

"Come on, Piggo, million dollars!"

Orson sighed. "All right, let's get this over with."

They sat down and began to paint.

About that same time, VIOLET & KLAUS were still driving toward the police station.

"Are you sure you know where we're going?" asked Klaus.

"What do you mean am I sure? You're my navigator! Are _you_ sure we're going the right way?"

"Well, the map said it would be on Wright Street, and this is Wright Street."

"So, why haven't we seen it yet?" asked Violet.

"I don't know, maybe it's the other w…wait, there it is!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

"Violet, look where I'm pointing!"

She looked. "Oh, there, right."

She pulled into the parking lot and parked the car. They raced inside.

"Excuse me," Klaus said to the receptionist, "but where's the interrogation room?"

"Down that hall, turn right, then left, then look for the second door on the left."

"Thank you!"

Meanwhile…back at the library…

"Whoa," Mike said. "That Mary Shelly has a gift for spooking folks."

"Okay, Mike, if you are quite finished," Sulley chided, "our time at the Yield is up, so we need to move on."

"Oh, right, million dollars." He took the "5" from the stand and ran to meet his friend at the clue box.

(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in last place.)

"We'll have to move fast, 'cause we're in last place."

(I just said that!)

"Oh, shut up, superimposed text!"

"Come on, Mikey, focus! Art or Science?"

"Um, I don't know, Science, I guess!"

"Great, let's make tracks!"

And they did.

Seconds later, the supers saw something on the road ahead of them.

"Hey, isn't that Anthony & Mercedes' car?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, it looks like it. Let me see if I can pass them!" Violet punched the accelerator.

Unfortunately, the hitchhikers didn't notice this power play of the part of Violet & Michael…until they saw their car right up next to theirs.

"Oh, holy Zarquon, Anthony!" Mercedes screamed. "Do something!"

"I'm trying, but they're already a gear ahead of me!"

Slowly but surely, Violet's car inched forward in relation to Anthony's. Soon enough, the supers were ahead of the hitchhikers.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)

Anthony mashed his horn in anguish. Michael cheered loudly.

"IN YOUR FACE!" he screamed.

About the same time that this was going on, the orphans arrived at the interrogation room. Inside, there were five tables, each one with two stools, and a polygraph machine. There were six men in white coats in the room. Five were by the tables, one to a table, and one was right by the door. It was this man who spoke to the team.

"Hello. Are you with the race?" Violet and Klaus nodded. "Then you'll need this," and he handed them the next clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)

"Roadblock," read Violet. "Who's not afraid of the truth?"

Ed was then seen hooked up to one of the lie detectors.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform," he said. The technician held a thumbs-up to indicate that he was telling the truth. "Any racer may complete more than six Roadblocks on the entire race." The technician did a thumbs-down to indicate that he was lying. "In this Roadblock, we lead racers on to believe that the one doing the Roadblock will take a lie detector test." Thumbs-up. "And that is what they will actually do." Thumbs-down. "Okay, the racer doing the Roadblock will administer a polygraph test, and if they give accurate readings at least 90 percent of the time, they will receive the next clue." Thumbs-up. "What teams don't know is that the person taking the test is their own partner!" Thumbs-up.

"I'll do this one," said Violet. She was surprised to learn that she would have to give her own brother a lie detector test. Quickly, he was hooked up to the machine, and Violet was given a clipboard of questions to ask.

"Okay, here's how it works," said the technician, "you read this graph to the best of your ability, and you give me your assertion of the truth of falsity of your brother's statements. If you get nine out of ten right, you can move on. The first two questions are just to warm the machine up, so those don't count. Ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," said Violet.

"Okay, Klaus Baudelaire, is that in fact your real name?"

"Yes."

"Are you a camel?"

"No! What kind of ridiculous question is that?"

"Klaus, calm down, we have to register a 'no' answer."

"Oh, sorry."

"Okay, let's get started. First question: Are you loyal to the Supreme Chancellor of Earhart City?"

The question confused Klaus. "Uh, no?"

Violet examined the graph, and concluded that he was telling the truth. The technician confirmed this.

"One for one," Violet muttered.

As they started the examination, MIKE & SULLEY arrived at the university. They mounted the steps to the designated room. They expected the professor to jump at the sight of them, like almost every other person they encountered on the race. But the professor was so busy with his work that either he didn't notice or he didn't care that a pair of monsters just walked in. Either way, he merely waved them off, directed them in the test instructions, and simply went back to work.

Back at the art studio, the pig and the rooster had completed their painting of the, um, well, you know. However, they did it mostly without looking at the model or the canvas, so it sort of looked like a post-modernistic collage-y, random, sort of general mishmash that resembled anything but a female model.

Orson examined the work that he and his partner had done, and concluded, "We're going to have to do this again."

But when the artist came back, he saw their work, and said something they were not expecting: "It's wonderful! It's genius! It's better than Renoir!"

"Huh?"

"It's like, you've looked past the exterior and captured the very essence of the model's soul!"

Roy looked at Orson confused, and the pig looked back at the rooster just as confused.

"So…do we get our clue or what?"

"Oh, this deserves more than just the next clue! This belongs in a museum, or a gallery! Connoisseurs would pay millions for this kind of work!"

"Yeah, that's nice, but about the next clue?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, yes, quite right, of course." He handed them the much-needed yellow envelope.

"'Bout frickin' time," Roy said. Orson lightly admonished him for that. "OW! Jeez, Ors, give me a black eye, why don't you?"

(ORSON & ROY are currently in fourth place.)

"Okay, the police station, come on, Roy, let's motor!"

While the barnyard critters were getting in the car, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived at the police station. Less than a minute later, ANTHONY & MERCEDES pulled up. Both teams ran inside with purpose and daring, each one trying to outdo the other. But the supers beat out the hitchhikers in a footrace to the interrogation room.

"Is this where we get our next clue?" Michael asked.

"No, this is a weigh station. We have to make sure you're less than 200 pounds before you can continue. Here's your sign!" He handed them the clue when he said that.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

"Roadblock," read Violet, "who's not afraid of the truth?"

"That's me!" Michael chimed up. "I can take this polygraph test, easy."

"Oh, no!" Violet said. "It says here that you have to give the test…to me!"

"Hey, no fair, they tricked us!"

"Well, it's too late to do anything about it now, so let's just get this over with."

While Violet Parr was getting hooked up to the machine, ANTHONY & MERCEDES entered and got their clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in third place.)

"I think it's my turn to do the Roadblock," said Anthony.

The revelation that Mercedes would be answering questions didn't faze them.

Over on the other side of the room, the Baudelaire orphans were almost finished.

"Wow, I'm impressed," said the technician, "you learned how to read the polygraph almost instantly! You've gotten nine out of nine correct!"

"Well, it's fairly easy to begin with," said Violet B.

"Right. Anyway, even though you've got enough to get your clue, I still have to read this last question. The phrase 'just a formality' comes to mind."

"Bring it on," Klaus said.

"Okay, last question, are you in this race solely for the fictional million dollars?"

He had told the truth on the last nine questions, so he decided to lie this one time, just to see if the machine really worked.

"Yes."

The needles started to vibrate differently, and Violet noticed this. She made a thumbs-down. The technician nodded his head.

"Excellent, ten for ten! Well, here's your next clue, but before you open it, there's something else." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cellular phone. He handed it to the orphans.

While he does, we hear Ed in a voiceover explaining the situation.

"After racers complete the Roadblock on this leg, they are presented with a cell phone, and are told they may use it to contact their loved ones. They may stay on the phone as long as they wish, with only one caveat: they must end their call before they can open the next clue."

"We have to call Sunny, sister," said Klaus. "We have to let her know how we're doing."

"Right. We left her with the Quagmires, right?"

"Um-hmm."

Violet dialed the number.

At the Quagmire residence, Duncan was trying desperately to get baby Sunny to eat, without much success. When he heard the phone ring, he sprang right up and answered it.

"Quagmire residence, this is Duncan."

"Duncan, it's Violet."

"Oh, hey Violet! How's the race?"

"We're doing just fine, we're actually in first place. Listen, can you put Sunny on the phone please?"

Duncan was a little confused. "Okay, but I don't see what good that would do." He handed to phone to the baby. "It's for you."

Sunny took the phone from Duncan and spoke into it. Now, although she's a baby and can't speak very well, her brother and sister can understand her. I'm going to type her words in English, but understand that those are the words Violet and Klaus understand, not the words she is actually saying.

"Hello?"

"Sunny, it's us."

"Oh, hey guys. Um, why are you calling me? Aren't racers barred from calling their relatives?"

"They made an exception for this race. We have to hang up before we can continue."

"Oh, I see. So, how are you faring?"

"We're still in it, and we're currently in the lead."

"Fantastic! So, is Dreamland everything you guys expected it to be?"

"Oh yeah! It's amazing! There's this city built by animals, a colony on Mars, even a city floating in the sky!"

"Wow! We might have to go back someday, huh?"

"I don't see why not. We just came into some serious money on the race!"

"Great. Well, I really shouldn't keep you form racing, so I'll say goodbye for now."

"Okay, goodbye Sunny!" Violet clapped the phone shut and handed it back. Klaus opened the clue just as soon as he saw the phone close.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)

"Drive yourselves to the next Pit Stop!"

Teams must now drive themselves to the center of town and locate this statue of Amelia Earhart. Erected in her honor at the time of her death, this bronze structure will serve as the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"Quickly, let's go!" Violet said. They ran out of there just a hair faster than lightning.

While those two were still on the telephone, MIKE & SULLEY were just about finished with their examination. They handed it in to the professor to be scored, which he did.

"72 percent correct. Wow, you just barely squeaked by. Congratulations." He handed them the clue they sought.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in last place.)

"Hey, do you know were the police station is?" Mike asked the professor.

"No."

Speaking of the Police Station, Violet Parr was just getting used to the polygraph test.

"Next question: given the chance to race again, would you choose a different partner?"

Now, she started to sweat. She knew Michael wouldn't like it if she said yes, but the truth was, she found Michael's arrogance to be a liability. She looked at the lie detector and realized the truth would come out anyway.

"Yes, I would choose a different partner."

Michael, who was blinded by his own vanity, made a thumbs-down.

"Incorrect, she was telling the truth."

"What? Violet, no!"

"It's not what you think, Mike! I'd just rather be with a member of my own family, that's all!"

Mercedes, on the other hand, was cool as a cucumber.

"Are you from another planet?"

"Yes."

Anthony made a thumbs-up.

"Are you a scout for an invasion force from your home planet?"

"No."

Thumbs-up.

"Do you enjoy the taste of human flesh?"

"Never had it."

Thumbs-up.

Both teams were very close to finishing up the exam, when ORSON & ROY entered the interrogation room. The guy at the door handed them their next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in fourth place.)

"I don't care what this Roadblock entails, Roy, you're doing it!"

"Okay," said Roy, "but me doing this Roadblock means you'll have to take a lie detector test."

"Are you trying to scare me into doing it?"

"Well, is it working?"

"No."

"Then, of course not! Why would you ever dream of such a thing?"

Orson got himself hooked up to the machine, and the questioning began.

"Orson Pig is your real name?"

"Yes."

"Are you a real pig?"

"No, I'm a cartoon pig."

"Okay, now that the machine is warmed up, we can begin the questioning. First question: given the chance to race again, would you choose a different partner?"

"Uh, I probably would, no offense to Roy."

Roy studied the polygraph. "Okay, I think he is telling the truth."

"Correct, but next time, a simple thumbs-up or thumbs-down will do."

"Okay, sorry."

About that time, VIOLET & MICHAEL were finishing up.

"Okay, last question, and Mike, you need this to get your next clue. Violet Parr, does your team have a grudge against Anthony & Mercedes?"

She was silent for a few seconds. Then she answered, "No."

Michael gave a thumbs-up.

"Correct. Here you go, but before you open it, I have something else for you." He handed them the phone and explained the situation.

"We have to call my parents," Violet said.

"No argument here," Michael told her.

Violet dialed the number.

It was dinnertime at the Parr's house.

"Mom, you're doing it again!"

"Doing what?"

"Making weird faces at Jack-Jack."

"I do not do that!"

That was about the time that the phone rang.

"I got it!" Dash said, jumping up from the table. "Hello?"

"Hey, squirt, it's your favorite sister!"

"Vi, you're my only sister. So, why are you calling? Have you been eliminated already?"

"No, you little insect, we've been given a call as part of the race. So, hurry up and put Mom on the phone!"

"Okay. Mom, it's Violet! She's calling from the race!"

"Hey, sweetie, how's it going?"

"We're doing great, Mom, we, um, we won a trip to Japan so far."

"That's cool!"

"So, how are things over there?"

"Oh, you know, same old, same old. We managed to save the day once or twice even without you and Michael, but we miss you guys so much!"

"That's great to hear. Listen, I have to get off the phone before we can continue racing, so give everyone my best, and Michael says hi."

"I'll do that. Best of luck!"

"Bye, Mom." She hung up and returned the phone. Then she opened the clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)

"Drive to the next Pit Stop, the bronze statue of Amelia Earhart."

While Violet was still on the phone with her family, ANTHONY & MERCEDES finished their examination.

"Okay, that was all of them. Here's your next clue, but before you open it, there's something else." He handed them the phone and explained the situation.

"Can this thing reach a starship in some distant part of the galaxy?" asked Mercedes.

"This is Earhart City, home of the best cell reception in the universe. You could call God Himself, if you had the number."

"Perfect!" Mercedes dialed a very complex number.

Over in said distant part of the galaxy, the _Heart of Gold II_ was on cruise-control while her pilot took a power nap. Zara Astra Beeblebrox V was awoken by the sound of the ship's telephone.

"Somebody get that?" she hollered, not wanting to get up. "Emily?"

"In the shower!"

Zara growled. As she got up to answer the phone, she wondered to herself why a robot would need a shower anyway.

"What is it?" she said, rather rudely.

"Now, Zara, is that any way to speak to your cousin?"

"Oh, Mercedes, it's you! I'm sorry I'm so grouchy, you kind of woke me up."

"It's cool, Z."

"So, how goes the race? You and Monkeyman kicking ass out there?"

"We try, but you know how the race goes, one minute, you're on top, next minute, you're in last place."

"Hmm."

"So, how are things where you are?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. Can't complain."

"Good to hear. Listen, I have to end this call, so tell everyone I said hi, and Anthony sends his best."

"Will do. Good luck, cuz!"

Mercedes closed the phone and handed it back. Before she opened the clue, she noticed that the supers were long gone.

"We'd better hustle," said Anthony.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in third place.)

"Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Mercedes.

They barreled through the doors to the parking lot.

In the midst of all this, the once again lucky Baudelaires managed to find the bronze statue of Amelia Earhart. Quickly, they parked the car and ran to the mat. Ed was there, as usual, and beside him was a woman who looked a lot like the famous female aviator, only slightly different.

"Hello," said the woman when the orphans stepped on the mat. "I am Hannah Jones, direct descendant of our fair city's namesake. It gives me great pleasure to welcome you to Earhart City."

"Thank you very much," said Violet.

"Violet and Klaus…you are team number one!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 1ST PLACE.)

"Awesome!" said Klaus. "Do we win something, do we, do we?"

"Wow, you're one step ahead of me! Yes, as the winners of this leg of the race, you have won…a lifetime supply of ice cream!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, the producers are starting to run out of prize ideas. It was either this or shares of CBS."

"Whatever, we'll take it."

Sometime after this, the last place monster team finally made it to the interrogation room. They saw Orson and Roy still doing the Roadblock, so they figured they still had a chance.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in last place.)

"Let's see," said Sulley. "I've done four and you've only done three, so I think it's your turn to do one."

"Okay," said Mike.

It didn't upset them in the slightest that Sulley would end up doing the hard part of this Roadblock. The blue-furred monster got strapped in quickly and began the exam.

"Your name is James Sullivan?"

"Yes."

"Are you a human being?"

"No."

"Okay, first question, are you upset that Orson and Roy Yielded you earlier today?"

"Hey, how did you know that?"

"Answer the question."

"Oh, yes."

Mike made a thumbs-up.

"Correct."

Time passed…

"Okay, Orson, last question. Do you enjoy your job as a farmer?"

"Yes."

Roy made a thumbs-down.

"Sorry, but the polygraph indicates that he is telling the truth."

"Huh? Oh, great."

"Relax, one mistake is permitted. You can have your next clue, but I must tell you something else." He handed them the phone and explained the rule.

"We should call our friends back on the farm," Orson said. He dialed the number.

As it so happens, Wade the Duck was passing by the farm's telephone when it rang. The phone's ring startled him.

"HELP! The telephone is ringing! Oh, incoming telephone call that could potentially be from some kind of serial killer! Definite telephone call coming, oh, HEEEEEEEEELP!" And off he went, running and screaming in his usual manner.

Presently, Bo Sheep came to the phone and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bo, It's Orson."

"Oh, hey, pig man, what's up? How goes the race?"

"We're doing better than I thought we would. Is the farm still shipshape?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Sort of, what do you mean sort of?"

"Well, we've had just about every mishap we've ever had, you know, your brothers going after the produce, the weasel going after the chickens, and that guy from the network trying to economize the show."

"So, you were able to handle them, right?"

"Yeah, but without you around, it wasn't perfect. Long story short, when you get back, we need to rebuild the barn."

"Okay, thanks. Listen, we need to get off the phone, so goodbye."

"See ya, Ors."

Orson closed the phone, and Roy opened the clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in fourth place.)

"All right, Pit Stop!" screamed Roy.

The barnyard critters burst through the doors.

Meanwhile, Violet and Michael had located the bronze statue where the mat was. They stepped on it with a running jump.

"Violet and Michael, you're team number two!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 2ND PLACE.)

"Sweet!" Michael said.

"Now, I understand you guys found something on this leg?"

Violet held up the Time Clock and handed it to Ed.

"You hang onto that until you're ready to cash it in. Take tonight to think about it, and give be your answer before you depart."

"Okay," said Violet.

Back in the interrogation room, Mike and Sulley were almost finished.

"Last question. Given the chance to race again, would you race with a different partner?"

"No."

Thumbs-up.

"Correct. That's ten for ten. Here's your next clue, but first, a little something extra." Again, the phone was delivered and rules explained.

"Who do we have to contact?" Sulley asked. "My parents are on vacation somewhere without their phones."

"I can't call Celia, I don't know if she's home from Hallow's End yet," said Mike.

"Looks like we don't have to waste time on a call after all!" Sulley handed the phone back as Mike tore open the clue.

(MIKE & SULLEY are still in last place.)

"Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated!" read Mike.

"Let's roll!"

They tore the door off its hinges as they ran to the parking lot.

( That wasn't a joke.)

Meanwhile, the hitchhiker team pulled up the statue of Earhart.

"Anthony and Mercedes, you're team number three!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 3RD PLACE.)

"Whew!" said Anthony. "We'll take it."

Back in the parking lot, Mike and Sulley were just getting into the car.

"So," said Mike, "do we know where this bronze statue is?"

"Relax," said Sulley. "I asked a guy at the station, and he told me exactly where it was."

"Then, drive on!"

Orson and Roy, however, were not so well informed.

"Orson, are we lost?"

"I think so, Roy. No matter, we'll just stop and ask for directions."

Orson pulled into a service station and asked the attendant where he could find the city's most cherished monument.

"It's right in the center of town," he told the pig. "Just head down this street this way, and when you come to Main Street, turn right. From there, you can't miss it."

"Okay, thank you!" Orson peeled out of the lot like he stole the car.

We see a shot of Mike and Sulley driving, then one of Orson and Roy. We then see them parking the cars and getting out. We see the monsters running up a street. Then, Ed points in the direction of the coming team. Next, the animals are running up the same street. Finally, we see a first-person shot of one of the teams checking in.

The camera angle changed to show which team it is. Orson and Roy stroll up to the mat and breathe a sigh of relief that they made it.

"Orson and Roy, you are team number four!"

(ORSON & ROY 4TH PLACE.)

"Ha!" Roy shouted.

"And you guys are still in the Amazing Race."

"Awesome!" said Orson. "Does this mean we'll get money at the start of the next leg?"

"Yep."

"Cool. I'm looking forward to a rest."

Another depressing medley played as Mike and Sulley stepped onto the mat.

"Welcome to Earhart City," Hannah said.

"Thank you," said Mike.

"Mike and Sulley, you're the last team to arrive."

(MIKE & SULLEY LAST PLACE.)

"I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated form the race."

Sulley sighed heavily. "Oh, well. At least we won't be going away empty-handed."

"Huh?" asked Mike.

"Remember, we won that trip to Germany in the Peach Town leg?"

"Oh, yeah! Cool!" Mike then broke into his usual victory dance.

"Mike, if I've told you once, I've…you know what, forget it. You've been eliminated. Go ahead and dance to your heart's content."

And dance he did.

"I don't mind losing," Mike told the camera. "All that matters to me is that I was on TV! I wish the best of luck to all the other teams."

"I won't deny that I'm disappointed to lose out on the fictional million," Sulley confessed, "but I am glad that we don't have to race anymore. It will be nice to kick back and relax for a while, until the race is finished."

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Teams better have their game face on, because the name of the game is gaming in San Ludo. Can teams master a new game in seconds to claim a Fast Forward? Can they play with the big boys, or will they pay like the big boys? Stay tuned and find out!


	11. Tenth Leg in San Ludo

Before the race continued, Edward Nemo was seen leaning against a bronze statue.

"This is Earhart City, a city floating in the sky. It was called Sky City until Amelia Earhart landed here in 1937. She helped the citizenry turn the city into the bustling metropolis it is today. Following her death, the city was renamed after her, and this bronze statue erected in her honor. This monument to the greatest female aviator in history was the ninth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"The four remaining teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. This allowed them time to eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams. Violet and Michael, who found the second hidden Time Clock, have decided to cash it in now for an hour of time credit. Will they maintain their newly gained lead? Or will the teams behind pass them up? And for the second leg in a row, can Orson & Roy scramble out of last place?

"Violet and Michael, who were second to arrive at 9:01 AM, have gained and hour's credit and will depart first, at 8:01 PM."

It was dark out, naturally. Violet was scratching at her inhibitor like she was having an allergic reaction. Michael told her not to do that, as it was making him itch. She complied, and he opened their clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are first to depart.)

"Make your way to Paul's Parachute Palace…"

Teams must now travel to the edge of town and find this parachute store. Once there, they will purchase a pair of parachutes, and then skydive right off the edge of Earhart City. Teams will land in a foreign jungle, but near the drop site, they will find the next clue.

"You will have 358 dollars for this leg of the race," he finished.

"Wow, we're going to jump off the edge of the city?" Violet inquired. "That's got to be scary."

They got into the same automobile they were given for the last leg, this time with Michael driving, and set off.

"Man, this thing is itchy as hell!" Violet fumed. "And I can't even scratch it well, 'cause I can't get to the skin. Maybe if I take it off…"

"Violet, no!"

"Just for a little bit? I'll put it right back on, and it'll be like I never had it off!"

"Vi, we can't afford it. We might get disqualified!"

"Just a little bit?"

"NO!"

"But it itches!"

Michael knew he wouldn't be able to stand Violet if she kept this up throughout the race. He reached into the glove compartment and pulled out the tire gauge. He handed it to Violet, saying, "here, use this."

She stuck it under her inhibitor and scratched. "Ooooohhhhh! That feels good!"

The rest of the trip was mostly quiet, until they came to Paul's Parachute Palace.

The windows of the store were dark, and when Michael tried to open it, he found that it was locked. The sign on the door conveyed the terrible news.

HOURS OF OPERATION: 9 AM to 8 PM. It was currently 8:02.

Michael was livid. By two minutes, they had missed their chance to surge into first place. Violet, on the other hand, was much calmer about it. She settled in for a nap while her partner paced like a tiger in a cage.

45 minutes passed. Then, back at the Pit Stop…

(VIOLET & KLAUS were second to depart.)

"Once there," read Violet, "buy a pair of parachutes and skydive to your next destination!"

"Whoa! As in off the edge of the city?" Klaus asked nobody.

"That's what it says!"

"Oh, well, come on, we don't have time to waste!"

They clambered back into their marked car and drove away. They didn't get lost along the way, so they arrived at the parachute place rather quickly. They saw another team there, either asleep or headed that way.

"Closed, eh?" asked Klaus.

No response. The Baudelaires didn't mind it, they just settled in next to them.

Later…

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are third to depart.)

"You will have 358 dollars for this leg of the race," Mercedes read.

"Hey, Mer, I don't think I'm too comfortable about this whole skydiving thing."

"Relax, Anthony. The parachute will provide enough drag to slow down the fall, so you won't kill yourself."

"Maybe, but still."

Mercedes showed him the cover of her copy of the _Guide_. The words DON'T PANIC provided Anthony with the resolve to do anything.

"Let's jet!"

They got in their car and drove off. Unlike the other times, they didn't arrive at the store before the next team left the Pit Stop.

(ORSON & ROY are last to depart.)

"Whoo-hoo!" cheered Roy. "We're going skydiving!"

"I've always wondered what skydiving was like!" Orson said. "Now I'll finally be able to do it!"

"Well, let's not dilly-dally! Company, ho!"

The barnyard critters got into their car and peeled out of the parking lot.

More time passed…

When Ant & Mer pulled up to Paul's Parachute Palace, they saw four people in front of the store sleeping. As Mercedes went to park, Anthony checked the sign on the door. The other teams didn't stir as he passed.

"Are they all asleep?" Mercedes asked quietly when she returned.

"Yep. Out like lights, they are. They have no clue we caught up."

"Great." And then they settled in for a nice long nap.

After they had fallen asleep, ORSON & ROY pulled up at long last. Seeing the store was closed, and the other teams napping, they decided to join the ranks. As the barnyard critters drifted off to Dreamland, they smiled knowing they were the only ones who knew that all the teams were even once more.

As dawn broke, everybody could see that all the teams had arrived. However, there was some dispute as to what order they arrived in.

"We were so here before you guys!"

"No way! You weren't here until after we got here!"

"We were here first, and they can back us up!"

"I didn't see anything. I was sleeping!"

This went on for about fifteen minutes or so. Then, Orson stepped up and offered a solution.

"It doesn't really matter what order we got here in, we're all here now. I suggest we pretend we all got here at the same time. You know, each team for themselves?"

The pig's plan made too much sense for them to argue with, so they went along with it. And then, with bravado and determination, all the racers…waited. The store still wasn't open yet.

But that would soon change, as a car had pulled around back into the parking lot. Out of the car stepped a man, who entered the parachute store through the back door. With keys in hand, he unlocked the front door, and the poor guy was nearly trampled underfoot by the speeding racers.

"I knew agreeing to be part of the race was a mistake," he muttered.

The racers all split up and each got their own parachutes. That way, they'd save time. Once they had their chutes, they all ran to the checkout, hoping to be first. But only one team could check out first, and that team was…ORSON & ROY.

"Okay," said the clerk. "One pig-sized chute and one rooster-sized chute, that's 215 dollars and 84 cents. Cash only, please."

Orson handed him a wad of bills. "Keep the change, we're in a rush!" They grabbed their chutes and ran outside.

ANTHONY & MERCEDES were next in line. "One human-sized chute and one alien-sized chute, 258 dollars and 29 cents."

Mercedes paid him, and they left.

Next in line were VIOLET & KLAUS. "Right, two orphan-sized parachutes will run you about 203 dollars and 92 cents."

"Here's two-oh-four," said Klaus. "Keep the change."

Last in line were VIOLET & MICHAEL.

"Hmm. One super-heroine-sized chute, plus one apocryphal-self-insert-only-exists-for-author's-wish-fulfillment-super-hero-sized chute. Your total is 267 dollars and two cents."

"You had to put the two cents in, didn't you?" Michael said begrudgingly.

"Look, you want the damn parachutes or not?"

"Fine." He paid him and left.

Meanwhile, the rest of the teams found the site that they would jump from, right behind the parachute store. ORSON & ROY were the first to arrive, followed closely behind by ANTHONY & MERCEDES. The ever-present race official told the hitchhikers to wait until the barnyard critters hit the ground before they jumped. They thought that was fair.

As soon as the official gave the signal, Orson and Roy jumped from the lip of the city boldly. In free fall, they enjoyed the most exhilarating experience since the microgravity they felt on the way to New Chicago. They deployed their parachutes just in time. As they coasted down, they took in the sights.

"Hey, this is new," said Roy. "This doesn't look like any sector of Dreamland we've seen so far."

"I know," Orson commented. "It looks like a jungle village, with a stone temple, grass huts, and all that jazz."

"Is this where the next leg of the race is going to take place?"

"Maybe. Only the next clue will tell."

"Well, here's our drop zone."

The animals bent their knees as they landed to soften the blow. Then they unstrapped themselves from their parachutes and located the clue box.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in first place.)

"Welcome to the jungles of San Ludo…" read Orson.

Upon landing, teams will find themselves in the jungle country of San Ludo, home to the San Ludans, the only indigenous tribe in history to place a higher value on gaming than on medicine. Teams must now travel through the jungle to the Temple of Mighty Prob, which they can see from the drop zone. It is at this temple where teams will find their next clue.

After they departed for the temple in the east, the official on the ground radioed back to the one in Earhart City, saying that the next team could then jump.

Anthony stood next to the lip of the city. He could see that it was a long way down. He got a touch of vertigo, and had to take a step back to keep himself from falling prematurely.

"Anthony, are you okay?" Mercedes cried. She rushed to catch him.

"I'm fine, for now. I don't think I can do this."

"Come on, honey, it will be over before you know it."

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of."

Anthony stood up and resumed his spot on the lip of the city. He looked at Mercedes nervously.

"Look," she said, "we'll jump together on the count of three. One…two…THREE!"

Mercedes jumped, but Anthony hesitated. Watching the love of his life falling made him leap out of concern for her. It wasn't until he was halfway down that he became aware of what he had done. He screamed at first, but then he got used to it.

Below him, Mercedes deployed her parachute and, to Anthony's eyes, shot straight up. Anthony pulled the ripcord on his chute, but it tore off without deploying. In a state of panic, he pulled the emergency cord. Then the parachute opened easily.

Anthony hit the ground first, followed slowly behind by Mercedes.

"Whoo-hoo!" Anthony screamed. "I'm so glad I did that! That was so much fun!"

"I see you've changed your tune. I like it! Come on, let's get our clue!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"The Temple of Mighty Prob? Why does that sound so familiar?" asked Anthony.

"It says here we can see it from our current location."

They looked to the east and saw a large stone building.

"Think that's it?"

"It's worth a shot."

They trekked out into the east.

As they did, VIOLET & KLAUS readied themselves for the jump. As soon as they got the signal that the drop zone was clear, they dove in like Olympic swimmers. They soon found the pressure of the atmosphere pulling them into a flat position. They deployed their chutes and floated safely down.

"Well, it was good for me," Violet said, "was it good for you?"

"It was almost like being back in the spaceship to Mars!" said Klaus.

They hurried over to the clue box and extracted a clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)

"Once there, you will receive your next clue." Violet read.

"Come on, that big thing has to be it!"

They departed.

Back in Earhart City, last place team VIOLET & MICHAEL were told the ground below was clear.

"Ironic," Violet muttered. "The Time Clock was supposed to be our ticket to first place. Instead, we're in last. I just know we're going to look back on this moment and laugh." She giggled a little bit, but Michael remained stone-faced. "Too soon?"

Michael didn't say anything. He tipped over backward and fell from the town as if on accident. Violet quickly dived after him. After falling for about a second and a half, she noticed that her partner had already deployed his chute. She chose to wait another whole second before pulling the cord. She hit the ground first.

"What took you so long?" she asked him when he finally landed.

"Well, excuse me for not wanting to jeopardize my own life!"

Violet rolled her eyes. "There's just no talking to you!"

"Just get the clue!"

"All right, all right!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in last place.)

"Yes, we're aware of that, stupid superimposed text!" Michael shouted.

"Michael, who are you yelling at?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind, let's just go."

About that time, ORSON & ROY arrived at the large stone building. They stepped onto the threshold and were greeted by a dark-skinned fellow. He wore a green felt breastplate, a leather loincloth, and a feathery headdress.

"Greetings, racers, and welcome to the Temple of Mighty Prob."

"Thanks," said Roy. "Now, where's our clue?"

"Patience, O one of white feathers, you will get your clue, soon. But first, you must join me in a traditional ritual of Probability."

"Probability?" Orson asked.

"Yes. That is the name of our religion. We are the only monotheistic religion whose deity is not omnipotent."

"What?" asked Roy.

"He says his people worship one god, but that god is not almighty," Orson explained.

"Oh, well, why didn't he say so it the first place?"

"As I was saying, our god Prob is the god of random events. We believe there is no chance, only the will of men, and the will of Prob."

"Uh-huh," Roy said, feigning interest. Then he fake-coughed, and under his cough, he muttered 'crazy'.

"Come, my barnyard friends," said the native. He escorted them to the center of the temple, where there was a table set up, with raised edges and green felt covering it.

"Our most common act of worship is predicting which number will show when the priest (that would be me) throws a die on this sacred altar.

"It's a craps table," Orson pointed out.

"If you want your next clue, it would be wise of you not to poke fun at my beliefs," the priest warned.

"I wasn't poking fun! I'm just saying, I mean, well, you know, I'm just so sorry."

"We believe that four consecutive correct predictions shows Prob's good favor on you. Fortunately, you won't need to be that lucky. Only one correct guess is needed to get your next clue."

"So, you'll roll the die, and we guess what number you'll roll, and if we guess right, we can move on?" Roy asked for clarification. "Sounds simple enough."

"Right. Now, I want you to shout the number you predict while the die is in the air. It's customary."

The priest took the die from a nearby box, with strange glyphs on it. He shook it violently in his hand and threw it in the air.

"Four!" Orson shouted.

The die landed on the altar and rolled all the way across it. It bounced off the wall before coming to a rest. Roy stood on his toes to see which number came up. He saw two spots…then two more.

"Four it is," said the priest. "Congratulations. We hardly ever get it on the first try. Here's your next clue."

"Thank you," said Orson.

(ORSON & ROY are still in first place.)

Roy's eyes popped out of his head when he saw a green envelope inside the clue. "A Fast Forward!" he shouted.

Ed was seen beside one of the grass huts that dotted the jungle.

"This is the second of only two Fast Forwards hidden on the entire race. The first team to find the special Fast Forward clue can skip all tasks and proceed directly to the Pit Stop. Each team can only use one Fast Forward on the race, so they need to decide for themselves the best time to go for it.

"In this Fast Forward, teams must locate this hut, home of the chief of San Ludo. Once there, he will teach them a new game, which they have never heard of before. They must learn quickly, because they must beat the chief at his own game to claim the Fast Forward."

"Let's take it, Ors!" Roy said. "We'll have a lead so great, that no team will be able to pass us."

"I don't know, Roy. The Fast Forward clue doesn't give us any clue as to what the game is. And for all we know, their chief could be an expert at this game."

"Hey, nobody said the Fast Forward would be easy. Besides, if another team tries for it, they'll be in first!"

"But if we get there, and we can't do it, we'll end up in last place, even if we do claim it!"

"Oh, please. For that to happen, we'd have to stay there for at least seven hours!"

Orson sighed. "Fine, we'll try for the Fast Forward."

"Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know where the chief's hut is, do you?"

The priest told them the chief's hut was the tallest one, and that they would know it by the San Ludan flag overhead. Then the barnyard animals departed.

Just as they did, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the temple. The priest greeted them and quickly explained the rules.

"I've been a lot of places, but I've never seen a place where shooting dice is considered holy," Mercedes commented.

"Do our customs seem strange to you, O visitor from another planet?"

"Eh, I've seen stranger."

"Very well. Let us begin!"

He threw the die.

"Three!" Anthony shouted.

The die bounced, and bounced again. It finally came to rest on the number…

"Three!" shouted the priest. "How strange! The team ahead of you got it on the first try too. Perhaps Prob is highly pleased with you. Anyway, here's your next clue."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"Hmm, a Fast Forward." Mercedes observed. "Think Pig Boy and Chicken Boy tried to take it?"

"Highly probable," said Anthony. "So, what's the other task?"

"A Roadblock. It says, 'Who has good eyes?'"

Next was a shot of Ed in the middle of the jungle.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person must use this GPS receiver to track down a specific location deep in the jungle. At that location, they will find a native with three large shells and a small pea; the equipment needed to play the shell game. The Roadblocker must play and win this game to receive the next clue, but they will not be permitted to open it until they return to the temple."

"I'll do this one," said Mercedes.

"Okay," said Anthony, "but what am I to do while you're gone?"

"I don't know, think of something."

"All right, good luck!"

Mercedes got her device from the ever-present race official. She punched in the coordinates on the clue and set off exploring.

Not long after she departed VIOLET & KLAUS arrived at the temple. They saw Anthony standing there, and were puzzled.

"Where's Mercedes?" they asked.

Anthony told them she was off doing the Roadblock.

The priest escorted the Baudelaires to the altar and gave them the instructions. Then he threw the die.

"Six!" they shouted together.

The die bounced off the altar, teetered on top of the outer edge, then fell to the ground. The priest ran after it.

"Sorry, but the die has to land on the altar, or it doesn't count. My bad!"

He rolled again.

"We still say 6," Violet said.

The die wobbled this way and that, until it came to rest on a number.

"Four. Sorry, bad luck. You two will have to try again."

The orphans huddled closely.

"What do you think, Klaus? I'm leaning toward two myself."

"Sounds good," he answered.

When the priest rolled again, they shouted their choice. The die rolled down the altar and bounced off the edge and it came to rest on…

"Three. Bad luck again."

"Wow, this is going to take a while," Klaus observed. "Hey, Ant! How many tries did it take you?"

"We got it the first time," he said.

"Ho, boy," said Violet.

Meanwhile, Mercedes was still bushwhacking her way through the jungle. The GPS told her she had only 50 more feet to go, when she heard a rustling in the plants nearby.

"What was that?" she asked nobody.

She heard nothing after that, so she shrugged it off as nothing. But she didn't take more that four steps before she heard it again. She whipped her head in the direction of the noise, and there she saw what it was.

It was a Bengal tiger. The sight of its orange and black stripes paralyzed the alien with fear. The tiger bared its teeth and stared at Mercedes.

_Okay, don't panic,_ Mercedes told herself, _it could be a nice talking tiger from Wild City._

The beast roared at her.

_So much for that notion!_

The tiger roared again. Mercedes realized that whatever she did, she would have to do it quickly. But the only thing she could think of was to throw something. She bent down and grabbed a rock. She sized up her target and threw.

The rock struck the big cat right between the eyeballs. It reacted, but held its gaze at the woman.

_Oh, great. All I did was piss him off, and now he's going to eat me!_

But the tiger turned and sprinted away, never to bother her again.

"Huh. Can't believe that actually worked."

Back at the temple, Violet and Klaus had worked out a new strategy. They decided to stick with two until it came up. The priest was preparing to roll again.

"Let me, guess, two?" he said.

"Um-hmm."

The priest rolled, and the die came up four.

Another roll, same number, and it came up one.

Once more, and he rolled a five.

After that roll, the last place team VIOLET & MICHAEL showed up.

"Oh, great, it's the supers again," Klaus said. "At the rate we're going, we'll never get the next clue."

The priest quickly explained the rules, and he rolled once more.

The orphans stuck with two. The supers called out "Four!"

The die wobbled and rolled, and spun on an axis for a while, before stopping on…

"Six. Bad luck for all."

The racers groaned. Then Violet and Klaus huddled in again.

"This isn't working," said Violet. "We need to switch to another number."

"All right, we'll try three, but if it comes up two, it's on your head."

For the next round, the orphans called out three.

"Two!" said Michael.

The die struck the table, ricocheted of the edge, and came to settle on a number.

"Four. More bad luck."

About that time, ORSON & ROY had located the chief's hut. They were invited inside, and asked to sit.

"So, are you two here for the Fast Forward?"

"Yes, it was something about learning a new game, yes?" asked Orson.

"Ah, that it was, and here it is." He pulled out a few strangely shaped leaves, and showed that they had markings on them. On closer inspection, the animals saw that they were marked with smallish numbers.

"This is a card game, one that is played with only ten cards in its deck. You can see I have here a 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 12. You will get five of these cards, and I will get the other five." He shuffled the leaves and dealt them out.

Orson picked up his cards. He had been dealt the 4, 8, 3, 12, and 9.

"Now, the rules. Each round, I will pick a card from my hand, and you will pick a card from your hand. Whoever chooses the dominant number wins the round. After five rounds, we exchange our hands and play five more rounds. Whoever wins six of the ten rounds is the winner. Clear?"

"Crystal clear!" said Roy.

"Here is how we decide which number is dominant. Usually, the higher number will beat the lower number. But, if the lower number is an even factor of the higher number, the lower number wins. And, if the lower number is exactly one less than the higher number, the lower number also wins."

"Okay," said Orson. "It's a little complicated, but I get it. Is there anything else?"

"Nope. That's the whole game. Shall we begin?"

The chief placed one card from his hand face down. Orson studied his hand closely, with Roy looking over his shoulder.

"Go with the 12," the rooster whispered.

"Sounds good," said Orson, and he played the 12.

The chief turned his card up. It was the 2.

"Sorry, but the 2 beats the 12, because it's a factor. One for me."

"I can see that this will take some more thought," Roy muttered.

Back at the Temple of Prob, neither team was having much success.

"Three!" said Violet and Klaus.

"Five!" said Violet and Michael.

"Four," said the priest. "Bad luck once more."

"This is getting old," someone complained.

Before the rolled again, the priest dropped to his knees before the altar and prayed.

"O, Mighty Prob, who controls all randomness, please show favor on one of these teams! Let this cup of suffering pass from me, this I pray. Game over."

(That's how Probibilitans say "amen.")

"Okay. Prob willing, one of you will leave on this roll."

He tossed the die.

"Three!"

"One!"

The die tumbled and spun for a good twenty seconds. The tension mounted. Klaus broke out in a sweat. When the die settled, they saw three pips on the top face.

"YES!" Violet B. screamed. "All right! Yeah! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!"

"Congratulations, Violet and Klaus. Here's your next clue."

"Thank you," said Klaus. He tore it open.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in third place.)

"The Fast Forward would be a waste of time at this point," Klaus said.

"Okay, but I think you should take this Roadblock."

"No problem."

Klaus grabbed his GPS and went off in search of the hidden shell game.

Speaking of which, Mercedes had found it about the time when the priest cried out to Prob. As the clue said, there was a native there, standing behind a tree stump, with three shells and a small pea ready to go. When he spoke, he spoke very quickly.

"Hi, how are you, nice to meet you, you're with the race, right? Of course you are, you have one of those freaky gadget things that we usually don't have here, but I'm babbling. Anyway, here's the game; there's a little pea under this shell right here. Are you watching, cause you should be watching. Watch closely, don't lose sight of it…" and here he started to move the shells around "see what I'm doing here? I'm trying to confuse you, but you won't get confused. Okay, that's enough, where's the pea?"

Mercedes kept her eye on the shell with the pea the whole time. She knew for certain where it was.

"It's right there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Maybe I moved it when you weren't looking?"

"You did no such thing."

"How do you know?"

"Because if you did, you wouldn't have mentioned it. You would have just turned up the shell and let me lose. You only said that to try to get me to change my mind, because you know I'm right."

"Clever girl."

He turned up the shell Mercedes had picked. Sure enough, there was the pea.

"Here's your next clue. Why don't you go back to your boyfriend, and open it together?"

She turned around and started to hike back through the jungle.

Meanwhile, back at the Temple of Prob, the supers were just about ready to give up. Seven times, they guessed wrong. If they missed once more, then, well, then it would be eight.

The priest threw the die with a curve this time.

"One!" Violet shouted.

The rocked as it rolled, and it finally came to settle on…

"One! O, glory to Prob! My suffering has passed!"

The priest handed them the last clue he had. Then, he proceeded to dance for joy.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in last place.)

"I'm pretty sure that there's another team ahead of us trying for the Fast Forward," said Violet.

"Yeah, sounds about right. So, who's got good eyes?" asked Michael.

"I've got better eyesight than you do."

"True, true. Good luck!"

Michael found a spot to sit with Violet B. and Anthony while Violet P. trekked into the thick of San Ludo.

Over in the chief's hut, ORSON & ROY had come back from the brink. They played the 3, and it beat the chief's 6. Orson played an 8, which beat the 5.

The score was two to one, and only two cards left to play that half. On a total lark, Orson played his 9. The chief played a 7.

"Nine beats seven, that's three to one," the chief said.

Unfortunately, Orson's 4 lost to the chief's 10, making it three to two.

The chief gathered the cards and gave Orson the five cards that he had for the first half. Then he took their first half cards.

"This is done to minimize the luck factor," he explained. "You two will have to win three of these next five rounds to claim the Fast Forward."

Orson thought about playing the 2 first, but Roy had a different idea.

"I just figured it out. Whatever number he plays that 9 on will lose to it. Hold on to the deuce until he plays the niner. Then the two can't lose!"

Orson pulled the 5 from his hand and played it. The chief played his 4.

"Four beats the five, because it is exactly one less. It's all tied up now."

It was about this time that Mercedes got back from her expedition into the jungle. Anthony jumped at the sight of her. As soon as they were together, he ripped open the clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place, pending the Fast Forward results.)

When he did, some strange metallic coins fell out. He bent down to pick them up, thinking they might be important. Mercedes read the clue.

"It's a Detour, love. Work Hard or Play Hard?"

Ed showed up on screen to explain. He was standing in a patch of…footballs?

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams are presented with 1000 chips, San Ludo's currency, and must choose one of two ways to double it. The choice? Work Hard or Play Hard.

"In Work Hard, teams must travel to the best farm in the village, not far from the temple. Once there, they must harvest six bushels full of footballs from their football fields. For their efforts, the farm owner will pay them 1000 chips. This task is quite strenuous, but it's guaranteed.

"In Play Hard, teams will travel a longer distance to this racetrack, and place a bet on one of the many races. If they manage to win 1000 chips, they'll be in good shape. However, if they lose all their money, the must go back to the farm and work a double shift. This task is not physically demanding, but it's a gamble.

"Once teams have doubled the 1000 chips, the must bring it back to the temple, and make of it an offering to Prob, to receive the next clue."

Anthony pondered for a moment.

"I've never really been that good at gambling," he said.

"So, we are going to Work Hard?"

"Yes."

They asked the priest for directions to the farm, and then they departed.

As they did, Klaus located the man with the shells. As soon as Klaus heard his fast talk, he knew he was going to be tricky. He zeroed in on the little pea right away and didn't lose sight of it for a second.

"Okay, that's enough, where's the pea?"

Klaus lifted the shell and revealed the pea.

"Wow, that's twice in a row. You racers are good! Here's your next clue, don't open it until you get back to the temple."

"It's heavier than usual," Klaus noted.

"You see why soon enough. Hut, ho, what's this? Another racer doing the Roadblock?"

Klaus spun around and saw Violet Parr coming the other way.

"Watch this guy," he advised, "he'll trip you up if you're not observant."

"I'll keep that in mind," she answered as he left.

"Hey, how are…"

"Look, can we skip the intro and get to the shell game?"

"Ooh! Feisty! I like that! Okay, watch the pea, you watching the pea? Watch it, here, there, or is it, or no, it's, where's the pea? Did you lose it already? Okay, that's enough, where is it?"

"There," Violet said pointing.

He moved the shell, and there was the pea.

"Hey, how'd you get so good at this game?"

"When you lose two month's allowance to your brother's hustling schemes, you get wise to them."

"Right. Well, here's your next clue, don't open it until you get back to the temple."

"Thanks," she said as she departed.

Meanwhile, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had located the farm where they would perform their Detour. Just like the clue said, there were lots of footballs out in the fields. They were attached to thorny vines, as if they had grown naturally.

"Can I believe what I'm seeing?" asked Mercedes.

"Yep, them footballs is growing right out of the ground," said the farmer. "The soil here is just right for them to grow naturally, so they're of a higher caliber than those factory-made jokes you find elsewhere."

"Amazing!" Anthony mused.

"Yep, shore is. Football season is starting up soon, so these pigskins are ripe for the pickin'! Now, what you guys are gonna want to do is grab the ball right at the root an' jus' yank, real hard like that. Don't pull to softly, or you'll be pulling on it 'til th' end o' time."

"Yeah, I think I understand," said Mercedes. And the two of them went to work.

Over at the chief's hut, it was coming down to the wire…

Orson played a 7, and the chief beat it with his 9. The chief played his 3, and Orson beat it with a 2. It was tied four to four.

"According to my calculations, whichever of us wins the next round is predestined to win the round after that, and thus the game. It all comes down to this."

Orson stared at the 6 and 10 in his hand. By process of elimination, he knew the chief held the 8 and the 12. His 6 would beat the 12, but lose to the 8. His 10 would beat the 8, but lose to the 12.

"Roy, I need your help," Orson said. "Which number do I play?"

"I don't know. This number has always been lucky for me."

"Sounds like a plan," said Orson as he slid his card to the table face down.

The chief smiled smugly. "You do realize that this game is our method of electing our leaders? I got to be chief by being good at this game! I know exactly which card you played!"

The barnyard critters started to sweat.

"You two are desperate to win, so you chose the number that looks more powerful, i.e. the ten! But, all I have to do is lay down my twelve, and your illusion of victory will be shattered!" He played his twelve face-up. "I win!"

"Oh, you do, do you?" Orson asked sarcastically. "You say you know I played the ten. But, do you know with certainty, or were you just guessing?"

"Well, I can't know with 100 percent certainty, but I am confident that you did play the ten."

"But you admit that you could be wrong."

"Yes, there is a possibility that I might be wrong. But, I don't believe I'm wrong, I believe you did play the ten."

Orson smiled. He turned over his leaf. On the face was, not a 10, but a 6!

"Okay," said the chief, "so I was wrong. I made a mistake, and I lost, fair and square."

"Yes!" Orson cheered. Roy and Orson jumped up and down with glee.

"Here's the Fast Forward clue," said the chief. "If this were an election year, you would become the new chief. Lucky for me that it isn't."

The animals weren't listening. They were too busy with the Fast Forward clue.

(ORSON & ROY are indisputably in first place.)

"Congratulations on claiming the Fast Forward…" Roy read.

Having claimed the Fast Forward, Orson and Roy may now skip all tasks and proceed directly to the Pit Stop, the Steps of Knowledge, located behind the temple of Prob.

"Come on, Piggo," said Roy. "The faster we move, the better our lead becomes!"

Orson followed Roy closely.

About that time, while Violet B. was starting to grow impatient, her brother Klaus returned from his long expedition into the jungle. She was so excited to see him that she squealed. Klaus ran to her, and they opened the clue together.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)

"Whoa!" Klaus said as the chips spilled from the envelope. "Something tells me these have something to do with our next task."

"It's a Detour," Violet told him. "We have to double that money, either by working for it, or by gambling for it."

"What's the work that we have to do?" Klaus wondered.

"It says 'harvest six bushels of footballs', whatever that means."

"Sounds like a more reliable method. Let's do that."

After getting directions from the priest, they set off for the football farm. Not long after that, Violet Parr returned from the Roadblock. Excitedly, Michael grabbed the clue and tore it open.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in last place.)

"Get those coins, I bet we're going to need them for this next task," Violet commanded.

"The other teams are doing Work Hard. Our only chance to pass them up is to do Play Hard."

"Mike, I don't know that we should. After all, if we miss, we'll be severely disadvantaged, if not eliminated. Besides, if we do Work Hard, we might be able to pass them up."

"Oh, all right," Michael said begrudgingly.

They got their directions and were off.

After all teams behind them left, ORSON & ROY made it back to the temple. They ducked behind it and found a set of steps leading to a platform. On the platform, Ed stood next to a native, near a sign that read "San Ludo."

"These must be the Steps of Knowledge," Roy muttered.

They were about to mount the steps when the native called out to them.

"Halt, intruders! Retreat ye to the ground below!"

Orson and Roy looked at each other.

"Maybe we better do as he says, Roy."

They did so.

"In San Ludo," the native continued, "we cherish these Steps of Knowledge. Only those who have great intelligence may ascend them and dwell at their peak. What arrogance makes you think you fit that description?"

"Uh, um, we kinda need up there so we can check into the Pit Stop."

"To prove himself worthy to stand here, your beloved host had to answer three riddles about things you racers have seen in Dreamland. Before you come to the Pit Stop, you must do the same."

"Another task?" Orson asked. "Oh, well, let's get this over with."

"First question: According to your clues, what are the dimensions of the Big Big Mall?"

"Oh, I remember it's, um, oh, ugh…" Roy mumbled.

"It's six miles long, four and a half miles wide, and seven stories tall!" said Orson.

"I knew that!" said Roy.

"That's correct, you may take one step up."

They did.

"Next question, which sector of Dreamland is the sector where nightmares come from?"

"Oh, um, that one with the Halloween sounding name," said Orson, "oh, what was that place called, umm…"

"Hallow's End!" Roy shouted.

"Correct, take another step up. One more correct answer and you can be checked in."

"Bring it on."

"True or False, in Wild City, automobiles are permitted inside the city limit?"

"False!"

"Correct, get your worthy butts up here!"

The animals jumped onto the top platform with overwhelming pride. They planted both feet on the mat.

"Welcome to San Ludo," the native said.

"Thank you," said Orson.

"Orson and Roy," Ed said, "you are team number one!"

(ORSON & ROY 1ST PLACE.)

"Yes, baby!" Roy exulted. "I told you that Fast Forward was worth it!"

"And I have more good news for you," Ed added. "As the winners of this leg of the race, you guys have won something you desperately need!"

"What's that?" asked Orson.

"The producers were listening in on the call you made in Earhart City. They know that your barn has been trashed. So, we're paying for a brand new barn to be built on top of your existing one. You've won a new barn, courtesy of the Amazing Race!"

"Cool!" Roy said.

"It irks me a little that you guys listened in on my private conversation, but I am thankful for the new barn."

About that time, the Baudelaire orphans arrived at the football farm. Their reaction was the same as the hitchhikers', who, by the way, were still there. The farmer quickly briefed them on the job ahead, and they got right to work.

"Only in Dreamland…" Klaus mused as he picked footballs from the vine.

"I wonder if any other sports equipment grows in San Ludo?" Violet asked nobody.

"The guy mentioned a baseball orchard he keeps in the off season," Mercedes said.

"I think I saw a polyhedral die bush on the way over here," said Anthony.

About then, last place team VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived. They were briefed on the assignment, and they got to work. In that span of time, the hitchhikers had picked their fourth bushel of footballs.

"Huh," Michael said out of nowhere. "Has anybody seen Orson and Roy?"

Nobody did.

"Think they got the Fast Forward?" Anthony asked.

"Maybe they did," said Violet B.

"Then we're sunk," said Violet P.

"I wouldn't worry about it," said Mercedes. "Historically, legs that have had Fast Forwards on them have been non-elimination."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Anthony said, "that's number six. We're out of here!"

The farmer paid them the 1000 chips, and the hitchhikers dashed back to the temple.

The orphans narrowed their eyes at the supers, and vice versa. They could see it was going to be a tight race to the Pit Stop.

Michael got down on his knees and picked with both hands. Violet P. did the same. The Baudelaires tried to come up with a way to pick entire vines at once. The net result of this arms race was a dead heat. They were picking bushels at an equal rate. After fifty minutes, they were tied at five.

Meanwhile, Anthony and Mercedes presented the 2000 chips to the priest as an offering to Prob. They knelt, and held the money aloft. The priest took it from their open hands. Then he placed it on the altar (the same one from before), and said a prayer over it. Then, from behind his felt breastplate, he handed them the next clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in second place.)

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop…"

Teams must now make their way around to the rear of the temple, where they will find the Steps of Knowledge. Once there, they must answer three questions about things they have seen so far on the race. After giving three correct answers, they will reach the top, and the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"Come on, let's go!" Anthony said.

They dashed out of the temple and ran around to the rear. There, they found the Steps of Knowledge. They called out to the quizmaster that they were ready for the first question.

"Very well, your first question…What percentage of the Eastern Sea is covered by the Lone Star Cove?"

"Eight percent!" Mercedes shouted.

"Correct, step up one level please. Okay, next question…What was the name of the city floating in the sky before Amelia Earhart landed there?"

"Sky City!" said Anthony.

"Correct, move on up. Okay, last question…in what year was Peach Town really built?"

"2004!" they shouted together.

"Correct! Come on up to the top level and be checked in properly."

They crossed the plateau and stood on the mat.

"Anthony and Mercedes, you're team number two!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 2ND PLACE.)

"All right! We're still in it!" Anthony cheered.

"So, Orson and Roy got the Fast Forward?"

"Yep."

Back in the football fields, the two teams still racing had just finished their sixth bushel each at about the same time.

"Well, this one was a little too close to call," said the farmer. "I guess I have now choice but to pay you both at the same time." And that's what he did.

With 2000 chips each, both teams ran back to the temple. VIOLET & MICHAEL were in the lead at first.

Seeing that they were behind, VIOLET & KLAUS decided to do something about it. They sprinted back through the jungle, taking shortcuts whenever they could. In time, they surged into the lead.

The orphans got to the temple a fraction of a second ahead of the supers. Once they stopped panting, the priest took their offerings and handed them the next clue at the same time. He did this because he wanted to see a competitive footrace to the Pit Stop.

The supers were out of the building two whole seconds ahead of the orphans. However, in running around to the back, Violet and Michael's high momentum forced them to take a longer curved path. Violet and Klaus were able to pass them on the proverbial inside track. But because the quizmaster halted the orphans at the base of the Steps of Knowledge, the supers were able to catch up.

"Well, well, well, it looks like we have a tie," said the quizmaster. "Well, the producers put this leg's Pit Stop up here so that there would be no ties. I will ask you questions about things you have seen on the race. Only one team will be permitted to answer each question. Three correct answers and you may be checked in. Raise your hand if you want to answer, I will call on you. May the smarter team win!"

"We plan to," said Michael.

"First question, what was the name of the parachute store you visited to start this leg?"

Klaus's hand shot up like a rocket. He was called on.

"Paul's Parachute Palace!"

"Correct, take one step up. Okay, next question, which item did you purchase from the Hallow's End Covered Bazaar that was not used in Ezmarelda's spell?"

Violet P. was called on.

"The Mountain Dew!"

"Correct. Score is now tied one to one. Next question, how do you pronounce the name of the restaurant in Wild City where a Detour was held?"

Michael raised his hand.

"Zoh-DEE-ay,"

"Correct, step on up. You two need only one more correct answer to be checked in. Next question, which of the race locations did not feature a Roadblock?"

Violet P. raised her hand first.

"Fictograph City?"

"That is incorrect."

Michael raised his hand.

"Sorry, but your team has been locked out of this question."

Violet B. raised her hand, and she was called on.

"The Big Big Mall?"

"Correct, step on up! Now THIS is what we San Ludans like to see! It's a dead heat, next question wins the coveted third place slot, and loser gets saddled with last place. Here we go with the next question."

The quizmaster took a deep breath, then asked…

"The Macroatia leg took place entirely in the house of a single mother. What is the first name of her infant son?"

All four of them raised their hands.

"I'm sorry, but the kid in the glasses was the quickest. What's your answer?"

"Tommy!" shouted Klaus.

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes," he said, dragging it out unconfidently.

The quizmaster said nothing for what seemed like a long time.

"That's correct! You two get on up here and get checked in properly!"

They vaulted onto the plateau and stood on the mat excitedly.

"Violet and Klaus, you are team number three!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 3RD PLACE.)

"And you guys are still in the Amazing Race."

"Whew!" Klaus said. "I guess it pays to pay attention!"

As they left, a depressing interlude played in the background. The quizmaster gave Violet and Michael an easy question so they could check in.

"Welcome to San Ludo," he added somberly.

"Thanks, I guess," said Michael.

"Violet and Michael, you're the last team to arrive."

(VIOLET & MICHAEL LAST PLACE.)

"Yeah, we know," said Violet.

"And I am sorry to tell…the other teams that this is the third of four pre-determined non-elimination legs, and that you guys are still in the Amazing Race!"

"What's that, what's that?" Michael said.

"He said we're still in the race!" Violet told him.

They started to dance and hug and cry for joy at this glorious second chance.

"Okay, okay, that's enough," said Ed. "You're forgetting the penalty that comes with this second chance."

"Huh? Oh, right."

"Right, you need to give me all the cash on your person, as well as all your belongings save your passports, the card you purchase airline tickets with, and the clothes on your back. At the start of the next leg, you will not be receiving any money."

"I didn't mind incurring the penalty," Violet told the camera. "I was just happy that we were still in the race. We can overcome this; it's been done before. We just have to have the mindset of the hippies, BJ and Tyler, and we'll win that fictional million!"

"I can't help but feel like I'm being pitied," Michael said in his confessional. "I know this was a pre-determined non-elimination leg, but I still feel like I should have been eliminated. We're in last place with no money and no clean clothes. If it were just I, I'd throw in the towel, but Violet has a positive outlook. She seems to think that we still have a chance."

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Teams will fly to the fairy tale kingdom of Purplewood. Will they have the courage of a knight in shining armor and finish first? Or will an eating challenge prove to be the final Roadblock? Stay tuned and find out!

(A/N: The game that Orson and Roy play in the Fast Forward is not mine. It belongs to Sid Sackson, and it is called "Divide and Conquer.")


	12. Eleventh Leg in Purplewood

Before the race resumed, Ed was seen atop a stone obelisk.

"This is the jungle country of San Ludo, home to a strange tribe of people who places a higher value on gaming than it does on medicine. Just about all their industry has something to do with gaming. The farmers grow sports equipment from the ground. Even the priests play games as an act of worship. And one of their holiest sites is here, at the Steps of Knowledge. This great stone structure, where the locals play trivia games, was the tenth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"The four remaining teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. Although Violet and Michael arrived at the Pit Stop last, they were not eliminated, as this was a pre-determined non-elimination leg. However, they were stripped of all their money and possessions, and will start the next leg with zero dollars to their name. In spite of these tremendous disadvantages, will they recover long enough to stay in the race? Or will Orson and Roy ride out the massive lead gained by the Fast Forward?

"Orson and Roy, who were first to arrive at 10:49 AM, will depart at 10:49 PM."

It's quite dark in San Ludo, so much so, that the team needs a flashlight to see their clue. Orson fingered the envelope gingerly while Roy shone the beam at his hands. At the prescribed moment, the pig tore open the clue.

(ORSON & ROY are first to depart.)

"Use the enclosed map to locate a chartered plane…"

Teams must now use a map to locate an obscure place in San Ludo, where a plane is waiting to fly them to the fairy tale kingdom of Purplewood. The flight will not depart until all four teams are on board. Once they land, they will have to search the Lavender Forest for a marked cottage to receive their next clue.

"…Three teams will have 64 dollars for this leg of the race, one team will have zero dollars," Orson finished.

"20, 40, 50, 55, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64," Roy counted. "It's all there, let's go!"

Unlike the climb up the Steps of Knowledge, Orson and Roy didn't have to answer questions climbing down. Once they were on the ground, Roy asked to see the map.

"Okay, the temple of Prob is there, and the Steps of Knowledge are there, so that puts us right about…here," and he pointed to the map. "So to get to the plane, which is here, we need to go…thataway."

"Are you sure, Roy?"

"Come on, Ors, you have to give me a little more credit than that! I may not know much, but I know how to read a map!"

"Okay, if you say so!" Orson said.

The animals bushwhacked in the direction Roy pointed. As they trekked, they bickered about whether or not they were heading the right way. This continued until they saw the plane in the distance.

"Wow, Roy, I'm impressed."

"Thank you."

They boarded the plane and made sure they got the best seats in the whole cabin.

"Our Fast Forward lead may be shot, but at least this way, we can stay in first."

Time passed. Then…

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are second to depart.)

"Use the enclosed map to locate a chartered plane," read Mercedes.

"Map-reading should be a cinch for you, Mer," Anthony told her.

"You got that right! Let's go this way!"

The hitchhikers set out. They covered much ground, but they didn't reach the plane before the next two teams left the Pit Stop.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are third to depart.)

"Three teams will have 64 dollars for this leg of the race…" Klaus read.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are last to depart.)

"…One team will have zero dollars." Violet P. read. "Is all the money there, Michael?"

"What are you talking about? There's no money here at all!"

"It's a joke!"

"Oh, right, a joke. I've read about those."

The four of them jumped down from the Steps of Knowledge and set out together, with Klaus leading the way.

Meanwhile, Anthony caught sight of something.

"Was there always a statue here?" he asked.

Mercedes pored over the map. "Wait a minute, if this is that statue right here, then, uh-oh."

"What? What 'uh-oh'? I don't like 'uh-oh'!"

"I think we came the wrong way!"

"What? How could we come the wrong way?"

"I got these two landmarks confused, and it turned me around."

"AUGH!" Anthony screamed. "Well, do you know which direction we need to go now?"

"Yes, certainly!" Mercedes said. "The plane is that way." She pointed back the way they just came.

"Then, we'd better hurry! A setback like this could land us in last place!"

They doubled their pace as they ran toward the plane.

Alas, they didn't run fast enough, for the other two teams had been going the right way the whole time. The Baudelaire kids got to the plane first and, seeing the best seats occupied, they took the second best seats. The supers took the seats behind Violet and Klaus.

"So, when does this plane take off?" Michael asked.

"The clue said as soon as all four teams arrive, the plane will depart for Purplewood," Orson explained.

"Where are Anthony and Mercedes?" asked Violet B. "Didn't they get to the Pit Stop before we did?"

"Maybe they got lost?" Violet P. suggested.

"Oh, come off it!" said Klaus. "Mercedes' map-reading skills are flawless!"

"Then what do you think happened?" Roy challenged.

Klaus admitted that he didn't know.

Time passed…then…

"There it is, I see it, the plane!" Mercedes shouted.

"Fantastic!" Anthony added.

When they boarded the plane, the other teams cheered their arrival. Not because they were happy to see them, but because it meant that they could finally leave for the next destination. The hitchhikers were relegated to the fourth-place seats, ensuring that they would be last off the plane.

All teams are now flying on the same plane to the fairy tale kingdom of Purplewood. When they land, teams must search the Lavender Forest for this marked cottage to find their next clue.

"Attention racers, we are making our final approach. Please put your trays and seatbacks in their full and upright position, and fasten your seatbelts. Local time is 8:57 AM."

The plane landed rather bumpily, which wasn't unusual, because they landed right in the middle of the Lavender Forest.

As expected, ORSON & ROY disembarked first, followed by VIOLET & KLAUS, VIOLET & MICHAEL, and lastly, ANTHONY & MERCEDES.

"Okay, where did the clue say this cottage was?" asked Roy.

"It didn't say. It just said to look for it," Orson told him.

"Great," someone complained. "That means we could be out here forever!"

"Let's just start looking!" someone else said.

And so they did. Each team went in a different direction, checking all the cottages. There weren't that many to begin with, so it was no surprise that one team found it rather quickly.

It was Violet Baudelaire who first caught sight of the route marker on the door. She tugged at Klaus's sleeve and he followed. Once there, Klaus knocked on the door, and it opened.

In the doorway was a very short man, with bloodshot eyes and a distant look. He had scraggly hair and a scraggly beard, and he seemed unable to stand upright.

"Whoa!" he mumbled, barely audible. "Are y'all with the race?"

"Uh, yeah, who are you?"

"I'm Tipsy, the eighth dwarf, the alcoholic brother that the other seven don't admit to knowing." The dwarf hiccuped.

Klaus sniffed the air in his little house. "Well, I guess that explains the smell."

"I'll get your clue right a…whoa! The whole house is spinning!"

"Ah, maybe we'd better come in and get it ourselves," said Violet.

They stepped inside and saw four yellow envelopes with the race logo on them, lying in a pile on the coffee table. Next to what were clearly the clues was a box with four strange figures in them. The dragon scales (that's what they were, but they couldn't figure that out) were all a similar shape, but different colors. One was red, another black, a third blue, and the last green. By the box was a sign, which read, "Choose one, and bring it to the Pit Stop."

"Which one do we take?" asked Klaus. "There must be some kind of luck prize attached to one of them."

"Let's take the black one," Violet said.

Klaus palmed it while Violet opened the clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in first place.)

"Another Detour," she read. "Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty?"

The TV flashed a shot of Ed standing in front of a tall tower.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with it's own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must act out one of two classic fairy tales. The choice? Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty.

"In Rapunzel, teams must travel a short distance to the edge of the Lavender Forest, and locate this 40-foot tower. Once here, teams will have to climb a braided rope to get to the room at the top. From there, they will ride on a zip line to the ground below. Once both teammates have completed the course, they will find their next clue. This task is very physical, but teams with great strength can finish it quickly.

"In Sleeping Beauty, teams must travel a longer distance to the royal palace, and locate the grand ballroom, where 751 fair maidens are napping peacefully. Only one of them has the next clue under her pillow, and only guesswork can reveal which one that is. Teams must kiss this maiden to recive their next clue. This task is not physical at all, but searching through the sea of sleeping beauties could take a while."

Violet and Klaus looked at each other, each knowing what the other was thinking.

"The tower," they said in unison.

As Tipsy collapsed on the couch, the Baudelaires pointed the other teams to the marked house. Then they looked for someone to give them a ride out of the woods.

While they did, the rooster and the pig ducked inside Tipsy's cottage. They saw the dragon scales that were left (red, green, blue), and choose the blue one. Then they grabbed a clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)

"The Rapunzel thing," Orson said without missing a beat.

"Let's go!" Roy shouted.

As they dashed out of the little house, they collided with VIOLET & MICHAEL. After exchanging apologies, the supers ducked inside and grabbed their clue, and the green dragon scale.

"Huh. Wonder what this could be for?"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)

"The Rapunzel thing is faster, we have to do that," Michael said.

Violet nodded, and they left.

Meanwhile, the Baudelaire orphans were still looking for a quick way out of the woods. They were about to give up their search when something caught their eye. It was a white horse, with black splotches and a copper horn on its head. Riding on its back was a girl in a strange manner of dress.

Klaus whistled and waved, trying to get their attention. The jockey pulled the unusual looking unicorn around to where the orphans were.

"Say," said the rider, "you two aren't from around here, are you?"

"Deduce that all by yourself, did you?" Violet responded.

"Oh, I'll bet you're with that Amazing Race that's passing through here."

"Yeah, and we're trying to get to this tower that's just outside the edge of this forest."

"Where outside the edge of the forest?"

"We don't know, our clue didn't say."

"No matter, I think I know where you need to go. Hop on, I'll take you th…" She never finished. Violet and Klaus were already on the unicorn's back.

"Okay, then. Hyahh!" And they were off.

Meanwhile, last place team ANTHONY & MERCEDES had arrived at Tipsy's cottage.

"Whew! What died in here?" Mercedes asked.

"I think he did," said Anthony, pointing to the comatose dwarf.

Just then, Tipsy belched, but remained unconscious.

"I stand corrected!"

"It doesn't matter, let's just get our clue."

They did, and they grabbed the red scale too.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in last place.)

"We have to do Rapunzel, it's our only chance to catch up."

While they left Tipsy in his own drunken Dreamland, Orson & Roy tried to get a ride out of the forest. They kept walking out of the forest, so that in case they couldn't get a ride, they wouldn't have to walk as far.

"Do you really think that these fairy tale creatures will give us a ride?" Roy asked.

"We should at least try," Orson countered.

Just then, another horse happened by, this one black all over. Riding this horse was an armored knight. Roy flagged him down, and after explaining the situation, the knight agreed to help them.

"Thank you, you're a lifesaver!" Roy cheered.

"I know," the knight said arrogantly.

When they rode off, there were still two teams trying to get out of the forest, either by foot or by catching a ride. Luckily for ANTHONY & MERCEDES, the latter had some experience in this area. She spotted a carriage coming and stopped it.

"Here now, what's all this?" shouted the carriage's occupant. "Who dares impede my progress?"

"Hi," Mercedes said. "Yeah, we're with this race and we need to get out of the forest, as quickly as possible, so, could we ride with you?"

"Dream on, peasant!" he spat back. "You aren't even worthy enough to pull this thing! Driver!"

As the carriage started back up, Mercedes grabbed Anthony by the hand, and together, they jumped on the rear of the carriage.

"He'll never know," she said coyly.

However, VIOLET & MICHAEL where not as experienced. They tried twice to get a ride, and twice they failed.

"Are we going to have to walk all the way there?" Violet complained.

"Shut up, we may have to!" Michael countered.

While the supers bickered, VIOLET & KLAUS arrived at the tower. They knew it was the right one because it had a route marker right on it. They jumped off the unicorn and thanked Patricia the Elf (for that was the name of the one who gave them the ride).

"No trouble at all," she answered. "If you wish, I could help you for the duration of the leg."

"That would be wonderful!" Violet told her.

The orphans turned around and got a good look at the tower. It was 40 feet tall, with no doors and only two windows. The nearer window had a yellow rope dangling from it. It looked like human hair, except that it had loops in it to serve as hand and foot holds. (Those who are Race-savvy will recognize this kind of rope right away.) Out the other window was a zip line that descended at an angle into the ground.

The race official explained that both racers had to be at the top before either could ride the zip line.

"I'll go first," said Violet. She was suited up, and she started to climb. She found it a little bit difficult at first.

"Pull up with your hands, place your foot on the next loop, then push up and grab the next loop!" Klaus suggested.

Violet tried it, and she started to make progress. She was about halfway up…when a knight rode in on a black horse with ORSON & ROY in tow.

"Thanks again," Roy told him as he rode away.

The race official shouted up the tower "Send down the second rope!" Another rope was thrown out the same window, almost identical to the first. Roy elected to go first. He saw how Violet B. climbed the rope and copied that method.

Meanwhile, the carriage that unknowingly carried Ant and Mer was out of the forest. The hitchhikers jumped off at that point.

"Okay, so where's this tower?" Mercedes asked.

"I don't see it anywhere," Anthony observed.

"Hmm. Maybe we came out of the forest in the wrong place. We know the tower is on the perimeter of the woods, so let's scout the area. Quickly!"

They started to circle the forest. They were headed in the right direction, but they weren't yet aware of it.

Back inside the forest itself, the supers were still trying to get a ride. Presently, they happened upon a tallish man with a red star-spangled cape, and a pointed hat to match.

_A wizard_, they thought. They approached him.

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it, or if I did, I'll pay for it, what?" the man babbled.

"You're not in trouble," Violet assured him. "We just need to get somewhere," and she described the tower.

"Ah, yes," he answered. "You will find the location you seek. But do not move. It is closer than you think. Turn."

After that, he walked away.

"Do not move, turn," Michael said outloud. "It must be some kind of a riddle. Maybe he means turn our hearts to the right path."

"Mike…"

"Or maybe a turn, as in we must wait our turn. That explains the 'do not move' part…"

"Mike!" Violet shouted.

"…But then how does 'closer than you think' come into play?"

Violet smacked Michael and shouted his name again.

"What?"

She grabbed her partner by the shoulders and spun him around. There, staring him in the face, was the tower they were looking for.

"Oh," he said flatly.

The supers stepped up to the base of the tower and saw Violet B. almost to the top. Roy was about two-fifths of the way up. The ever-present race official told them they would have to wait for one of the two teams to finish climbing before they began.

When the elder Baudelaire reached the room at the top of the tower, her brother was hooked up and he started to climb. Violet B. gave Klaus some encouragement as he climbed.

"Come on, do it just like you told me!" she said.

As Klaus started to climb, the now last place team of ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the tower.

"Oh, great, look who it is," Michael said.

"Mike, try to keep a civil tongue, please?"

Michael growled and rolled his eyes.

Okay, this is starting to get dull again, so here comes the fast forward…

FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF

Okay, stop here. Klaus is still climbing, and he's almost there. Roy has made it to the top, and now Orson is climbing.

"Come on, Piggo," Roy shouted. "You've done this sort of thing before, right? Pick up the pace!"

"I'm trying!" Orson yelled back. "Don't yell at me!"

Klaus gripped the edge of the window and pulled himself into the small room. Violet hugged her brother and commended him on a job well done. They crossed to the other window, where the zip line was.

"Ready to do this?" Violet asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Klaus answered.

Violet gripped the mechanism she would be using to travel down the line. Then she jumped out the window. She was surprised to find that the rope held her weight. The wind in her face was fantastic. She couldn't help hollering, "YAHOO!"

She hit the ground in a few seconds. Klaus wasn't far behind. Once they were both on the ground, they ran to the clue box.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)

"Make your way into town…"

Teams must now make their way into the heart of West Commerceville, not far from the Lavender forest. Once there, they must search the streets for Gene's Quality Body Art, where they must receive temporary tattoos before receiving the next clue.

"A tattoo parlor?" Klaus asked. "What kind of fairy tale kingdom has a tattoo parlor?"

As he asked that, Patricia rode around the tower to where they were. She heard his question, and answered, "the kind that has a high demand for body art, of course!"

"Right. Well, can you take us to a place called, uh," Violet looked back at the clue, "Gene's Quality Body Art?"

"Not a problem! Hop on!" Once more, the orphans mounted the two-toned unicorn as their elven guide did the driving.

Back at the tower, Violet Parr had already started the climb. She had seen how it was done, but when she tried it herself, she struggled.

"Come on, Vi, one foot over the other!" Michael shouted, thinking he was being encouraging.

"Will you just shut up and let me do this!" she snapped back.

While she faltered and floundered, Orson made it to the top. After that, he and Roy took the zip line to the ground and got the next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in second place.)

"Tattoos? Do you think it will show up on my skin?" asked Roy.

"I don't know. Only one way to find out!" Orson said. "I think it's this way!"

The barnyard animals set out.

While Orson and Roy were zipping to the ground, Mercedes began to climb the other rope. Having a greater resolve than Violet (not to mention greater upper body strength), it wasn't long before Mercedes was further up the rope than the teenaged super.

Violet was still struggling with the rope, but at least she was making progress. It didn't help to see an alien passing her, though.

"Keep trying, Vi!"

"I am trying! Just shut up and let me do this!"

This new vile response prompted Michael to keep silent.

As this battle on the tower wall continued, ORSON & ROY still found themselves in need of a ride. Unlike other sectors of Dreamland, taxis were not widely available in Purplewood.

Presently, Orson caught sight of something. At first, it looked like a flying carpet, but as it came closer, they saw it was a flying quilt.

"You thinking what I'm thinking, Roy?" asked Orson.

"I think so, Ors, but where are we going to get a mirror that size?"

"No, Roy, that quilt over there!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

"Roy, look where I'm pointing!"

"Aha! Now I see!"

As the quilt sailed in their direction, the animals jumped on it. It held their weight.

"Okay, now, um, how do you work this thing?"

"I think you just say where you want to go and it takes you there."

"Okay, um, we need to get to Gene's Quality Body Art."

The quilt stopped abruptly, then changed direction and accelerated. Orson and Roy gripped the quilt for dear life.

Back at the tower, Violet was about 60 percent of the way up, but Mercedes was at the top. She flipped unexpectedly as she entered the room. As Anthony started to climb, Violet felt dejected. She felt like she had let her partner down. Then she looked, and saw Anthony fumbling with the rope.

"Come on, honey," Mercedes goaded. "You can do this!"

Violet looked back down at Michael. He could make short work of this rope, she thought. With that in mind, she gained her second wind. In very little time, she completed the climb.

Meanwhile, in town, Patricia had carried VIOLET & KLAUS to the tattoo parlor the clue stated. She dismounted Spot (the unicorn) and tied him to a hitching post. She followed the orphans inside.

The place was much cleaner than Violet expected it to be. Clean though it was, the general vibe of the joint still gave her the creeps. She saw the typical tools of the trade, as well as a few customers getting serviced.

Suddenly, a large bald man in leather stepped forward. He looked like a stereotypical biker, complete with tattoo-covered arms, multiple piercings, and steel toed boots. What was strange about him was that he had what appeared to be fairy wings on his back. He had one of those wings pierced as well. Violet and Klaus were taken aback by this frightening…fairy, they guessed he was.

"Hey, Gene!" Patricia shouted, like she knew him for years.

"Little Patty, how you doing!" Gene stepped forward and gave the elf a big bear hug. Then he noticed the Baudelaires. "Who are these two?"

"Oh, these guys are with the Race that's passing through here. I'm helping them out."

"Ah, right, that's today, isn't it? So, I'm guessing they need tats?"

"Temporary tats," Klaus said.

"Yeah, yeah, catalog's over there, let me know what kind you want."

The orphans started to flip through the catalog, looking for really nothing in particular.

"We should get one that's simple and quick to produce," Klaus suggested. "That way, we won't lose too much time here.

"Here we go," Violet said, "a peace sign. We should be out of here in less than three." They sought out Gene and told him their choice.

"Okay, if you're sure about this. So, who's first?"

Violet nudged her brother forward, very passive-aggressive.

Back at the tower, Michael finally got his chance to climb. He passed Anthony by with ease. But seeing that he was behind seemed to invigorate Anthony. He soon caught up. But Michael still got to the top first, if only by two minutes.

In any event, Violet and Michael were on the zip line before Anthony reached the room where Mercedes was. When the supers hit the ground, they ran to the clue box to get their next clue.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in third place.)

"You must each purchase and take a temporary tattoo to receive your next clue." Violet read.

"Oh, no, we can't!" Michael observed. "We don't have any money!"

"I think it's time you and I swallowed our pride," said Violet, pointing at Ant & Mer as they rode the zip line.

"Um, guys," Michael said to them, "listen, this next task involves money, and we don't have any, so could you loan us a couple of bucks?"

The hitchhikers looked at each other, confused. Anthony looked back at Violet, and the desperation in her eyes cut right to his heart.

The human reached into his pocket and handed Michael a wad of cash. Then he turned and extracted the last clue from the box.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in last place.)

"Why did you give them the money?" Mercedes asked her beau.

"I don't know, it just seemed like the right thing to do."

"Okay, let's go!"

About that time, the flying quilt that ORSON & ROY had discovered arrived at the tattoo parlor. When they dismounted, Orson instructed the quilt to stay. It seemed to understand.

When they got inside, they found Gene working on Klaus.

"Catalog's over there, pick a design you want, then let me know," he said.

At that time, he finished with Klaus's tattoo, and directed Violet to sit down.

"Now, try to hold still, because this is going to hurt a little.

As Gene drew the peace sign on the back of her hand, she couldn't help but stare at his pierced wing. For some reason, she just couldn't make this image compute. A male fairy with tattoos, piercings, a leather jacket, in short, a biker fairy.

"Yes, they're real," Gene said, noticing that the girl was staring. "Take a picture, it will last longer."

"I'm sorry, I've just never seen anything like you. Are you some kind of fairy or something?"

"Yes, I am. Got a problem with that?"

"Maybe I could answer that when you don't have a needle in my skin, hmm?"

"Huh. Aren't you the witty one? Okay, you're all done. Here's your next clue."

"Thank you. Um, these are temporary, aren't they?"

"Relax, they'll wash off with soap and water."

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)

"Route Info," read Violet. "Make your way to the dragon's cave…"

Teams must now travel to the edge of Purplewood, where they will find the Mirthy Mountains. Once there, they must locate the dragon's cave, where they will find the next clue.

"Come on, Pat, we're outta here!" said Klaus.

Meanwhile, VIOLET & MICHAEL were having a little trouble getting a ride into town. It was much too far for them to walk. And besides, they didn't even know where it was exactly.

"It's hopeless," Michael said, once he had a full grasp on the situation.

But then, out of nowhere, they encountered a garishly decorated carriage. Violet flagged it down.

"Again, with the interruptions!" shouted its occupant. It was the same guy that Ant & Mer met with earlier.

"Excuse me, kind sir, but, we need a ride, would you be so…"

"NO! That's the second time I've been asked today! What does this look like to you, a taxicab? Begone!"

"Psst!" whispered a voice. It came from the rear of the carriage. Violet went to check it out, and found the hitchhiker team riding there.

"Michael, I think they want us to ride with them!"

"Shh!" Anthony chided. "He doesn't know we're back here."

The supers quietly hopped on the back of the carriage.

"Thanks again for helping us out," Michael said.

"No problem."

"Transportation is awfully hard to come by here, isn't it?" asked Violet.

"You know what this place needs?" said Mercedes, "an elevated train."

The others nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, back at Gene's, the proprietor was busy trying to find a needle that would ink Roy's feathers. Orson already got his tattoo; he chose the Greek letters Pi Iota Gamma. (Go figure that one out!)

"Aha!" said the fairy; "this should do the trick. Okay, chicken boy, time to get your shot!" He laughed at his own unfunny joke.

"Okay," Roy said nervously as he sat down.

Gene powered up the needle, and when Roy saw it within inches of his feathers, he fainted away.

"Well, I just needed him to hold still, but this works too." And Gene went ahead and gave him the tat.

"Okay," Orson said, "now all we have to do is wake him up."

"Not a problem," Gene said. "We know how to deal with the more squeamish customers. EMILY! Bring out the wake-up bucket!"

Another fairy flew in, a female who looked very much like Gene. She carried a bucket of water, which she promptly dumped on Roy. That did the trick.

"Now that you're up, you'll be needing this." Gene handed Roy the next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in second place.)

"Dragon's cave, I should have known," Roy mumbled. "These fairy tale type stories always have dragons in them."

As the barnyard critters stepped out of the tattoo parlor, they spotted a carriage moving by. As it passed, the last two teams jumped off the rear.

"Is this the place?" Violet asked.

"Sure is," Orson answered as he and Roy got back on the flying quilt.

"Hey, where'd you get that?" Mercedes asked.

"Just found it floating around," Roy told her. "Okay, quilt, to the dragon's cave!"

As the quilt sailed away, Michael muttered, "Maybe we should get one of those."

As the last stragglers entered the tattoo parlor, Spot the unicorn had arrived at the Mirthy Mountains. Patricia stayed on his back, but VIOLET & KLAUS had to dismount. They found the clue box just outside the cave.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)

"It's a Roadblock," read Klaus. "Who's hungry for the fictional million?"

Ed was then seen leaning on a stalagmite.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person must take one of these dragon eggs and cook it over an open fire. Once fully cooked, they must eat the entire thing. It will take great intestinal fortitude to get through this task. Only when the entire egg is consumed will teams receive the next clue."

"I'll do this one," Klaus said quickly.

"Brother, no! If you do this one, that will make six, and I'll have to do the rest!"

"Chill, Violet, I have a feeling the rest of the Roadblocks will be easy."

"Okay, fine."

The orphans stepped into the cave. Inside, there were several dragons of the stereotypical persuasion, you know, scaly, with sharp claws, smoke coming from their nostrils, etc. The dragons were of various sizes and colors.

"Mommy, what's that?" said a smallish black one.

"Honey, don't stare. They're just here with the Amazing Race."

"Um," said Klaus, "hi there! Can you direct me to where the, um, the eggs are?"

"Over there," said a giant brown one, pointing.

They looked, and saw a nest of sorts, holding four large eggs. Klaus ran over and took one of them. It took up a lot of space, but it wasn't very dense. He still needed two hands to hold it, but he could carry it easily.

"Okay, skillet, skillet, need a skillet, need a big skillet, here we go!" He cracked the egg on the side of the big skillet. "Um, Violet, I need your help!" She ran over and helped him separate the egg. "Now, we need some fire." He was about to ask the dragons for a match, until he remembered that they were dragons.

A medium sized orange dragon shot a fireball at the wood on which the skillet rested. It caught fire right away.

"Now we're cooking!" said Violet. She hadn't intended the pun, but it made the dragons laugh anyway.

Back at the tattoo parlor, the hitchhiker team had convinced the supers to let them go first, by virtue of how nice they had been to them recently. Anthony decided to get a simple star design, while Mercedes insisted on an "I (heart) Anthony" decal.

"And if it's okay," she added, "can you do it in permanent ink?"

"Are you sure?" Gene asked.

"Mercedes," said Anthony, "we're in the middle of a race! We can't afford to lose time on an intricate design like that!"

"Eh, I guess you're right. I can get a tattoo like that any time." And she settled for a temporary heart outline instead.

"Okay, you two are all done, here's your next clue, good luck!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)

"Hoo-boy, I hope we can catch a ride into the mountains," Mercedes said. "We haven't been having the best of luck with transportation recently."

"Hey, if it's a ride you need," Gene interrupted, "I'm sure Emily here would be happy to oblige."

Anthony was cautious at first, but then figured any ride is better than no ride at all.

Emily hovered in a horizontal position so the hitchhikers could climb on her back. Then she carried them through the door.

"Hey, thanks for helping us out," Mercedes told her.

"Eh, whatever," she answered in a surly manner.

Back at the cave, Klaus's egg was almost fully cooked, when a flying quilt pulled up to the lip of the cave with two barnyard critters thereon. They jumped off and ran to the clue box.

(ORSON & ROY are still in second place.)

"Nobody eats like you do, Ors!" said Roy.

"All right, I'll do it."

They went into the cave and found the eggs quickly enough. Orson and Roy separated the egg into an empty skillet, and a dragon lit the fire with his breath.

Not long after that, the ever-present race official declared that Klaus's egg was ready to be eaten. The orphans tried to lift the skillet, but they found it was too heavy (not to mention hot to the touch!).

"Better let me do that," said a green dragon with an oven mitt on one of his claws.

He lifted the skillet with ease, and slid its contents onto a normal sized plate. The offering was about the size of a basketball.

"Dig in, kid," said the dragon.

Klaus sighed. "I just know my stomach is going to regret this in the morning." He stuck his fork into the egg and took a large bite.

Back at the tattoo parlor, VIOLET & MICHAEL settled on a design they could both live with: the Incredibles logo. Gene handed them their next clue when he was done.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in last place.)

Michael examined his wallet. "We still have some money left over from that loan we got from the aliens."

"Think it's enough to buy a flying quilt?" asked Violet.

"Hmm," Gene said, counting the money in question. "Well, there's a guy across the street who would sell you a flying quilt for this much. It wouldn't be pretty, but at least it would fly."

"Awesome, thanks!"

The supers ran out of the building and found the place Gene was referring to. They opened the door, and found a man in a turban standing behind the counter.

"May I help you?" he asked.

"Yes, um, we need a flying quilt, the cheapest one you have, please."

"Ah, on a budget, are we? Well, I have the model for you." He pulled out a plain green quilt with a white border. He unrolled it and let it hover in front of the counter. "This here is our economy model, the least expensive one we have. It costs 25 dollars."

Michael looked back in his wallet. "We don't have that much."

"Is there any way you can lower the price, just for us?" asked Violet.

"Maybe," said the clerk, "but I can't sell it to you for less than 18 bucks."

"All we have is 17 dollars and 51 cents."

"That rounds to 18." He swiped the cash from Mike's hand. "Enjoy!"

They mounted their new vehicle and flew toward the next clue.

Speaking of which, Ant & Mer had just arrived at the dragon's cave. They thanked Emily again for the ride, but she waved them off. Then they extracted the clue from the box.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in third place.)

"Roadblock," read Mercedes. "Who's hungry for the fictional million?"

"Let me do this one," said Anthony. "You get heartburn eating cinnamon buns."

"All right."

They quickly ducked inside the cave. Anthony selected his egg, cracked it into a skillet, and let it cook.

About that time, Orson's egg was fully cooked. The same dragon served the egg up and instructed Orson to eat. Orson, like the pig that he was, stuck his face in the egg and chowed down.

"Wow, if Garfield could see you now!" Roy cheered.

As Klaus watched the pig stuff his face, he became disheartened. He wasn't even a fifth of the way though it and he already felt full. He kept eating, but at a slower rate, moaning in agony when each new swallow hit his stomach.

"Come on, Klaus, just eat the thing!" Violet said, trying to encourage her brother.

"That's easy for you to say, you don't have to eat this!" he shot back. Klaus took a sip of the water the Race provided, hoping it would alleviate his pain. It didn't.

Time passed. Orson started to feel full as well, so he slowed his pace. He still had a ways to go, but at least he was ahead of poor Klaus. Anthony's egg had finished cooking, and he started to eat, at a slow but steady pace.

While the three of them ate, they heard the rustle of a flying quilt outside. VIOLET & MICHAEL commanded their quilt to "sit and stay!" They retrieved the last clue from the box.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in last place.)

"It's an eating challenge," Violet correctly assumed. "You'd better handle this one, Mike."

"As long as it's not spicy food, I'm good."

As they entered the dragon's cave, Violet noticed something.

"Hey, all the other teams are here! We might be able to catch up!"

Michael took the last of the eggs from the nest. He cracked it and (with Violet's help) separated it into the last skillet. With a flame from a dragon, the egg started to cook.

By then, Klaus had eaten about 60 percent of his egg, and his digestive tract was torturing him. He felt like he could vomit at any moment. He took another bite, and had a dry heave.

"I can't do it! I can't eat this whole thing!" he moaned.

"Klaus!" shouted Violet B. "You have to play through the pain!"

"Shut up!" he spat back. "I can't do this! I'm too full!"

"Just wait a while. Let the food digest. Then you won't be so full."

"ARGH!" Klaus wailed. He ate a little more and sighed.

While Klaus was going through that, Orson had just about finished his offering. He only had to lick the last remnants off the plate. The pig uncorked a very satisfied belch, then joined his partner, who had the next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in first place.)

"Make your way to the next PIT STOP!"

Teams must now travel back into town and locate the royal palace. Once there, they will search the halls for the princess's bedchamber. This royal sleeping quarters is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," Roy finished.

As the barnyard animals dashed out of the cave and onto their flying quilt, Patricia realized that something had gone wrong inside the cave. Somehow, the team she was helping had fallen behind, and she was concerned. She dismounted Spot and ran into the cave to see what was up.

She found Klaus slumped over a plate of eggs, while Anthony and now Michael continued to chow down on their food. Patricia sought out Violet B. and asked her what the problem was.

"Klaus says he can't eat the whole thing because his stomach hurts," she told her.

Pat went over to Klaus. "Oh, well, no wonder his stomach hurts!" She noticed that he was still wearing his belt. She instructed him to unbuckle his belt, which he did.

"Oh, wow!" Klaus said. "That feels much better!" He then started to eat his food much more rapidly.

Anthony kept eating, ignoring the pain he felt in his stomach. Michael was quickly catching up to him. When Anthony saw this, he ate all that much faster.

But neither of them could catch Klaus and his newfound resolve. He finished the dish in very little time. He joined his sister as she got the next clue from one of the dragons.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"All right, Pit Stop time! Klaus, are you okay?"

"I'm full, but I'm fine."

"Hey, if we hurry," said Patricia, "we might catch and pass those animals!"

The three of them quickly mounted Spot and took off.

Back in the cave, Anthony kept trying to stay ahead of Michael. But the more eggs he stuffed into his mouth, the more his stomach hurt. Michael, desperately wanting to catch and pass the hitchhiker, did the same.

"You can do it, Mike!" Violet P. cheered.

"Oh, no," Mercedes said. "No human can digest that quickly. Something's gonna give!"

And something did give. While Anthony was shoving another forkful of egg into his already overstuffed mouth, a tiny piece of the food trickled into his windpipe. On a reflex, he coughed, and the entire contents of his mouth were flung far and wide. The other racers expressed their disgust at this unfortunate occurrence.

Poor Anthony continued to cough, until he felt something moving up his esophagus. Quickly, he reached for the bucket that was provided and vomited. Michael stuck his fingers in his ears, so that he wouldn't lose his appetite over hearing Ant puke.

When he finished, Mer ran to him to see if he was okay.

"I'm fine, love. I think I just ate too much."

"You sure you don't need an antacid or anything?"

"I'm sure."

Anthony continued to eat. And so did Michael, who by this time had passed him by.

While those two kept eating, ORSON & ROY's flying quilt had arrived at the palace. They didn't tell it to stay, because they didn't need it anymore. As they mounted the stairs, the quilt flew away, off to do its own thing. The animals ran inside the palace.

"Okay, how are we supposed to find the princess's bedroom?" Orson asked.

"Just try every door, I suppose," said Roy.

"Let's start on the top floor. Odds are better up there."

"How do you figure?"

"Dunno, just a hunch, I guess."

"Whatever."

They ran up the staircase and bolted to the first door they saw. They swung it open, and found Ed, standing next to a young woman in a fancy dress. Orson and Roy ran in and stepped onto the mat.

"Welcome, travelers," said the woman, "to my kingdom of Purplewood!"

"Thank you very much," said Roy.

"Orson and Roy," Ed said, "you are team number one!"

(ORSON & ROY 1ST PLACE.)

"YES!" Roy shouted. "Two in a row! That fictional million is ours!"

"Now, at the beginning of this leg, you selected one of four different colored dragon scales, right? Do you have that scale with you?"

Orson pulled the blue scale out of his bag.

"If the scale in this box that I'm holding is the same color as yours, you guys will win an amazing prize from Travelocity."

Slowly, he opened the box. When the saw what was inside, the animals shrugged.

"Oh well, you win some, you lose some."

Back in the cave, Michael had just about finished his egg, while Anthony still had a little bit more left. Mike had the last bite on his fork, and he was about to put it in his mouth when…he stopped.

"What's wrong?" asked Violet.

"Oooooohhhhhh! I don't feel so hot. Oh, boy."

"Are you going to barf?"

"I think so!"

"Then get the bucket!"

"Ooooooohhhhhhhh!"

He didn't vomit at all. He just belched.

"Ooh, that made some room!"

Michael shoved the very last bite into his mouth and ate it.

"Task completed," said one of the dragons. "Here's your next clue."

"Thank you!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Violet.

"Come on, we have to hurry!" Michael shouted.

As Anthony watched the third team leave, he felt horribly depressed.

"We'll be eliminated for sure," he mumbled.

"Don't be so sure," said Mercedes. "There's one more non-elimination point, and this could be it. Besides, if you hurry up, we might be able to catch them."

Anthony stared at the last bit of egg on his plate. With his sprit renewed, he wolfed it down quickly.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in last place.)

"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Anthony.

"Come on, we have to hurry and catch a ride!" said Mercedes.

They left the cave as quickly as they could.

While the hitchhikers tried to catch a ride to the palace, Patricia and Spot arrived at the palace with VIOLET & KLAUS in tow. As the orphans got off the speckled unicorn, the elf girl caught sight of the palace clock.

"Oh God, is that the right time? I'm sorry, you guys, but I have to get back to the forest for a thing…"

"It's okay, we understand," said Klaus. "You've been a real help."

As Pat rode away, the orphans entered the garish building. They started searching for the princess's bedroom on the ground floor.

"Any luck yet?"

"Nothing so far!"

While they did that, Mercedes spotted something familiar. It was a carriage. The exact same carriage she and Anthony bummed rides off of twice before! One more time, she flagged it down.

"Again, with the peasants wanting a ride? And people I had already blown off too! The audacity!"

"Please, sir, just one ride. I promise, you will never hear from us again!"

"I don't have time to waste chauffeuring commoners across Purplewood! I have an important meeting at the palace that I can't be tardy for!"

"What a coincidence! That's where we're going!"

"Oh, it is, is it?"

"Yes, it is."

The rich guy paused for a moment.

"All right, you may ride in my carriage, but only to the palace. When we get there, you will get out. And I have your word that you will not bother me again?"

"I swear it!"

"Very well, get in." He opened the door and the hitchhikers stepped inside. "My name is Lord Gray, and I do not wish to know your names."

"Fine."

Back at the palace, the unfortunate Baudelaires had searched every room on the ground floor, and turned up nothing. The only logical thing left to do was to go upstairs.

"Okay," said Violet when they reached the top floor, "I will search over there, and you search over there."

"Got it."

But when Klaus opened the door nearest to him, he found Ed inside.

"Vi, it's over here!" he shouted.

She ran to him and they checked in together.

"Violet and Klaus, you're team number two!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 2ND PLACE.)

"Sweet!" Violet said. "We're still in it!"

Ed asked them about their dragon scale.

"Oh, is that what that was?" asked Klaus. He extracted the black scale from his bag. Ed opened his box again, and once again the colors didn't match.

"It doesn't matter. We're in second place."

Time passed. We saw a shot of VIOLET & MICHAEL arriving at the palace on their flying quilt. Next, ANTHONY & MERCEDES jumped out of the carriage and ran up the steps. We saw both teams looking on the ground floor for the princess's bedroom, but never in the same shot.

We saw Mercedes at the top of the stairs looking down at her boyfriend. Then, the supers take the stairs two at a time. We saw a first person shot of one team running to the right door and opening it.

Inside, Ed and the princess waited for the door to open. Ed pointed as the knob turned. The door flung open to reveal…Violet and Michael. The supers ran inside and stepped on the mat.

"Violet and Michael, you are team number three!"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL 3RD PLACE.)

"Phew!" Violet breathed. "We'll take it."

Michael took the green dragon scale from his bag and handed it to Ed.

"If the scale in this box is the same color as yours, you'll win the Travelocity luck prize."

Ed opened the box slowly. Violet peeked and saw a flash of green inside. When it was open, it was plain as day that the scale was green.

"Goody, goody, what'd we win?" asked Violet.

"Well, you've won a 75 thousand dollar vacation package from Travelocity that you can spend any which way you choose! We have a computer in your room with special access to Travelocity's web site, so you can plan your trip, or maybe even trips, right here."

"Whoa!" said Mike. "That's pretty cool!"

"But the coolest thing, I'd say, is that you two are still in the Amazing Race!"

"Well, yeah, that too."

A soft and slow piano rift played as the hitchhiker team at long last checked in.

"Welcome to Purplewood," said the princess.

"Thank you," said Anthony.

"Anthony and Mercedes," Ed said in a strained voice, "you are the last team to arrive."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES LAST PLACE.)

"Yeah, we kind of figured," said Mercedes.

"And I am sorry to…fake you out like this, but this is the fourth of four predetermined non-elimination legs, so you two are still in the race!"

"We are? Really?"

"Really, really!"

Anthony and Mercedes embraced each other tearfully. This second chance was the best news they had heard all day!

"Okay, calm down. This second chance comes at a price, as I'm sure you know."

Before he could even explain the penalty, they turned over all their money and possessions, save their passports, their airline ticket card, and the clothes on their back.

"And you will be receiving no money at the start of the next leg."

"Eh, we might have placed higher, if the transportation was better here." Mercedes couldn't take it back even if she wanted too.

"What do you mean?" asked the princess.

"Uh, nothing."

"No, not nothing. What did you mean?"

"Uh…I'm just saying, this place could use an el train."

"An el train? In a fairy tale kingdom?"

"Why not? You've got a tattoo parlor here, why not an el?"

"Hmm. You may have a point there."

"I'm a little upset that I had to relinquish my copy of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,_" Mercedes confessed to the camera. "I can replace it, but it still irks me. Still, the fact that Ant and I are still in this thing is more than enough for me. I'm on Cloud 42 right now!"

"I'm elated!" Anthony confessed. "Dreamland is an amazing place. I want to stay around and see more of it. And as long as I have Mercedes with me, we can over come anything, even this penalty. BJ and Tyler did it, so why can't we, right?"

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

Thus far, I've tried to weave a little comedy into every leg. Well, the next leg takes place in Laughland, where comedy is everything. Teams will need a good sense of humor to make the final three teams. One final elimination will decide who will race for the fictional million dollars.


	13. Twelfth Leg in Laughland

Before the race resumed, Edward Nemo was seen in the decorative halls of some regal palace.

"This is the fairy tale kingdom of Purplewood, but it's not like any fairy tale you've ever heard. Fairies are tough and grizzled, dragons are broke as a joke, even the princess is a veteran of a foreign war, but that's another story for another day. Anyway, like most monarchies, the royal family of Purplewood has a summer palace. This highly expensive manor was the eleventh Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.

"The final four teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. This allowed them time to eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams. Although Anthony and Mercedes were the last team to check in, they were not eliminated, as this was the last non-elimination point. However, they were stripped of all their money and possessions, save their passports, their airline card, and the clothes on their back. Will they be able to surmount these tremendous disadvantages? And can Orson and Roy pull off the trifecta and finish first three times in a row?"

"Orson and Roy, who were first to arrive at 11:59 AM, will depart at 11:59 PM."

The barnyard critters stood at the base of the stairs outside the palace. It was barely twilight, dark enough to require a flashlight. At the assigned moment, Roy tore open the clue.

(ORSON & ROY are first to depart.)

"Circle back to the royal stables…" he read.

Teams must now borrow one of four marked horses from the royal supply, and ride to Purplewood International Airport. Once there, they must book passage on a commercial flight to Laughland, the land of the living laughs. When they land, teams will have to locate this Dangerfield Memorial Park, where they will receive the next clue.

"Three teams will have 60 dollars for this leg of the race, one team will have zero dollars," he finished.

They ran around to the rear of the building. Then, they stuffed 20 dollars into their clue envelope, wrote "For Ant and Mer" on it, and taped it to the stable gate.

"Before this leg," Orson said in a voiceover, "we decided to give the hitchhikers some of our money."

Back on the race, Orson said to the camera, "I hope a dishonest team doesn't steal this money!"

The animals cut one of the ponies from the herd, and escorted it out of the fence before mounting him. Then, riding double, they set off into the night.

Back at the palace…

(VIOLET & KLAUS are second to depart.)

"…From the airport, fly yourself to Laughland, land of the living laughs…" read Klaus.

"Living laughs?" Violet queried. "I don't think I like the sound of that."

"Whatever, let's just go!"

They ran to the stables, and saw where Orson had left some money for the hitchhiker team.

"We should contribute as well," said Violet.

"Look, you can give them a few bucks if you want, I'm going to get us our ride," said Klaus.

She pulled 10 dollars out of her purse and put it in the same envelope. Then, she hopped on the horse with her brother and they departed.

"If only we knew where Patricia the Elf was. She could help us find the airport."

"Huh. The plane from San Ludo landed in the forest. Why didn't they land at the airport?"

"Beats me."

Speaking of the airport, ORSON & ROY had just arrived there.

"See?" said Roy, "I told you that sign was correct! What would the government have to gain by deception?"

"All right, all right, no need to be snippy about it!"

The animals tied up their horse and went inside. It looked pretty much like every other airport, with tourists milling about, hauling luggage, and the like. They quickly found a ticket counter, manned by someone in a suit of armor. He wore no helmet, so his acne-covered face was exposed.

"Can I help you?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"Um, yes, please, we need two tickets on a flight to Laughland, as early as possible."

"Okay, um, I have here a direct flight to Laughland that leaves at 5:29 AM, it will land at 6:45 AM.

"Great, we'll take it, thanks."

(ORSON & ROY – First on Flight #1.)

"Ah, now I can catch up on my beauty sleep," Roy hummed.

Orson rolled his eyes, but joined his avian pal in a quick nap.

Back at the Pit Stop…

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are third to depart.)

"…When you land, locate the Dangerfield Memorial Park to get your next clue," read Violet.

"I have the sneaking suspicion that this leg will be my downfall," Michael muttered.

"You mean our downfall, right?"

"Well, not yours, because you have a great sense of humor."

"Yeah, I have enough good humor for us both! So, what are you so worried about?"

"Hmm, nothing, I guess."

"Then, let's go!"

When the supers encountered the charity envelope placed by Orson and Roy, they were more than happy to contribute.

"It was only fitting," Michael said in a voice-over, "after all, they helped us when we were in trouble last leg."

As they mounted, Violet commented about how it felt like they were back in Peach Town. Quickly, they departed.

Over at the airport, VIOLET & KLAUS were just arriving. They entered the building and booked passage on the same flight as the barnyard critters.

(VIOLET & KLAUS – Second on Flight #1.)

"You know, thus far in the race, we haven't had very many opportunities to play the airport game of trying to find the best flight," Klaus observed.

"You think there might be an earlier flight?" Violet asked.

"It's worth a look around."

They started to scour the airport.

Back at the Pit Stop, the last team departed.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are last to depart.)

"Three teams will have 60 dollars, one team will have zero dollars," Anthony read. "You know, I think they gave us too much money this leg."

"You really think so?" asked Mer.

"Yeah, it says zero dollars, but I count at least seven times that much!"

"Well, then we'd better return the difference to the producers, so that we don't get in trouble!"

"Of course! Why with this much extra money, the other teams will be severely disadvantaged!"

The hitchhikers laughed themselves silly on their way to the stable. At the gate, they found a strange envelope with their names on it. Mercedes opened it, and found 40 dollars inside.

"This must have been left behind by one of the other teams. That was mighty nice of them."

"Yeah, sure. Let's go!"

They mounted their horse and rode off.

Time passed. Then, VIOLET & MICHAEL arrived at the airport. They located the same ticket counter and booked the 5:29 flight, certain it was the earliest.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL – Third on Flight #1.)

"Do you think we should look for an earlier flight?" asked Michael.

"Nah," said Violet. "We likely got the earliest one anyway. We should just rest."

"You go ahead and rest if you want to. I'm going to look for a better flight."

"Whatever," she yawned as Mike took off.

Speaking of finding an earlier flight, VIOLET & KLAUS had located another ticket counter from another airline.

"Excuse me," Klaus said, "but could you get us to Laughland earlier than 6:45 AM?"

"Let me see." The ticket agent typed on her computer. "Okay, I have seats available on Eastern Air Flight 986. It leaves here at 4:00, and you'll land in Laughland about 5:49 AM."

"Great, we'll take them!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS – Now on Flight #2.)

While Klaus was getting their tickets, Violet was thinking about Anthony and Mercedes. At they start of the Peach Town leg, she and her brother were broke, but Anthony saved them by paying for their train tickets. Now, the shoe was on the other foot. In that moment, she had an inspiration.

"Could you get us four tickets on that flight, please?" she asked the clerk.

"How come?"

"I have friends I would like to help out."

"Well, sure, I could get you another pair of tickets." The clerk printed them out. "Here you are."

As the Baudelaires departed, the intrepid Michael located the same counter. He ran up to the clerk.

"I need two tickets on a flight that lands in Laughland earlier than 6:45!"

"I'm sorry, the only flight that fits that description has only one seat left. You could have that, if you want it."

"No, that won't do. Sorry I bothered you."

"Oh, it's no bother at all."

About that time, ANTHONY & MERCEDES finally arrived at the airport. They went right to the same counter as all the other teams.

"Can you get us to Laughland?" Mercedes asked.

"I'm sorry," said the zit-faced knight, "all our flights to Laughland are booked solid."

"What's the earliest flight you have to Laughland with at least two seats available?"

"I don't know, let me check." He checked. "Yeah, that's going to be at 9 PM tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Anthony shouted.

"Yes, tomorrow. You want to go ahead and book that?"

"No, don't bother. Come on, love, we need to find another airline."

As they left, they collided with the Baudelaire orphans.

"Hey guys! I've been looking for you!" said Violet.

"Why?" asked Mercedes.

Violet said nothing. She just handed them their boarding passes.

"What's this for?" asked Anthony.

"Let's just say this: 'now, we're even.'"

"Well, thanks anyway."

"Don't thank, run!" Klaus shouted.

He said that because their plane was due to depart at 4:00, and it was currently 3:56.

The four of them ran like bats out of hell, jumping over obstacles, sprinting over moving sidewalks, leaning into turns, and the like. They were all out of breath when they made it to the gate.

"Are we (pant) too late?"

"Nope, you're right on time!"

The group beamed with joy as they quickly boarded the plane.

Back at the gate where Violet P. and her animal friends were napping, Michael hurried in. His heavy footfalls and even heavier breathing woke her up.

"Well, did you find an earlier flight?"

"No, I think the orphans bought tickets for them and the hitchhikers. That means we two teams are in last place."

"Then we'd better make sure we get better seats than those losers. There is no more non-elimination legs, so the last team to check in will be axed. That can't be us!"

"Understood!"

All teams are now flying to Laughland on one of two flights. The earlier flight, to land at 5:49, houses VIOLET & KLAUS and ANTHONY & MERCEDES. The later flight, to land at 6:45, houses VIOLET & MICHAEL and ORSON & ROY. When teams land, they will have to locate Dangerfield Memorial Park to get their next clue.

The earlier flight was delayed slightly due to air turbulence. When it landed VIOLET & KLAUS got off first, ahead of ANTHONY & MERCEDES.

They expected the airport to be decorated with wacky shapes and colors, but it wasn't. There were, however, humanoid creatures milling about, with pinkish skin and large red noses. These strange people were always smiling.

Violet called one over. "Are you one of those 'living laughs'?" she asked.

"Nope! I'm the living embodiment of intestinal gas!" And the guy howled with laughter.

"I guess he is a living laugh," Klaus muttered, barely audible. "Excuse me, could you give us directions to Dangerfield Park?"

"Dangerfield? I can do Dangerfield!" He cleared his throat. "I don't get no respect! When I broke my leg, the ambulance stopped for gasoline!"

"That's very nice, but we need directions!"

"Huh? Oh, directions, right!"

He showed them what route to take.

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome. You know, my ex-wife took the house in the divorce. Did she say 'thank you'? No, sir!"

They didn't stick around for that joke. They were too busy racing.

Ant and Mer had to get their directions from another of the living laughs.

"Excuse me, but we need directions to Dangerfield Park!"

"Huh?"

"I said we need directions to Dangerfield Park!"

"I know, I heard you the first time. That's the trouble with you, all you do is talk, you never race. No wonder you're in last place!"

"Look, are you going to help us or what?"

"Okay, okay, no need to drop the F-bomb on me."

"But we didn't…"

"You will."

He drew them a map to the park.

"Thank you very much," said Mercedes. "You have been most helpful."

"See, they always drop the F-bomb on me."

"What are you talking about?"

"What you just said, 'you F been helpful'!"

Anthony groaned, then pulled Mercedes by the sleeve.

The park in question was within walking distance of the airport, so both teams chose to go on foot. Since they were out the door first, VIOLET & KLAUS were first to arrive at the park.

Once there, they saw a strange wall standing in an obscure place. The wall had six numbered doors in it, each one a different color and pattern.

"Huh, wonder what that's for?" Klaus said.

They saw a series of route markers that directed them to the other side of the wall. Waiting there for them was a female laugh, dressed in a clown suit. Next to her was a small pegboard with six keys hanging from it, lettered A through F.

"Hidulee, hi, you lucky racers! Heeeeeeeeeeere's your next clue!"

"O-Kay, thanks."

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in first place.)

"Oh, boy, Roadblock," said Violet. "Who likes surprises?"

The camera shot returned to the six doors, as Ed came out from behind door number 3.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six on the entire race. In this Roadblock, that person must select one of six keys, and attempt to unlock one of these six doors. Each key only opens one door, and teams must figure out which is which by process of elimination.

"Once the contestant has opened the door, one of six clowns will appear. One of the clowns holds the next clue; the others all have surprises. If the racer selects a clown with a surprise, they must run back to the pegboard, choose a different key, and try again. Only when teams receive the next clue will they be allowed to continue."

"You have to do this one, Vi," said Klaus.

"All right," she answered. "I'll start with Key C."

She snatched it off the board and ran around to the six doors. Since it was the third key, she figured it would fit in the third door. But when she tried it, it wouldn't unlock.

"Okay, so the producers weren't planing on making this easy."

She tried it in door number 4, and the door unlocked. But when she opened it, the clown sprayed seltzer in her face. She put a hand up to block it, but her face was already soaking wet. When the clown was finished, he shut the door and locked it again.

Violet dried her eyes so she could see clearly. She ripped the key out of the doorknob and returned to the pegboard. When Klaus saw his sister drenched in carbonated water, he couldn't surpress a laugh.

"It's not funny!" she insisted, hanging up the key and grabbing Key F.

"Actually, it kind of is!" he responded.

About that time, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the clue site. They saw Violet B. getting sprayed with seltzer, and they laughed as well. But, their laughter was short-lived, when they got their next clue and saw that it was the next task.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"Um, you like surprises, right, dear?" Anthony asked.

"Nice try, Earthman," said Mercedes. "This one's all yours."

"Fine," he grumbled, grabbing Key B as he left.

Violet tried her key in the first door, and it didn't open. She tried it in the second door, and still no dice. When she tried the third door, it unlocked, but she was hesitant to open the door. She had no idea what was in store for her.

Mustering up her courage, Violet whipped the door open. She saw a clown armed with two aerosol cans, and knew she was in for trouble. She tried to shut the door before the clown struck, but the clown was faster than she was. He stuck his arm in the doorjamb so he could finish covering her in silly string.

Rather than try to comb the substance out of her hair, Violet ran around to the key area and switched her key with Key A. As she did, she got a few laughs from her brother by virtue of how ridiculous she looked.

Anthony tried doors 1 and 2 when he saw Violet getting silly stringed in door 3. Knowing his key wouldn't work on that door, he skipped to door 4, which didn't open. Door 5, however, responded to his key. Naïve as a toddler, Anthony opened the door and stood still. The clown appeared with a whipped cream cannon on his shoulder. He blasted the poor human with a thick layer's worth.

Humiliated, Ant spit out some of the cream that got in his mouth and ran back to the key area. He grabbed Key E, and got laughed at by his girlfriend. Unlike Violet, however, he was a good sport about it.

Speaking of Violet, she tried her key in door 2 first, and for the life of me, I can't tell you why. But it worked, and again, she didn't want to open the door. She turned her feet to the left, so that she would be ready to run, in case she got an unpleasant surprise.

She opened the door, and saw the clown holding what looked like a bazooka. Without thinking twice, she ran back to the key area. She smiled, thinking she had beaten the surprise. She put Key A back and took Key D. But when she looked up, she saw the same clown with the same bazooka right in front of her. Before she could react, he fired his weapon and covered the poor orphan with multi-colored confetti.

"Nobody…skips out on their surprise!" the clown chided.

Violet groaned in protest.

Meanwhile, Anthony had tried every door with his key. He finally came to door number 6, and he knew his key would unlock it. When he opened the door, he cringed, fully expecting something unpleasant to happen. And yet, nothing. He looked to see what was up.

"Congratulations," the clown said, "you have completed the Roadblock. Here's your next clue."

"Oh, thank you!" he shouted. He grabbed the clue and ran back to the key area. He saw Violet there, covered in confetti.

"Hey, Vi! It's this key! Door six!" He tossed her the key.

"Really? Thank you!"

"No problem!"

He gave the clue to Mercedes and she opened it.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place.)

"Travel by taxi to the IMPROV…"

Teams must now travel by taxi to this comedy club. Just outside the door is where teams can find the next clue. What teams don't know is that Laughland taxi drivers take their fare by pulling practical jokes on their passengers.

"Let's motor!" shouted Anthony.

They ran to the curb and hailed a taxi. They were surprised when one pulled up for them right away. Mercedes got in first, and when she took her seat, a loud and disruptive faux-fart sound pervaded the cab.

"Whew!" shouted the driver. "Girl, what you been eatin'?"

The red-haired woman reached under her seat cushion and extracted a whoopee cushion. "Why am I not surprised by this?" she muttered.

The driver, however, was in hysterics. "Oh, man! Classic comedy like that never goes out of style! I love my job!"

"Whatever," Anthony mumbled, "just take us to the IMPROV."

"You got it, pie-face!"

Back at the Roadblock, Violet had taken the key that Anthony had tossed her and ran around to door number 6. She unlocked the door, expecting it to be a trick, but instead, she received the next clue. Elated, she ran back to where her brother was. They opened the clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"You'll find your next clue outside the door," read Violet.

"Hurry!" said Klaus, "We need to make up for lost time."

They dashed to the curb and hailed a cab. As they got in, the driver started to ask questions.

"So, I take it from the silly string and confetti in your hair that you've been to the Wall of Surprises."

"That place has a name?" Violet asked.

"Yeah, the surprises change daily, so you never know what you're going to get. The locals love it. Gum?"

"Hmm, don't mind if I do," Klaus said.

"No, wait! It's a trick!" Violet shouted, but it was too late. It was snapping gum, the kind that releases a mouse-trap-like device on your finger when you pull the stick.

"YEOWCH!"

The driver had his laughs. "They always fall for free food!"

"Man, what was that about?" Klaus demanded to know.

"Oh, don't you know? You pay your cab fare with practical jokes. One successful prank, and I'm honor bound to take you anywhere."

"Cool."

"Hey, if you could, try to pass up that cab in front of us, okay?"

"I'll try."

The driver started to accelerate.

Unlike last time, Anthony was watching the traffic, and saw the orphans trying to make a move on them.

"Speed up, there's another team trying to pass us!"

"Sure thing."

Their driver accelerated. The orphans could not catch them.

"Blast!" shouted Violet. "They must have seen us."

"Ah, well, what're you gonna do?"

While this was going on, the later flight touched down at Laughland International Airport. VIOLET & MICHAEL were off the plane just a few steps ahead of ORSON & ROY.

"Come on, we need to buy a map!" Violet told her partner. "We can't count on these people for directions." And by 'these people', she of course meant the living laughs.

"Excuse me," Orson said to a passing laugh, "Can you give us directions to Dangerfield Park?"

"Dangerfield Park? Of course I know they way to Dangerfield Park. What do you think, I'm some kind of idiot who doesn't know his way around town? My brother was born in Dangerfield Park. Go ahead, say something mean about my brother, like he shouldn't get parole or something."

The animals were dumbfounded. "Um, we just need directions," they managed to say. He did manage to direct them to the park…eventually.

But their opponents, the supers, managed to get out of the airport ahead of them. The animals doubled their pace, but alas, it was too little too late. As they saw Violet and Michael disappear behind the wall, Orson and Roy kept running, hoping that a task there would slow them down.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)

"Surprises? I don't like the sound of that," said Michael.

"Me neither," said Violet.

"Well, one of us has to do it."

"Um, you can do it if you want!"

"No thank you, you go ahead."

"Please, I insist."

In the time these two spent arguing, ORSON & ROY caught up and got their Roadblock instructions.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in last place.)

"Roy, this one has your name all over it!" Orson said.

"No, no, Orson, I pull practical jokes, I don't fall for them!"

"Roy, you're doing this one, and that's that!"

"All right, bossy!" Roy grabbed Key D and left.

At this point, the supers decided to settle their dispute by rock-paper-scissors.

"1, 2, 3, Shoot!"

Violet won with rock.

"Ha! I knew you would throw scissors!"

Michael growled in protest as he grabbed Key A.

By this time, Roy had tried his key in door 1, and it opened. But the clown inside didn't do anything. The door had been rigged to deposit a gross amount of chocolate pudding on top of whoever opened it. And since that whoever was Roy, well, you do the math.

As Michael passed by, some of the pudding ended up on him as well. He now knew to avoid door 1 at all costs. He also knew that his key wouldn't open that door anyway. So, he tried door 2. It opened, and Michael was greeted with a faceful of confetti.

_Eh, it could be worse,_ he thought.

At about the same moment, both of them retreated to the key area. Roy took Key C while Michael took Key B.

Meanwhile, out on the street, the cab that carried ANTHONY & MERCEDES pulled up to the comedy club. The hitchhikers thanked the cabbie for the ride, and he sped away. Sure enough, the clue box was right outside the door.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"Detour," read Anthony, "Nice 'n' Neat or Super Sloppy?"

Ed was shown in the parking lot, while some of the locals threw pies at each other in the background.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between Nice 'n' Neat and Super Sloppy.

"In Nice 'n' Neat, teams will enter the building itself, and take the stage. Once there, they must summon their sharpest wit as they perform an improvisational bit. If the audience laughs, they'll receive the next clue. If they get booed off stage, they'll have no choice but to go back do the other task. This task isn't messy in the slightest, but if teams don't have a good sense of humor, it could end up being a waste of time.

"In Super Sloppy, teams must circle to the rear parking lot, where they will find 350 whipped cream pies. Team members will take turns throwing these in each other's face until the find one of four pies with a clue baked in. Pies may only be thrown when this horn is sounded. This task is very messy, and a little bit embarrassing, but teams who are lucky enough can finish it quickly."

"I don't think I'm that good at telling jokes," Mercedes said.

"Oh, come off it!" said Anthony. "You are the funniest person I've ever meet!"

"True, but, how do we know the audience hasn't meet someone funnier? Maybe there's a comic here in Laughland who can literally kill someone with laughter."

"You don't really believe that, do you? A serial comedian?"

Mercedes paused. "I still think Super Sloppy would be faster."

"All right, fine. Even though I just now got clean from that Roadblock."

As the hitchhikers ran to the rear parking lot, VIOLET & KLAUS's cab arrived. They got their clue quickly.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in second place.)

"Super Sloppy sounds like it's faster," said Klaus.

"What?" Violet shouted. "After all the mess I had to put up with at the Roadblock, you expect me to get messier?"

"Okay, if you think it would be better to waste our time telling bad jokes and getting booed off stage…"

"All right, all right! I'll do it, you don't have to reduce it to the absurd."

"Great, let's go!"

They circled back to the parking lot as well. When they got there, they found that Anthony & Mercedes had not yet started.

"We caught up!" Klaus noticed.

Both teams got into position to start, waiting only for the horn. When it sounded, Anthony took his pie like a man. Mercedes examined the empty tin, and found no clue.

"This, little brother, is for taking your sixth Roadblock in Purplewood and sticking me with the one in Laughland!" shouted Violet as she let Klaus have it. She exerted such a strong force, that he stumbled over backward slightly.

"Whoa, take it easy, will you?"

They checked the tin, but no clue.

Back at the Roadblock, it was down to the wire for Roy and Michael.

They both knew that neither of their keys would work in door 1 or 2. Roy tired it in door 3, and it didn't open. Then Michael tried door 3, and it still wouldn't open. Roy tried door 4, and ended up with a face full of seltzer. On seeing this, Michael skipped over to door 5. It opened, and it came with a blast of whipped cream.

By that time, Roy had already swapped his key for a different one. As Michael ran back, he tried door 3, and got nothing. But when he tried door 6, it opened right up. He cheerfully took the next clue and ran back to where Orson was.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in third place.)

"Okay, we need to get a cab," Orson said.

"TAXI!" Roy shouted.

"We have to be on the curb first, Roy."

"I knew that."

As they were leaving, Michael returned from the other side of the wall. In addition to the whipped cream and confetti, he was now wearing a considerable amount of silly string.

"Mike, take this key!" said Violet. She had watched Roy return that exact key and she knew it would lead to the clue.

Michael grabbed the key and ran back to the other side. He tried it in door 6 and got his clue. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"I don't know how much more mess I can take!" he shouted.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in last place.)

"Come on, we have to make up for lost time!"

The supers ran to the curb and got a cab fairly quickly.

"To the IMPROV, and fast, cause we're in a race!"

"Sure, no problem. I'm Jack, by the way." He stuck out his hand for a shake.

"Nice to meet you," Violet said. As she shook his hand, she felt a surge of electricity run up her arm. The driver was holding a joy buzzer!

"Oh, man, that gets them every time!" he chuckled.

Michael couldn't help but smile.

"What are you smiling about, Mushface?"

"HA!" shouted the driver. "Mushface! I'll have to…or no, wait, that's lame."

Violet didn't cotton to that one bit. "First, you make with the joy buzzer, then you insult my jokes, what's next? You gonna make me sit in mustard?"

"Nope. I already did that."

"What?"

Violet examined where she was sitting, only to find a distinct lack of mustard.

"Made you look!"

"URGH! I never fall for that rookie stuff!"

"Apparently, you do," Michael said.

"Shut up!"

"Okay."

Back at the Detour, the teams in the lead had made zero progress. Together, they had gone through about 30 pies, and turned up squat.

"This is starting to get dull," commented Anthony.

In this moment, he had a stroke of comedic genius. He took the next pie, waited for the horn, and instead of throwing it at Mercedes, he "accidentally" threw it at the back of his own head.

Violet, Klaus, Mercedes, and everyone else gathered saw this, and they couldn't help but laugh.

"Huh, I was doing so well before," said Anthony. "Maybe I need to adjust my backswing."

And they laughed all the more.

"Did you plan that?" Mercedes asked.

"Sort of. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing."

"That was genius!"

"Thank you."

"Wait! The clue! Is it there?"

They examined the pie tin, and found the clue!

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)

"Make your way to the next PIT STOP!"

Teams must now make their way 15 city blocks to the Laughland Museum of Humor. This shrine of honor to all things funny is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. There are no more non-elimination legs left, so the last team to check in here **will** be eliminated.

"I'm not getting in another taxi here," Mercedes said. "I won't have another prank pulled on me."

"So, we're going on foot?"

"Yeah."

As they started to run, Anthony slipped on some loose pie filling and fell.

"Oh, jeez, honey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just a little bruised is all."

Once they were gone, the Baudelaire siblings looked at each other with a look of "we have to catch up!" They became focused and determined. But, all the focus and determination in the universe doesn't add up to a hill of beans in a luck-based task.

They were still milking that old comedy staple when ORSON & ROY arrived at the Detour site.

"Thanks for the ride, but we could have done without the snakes-in-a-birdseed-can thing," Roy spouted.

"Well, what would you prefer? Toothpaste cookies, mayhaps?"

"Just go!"

(ORSON & ROY are still in third place.)

"You know, Roy," Orson said, "We might be able to make these people laugh. After all, we made children laugh for seven years on TV."

"Are you sure we can handle an impromptu bit?"

"We'll never know unless we try."

"Okay."

The barn animals ducked inside the actual theater and a few seconds later the next cab arrived. VIOLET & MICHAEL stepped out.

"Hey jackass, do the world a favor and die!" shouted an irate Violet Parr. The driver had been giving her a hard time the entire way.

"Yeah, I don't think I will. I've done the world enough favors for now."

This time, it was Michael who had to hold Violet back.

"Come on, partner, focus. We need to move up a notch, remember?"

"Right."

Violet grabbed the last clue from the box.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in last place.)

"Weren't you just telling me that you have enough humor for both of us?" asked Michael.

"I don't know, I think I'm too angry to be funny right now," said Violet.

"Oh, I get it, it's only funny when it happens to someone else, right?"

"Exactly."

'Well, I'm still reeling from that messy Roadblock, so I'm not sure Super Sloppy is the way I want to go."

"Maybe, but can you act?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Neither can I."

Michael sighed. "Fine, we'll do the pie-throwing thing."

They ran around to the parking lot in the back. There, they found the Baudelaire kids covered in pie filling, and they got a bad case of the giggles.

Meanwhile, out on the streets, ANTHONY & MERCEDES were having a very hard time locating the Museum of Humor.

"Didn't that guy say that Second Street was between 15th and 17th?" asked Anthony.

"Yeah, but he was lying. Likely just to make us look like idiots," said Mercedes.

"Are we lost?"

"No," Mercedes said sarcastically, "we know exactly where we're going. We're just wandering around to kill time until the other teams all check into the Pit Stop!"

"Okay, okay! Jeez, what is wrong with you?"

From his love's glare of contempt, Anthony deduced that probably shouldn't have said that.

"I…I mean, I love you?"

"That's what I thought you said."

For the sake of their relationship, they both agreed to drop the issue. They continued to search for the Pit Stop.

Inside the IMPROV, Orson and Roy were quickly put on stage.

"Okay," said the race official, "we're going to play a game called 90-Second Alphabet. During your scene, the first letter of each statement must begin with the next letter of the alphabet, starting with the letter…"

"V!" someone in the audience shouted.

"Okay, V. You'll start on V and come back around to V in 90 seconds. Understand?"

"So, if we succeed at that, we get the clue?" asked Orson.

"No. Whether you succeed or fail is independent of getting your next clue. You must make the audience laugh to progress."

"Okay."

"And the scene you must act out is as follows: Roy is a medieval knight on a quest for some Big Dumb Object, and Orson is the Wise Wizard protecting its location. Start with V, go through the alphabet, 90 seconds, on your mark, get set, go!"

"Verily and forsooth!" Roy began. "I am Sir Feather-butt of…uh…the kingdom of…er…Somewhereton. I seek the…uh…Golden Rutabaga of Walla Walla, Washington."

The audience laughed, as Roy knew they would. _The Walla Walla bit gets them every time._

"What arrogance," said Orson, "makes you, Sir Feather-butt, think thou art worthy to retrieve this gilded vegetable?"

_Hmm. Need an X-word._ "Xavier, the king of Somewhereton, hath sendth to do so."

"Yes, but a royal edict doth not proveth thy worthiness."

"Zip it, pork belly! I shall find the Golden Rutabaga, and you will not stand in my way!"

"Ah, but you are mistaken on that, Sir Feather-butt!"

"Bull!"

"Carest thou not whom I be?"

"Dreadfully sorry, but no."

"Every soul within a thousand feet doth cower before the Wise Wizard of Walla Walla, Washington!"

"For what reasons, buffoon?"

"Gee, I don't know," Orson deadpanned.

The audience roared with laughter.

"Ha, Ha-Ha, Hahahahahaha!" Roy fake-laughed. "You talk a big game, but you can't back it up? Maybe you are not the powerful wizard you claim to be!"

"I am the greatest wizard in the history of wizardry! I could smite thee where thou standeth, with one word!"

"Just try to subdue the much-heralded Sir Feather-butt!"

"KASECHTELUN!" Orson screamed.

Roy shifted his head from side to side. "Looks like your little charm didn't work."

"Many people have said that, few have lived to tell the tale!"

"No offense, but your empty bravado doesn't impress me."

"30 seconds," said the race official.

"Oh, brave knight, you have shown zero fear, and in return, I shall divulge to you the hidden location of the…wait, what was it?"

"Perhaps I should jog your memory?" Roy came to Orson and bonked him on the head.

"Quit it! That hurt!"

"Really?"

"Shut up!"

"Tell me, do you remember the location of the Golden Rutabaga of Walla Walla, Washington?"

"Uh…no?"

"Very well, I shall go back to the king to be killed. La, la, la, la, la…"

The audience giggled at that last joke. Then they applauded, politely. Orson and Roy bowed to the audience and took their next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)

"…Warning, the last team to check in **will** be eliminated," read Orson.

"Let's motor, Piggo!"

The critters raced out of the comedy club as fast as they could.

"That had to be so much easier than throwing a billion pies," muttered Orson.

Speaking of which…the two teams there were still working on finding the clue. Out of the 350 pies that were baked, a little more than 200 were thrown, and still, their efforts were fruitless.

Violet Baudelaire, who had been at this longer, was aggravated.

"How long has it been?" she asked through her lemon-coated face.

"Seven minutes," Klaus informed her.

"LIAR!"

"I swear, we have been at this for seven minutes."

Violet B. turned her head and gripped her eyes.

"Are you crying?" asked a race official, visibly upset. "You're crying! Stop that! There's no crying in Laughland!"

"B…but," she stammered.

"Don't you 'b…but' me! There's no crying in Laughland! No matter what happens, there's no crying here!"

"You don't understand!"

"I understand plenty! My uncle got a sixteen-ton safe dropped on his head! Nine times! Did he cry? No! You know why?"

"Because there's no crying in Laughland?"

"Precisely! I know your upset! You've been busting your ass for too long to have nothing to show for it. You're angry, you're tired, you want to give up. But whatever it is, you don't cry, because there is no crying in Laughland! Do I make myself clear?"

Suddenly, Violet B. straightened up. What the race official had to say made a lot of sense to her. Crying about losing wasn't going to make her win. The only way she could win was to stand up and continue. So that's exactly what she did.

"Give me that pie!" she growled.

At the sound of the horn, she let he brother have it. The examined the empty tin, and found the next clue!

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)

"…Warning, the last team to check in **will** be eliminated."

"We'd better hurry, then!"

They took off at breakneck speed.

Elsewhere on the street, ANTHONY & MERCEDES were finally on the right street…they thought.

"Excuse me," Anthony called out to a living laugh in a Russian outfit, "is this the street where we can find the Museum of Humor?"

"Ah," said the laugh, "you are lucky to be asking for directions. In Soviet Russia, directions ask for you!"

"Yeah, that's great, whatever, can you help us out?"

"Yes, this is the street of the building you seek. In Soviet Russia, building seeks you!"

"O-Kay, thank you," said Mercedes.

No sooner did the hitchhikers leave than ORSON & ROY approached the very same laugh.

"Excuse me," said Orson, "but those two people you were talking to, are they headed to the Museum of Humor?"

"Da, they are, my swine friend. Are you going the same way?"

"Never you mind." And they took off after their opponents.

The laugh mumbled to itself, "Dreamland, what a country!"

The hitchhikers continued to run until they came at long last to the museum. They were expecting Ed and the mat to be outside the front door, but they weren't. So, they went inside. They didn't see anything right away, but they knew it had to be there somewhere.

"You take that side, I'll take this side," Mercedes shouted.

They split up and searched the ground floor, but only for a short while.

"Hey, Mer, he's over here!"

Mercedes crossed the foyer and met her beau on the other side. She saw Ed standing next to another of the living laughs.

"Welcome to Laughland," said the pink-skinned creature.

"Thank you."

"Anthony and Mercedes," said Ed, "you are team number one!"

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 1ST PLACE.)

"Yes! Whoo-hoo!"

"And you will be one of the three teams racing for a fictional million dollars in the final leg."

"Awesome!"

"How do you feel right now?"

"I'm ecstatic!" Mercedes said. "I never imagined I'd be this close to winning the whole thing!"

"Me either!" Anthony added. "It's wonderful! I thought we'd be eliminated so many times, I lost count! And now, not only are we in the final three, but we're in first place!"

The hitchhikers hugged and kissed and jumped with glee.

"Okay, could you guys step off, I think I see another team coming."

They did, and that familiar pig and rooster stepped onto the mat.

"Orson and Roy, you're team number two!"

(ORSON & ROY 2ND PLACE.)

"Aw, we slipped a notch," Roy complained.

"You will be one of the three teams racing for the fictional million dollars in the final leg. How do you feel about that?"

"I, for one," said Orson, "feel fantastic! That large windfall would really help out around the farm. And we can invest whatever we don't use in the stock markets to generate more money."

"Invest?" Roy asked, incredulous. "Are you crazy? I got three words for you, Piggo: Cadillacs for everyone!"

"Cadillacs?" Now, it was Orson's turn to be dumbfounded. "What are a bunch of farm animals going to do with a fleet of Cadillacs? You know those cars would destroy our crops!"

"With that much money, we won't need the crops!"

"Huh, I never thought of it that way."

Back at the IMPROV parking lot, the super stragglers still hadn't found the clue.

"My face will forever smell like a cross of cherries and pecans," complained Violet P.

"I'm tired," added Michael. He groggily took the next pie. As he did, his partner held back a snicker.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," she said, wiping the accumulated pie filling from her face.

At the sound of the horn, Michael threw the pie. It bounced off of Violet's face and landed face down on the ground. Her face remained clean. Well, not clean per se, but you know what I mean. At this, Violet spilled over into a guffaw.

"What?" Michael asked. And then he saw his hand covered in apple cinnamon goo.

HE HAD THE PIE UPSIDE-DOWN!

He slapped his face in exasperation, and didn't realize until it was too late that it was his messy hand. That made Violet laugh all the more.

"Quit laughing, check the tin!" he commanded.

Violet turned over the tin and dug through the filling. She extracted something yellow and black: the next clue!

"Maybe we still have a chance!" she exulted.

(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in last place.)

"Pit Stop! Let's hustle!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!"

They ran as fast as their legs would permit.

Two teams are still racing, only one will progress to the final leg.

VIOLET & MICHAEL were shown stopping and asking for directions. So were VIOLET & KLAUS. Next, we see Ed pointing in the direction of the coming team. The Baudelaires are running down the street. Now, the supers are dashing into the building. Then, we see the annoying first-person shot of the next team to check in to the Pit Stop.

The camera changed angles, and we see that VIOLET & KLAUS are checking in.

"Violet and Klaus…you are team number three!"

(VIOLET & KLAUS 3RD PLACE.)

"What? What?" Violet asked.

"You are the last of the three teams that will race for one fictional million dollars in the final leg."

The orphans cheered.

"I take it you're pleased with this."

"Oh, of course!" said Klaus. "For most of our lives, we've had to endure a steady sequence of unpleasant occurrences. Winning this race would be the best thing to happen to us since…I can't remember!"

"I'd love to win the race," said Violet, "but I'm worried about what might happen with the fictional million should we win it. I hope it doesn't get lumped in with our family fortune, since that money is frozen. If we did get to spend it, I'd want to get a fantastic lawyer to get Count Olaf off our backs once and for all."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

Another slow, deeply depressing tune played as the supers finally checked into the Pit Stop.

"Welcome to Laughland."

"Thank you," said Michael.

"Violet and Michael…I have good news."

They perked up when Ed said that.

"You are the last team to arrive…"

(VIOLET & MICHAEL LAST PLACE.)

"…and you've both been eliminated from the race."

"Huh?" said Violet. "I thought you said you had good news."

"I do. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO."

Michael groaned at that old joke.

"I'm sorry. It's in my script."

"That's okay."

"I must admit, this breaks my heart," Ed confessed. "I was really rooting for you guys. I was cheering you on the whole way. To last this long in the race, only to miss it by and inch and a half, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

"I'm so depressed," said Violet. "I wanted more than anything to win the race. They say being eliminated first is the worst thing to happen to you on the race, but I say being eliminated last is worse."

"We avoided the axe almost daily," Michael mused, "but this time, the axe got us. I feel like there was something more I could have done, something I should have done. I just feel like this is all my fault."

"Don't feel that way," Violet said. "If this is anybody's fault, it's mine."

"You're both full of it," Ed said sternly. "You did your very best, you lasted as long as you could, and that's all anybody can ask of you. You both ran a very good race, you should be proud of that."

"I guess there's a grain of truth to what Ed said," Michael told the camera. "I've never lost at anything in my entire life, so I guess I overreacted. But I guess, by losing, I learned something I never would have known otherwise. I think I heard someone saying something somewhere about how 'winning is easy, but losing is easier.' Yeah, it's a joke, but it's true. I must have forgotten that."

"I don't blame Michael for our defeat," said Violet. "He was phenomenal out there. From catching mice, to enduring that soldier guy, to eating that dragon egg, he surprised me time and again. At first, I thought it would have been better to race with someone from my own family. Now, if I had the chance to do it all over, I'd choose Mike every time."

ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…

We're down to the final three teams. Only one will walk away a fictional million dollars richer. But who will it be?

"Oh, we're playing to win now!" say ANTHONY & MERCEDES. "The time for mercy is over!"

"We're not holding anything back!" say ORSON & ROY. "It's all or nothing! We're going to leave it on the field!"

"We may be in last place, but that's going to change!" vows VIOLET & KLAUS. "The producer better make that check out to Violet and Klaus Baudelaire!"

If you want to find out who wins the Amazing Race, you had better stay tuned!


	14. Grand Finale

(A/N: Forgive me if this last chapter isn't up to par with the others. At this point in time, I'm running on fumes, so to speak.)

The scene opened with a panoramic shot of the eleven teams at the start of the race.

"This season on The Amazing Race: Dreamland…" Ed said in a voice-over.

"GO!"

"Eleven teams set out in a race around the fictional universe known as Dreamland. Some teams surged ahead, while others fell behind. Along the way, eight teams were eliminated."

We see clips of those teams getting eliminated sequentially.

"Hank & Peggy, Zack & Cody, Hal & Malcolm, Mako & Rei, Paul & Meist, Marty & Jennifer, Mike & Sulley, Violet & Michael…I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."

"Now, waiting here at the Laughland Museum of Humor are the three remaining teams…

"Currently in first place are ANTHONY & MERCEDES, dating couple from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy…"

"Oh, we're playing to win now!" says Anthony. "The time for mercy is over!"

"We may have been buddies with the Baudelaires," says Mercedes, "but this is for all the marbles. If they fall, we're going to leave them behind!"

"In second place are ORSON & ROY, best friends from U.S. Acres…"

"We're not holding anything back!" says Roy. "It's all or nothing! We're going to leave it on the field!"

"I never imagined I'd make it to the final three," says Orson, "but now that Roy and I have, I'm not going to give an inch!"

"And in third place are VIOLET & KLAUS, siblings from A Series of Unfortunate Events…"

"We may be in last place, but that's going to change!" vows Violet. "We're going to work every angle to our advantage!"

"Mark my words, we are going to give this last leg 110 percent!" says Klaus. "The producer better make that check out to Violet and Klaus Baudelaire!"

"Each team feels confident that they will win the Fictional Million, but only one will cross the finish line first, and we are about to find out who, right now!

"Anthony and Mercedes, who were first to arrive at 7:00 AM, will depart at 7:00 PM."

It was almost sunset, and the hitchhikers were standing outside the museum. At the tick of seven o'clock, Mercedes ripped open her clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are first to depart.)

"Make your way back to the airport…"

Teams must now travel back to the airport, and locate the helicopter-landing pad. Once there, they will receive further instructions.

"…You will have 25 cents for this leg of the race," Mercedes finished.

"Yippee," said Anthony sarcastically.

As they departed, they debated about whether or not to get a cab.

"One practical joke is practically nothing, right?" said Anthony.

"It's not the joke, it's the humiliation. We're not getting a cab."

"Then what are we supposed to do, walk there?"

"No," said Mercedes. "We'll take the bus, because they take cash."

"Do you even know the bus routes here?"

"All I know is that Route 1 goes to the airport, which is where we need to go."

"Still, I think getting a cab would be faster."

"We can make up our lost time at the airport, where we'll all be equalized."

"Hmm. Sounds logical."

So, they stood by the bus stop for route number 1. Meanwhile…

(ORSON & ROY are second to depart.)

"…Once at the landing pad, await further instructions…" read Orson.

"Come on, Piggo, this is it!" Roy shouted.

They ran as fast as they could. Unlike the hitchhikers, they got a cab. Being cartoons, the idea of being pranked didn't faze them, even when the prank turned out to be a zapping pen.

"To the airport, and step on it!"

"You got it, dude."

The cabbie burned rubber.

When the barnyard critters were about halfway to the airport, Bus Number 1 arrived and picked up Anthony and Mercedes. At the same time, the last place team departed.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are last to depart.)

"…You will have 25 cents for this leg of the race," read Violet.

"Huh. I guess they weren't planning on making this leg easy."

"Come on, let's go!"

Now, like the hitchhikers, the Baudelaires had had enough with the pranks of Laughland cabbies. There was a bicycle shop across the street from the museum, so they decided to "rent" a tandem bike. They promised the shopkeeper that he would get the bike back if he let them have it for a large discount. He agreed, and they pedaled away.

"Klaus, how are we supposed to return this thing? Odds are we're going to leave Laughland once we get to the airport."

"Relax, Violet. I've got it all figured out."

"You'd better."

Given the expedience of their taxi driver, it was no surprise that ORSON & ROY got to the airport first.

"Thanks, man," said Roy. "You may have just written us the million dollar check."

"Happy to help!"

"Okay, we need to find the helicopter pad," said Orson.

Beyond the fence, Roy saw three large twin-rotor helicopters. He pointed this out to his swine friend, saying "Maybe it's over there?"

They ran to the gate, and when they told the guard they were with the race, he let them in. They got to the pad, where the ever-present race official greeted them.

"Okay, you are going to board one of these three choppers, all of which will take you within a certain range of Dreamland Omnitransport Terminal. You will get your next clue while in flight, understand?"

"Yeah, we understand," said Orson.

They climbed into the cabin of the middle chopper and strapped themselves in, sort of. There weren't any actual seats, so they tied themselves to the wall.

"Well, I'm downright comfy," said Roy, "how about you?"

As their craft took off, they were relived that their pilot wasn't one of the living laughs.

Some time later, ANTHONY & MERCEDES' bus arrived at the airport. It dropped them off at the terminal. Call it woman's intuition if you want to, but somehow Mercedes knew this wasn't the right place to be. She dragged her boyfriend around to the outer fence and found the gate.

"Oh, racers, eh? You're expected, come on in!"

They got on board one of the remaining choppers.

"Hmm, looks like military surplus to me," Anthony commented.

"It is military surplus," said the pilot.

"Well, that explains a lot."

They took off soon enough.

It was a long time later that VIOLET & KLAUS arrive on their tandem bike.

"You still haven't told me how you're planning to return the bike, Klaus," said Violet.

"Relax, sister, I know what I'm doing." He scanned the area for a drifter and found one. "Hey, dude, wanna make ten bucks?"

"Sure!"

Klaus asked if he knew where the bike shop was.

"Yeah, why?"

"Take this bike back to him, and tell him the Baudelaires sent you. He'll know who we are."

Klaus slid the money into his hand and he took off. Then, the orphans boarded the last helicopter and took off for the DOT.

But then, a strange wind blew, and all three teams were blown of course, resulting in them drifting endlessly through the skies of Dreamland.

Sorry, just seeing if you were still paying attention.

Because ORSON & ROY departed first, they reached the target area first. By "target area", I mean the airspace their copter had to be in before they got the next clue. The co-pilot handed them the famous yellow envelope.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in first place.)

"A Detour, this early?" Roy asked. "Hmm. Across or Down?"

Ed was shown inside another helicopter to explain.

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between Across and Down.

"If teams pick Across, their chopper will set down right where they are, and teams will have to hike 6.2 miles through the desert to get to the DOT, where their next clue is waiting for them. There's nothing frightening about this task, but the trek will be arduous, and it may take a while.

"If, however, teams pick Down, the chopper pilot will fly straight to the DOT without changing altitude. Then, racers will have to skydive to the ground in order to retrieve their next clue. This task is frightening, but it's not physical, and teams with courage can finish it fast."

The pig and the rooster looked at each other, with only one thought on their minds.

"We have to do Down!"

"I need confirmation," said the co-pilot, "are you in fact choosing Down?"

"We confirm our decision, we're going Down."

"Roger that. Captain, take 'em to the drop site!"

While they did that, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the target area.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"Let's do Down, bring it on!" shouted Anthony.

Mercedes was taken aback by his gusto in saying that. "I've never seen this side of you before!"

"I loved skydiving in Earhart City, why should this be any different?"

"I have never been more attracted to you than I am right now!"

After confirming to the pilot that they were going to jump out of the chopper, the hitchhikers kissed passionately to pass the time.

As both teams were still en route to the DOT, last place team VIOLET & KLAUS arrived at the target area.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in last place.)

Yeah, I already said that.

(Oh, great, now the narrator is staring with me! I'm going to find a new job when this is over.)

"Detour," read Klaus. "The other teams are likely doing Down, so that's what we have to do."

Violet simply nodded.

As soon as the orphans confirmed their Detour choice, the chopper that carried the barnyard animals reached the drop site. They strapped on surplus army parachutes, and waited for the command.

"JUMP!"

They did.

And the feeling was just as exhilarating as it was back in Earhart City. The only real difference was there weren't any sights for them to enjoy on the way down. It was nighttime, so they couldn't see anything anyway, but even if they could, there wasn't anything to see. But, I digress.

Anyway, they touched down right next to the clue box, just outside the terminal. Orson reached in and grabbed the clue.

(ORSON & ROY are still in first place.)

"Fly to your final destination, Fictograph City…"

Teams must now book passage on a commercial flight to Fictograph City, where the race began. When they land, teams will have to find this marked abandoned warehouse. Inside, there is an elaborate labyrinth that teams will have to navigate to find the next clue. Along the way, they must collect 14 different cards. They will need those cards for the next task.

"We're going back where we started!" Orson said.

"Hurry, we need to find the best flight!" Roy shouted.

They ran into the terminal and didn't stop until they were inside the airport. They ran to the first ticket counter they saw.

"Excuse me, but when is your earliest flight into Fictograph City?"

"Oh, wow, Fictograph City, huh? There's a terrible storm in the capital right now. Nothing's going to land there until tomorrow."

"So, the absolute earliest flight that can get us there is…what?"

"Oh, that would be the 610, which lands in FTC at five in the morning tomorrow."

"Great, we'll take it!"

(ORSON & ROY – First on Flight 610.)

While they were inside getting their plane tickets, the hitchhikers touched down near the clue box. Mercedes ripped open the clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in second place.)

"Hmm. Back to Fictograph. How typical," Mercedes mused.

"Mer, now is not the time for your commentary. We gotta get us primo air tix!"

"We gotta what?"

"Just follow me!"

This time, it was the red-haired alien's turn to be dragged by her partner. Anthony found a ticket counter quickly.

"A storm? Not good. Are you sure there's no way we can get into Fictograph City before five in the morning?"

"If you really need to get there right now, you could rent a car and drive there," the ticket taker suggested.

"No, we can't. The clue said we had to fly, and we don't want to get in trouble."

"So, do you want me to book the tickets or what?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES – Second on Flight 610.)

Mercedes blew a flyaway hair out of her eye. "At this rate, all six of us will be even once again."

"That's the beauty of the race," said Anthony.

"Yeah, it's beautiful all right. I'm ready for other beauty now."

Meanwhile, you guessed it, Violet Baudelaire and her brother Klaus landed outside the DOT and got the next clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in last place.)

"Okay, back to start for us, let's go!"

They ran into the airport.

"What do you mean there's nothing landing in Fictograph City until tomorrow?"

"Sir, there's no need to yell. Wait, are you two with the race?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You're in luck! The other teams are on this same flight too. You'll be all caught up!"

"Yeah, sure, thanks."

(VIOLET & KLAUS – Last on Flight 610.)

"Well, at this point, I suppose it's anyone's ballgame."

All teams are now flying together to Fictograph City, capital of Dreamland, and a city devoted to literature. When they land, they must locate this abandoned warehouse, and navigate the maze within to find the next clue. They must also collect 14 cards needed for the next task.

Now that the race is coming back to Fictograph City, we can finally get a good look at it. It looks like just about every other city you or I have ever seen. But instead of listening to music or playing video games, most of the citizens are reading books by the light of the street.

The plane landed smoothly, and the three teams tore out of there. ORSON & ROY were off first, followed by VIOLET & KLAUS, and lastly, ANTHONY & MERCEDES. They all reached the curb within a few minutes of each other.

"TAXI!" Orson shouted.

A smallish cab pulled up. The cabbie seemed to recognize the barnyard animals.

"Don't I know you guys from somewhere?" she asked. "Didn't I give you a lift to the airport two weeks ago?"

"Yeah, I think you did." Roy said as he and Orson got in.

"Huh. Small world."

Soon after she departed, another cab pulled up. This one offered to take the orphans.

"Thanks, could you take us to this address?" Klaus said pointing to the clue.

"Why would you want to go there? That place is abandoned!"

"Not today, it ain't."

A few seconds passed before another cab offered to take the hitchhiker team.

"Go very, very fast, please," Mercedes pleaded.

"Sure thing, dollface."

Somewhere up the road, Orson & Roy's cabbie noticed something.

"Aw, man, it was full last night!"

"What's going on?" Orson asked.

"I'm really sorry, but I have to pull over and fill my car up with gas."

Roy was livid. "This isn't happening. Not now. Not on the last leg. NOT ON THE LAST LEG OF THE RACE!!"

"Roy, chill out. There's nothing we can do about it now."

As the cabbie fueled her vehicle, the other two teams passed by the service station. They paid no heed to the ailing animals, but Orson and Roy watched them pass by, and looked on them with contempt.

"Roy?"

"Yeah, Ors?"

"Remember when, at the start of the race, I told you no dirty tricks?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I think it's time for you to forget I said that."

Roy grinned and arched his eyebrows. Not that he had eyebrows, but, um, you know what I mean.

As soon as the cab was refueled, they took off as fast as the law would permit. However, it just wasn't fast enough.

VIOLET & KLAUS's cab got to the warehouse first. They thanked him for the lift and paid him his deuce.

"Okay, so, there's going to be a maze inside the building," Violet reiterated, "and we need to navigate it to find the next clue and 14 cards for the next task."

Klaus opened the door, and he saw a white plasterboard wall staring him in the face. On the wall were three medium-sized pieces of cardboard, all of which said "Adventure" on them.

"Think that's one of those cards we have to find?" he asked nobody in particular.

"Maybe." Violet snatched it off the wall, and escorted her brother deeper into the maze.

When they came to a fork in the road, Klaus suggested they split up and check out both paths. Violet agreed.

"Find anything?" Klaus shouted.

"I found a card that says "Walled Kingdom," but it's at a dead end!"

"Okay, bring it here!"

"Where are you?"

"Follow my voice!"

Unfortunately, Violet was not very good at mazes. Come to think of it, neither was Klaus.

While they were busy groping the walls in search of each other, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived and entered the maze.

"Okay, if we hug the left-hand wall," said Anthony, "we should be able to cover the whole maze."

"I'll grab the cards and the clue when we pass," Mercedes said.

"Hey, Klaus!" Violet shouted. "Did you hear them?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Stay where you are, I'll come find you!"

She leaned up against the left-hand wall and followed it to where her brother was. Along the way, she picked up three more cards, "Western", "Romance", and "Horror".

"Hmm." Anthony said. "It seems all of these cards have different genres of fiction on them."

About that time, ORSON & ROY's cab finally arrived. They dashed inside.

"Is everyone else here already?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, we're here!"

"Excellent," the rooster whispered.

"Do you have a plan?" Orson asked.

"Oh, yes. You run through the maze, while I deploy Weasel Removal Plan 31B…The False Shortcut."

Orson grabbed his first card while Roy set to work. He cackled with glee at his own evil genius.

Elsewhere in the maze, Violet had finally located her brother Klaus. She gripped him in a tight embrace.

"Get a hold of yourself, it wasn't that bad!" he chided.

"Sorry. Anyway, I found the next clue on my way over here, and five more of those card things."

"Okay, so that makes eight, put together with my six, is fourteen. That's everything, let's get out of here!"

"Hey, wait, where are you going? This is the way out!"

"No, I think it's this way!"

"Oh, great. We're lost. No doubt about it, we're lost!"

As they argued, the hitchhikers passed by them, still hugging the wall.

"Let's tail them," Violet whispered after they passed.

"Great idea," Klaus said.

Meanwhile, Roy was looking for his partner.

"Orson! I've finished with you-know-what. Where are you?"

"I'm over here. Follow the sound of my voice."

The sound came from behind the rooster. He spun around and saw Orson standing a foot in front of him.

"Oh, real mature, Piggo. Did you get everything?"

"I got about nine or ten cards, but I still haven't found the clue."

"Then I guess we have to go back into the maze, huh?"

"Looks that way."

They trudged back in.

Time passed…

"Here we go, 'Gaming'," said Anthony. "That makes fourteen. Still got that clue, Mer?"

"Check."

"Okay, here's the…huh? What's this?"

Anthony saw a tunnel labeled "Shortcut," right next to the exit.

"Was that always there?" Mercedes asked.

"I don't think so," Anthony said.

"Wait a minute!" Mercedes knelt down and ran her finger against the sign, causing it to deteriorate. "It's a cartoon!"

"Roy did this! That underhanded fowl!"

"Ant, chill. We'll get him back by winning the race."

"Right, let's go."

They left by the true exit, and opened their clue.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place.)

"Make your way to the Central Library of Dreamland…"

Teams must now make their way 20 blocks to the Central Library of Dreamland, the largest library in the fictional universe. Once there, they must locate the media center on the fifth floor to find their next clue.

The hitchhikers tried to hail a cab, but none came. Seconds later, the Baudelaires reached the exit. They weren't fooled by Roy's trap, because they heard Mercedes investigate it.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"…Find the media center to get your next clue," read Klaus.

"Taxi!" Violet hailed. Not to be outdone, Anthony shouted louder. These two teams competed fiercely for a cab that hadn't even arrived yet.

But, eventually, a cab did arrive.

"Okay," said Mercedes. "There's only one fair way to decide who gets this cab…rock, paper, scissors."

"Agreed," said Klaus. "One round, winner take all."

"Very well."

"1, 2, 3, shoot!"

Both sides threw scissors. Without a word, they repeated the action.

"1, 2, 3, shoot!"

This time, the Baudelaires won it with paper.

"So long, losers!" Violet taunted as their cab drove off into the sunrise.

Mercedes was okay about losing the cab, until Violet had to rub it in like that.

Back inside, the animals were still looking for the clue.

"Did you check that hall?" Orson asked.

"No," said Roy.

"Well, get over there and check it out!"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

Roy strolled down that way until he came to a dead end.

"See? I told you there was nothing here!"

"Of course there's nothing there, the clue is over here."

"Yeah, but, I, uh, oh never mind. Let's just get out of here."

They navigated the maze right up to the exit.

"Hey, look, a shortcut!" Orson observed.

"Orson, no!" Roy shouted, but it was too late. The pig had gone through the tunnel. Two seconds later, Orson reemerged, covered in snow, and with icicles on his snout.

"You had to make it dead-end in Siberia, didn't you?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry about that. Hey, wait, how did you get from one end of the tunnel and back in only two seconds?"

Orson shrugged. "You built the tunnel, you tell me."

Roy shook his head. They went outside and opened their clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in last place.)

"Okay, the library," read Orson. "We need a cab again."

Just then, another cab pulled up to the curb. The animals didn't notice as the hitchhikers stepped in, and it was gone before they even looked up.

"Huh. I wonder where the other teams are?" Roy asked.

"Probably still in the maze," Orson answered.

They got into a checkered cab thinking that they were in first place. But, we know that in fact VIOLET & KLAUS are in first place. Their cab was the first to arrive at the library.

"My, what a beautiful building this place is, especially in the sunrise!"

But the driver's comment fell on deaf ears, as the Baudelaires ran inside. Not long after that, ANTHONY & MERCEDES' cab pulled up to the front door.

While the orphans studied the library directory in the lobby, Klaus noticed the other team coming in.

"Vi, you go that way, and I'll go this way, so they can't follow us. We'll meet on the fifth floor and go from there."

"Gotcha!"

They split up, hoping to fool the hitchhikers. Unfortunately, they got wise to their plan quickly.

"If we can find a more direct route," said Anthony; "we can beat them to the media center."

"Here," said Mercedes, pointing to the directory. "That staircase will take us within spitting distance of our next clue."

"Then, what are we doing here?"

They sprinted up the steps as fast as their legs would permit.

Meanwhile, Violet had taken the elevator to the fifth floor. Klaus was at the other end of the building, running up unconnected escalators. They got to the fifth floor within about fifteen minutes of each other, not knowing where the other was, or even where the media center was.

Lost and separated again, this setback for the orphans was just the open door Ant & Mer needed to move into first. As planned, the stairwell they climbed brought them right to the media center. Mercedes grabbed the clue from the box and ripped it open.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place.)

"Ah, the final Roadblock," she said. "Who has better memory?"

Ed was shown strolling through the media center.

"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six on the entire race. In this Roadblock, that person must take the fourteen cards collected from the maze, and bring them to one of these three pegboards.

"On the boards are the names of the twelve sectors of Dreamland visited on the race. Each sector represents a different genre of fiction. The twelve genres represented are on the cards, along with two decoys. The player must match each sector with its genre to receive the next clue. If even one genre is wrong, changes must be made until all are correct."

"I've already done six, so you have to do this one, Mer."

"Okay, where are those cards?"

They dug into their packs for the cards, and when they had all fourteen, Mercedes dashed in. She located her board right away. Just like the clue said, it had the names of all the places they visited: Cluedoville, Wild City, the Big Big Mall, the Eastern Sea, Hallow's End, Peach Town, New Chicago, Macroatia, Earhart City, San Ludo, Purplewood, and Laughland.

Mercedes looked through her cards and saw that she had the following: Adventure, Comedy, Domestic Drama, Fable of Size, Fairy Tale, Gaming, Horror, Mystery, Romance, Science Fiction, Talking Animals, Tragedy, Walled Kingdom, and Western.

"Okay," she muttered, "let's start with the easy ones." She quickly matched Horror to Hallow's End, Western to Peach Town, Sci-Fi to New Chicago, Fairy Tale to Purplewood, and Comedy to Laughland.

About that time, Violet and Klaus had found each other, thanks to a systematic search on the part of the latter. They ran to the media center as quickly as they could.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)

"It's a Roadblock, you have to do this, Vi."

Violet grabbed the cards and ran inside. She was escorted to a different board, where she couldn't cheat by looking at Mercedes' board.

Speaking of whom, Mercedes had confidently matched two other genres (Talking Animals to Wild City and Gaming to San Ludo). But she was still having trouble with the genre that Cluedoville represented.

"Hmm. Well, I'll just put Romance there for now, and maybe I'll figure it out. Now, what in the name of Zarquon is a 'Fable of Size'? Size? Ohhhhh, now I get it!"

She placed Fable of Size under Macroatia.

While this was going on, ORSON & ROY finally caught up with the other teams. What, did you think I forgot about them? They were close behind Ant & Mer all along.

(ORSON & ROY are still in last place.)

"Huh," Orson said. "I can't make this compute. You and I have each done only five Roadblocks, and this is the last one, so it should make twelve."

"You're forgetting," said Roy, "that we skipped the Roadblock in San Ludo, due to using the Fast Forward."

"Oh, right. So, do you want to do this one?"

"Nah, that's okay. You go ahead."

Orson ran inside with the cards and set to work. Like the others, he placed the obvious ones first.

"Okay, if the Eastern Sea is any of these genres, it has to be Adventure." He matched the two. "Six down, six to go."

"Mr. Official, sir, I'm ready!" said Mercedes.

The official came over and examined her board.

"Sorry, but you have some wrong."

"Can you tell me how many I have wrong?"

"No."

_Planet of Hell, _Mercedes thought. _Well, I know I have Cluedoville wrong._

Meanwhile, Violet was down to the last two locations, the Big Big Mall and Earhart City.

"Hmm, I have Romance, Domestic Drama, Tragedy, and Walled Kingdom. I know neither of those two are Romance or Tragedy. But which is Domestic Drama, and which is Walled Kingdom?" Violet started to pace.

"Well, I suppose by a large stretch of the imagination, Earhart City could be considered a Walled Kingdom. I'll just try it this way, and if I'm wrong, I'll know where. Oh, Mister Official, sir!"

The official looked it over.

"You're correct."

"Yes!"

"Shh!"

"Sorry!"

"Here's your clue."

"Thank you!"

She ran into the hallway and met with her brother before opening the clue.

(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in first place.)

"This is NOT the final clue," Klaus read. "The final clue is located behind 'The Tale of Genji', in this library."

Teams must now scour the library stacks to find a book entitled "The Tale of Genji," written by Japanese author Murasaki Shikibu. Written in 1015 AD, it is believed by many to be the world's first novel. Behind the library's copy of this ancient text is this season's final clue.

"I saw a computerized card catalog on my way up," said Violet. "This way!"

Klaus took off after his sister.

Meanwhile, Orson finished with his match up, and got the next clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)

"Okay, finding a book, this should be easy for you, Ors," Roy cheered.

"Not really, I've never had to look for a book in the library before!"

"You're joking."

"I'm afraid not."

"Well, we'd better figure it out, before we end up back in last place!"

They ran in a different direction.

Back in the media center, Mercedes was still struggling. She finally placed Mystery under Cluedoville, though she was sure that was wrong, and called the official over.

"You're correct, and here's your next clue."

"Really? Cluedoville was a mystery thing?"

"Yep, now, get out of here."

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in last place.)

"Huh. Wasn't a damn thing mysterious about that place. Who knew?"

"Mer, stop babbling about it and help me find the card catalog!"

"I think I remember where it is."

But by the time they got there, Violet and Klaus were already there looking it up. Quiet as a mouse, Anthony slipped in behind them and looked at the screen.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Klaus said in a loud whisper. "You can't copy off of our screen! Go get your own!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" Anthony shout-whispered back.

He went back to Mercedes, and found that she was seated at the computer, already searching for the book in question.

"Okay, it's on the first floor, in the fiction section. We'll find it under the author's name."

"Great! All we have to do now is make a move for it before the orphans do!"

They looked over and saw that the orphans were gone.

"Crap! We're too late!"

"Shhhh!" said the masses reading.

"Oh, shh yourselves!" Mercedes said angrily. They sprinted for the nearest way down.

Meanwhile, Orson and Roy had tracked down one of the librarians, hoping against hope that he could help. He directed them to the library database, and they got on the scent. However, it was too little, too late, as you'll soon see.

The Baudelaire orphans ran downstairs pretty quickly. They landed on the ground floor with a _thud_ that echoed up and down the stairs.

"Here's the fiction section," Violet said, "we need to hurry up and find that book!"

Klaus speed-walked down the stacks and scanned the signs. He saw the books were sorted alphabetically by author, so he slowed down when he got to the "S" section. He motioned for Violet to follow him.

"Okay, how is this shuh-KEY-boo spelled?" Klaus asked. "Is it with an 'e' or a 'u'?"

"Just keep looking until we see the book's title!" Violet told him.

"Here it is!"

Klaus pulled away the book and revealed three yellow envelopes. The Final Clue!

(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)

"Make your way back to the Park of Fame, where the race began, and there, under the shadow of Murasaki, cross the Finish Line!"

Teams must now return to the Park of Fame, where there are many statues to honor the great authors of history. Under the shadow of the statue of Murasaki Shikibu lies the race's ultimate goal, the Finish Line. The first team to reach the Finish Line will win the fictional million dollars and infinite bragging rights for their sponsor.

"This is it, go, go, go!" read Violet.

Klaus was already sprinting for the door. Violet had to double her pace to catch up with him. They reached the curb in no time at all. They hailed a cab, but none came.

While they were still standing there, Anthony & Mercedes reached the book in question. Anthony ripped open the Final Clue and read it aloud.

(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)

"All right, the mother of all Pit Stops!" he cheered.

"Come on, we have to beat the orphans there!"

They ran as fast as their legs would permit. They got to the curb just in time to…see the Baudelaires get a cab and drive away. Needless to say, they were not pleased with that outcome.

"Okay, we're are not going to panic," said Mercedes.

"Yeah, with their luck, those guys are bound to hit traffic on the way to the park."

Full of resolve, they waited patiently until the next cab arrived. When it did, they wasted no time in telling the cabbie to "go faster that the damn speed of light, if you please."

After they were already gone, the last stragglers Orson & Roy found The Tale of Genji and extracted The Final Clue.

(ORSON & ROY are currently in last place.)

"…In the shadow of Murasaki, cross the Finish Line. This is it, go, go, go!" read Orson.

Roy grabbed Orson by the wrist and dragged him out of the library. They tried to get a cab, but it was slim pickings.

Meanwhile, Violet and Klaus's cab got stuck in the middle of a heavy traffic jam.

"It's almost eight o'clock," Klaus pointed out. "Everyone and his Uncle Charlie is trying to work on time."

"Your pointless observations aren't helping us out, brother!"

"Well, excuse me!"

"Hey," said the cabbie, "how come they call it 'rush hour' if nothing is moving?"

"You stay out of this!"

"Okay."

Elsewhere in town, Ant & Mer were facing similar bumper-to-bumper traffic.

"Can't you get off the main road and take a shortcut?" Anthony asked.

"In a word, no. I don't know this town very well, I just moved here."

"Great!" Mercedes fumed. "Of all the cabbies in Fictograph City, we have to hire this idiot!"

"Hey! It's not my fault I can't learn the lay of the land in a microsecond? Give a guy a break, huh?"

"We're in a race! We have to get to the park fast!"

Silence.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you!"

Time passed…

We see a cab pull up to the entrance of the Park of Fame. We then see a first person shot of that team running through the park, looking for the Finish Line. In the distance, a crowd of people can be heard cheering.

The camera angle changes to show Edward Nemo standing alone on the elevated Finish Line mat. Around the last turn comes…VIOLET & KLAUS.

The orphans run past the eliminated teams on their way to the Finish Line. Hank is clapping and smiling, while Peggy has her arms folded. Zack and Cody are pumping their arms. Malcolm claps politely while Hal cheers. Mako and Rei give Violet high-fives as she passes. Paul and Meist show their support subtly. Marty and Jennifer applaud. Mike and Sulley bellow with joy. Violet P. and Michael clap while they cry.

Smiling, the unfortunate Baudelaires jump up onto the Finish Line and grip Ed in a celebratory embrace. After a while, they pull from him and listen to what he has to say.

"Twelve genres of fiction…twelve sectors of Dreamland…22 days…Over 50,000 miles…Violet and Klaus…you are the winners of the Amazing Race: Dreamland!"

Klaus jumped eight inches off the ground. Violet brought her hands to her face and cried.

"And as the winners, you guys have won a fictional million dollars, and infinite bragging rights for your sponsor, Orange Sora. How do you feel?"

"I…" Violet started. "I'm on cloud nine! I never imagined we'd actually win! This is wonderful! Oh, I love this!"

"This whole thing was an amazing experience!" said Klaus. "I loved every moment of it! Violet has been an amazing partner. She surprised me on just about every leg of the race. I just love her to death, and there's nobody on earth that I'd rather race with."

"So, what are you planning on doing with the money?"

"I have an idea," said Violet. "We're going to hire a crackerjack team of lawyers to get Count Olaf off our backs once and for all. And then, with the money we have left over, we might buy a house."

"We should probably invest some of it, so we can make more money off of it," said Klaus. "But, still, this is a lot of money, and we can do a lot with it."

While they were still talking, the eliminated teams started to cheer again. Another team was running up the row to the Finish Line…ANTHONY & MERCEDES.

"Anthony & Mercedes," Ed said, "you are the second team to cross the Finish Line."

"Yeah, well," said Anthony, "I'm happy. I'm happy that we finished in second overall, and I'm happy that our friends Violet and Klaus won it all. The race has been great. I don't think I'll ever panic about anything ever again."

"Dreamland is a wonderful place," said Mercedes. "I'll spend the next three months writing about this in the _Guide_. It's hard to believe that all the many people of Dreamland can coexist together so peacefully. It's almost unnatural."

"You know," Anthony added, "it's a shame that we get to see the, um, romance sector of this place, if there was one."

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes.

"Well, because that would be the perfect place to do what I'm about to do right now."

Anthony crouched on one knee, and pulled a tiny box from his pocket.

"I bought this from the Big Big Mall, and I kept it hidden, so that it wouldn't be taken in Purplewood. I was going to wait until we got eliminated, but that never happened, so I'm doing it now." He opened the box and revealed the glittering diamond inside. "Mercedes Prefect, will you marry me?"

Mercedes closed her eyes and wept. She was so surprised that she couldn't speak. She felt a little weak in the knees, so she knelt down to her boyfriend's level.

"Is that a yes or a no?" asked a confused Anthony Dent.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, I will marry you." She kissed him to show that she meant it. Everyone clapped in celebration, even Peggy.

It wasn't until after all of this that ORSON & ROY finally got a cab to the park. No, I'm just kidding, they weren't really that far behind. But they did arrive at the Finish Line after Anthony proposed.

"Orson and Roy, you are the third team to cross the finish line."

"It's okay," Orson said. "Making it to the final three teams is an accomplishment in itself."

"I'm a little upset that we didn't win," said Roy. "But, I suppose third place is better than nothing. There were so many times that we could have been eliminated, but we weren't. I'm glad we made it as far as we did."

"Roy's performance on the race has renewed my confidence in him," said Orson. "Maybe someday, I could count on him to do something useful around the farm. But, maybe that's just wishful thinking."

After the barnyard critters gave their speech, the eleven teams all exchanged a few warm pleasantries. There was hugging, crying, laughing, smiling, you know, the whole shebang. Then the scene fades to black, and the credits roll.

FINAL RESULTS

WINNERS: VIOLET & KLAUS

2nd place: ANTHONY & MERCEDES

3rd place: ORSON & ROY

4th place: VIOLET & MICHAEL

5th place: MIKE & SULLEY

6th place: MARTY & JENNIFER

7th place: PAUL & MEIST

8th place: MAKO & REI

9th place: HAL & MALCOLM

10th place: ZACK & CODY

11th place: HANK & PEGGY

(A/N: And there it is. So, congratulations to Violet and Klaus Baudelaire, and Orange Sora, who won the infinite bragging rights, effective immediately. Whew! This took the better part of four months to write. I am exhausted. I think I'm going to take a break from writing for a while. At least until I get inspired again. So, until I return, I bid you good night, and good luck.)


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